Cadillac
by ThisIsReallyHappening
Summary: He once told me I stared at the sun too long. "You keep looking, Dimples, and you're gonna miss the one thing that rises and shines for you." He was right. (ExB. Rated M)
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

**Beta'd by the fabulous Blueeyedcherry and pre-read by the awesome Mia Isabella Cullen (thank you ladies)!**

**Banner by my husband, Mr. Happening. He's cool like that.**

**Weekday updates. Painful Angst. Gut-wrenching Heartache. Intoxicating, Happy, Never-Ending Love.**

**Summary- He once told me I stared at the sun too long. "You keep looking, Dimples, and you're gonna miss the one thing that rises and shines for you." He was right. **

* * *

**~~~Cadillac~~~**

_Chapter One: Prologue_

"What's it like?"

"What is what like?"

"Knowing you crushed my heart into a hundred and one pieces?"

He's quiet. He just sits there, wrapping that stupid wildflower around his finger again and again.

I can't stand to look at him.

He knows I like wildflowers.

He knows how I love to smell them and braid them into my hair. He knows I've kept every single one he's ever given me.

He's smart about it too, 'cause he didn't pick the ugly ones. No, they're all purple and pretty, with fluttering ladybugs still on them.

Yeah, he knows.

I ignore the flowers 'cause just like his words they don't mean shit. He's always telling me empty stories, like I'm a baby that needs pacifying.

"So?"

"It's like fallin', Dimples. It's like seeing the ground from way up high and knowing you still have a ways to go."

I scoff. "Doesn't seem that bad."

"It's not. Except when the person who pushed you is the same one who told you that you could fly, it's worse."


	2. Chapter 2

**Blueeyedcherry and Mia Isabella Cullen- You make me seem smart. I think I'll keep you both around.**

**Readers: Thanks for making it a step further. I owe you one! ;)**

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_Chapter Two: Dimples and Ice Cream_

No matter where we go, we always walk barefoot.

A Chevy drives past us, its wheels spinning dust in our faces.

I don't know why we're always barefoot; we just are. Probably 'cause we like the way the grime feels in between our toes. They're all cut up with scratches and nicks from the rocks. Mama tells me over and over to wear shoes, but I don't see the need. Besides, my toenail polish is pretty today.

Bubblegum pink.

"Can I have one?"

I glance over my best friend Alice. We look so much alike that people think we're sisters. Well, nobody in Forks _really_ thinks that 'cause they all know us, but if strangers were to meet us, that's what they'd think. We even dress alike too.

Today we're wearing our shorts that we ripped ourselves and the baby tees that show off our belly buttons. Mine is pink and hers is yellow, but they both have stars on them.

"I don't have another lollipop, Alice. You shoulda grabbed one from the candy jar."

She pouts, but she'll get over it. I finish the candy and throw the stick on the ground. The ice cream stand is only a few feet away.

It's crowded during the first day of summer. All of the seniors are hanging out by their cars, and even though we're only 15 and sophomores, we'll get there someday too.

I pretend to look at the handwritten menu taped to the glass, but I already know what I want.

"Two strawberry cones, please."

"No, I want a sundae," Alice complains. "Make it a sundae."

I tell Alice they're 75 cents more, but she isn't listening. She's staring at the customer beside her, with their fudge and whipped cream dripping down the side of the plastic dish.

Mama only gave us three bucks and I'm supposed to bring back the change.

"That'll be 4.50."

I pick through the pockets of my daisy dukes, though I already know there's nothing else in there.

"Alice, you got any money?"

"Nope!"

She says it without trying to search. She shouldn't have ordered it if she couldn't afford it.

"I _said_, that'll be 4.50." The sweaty lady with a pencil tucked behind her ear is rude, and she's smacking her gum impatiently.

"Umm…"

"I got it, Dimples. Lady, you can keep the change." An arm reaches between Alice and me, sliding the cashier a five dollar bill.

I try to stuff the money back in my pocket. "You don't have to do that, I-"

When I glance up, both the arm and the body are gone. "Who was that?"

Alice points to a senior leaning against the blue car. "Him."

"Him? Who is it?" I ask. He doesn't look like the other seniors. He's wearing shades with ripped jeans and a white shirt, and smoking a cigarette.

"I dunno. Maybe- Ooh, look, our ice creams are ready!"

Alice hands me my cone as she digs into her whipped cream.

"So good."

She's right. The ice cream is good. It's sweet and sticky and it numbs my tongue.

We turn away to walk home, but the same voice calls behind us.

"I don't even get a thank you?"

Alice and I spin around, and there he is. He's all coolness and shades, tight jeans and long fingers, flavors that ice creams doesn't even come in.

He flicks his cigarette to the ground, crushing it with his unlaced Dr. Martens. "I'm sorry," I fumble around my words. "Thank you. I have three bucks if you want it."

"Nah, keep it."

"Okay." I lick more of my ice cream before it gets my cone all wet. "What's your name?"

"Doesn't matter."

"You wanna know mine?" I ask.

"Nope." He didn't even think about it. Zero second delay. But I don't stop with the questions. I want know how he gets his hair to stick up like that. And how come he wears v-neck t-shirts. And why he's got a bandana hanging out of his pocket.

I want to know all of that. I want to know everything.

"Why'd you do it?"

He doesn't look like the helping kind. He's the type of boy my Mama would shoot if she saw me talking to him. I smell the cigarette smoke lingering, but I don't mind. He's got another filter tucked behind his ear, halfway covered with hair that's never been brushed.

I like it though.

"Maybe 'cause I don't wanna see two little girls cry over ice cream." He grins and it's all teeth and lips and something that causes my stomach to rumble.

"We're not little!" Alice stomps her feet, proving his point. As her pigtails swing side to side, I feel what he sees.

"We're 15. We're gonna be sophomores this year." I say it proudly, like I've accomplished something. "What about you? Are you a senior?"

"Something like that."

"Cadillac, let's go fucker!" The guys behind him are waving their hands, wondering why in the hell he's talking to us.

_Cadillac._

That's not even a real name.

"See ya around, Dimples."

He starts to turn away, like I've offended him. I let him go 'cause Alice is tugging on my arm.

I walk a few feet, but turn and yell back to him. "Hey! Why do you keep calling me that? I don't have any dimples."

He smirks. I see it even though the sun is blinding us and the ice cream stand is getting further and further away.

He doesn't answer, but Alice digs her cold fingers into the arched part of my lower back.

"I don't think he meant the ones on your face."


	3. Chapter 3

**Cherry is addicted to pins and Mia's heart is charcoal. I fear for my safety.**

**Readers- My Forks is backwoods-we-cook-road-kill-for-dinner country. **

**Preferably possum. They're the yummiest.**

* * *

_Chapter Three: Billboards and Barbeque_

It's three this time. More than yesterday.

Not as many as last week.

I sigh and toss the empty whiskey bottles in the trash.

I can't wait to get out of this shitty town.

I'm not like Alice, though. I don't want to go to some big college or university where you actually choose to go to class. No, I've got stars in my eyes.

Sometimes, when Mama isn't at the bar and we go to Seattle for errands, I look at the billboards that are high above all them fancy buildings. I see those models and think how much I want to be them. I want to wear those clothes and have their hair and be photographed by some Hollywood hotshot.

I want to be someone I'm not.

"Bella!"

"I'm on the back porch!" I push down on the lid to the trashcan, trying to make it shut. There's too much garbage.

Only it's not just outside.

"Well get in here!"

I turn the handle to the back door, where the brass has worn off and it doesn't quite lock all the way anymore.

"Yes, Mama?"

I stare at the woman whose genes I share. She's got the same brown eyes and mahogany colored hair, but hers has a little more blonde in it these days. I frown at the miniskirt and tank top she's wearing.

They're mine.

She always takes my stuff and never gives it back.

"Bella, you didn't wash the dishes. I asked you to wash the dishes." She points to the loaded sink, like it's full of poverty and everything she hates about herself.

"I was gettin' to it." She doesn't like the sass coming from me. I know it 'cause she tells me all the time.

She teeters around in her hot pink six inch stilettos, checking her reflection in the toaster. The mascara has spread around her eyes. Using her spit, she wipes away the black streaks. "When I tell you to do something, Bella, you gotta do it. It's just us now. You gotta be responsib-"

"I know, I know."

I have to do my share of the work because Daddy left us for the whore from Pick N' Save.

I have to take out the trash, do the laundry, and clean the house 'cause Daddy couldn't keep it in his pants.

"Bella, come here." Mama gestures towards me with long acrylic nails, sweeping a few tendrils of hair away from my face. She smells like alcohol and weed and dirty men. "I know it's hard, baby. One of these days I'm gonna marry me one of those big rollers that come to see me in the club, and he'll take care of us. He'll be better than your Daddy ever was. You just gotta hang in there. Do good in school. Write them papers and use them big words like they say on TV, all right? Stay away from boys and make me proud. You gotta be smart, baby. I don't want you ending up like I did, pregnant at 14. You understand me, Bella?"

I nod and she kisses my temple. "That's my girl. Now go to Dirty's and pick up something to eat. I got a long shift tonight. One of the girls called in sick. Damn amateurs."

I take the crumpled bills she hands me, mostly ones, and head for the long walk into town.

Barefoot.

* * *

Dirty's is just like it sounds, only it smells of barbeque. "Dirty Harry" Clearwater runs the place, and if I'd hadn't came home from school early one day, I would never have seen him fucking Mama on the living room sofa. I bypass the old men who have nothing better to do than gossip and stare at any female that walks through the door.

"Bella!" Harry grins at me, wiping the counter down. "What can I get for you, baby doll?"

I sit on the vinyl stool, spinning in half-circles and touching the metal beneath the cushion.

"I need two half-racks, both with coleslaw, add fried pickles to one."

"You got it!" Harry calls the order to the cooks in the back and leans forward. His blue eyes shine back at me, surrounded by wrinkles and grey hairs that needed cut.

"How's Renee?" It's a repeated question, the same one he gives me every time I'm in here. He doesn't care about the answer. He just wants to know if she's fucking anybody else.

_Probably._

"She's fine. Working overtime a lot."

A smile lingers at the edge of my lips, because I know that's not what he wants to hear. He frowns, tossing his hand towel over his shoulder. "Oh. Well you tell her I said hi, will ya?"

"Sure."

I sit there twirling and kicking my feet until the food's ready. I pay Harry and walk out the door, trying to count my change. He stiffed me the last time and Mama raised hell until we got our food for free.

_Seventy-eight, seventy-nine…_

"Oof!"

I collide with a hard body in front of me, and drop a few quarters on the ground. I lean over to pick them up when I notice a familiar pair of shoes.

"You gotta watch where you're going, Dimples."

Glancing up, I see a pair of the greenest eyes staring back at me. Not the plain, boring green. No, they're first-day-of-spring-fresh-kiwi-Christmas-tree green.

"Cadillac?"

"The one and only." He grins, and today he's wearing a black t-shirt and black jeans. His shades are tucked into his shirt, the same bandana hanging out of his pocket.

"Let me get those for you." Cadillac grabs for my bag before I can protest, handling it with ease.

"Wow, twice in one week. Must be my birthday." I'm being sarcastic, but it doesn't faze him.

"I have a thing for helping out defenseless little girls."

"I'm not-" I don't even bother defending myself. It's no use. He'd just laugh at me anyway.

I stuff the change into the pocket of my denim skirt and reach out for my food.

Cadillac pulls it towards him. "I got it. You need a lift home?"

"Yeah, but Mama told me never to ride with strangers."

"She must be a smart woman." He chuckles and leads the way to his car, opening the passenger door despite my hesitation.

"Hop in."

* * *

"What kind of car is this?" I glide my hand over the baby blue interior that matches the outside color.

"You really have to ask?" He raises an eyebrow at me, but continues driving down Main Street. "It's a '53 Cadillac. I fixed this baby up myself. New leather and chrome, supped up engine, custom windshield…I'd kill over this car."

"Is that why they call you that? After your car? Didn't you have a name before then?"

"That _is _my name. My mother gave birth to me right in that backseat." He nods his head in the rear direction, but I don't believe him.

No one would name their child after a car, no matter how much pain they were in.

I was so busy staring at him that I didn't notice he was already down Buckley Lane.

I never even gave him directions.

"Wait! Stop here. I'll walk the rest of the way."

He brakes so fast my body lunges forward in the seat. "See, that's why you gotta wear your seatbelt."

"Shut up." He hands me my bag, but I don't reach for the door handle, not yet.

"I have a few questions for you."

"Okay, ask." He stares at me and runs his fingers through his hair. If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was nervous.

"How'd you know where I lived?"

"It's a small town, Dimples. Everybody knows everybody." He says it simplistically, like that's the obvious answer.

"How come I don't know you? You were friends with all those guys from my school, but I've never seen you before."

"That's 'cause you haven't been looking." I press my lips together, not accepting his reason as he sighs. "I used to live here and now I just moved back."

Oh. Well, that explains it. I wouldn't have known that. After Daddy left Mama and me to fend for ourselves in Georgia, we moved to the middle of nowhere Forks and stayed with Pop-Pop for a while until he died.

"My turn." Cadillac's got this sly grin on his face, like a cat right before it pounces on its unsuspecting meal.

I guess that makes me the mouse.

"Why don't you want me driving you all the way to your house? Your old man got a gun or something?"

I open the door handle and get out of the vehicle, carrying the now cold barbeque.

"Worse. My Mama does."

He gives me this look, but out of all the things I want from him, sympathy ain't it.

I turn to walk up the steep driveway, but Cadillac shouts at me.

"Hey Dimples!"

"Yeah?"

"It's Edward!"

He laughs and drives off, spinning his tires until I'm choking on dust.

_Edward?_

That lying piece of shit.

Born in the back of a Cadillac, my ass.

I wonder how many girls he's told that fib to.

I reckon more than ten, but...

I hope it's just one.


	4. Chapter 4

**So The Syrup, The One Who Murmurs, and The Moaner wanted a Saturday update. So...here :D**

**Cherry bought me a pimp outfit and Mia thinks oranges are purple. I don't know how the 3 of us get anything done.**

**READERS- Thank you for your awesome reviews. I'm treatin' ya'll to some Dirty's BBQ!**

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_Chapter Four: Dirt and Ditches _

"You think it's dead?"

Alice pokes the snake with a stick, and we wait to see if it moves.

It doesn't.

"What kind is it?" Alice lifts it up, the brown scales contrasting with her pale skin.

"Hell, Al, I don't know. The bitin' kind."

I remember when I was about four or five and Mama used to plant pretty flowers. We'd see all kinds of snakes. They were the small ones, garden snakes Daddy used to call them, but I still didn't like them. I'd scream like a baby without a nipple and Daddy would sit there and laugh at me. He'd pick me up, spin me around, and Mama would shoo us away 'cause we were stepping on her colorful azaleas.

They'd all wither away of course, 'cause it was much too hot, but that never stopped her.

"_You gotta plant them with love," she'd say. "When you plant them with your heart, they can't do nothing else but grow."_

She'd put a lot of things in dirt since then, and just like her marriage, they all died.

Alice digs a little grave, puts the snake inside of it, and then covers it back up. I see her lips move, like she's saying a prayer.

_You can't pray for things that are dead, _I want to tell her._ Sometimes, you can't even pray for the living._

I jump when I hear the sudden crackling of leaves on the ground. I listen for them in the distance, crunching away while the creek beside us is perfectly still.

"Who is it?" Alice is loud, but I shush her with my hand.

"I don't know. Be quiet. They're coming this way."

We duck behind a cluster of trees, hoping our white denim overalls don't give us away.

"Light it up, Cad. We ain't got all day."

_Cadillac._

For some reason, just the sound of his name makes my mouth all dry. My heart starts beating real fast, like it can't handle even being in his presence.

"Shut up, McCarty. This is my fucking weed. I'll take my sweet time if I want to."

Alice's eyes grow wide and she looks at me like I'm supposed to go out there and say something.

I ain't sayin' shit.

We watch the older boys smoke, and the sweet smell lingers through the air. There's Cadillac and Emmett McCarty and the skinny one with the weird eyes that always looks like he's stoned.

Which obviously, he is.

"Psst," I lean closer to Alice. "What's that fella's name? Not the basketball player, the other one."

"Jasper Hale."

She whispers it, but almost like it's a sigh. Like she's breathing him in and exhaling him out.

Hale. That's right. He's the one that got caught lettin' squirrels loose on the football field last year.

"You think we should say hi?" Alice doesn't even wait for my answer, she just steps out from behind the tree. I catch her arm, trying to pull her back, but it's too late.

"Hey, who's out there?"

Cadillac's voice booms through the trees, but I hear them shuffling around, probably trying to hide their smokes.

"Dammit, Alice!"

I grab her hand as we walk over the leaves, squishing little critters with our bare feet as we go.

"Hell, Cadillac. It's those freshmen again." McCarty shakes his head and pulls the joint out of his pocket, relighting it.

_ We're sophmores, dammit._

"Leave 'em alone." Cadillac defends us, but he's still looking at us like we're trouble. "Whatcha doin' all the way out here, Dimples?"

I don't want to tell him the truth, that we're playing with snakes. He already thinks we're nothin' but a bunch of babies.

"Walkin' the creek," I answer. "It's hot out."

He nods like he believes me, 'cause we're wearing our overall shorts and bikini tops, like creek walkers would. He loses interest in our sudden appearance and takes his turn smoking, blowing large smoke rings into the air with his mouth.

He hands the rest to Hale and McCarty, who finish it off. His eyes are a little redder now, mixing with that beautiful green. They're like a sunset, all the colors and shades and everything that's perfect.

"I'm outta here, fellas. Catch ya later."

They wave, but don't move from their spots, fighting over who's smoking too long.

"Wait!" I run up to him as he's walking down the south side of the creek.

Alice doesn't even follow me. She just stares at Hale the whole time, and I swear if she asks for a turn, I'm never talking to her again.

Cadillac just keeps walking even faster, and I struggle to keep in step with his long legs.

"What do you want, Dimples?"

"I…where'd you get the weed?" That's what I ask him, but it's not really what I want to say.

He's short with his answers, as always. "I know people."

I bet he knows all kinds of people. Drug people and people with guns and people that do dangerous things. I wonder if he knows good people too.

I could be that person. I could be good.

I could be good for him.

We walk in silence, listening to the frogs croak and birds sing songs that only they know. Cadillac starts humming too, but I don't recognize the tune.

I'm so wrapped up in trying to keep up with him that I don't hear the snap until it's too late.

I scream, holding my foot up out of the ditch I didn't see.

"Fuck!" He's a few steps in front of me, but jerks around to see what the fuss is.

I'm cryin' now. The kind of tears that just run down your face and you don't even care where they fall.

I plummet to the soft dirt, rocking back and forth in pain.

"What did you do?" He doesn't say it in a mean way. More like he's concerned and hoping I didn't break a bone or something.

"The-the stupid di-ditch!" I can't even talk through my sobs 'cause I don't have the breath.

My ankle is throbbing and Cadillac kneels down in front of me. His jeans are getting filthy from the dirt, but he doesn't even care.

"This is why you wear shoes."

_Thanks, Mama. _

I expect another verbal lashing, but he doesn't. He rubs circles on my ankle with his thumbs until my cries become sniffles.

"That better?"

I hear the question but I don't, 'cause he's just a few inches from my face. My heart is at it again, fluttering like a bird that's trapped in a cage.

I shake my head no, that it's not better. Home is a long ways away, and even if I find a phone to call Mama, she's going to be pissed.

Cadillac gazes at me and I wonder if that bird is ever gonna get free.

"You ever been kissed before?"

"Yes… Maybe… _No_."

He chuckles and the same thumb that soothed my ankle rubs against my cheek. I don't know how I feel about it. I know I like it, but I shouldn't 'cause Mama said boys only want one thing.

"You want to be kissed?"

"No…Maybe…_Yes_."

I feel the tree bark pressing against my back, but it doesn't even hurt. It's holding me up when I feel like falling. It's keeping me balanced when I feel unsteady.

He leans forward, but I quiver.

"I don't know what to do."

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I don't know what else to say. I'm not being a good girl right now, not like Mama would want me to be. I should stop him, stop this.

But I won't.

"Kissin' is like catching raindrops, Dimples. Just open your mouth a little and do nothing."

"Nothing?"

"I'm the cloud. I give to you, and by the time we're done you'll see all the colors of the rainbow."

Cadillac tilts my head downward, lowering my lips to his.

It's light at first, just the tip of his hand slightly grazing my neck. I don't know if he likes it or if I'm doing anything right, but when he closes his eyes I see the faint blue of veins across his lids. The shadows of the trees hide the faintest of stubble on his jaw, and I ache to touch it with my fingertips.

I close my eyes, following him, as the crescent shape of his mouth sweeps across mine.

It's rain, just like he said, but it's not cold.

It's warm and soft and everything in between.

He tugs at my lip, just a little, and the fireworks in my stomach feel like they're bursting.

His hands drop to my sides, feeling the sliver of skin exposed to the heat. Cadillac deepens the kiss, sliding his tongue into my mouth.

I'm startled, and our teeth click together as I pull back.

I breathe heavily, trying to inhale any air I can, but he coaxes me towards him. My cheeks flush as he moves his tongue around, eagerly tasting all of me.

I don't care anymore that we're in the woods and my ankle hurts and that his jeans are scraping against my legs. All I can think about is how good he feels, how his kisses are like secret whispers that only I know.

We kiss and he rubs and then, when he finally breaks free, our chests are falling with heavy weight.

Cadillac's thumb brushes my bottom lip and then he smiles.

"Did you catch the raindrops, Dimples?"

I didn't. I was too busy looking for that rainbow. But I can't explain it, 'cause this rainbow is different shades of reds and greens and pinks and blues that you only notice when the sun is setting.

I duck my head, embarrassed.

"No. They stopped falling when you kissed me."


	5. Chapter 5

**Cherry wants to make out with Cadillac and Mia thinks he's like melted chocolate. When I start getting chapters back and they have "stuff" all over it, I'm suing you both. **

**READERS: It's real nice how ya'll be reading and reviewing and the like. Makes my heart a'flutter! :D**

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_Chapter Five: Seasons and Swings_

I hear them while walking into the market with Alice to pick up some beef jerky.

The old ladies are whispering about, but it isn't really whispering 'cause they want everyone to hear what they're saying.

"That poor boy. Such a fine young boy he is. He don't deserve somethin' so horrible." Miss Kate, the one that always bakes lemon cakes, grabs a vine full of tomatoes and shakes her head.

"It's a pity. The doctor said they don't know if he's going to make it."

Alice reaches in the glass that's full of dried jerky and sticks a piece in her mouth.

She looks over at Marcus, who's slicing fresh bologna behind the counter. Marcus is a few years older than us, 21 I think, but he was always nice. He has huge bumps on his face that he always tried to hide with his black hair, but they ain't never bothered me none.

"Who are they talkin' about?" she asks him.

Marcus pushes down on the lever and the steel blade cuts through the meat with ease. "James, the Cullens' little boy. You know, that doctor that lives on the other side of town, past the lumber yard?"

Alice and I both shrug. Alice doesn't know anybody that ain't a Brandon, and is just as shit-poor as I am. We ain't never been to the doctor before. Mama always said if you get sick it was your time to go, and maybe it was just life's way of tellin' you you weren't supposed to be here in the first place.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Caught pneumonia."

"In the summer?" I thought only old people got pneumonia and it was during the winter, when the snow covered the ground like a blanket.

Marcus looks at me like my Mama ain't never gave me no good sense.

"Death don't choose seasons, Bella."

* * *

I never understood why people cooked when bad things happened. Even Mama is running around in the kitchen, wrapping up an apple pie with aluminum foil.

"Come on, Bella. We best get going."

She looks decent for once, covering up in a blue sundress that falls below her knees. I don't think it mattered though. Everyone knew she danced at the Fox Hole, and they'd gossip about her anyway.

I kept my denim skirt and tank on, but put on flip flops 'cause I didn't want to seem disrespectful in someone else's house.

We drive a ways out in Mama's red Hyundai, sputtering through town as the transmission cut off on us twice. We make it out past the old, abandoned warehouse buildings that shut down last year. I remember asking Mama why they'd closed and she said it was the government, that they didn't need our town anymore for making resources. I had asked her why not and she just shrugged.

"_Because Bella_," she'd said_, "That's the way the government works. They use you until they don't need you."_

"_How do you know they don't need us anymore?"_ I'd asked. "_How can you tell?"_

She had pointed to a row of old houses, with broken porches and weeds crawling up the side.

"_That's how I know_," she'd said.

I'd stopped asking questions after that.

Mama makes a turn out past Route 49 and I look in awe. I'd never been out this way before, but it was nice. The grass got a little greener, the houses got a little bit bigger.

We drive down a street, an actual street with pavement, until we see a large home with cars parked in the driveway and pouring out into the road.

"This is it?" I ask.

"Yep." Momma pulls up behind a grey car and turns off the ignition. "It's pretty, ain't it?"

It sure is.

The house has white vinyl siding, the kind that didn't splinter like wood. There's black shutters on the first and second floor, and they matched the gold trimmed front door. It's like the Heavens gave them more rain and more sunshine, 'cause the grass wasn't dead and the flowers actually bloomed.

Mama leads the way up a stone path, apple pie in hand. I think she's gonna knock, but she pushes a button and this melody rings out, like angels were singing. It's lovely as can be.

I brush down my hair with my hand and wish I would've changed. It didn't seem right, wearing clothes like these in a place like this.

A woman opens the door, and she's beautiful. Not model beautiful, but perfect-mom-wears-perfume-bakes-cookies-every-day beautiful. She has the shiniest dark hair, all rolled up into a bun, and even though her brown eyes look sad and tired, she smiles at us.

"Renee?" The woman reaches her arms out to embrace Mama in a hug. "How are you, dear? It's been so long."

She looks Mama over and even though they're different, like two sides of a cow pasture, she doesn't judge her.

"I'm fine, Esme. I'm sorry to hear about your boy. Here, I bought you a pie."

Mama hands her the dessert and despite the table full of food behind her, Esme smiles like it's something she really needs.

There are lots of folks from town walking about through the house, but Esme leads Mama into a living room with no TV. It's pretty though, with a flowered sofa and soft curtains and tables without scuffs on them.

We sit on the sofa and I feel awful my dirty flip flops are leaving tracks on their white carpet.

"This is Bella, right?"

I nod and Esme reaches out, stroking my hair. "You're beautiful. I always wanted a little girl. I have two boys that are turning my hair gray."

There's not a single gray hair on her head, but I reply anyways, "Thank you."

"Bella, did your mother ever tell you how we met?"

"No."

"Two years ago, my husband Carlisle had gotten a job out in Texas. It was spur of the moment, and we had to rush out of town because they had wanted him to start at the first of the month. I was standing in line at the grocery store after picking up a few things for the long drive. The cashier tells me the amount of money I owe, and when I looked down I realized I didn't have my wallet. I remember thinking I had left it on a pile of moving boxes."

Esme grabs Mama's hand, as if she's the dearest friend in the world.

"I told her to hold my things, that I would come back for them, but this sweet lady - your mother - behind me offers to pay for my groceries."

"You did that Mama?"

Mama looks away, like she doesn't want to be recognized for a good deed.

"I told her not to, but she did it anyway. I thanked her, and when I'm putting the bags in my car I see Renee walking back to her car without anything in her hands. She'd put all her food back just to pay for mine."

"It was nothin'," Mama says softly.

"No, it was everything. We got to talking and she came to my house with me, this very one, and I made sure I paid her back tenfold. I was sad; we were moving away and she'd told me she had just moved here, but I never forgot what she did for me that day."

A handsome man walks into the living room and kisses Esme on the forehead. "Carlisle, this is Renee, the one I was telling you about, and her daughter, Bella."

Carlisle extends a hand which we both shake. "Welcome. I'm so glad to finally meet you both. Thank you for coming to see James. He's…he's not doing any better, but I just can't bear to take him back to the hospital. I've got everything he needs right here."

Mama nods, like she understands, and sends me off so she can have grownup talk. "Bella, go get you something to eat."

I hear them talking about the little boy's condition, but I'm glad to get out of there. It's stuffy and I feel like I couldn't move or touch anything.

I brush past a few adults and see all of the desserts and casseroles people had brought over. I fill a little glass plate with all of the food I can fit on it.

"It's not nice to steal."

The plate almost slides out of my hand, but long fingers catch it just in time.

"Cadillac? What are you doing here?"

"Watchin' little girls horde food." He's dressed in a plaid shirt today, with the collar popped up and denim jeans cuffed at the bottom.

"Seriously, why are you here? Do you know the little boy that's sick?"

Cadillac turns away, popping a grape into his mouth.

"He's my brother."

* * *

"I didn't know you were rich."

He pushes me outside on a tire swing, a cigarette hangin' just between his teeth.

"I ain't rich. Carlisle is rich."

He says it with disgust, like he's ashamed of a having a doctor for a daddy.

"You call your daddy by his first name?" The wind blows through my hair, but it stops and Cadillac turns me in his direction.

"To be a father, Dimples, you gotta love like one. Otherwise, you're gonna get called by your God-given name. So, yes, I call my old man Carlisle."

I understand what he means. I'd never call my daddy Charlie, but if I ever see him again, that's what I'm gonna do.

Cadillac pushes me a few more times and tosses his cigarette between the blades of grass. When I'm flying through the air, I see the Edward that he pretends he's not. I see khaki pants and white button down shirts and a family eating dinner around a fancy table.

He looks like he doesn't fit in here.

Maybe he doesn't try.

Maybe he's like a box of puzzles, the kind that come with a hundred pieces. You prop up the box so you can see exactly what it's supposed to look like, and when you're almost done you can't find the last piece. So you look under your knees, thinking maybe you're sittin' on it, but it's not there. You search and search until you realize it was never in the box to begin with.

Cadillac is like that.

He was never meant to go in that box.

"Is your brother going to die?" I say it quietly, trying to whisper it in the wind. I know it sounds rude, but I gotta know.

I gotta know if all the pieces of that puzzle are gonna suddenly go missing.

"It's pneumonia, not cancer. He'll live. Carlisle's not a lot of things, but he's smart. He'll make him better."

"_He has to."_

I barely hear that last part. My heart aches for Cadillac. I feel bad for him, like I'm the one with disease deep down in my bones.

I grasp his hands, trying to stop the swinging. It's making me dizzy when all I want to do is stare in those eyes. I want to tell him it's gonna be all right, that his brother will live, but I don't know that, so I don't.

"Cadillac?"

"Hmm?" He's in another world, lost in his own thoughts.

"Esme said ya'll moved to Texas two years ago. Why'd you come back to Forks?"

He spins the tire around twice. "You ask too many questions, Dimples."

I know I do, but I don't care.

"Well?"

Cadillac pulls the tire close to him, so that our breaths are practically one. He speaks, but all I can focus on are his eyelashes and the way they flutter when he gazes at me.

"I can't tell you why. There were big problems little girls like you don't understand. It don't matter no how. I won't meant to stay there."

"Were you meant to be here?"

"You'd like to think that wouldn't you?" Cadillac's lips are right on mine, but he keeps talking so that I can feel every movement. "You think there's some fate out in the world, like some magnet that's pulling us together?"

"No," I whisper.

"Yeah, you do. You want me to tell you that there's some destiny or some shit. That it fell on us the day I saw you standing by the ice cream stand. You'd be wrong. It ain't like that."

His lips barely caress mine. They feel like feathers; floating feathers that I want to catch but never will.

"Fate ain't pull us together, Dimples. That was my doing."

I swallow, trying to absorb his words, seeing if they flow like blood through my veins. They run thick, pulsating through my body, but I don't know if they're true. You mix blood and your system rejects it. You mix words and it'll slowly kill you.

"Why would you do a thing like that?"

_Why would you call me little, and kiss me like I'm not? Why would you make me stay awake at night thinking of you, and have me dreaming of you in the day?_

"I dunno. Somethin' about you. I can't describe it. You ever been lost? I mean like really lost, so far gone you ain't never think you was gonna make it home again?"

_Yeah, thanks to Alice and her bright idea to follow a trail with no yellow brick road._

I just nod.

"Well, it's like that. I'm on this path and I'm lost and I don't know if I'm going to find my way back again. And then I see you. You and your dimples and your bare feet, and it feels like a compass. I don't know where you're leading me to, but it feels like home. And even if it ain't home, I don't care 'cause I'm gonna follow you anyway."

"I'm your compass?"

I don't know if I want that responsibility, but I take it 'cause he's kissing me again. He's hard and soft, fast and slow, gasping for air and sinking down below.

He's all of that and he tastes sweet, better than strawberry ice cream.

I hear Mama's voice talking to Esme on the other side of the white fence that divides the back yard. That's my cue to leave before she catches me back here.

"Time to go."

It takes everything within me to separate myself from his hold. Cadillac unwillingly pulls back, licking his lips.

I squeeze myself out of the tire and land unsteadily on both feet. I shift my toes together, making sure my flip flops stay on. Strong hands hold me upright, keeping me balanced.

"Cadillac, just so you know, I don't think you're lost."

He shrugs, but contemplates what I'm telling him.

"Maybe I lost myself in you, Dimples. If that's the case, then I know exactly where I'm going."


	6. Chapter 6

**Cherry called me a fruit and Mia is obsessed with unicorns. I'm now hiring. Please PM me for further information.**

**READERS- You've dubbed him Cadillacward and Greaserward. I call him "Pullyourpantiesdownward."**

* * *

_Chapter Six: Windows and Wings _

Mermaid Scales.

That's what the polish bottle says, and when I wiggle my toes that's exactly what the color looks like; turquoise with hints of glitter and sparkle.

I'm trying to blow on them and get them to dry faster when I hear a scratching sound on my window.

I glance over, but all I see are branches from the tree through my bed sheet curtain, so I figure that's what it is.

_Tap, tap, tap._

That's definitely not a scratch. It's more distinct now, but I'm pissed 'cause Alice should've came through the front door. No need in coming through my window like a criminal.

"Ugh, hold on Al." I tighten the cap on the polish and step carefully on the hardwood floors. My bedroom is small, not much space at all, but it's as girly as I can make it. It's full of pretty things my Pop-Pop used to buy me, like antique dolls and a pink lamp covered in flowers. He wasn't a wealthy man, but he once told me I was his little angel.

"_Lotta bad in this world,"_ he'd said, rocking me on his lap. _"But God knew that already. That's why he sent you, Bella. To remind ere'body that angels exist."_

I wasn't no angel. I had a lot of demons on my shoulders, and even if I was an angel, I would've had my wings cut off long ago.

I unhooked the sheet from the top rod. Mama said ain't no need in wasting money for curtains, so I can't just pull it back or the whole thing will fall.

When I finally look outside, it's not Alice.

It's Cadillac, dressed in the darkest pair of blue jeans I've ever seen. He has a red t-shirt on and he looks sinfully good.

"Let me in!"

I have to wriggle the windowsill a bit 'cause it's rusted shut, but I finally jerk it open.

"Shhh! What are you doing here? Mama's going to kill you if she sees you out here!"

I glance back, thankful my door is closed.

"Let me in, Dimples, or I swear I'm going to yell."

I know the bastard is just threatening me, but I don't want to take any chances.

Last I heard, bullets kind of hurt.

I pull the window up higher, so he has more space. When I step back, he heaves himself through, shoving both legs in with ease.

"Suga, where are my stockings? I can't find 'em anywhere!"

Mama is yelling on the other side of the door, and I'm panicking, trying to find somewhere for Cadillac to hide. I ain't got no closet, just an old dresser, my bed, and a table I use for getting pretty.

I push him down to the floor, put a finger to my lips, and walk out like it's nothing.

"Mama, they're hanging on the rack above the dryer. I told you I washed 'em for you."

"Oh!" The laundry room is this cramped space right in the kitchen. She grabs them, successfully yanking them on while holding her stiletto straps in her mouth.

I help her finish getting dressed, while she scrambles around searching for her purse.

"I'll be back home in the morning, okay? If Alice comes over, ya'll act right. No more wasting my good flour on cakes nobody can eat."

I giggle, thinking back to our last cooking catastrophe. Upside down pineapple cake. Except it was upside, right side, and all over. "All right, Mama. Be safe."

"I will." She kisses me on the forehead and heads out to sell both her body and her soul.

I'm thankful she's gone. I race back to my room, where Cadillac is looking at the makeup and polishes I have on my table.

"You're supposed to be hidin'," I say, jerking my compact out of his hand.

"What do you need all this stuff for?" He picks up a tube of red lipstick, twisting the cap around before putting it back down.

"I'm going to be a movie star," I announce proudly. "I gotta look like one in case anyone discovers me."

"Movie star, huh?" He's got a smile on his face, and I think he thinks I'm being funny.

"I'm serious. When I graduate, I'm gettin' the hell out of this town and going to Hollywood. People are gonna know my name and it's gonna shine in lights."

"And these lights you're talkin' about, they blue or red?" Cadillac smirks and I shove him to the side.

"I dunno, they're just lights," I fume. "The normal kind, I guess. Quit laughin' at me."

He stands behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I see our reflection in the streaked vanity mirror and it's like we were meant to be.

"I'm not laughing at you, Dimples. But I don't see no movie star. I see a little girl with big dreams trying to escape."

"I ain't escaping." His hands linger near the edge of my shorts, slowly moving downward, as he unfastens the button.

"You're a fugitive on the run. And you keep sprintin' so fast you gonna fall so hard ain't no one gonna be able to pull you up."

He kisses my neck and I lean back, closing my eyes. His fingers are where they shouldn't be and exactly where I want them. One hand travels upward, underneath my blue t-shirt.

"I don't want you to run and fall, Dimples. I want you to fly."

I gasp as one hand squeezes my breast at the same time the other enters my panties. He rubs gently, pulling me apart and circling my clit with his fingers.

"Wh-what if - what if I can't?" I'm breathless, feeling these things I'm not supposed to be feeling. It feels good though, like electricity that's shocking me inside and out.

His movement is slow and steady, like a beat no one else can hear.

"You can," he murmurs. "But you gotta back up a few feet."

He pulls me closer, so that I can feel him against my lower back. He's big and hard and everything I'm scared of.

"You find your grounding." His finger slides inside of me and I can't help it. I moan, arching my back, trying to get more of this voltage I'm feeling.

"Look at where you're going…"

It's gonna shock and burn and eventually kill me, but I don't care.

"Take one step…"

I'll let it electrocute me.

"Now you can run, Dimples." His thumb still circles my clit, but his finger is going in and out. In and out. He speeds up, and I can't think of a single reason why I shouldn't be doing this. Why I shouldn't spend the rest of my life frozen in this exact moment.

My breath is broken into little gasps. "Feel it, baby. Feel your feet pounding on the dirt."

I suck in air and my stomach tightens. My lips part and I know a sound comes out. Maybe it's his name. Maybe it's not.

He curls his finger and pinches my nipple and I see the edge. I see it coming and there's nowhere else to go.

"Spread your arms."

I squeeze my eyelids, waiting for that jolt.

"Now you fly…"

And I do. I soar, but I don't see what birds would see. I see smiles and laughter and bright greens that don't exist and raindrops and ice cream cones.

I see white teeth and those eyelashes I love so much, and lips that were made for me.

I see it all and I see Heaven.

I see Cadillac.

* * *

"Can I make you fly, too?"

He chuckles, but he knows what I'm asking.

"One day, Dimples. You're just a little bird fluttering her wings."

"Nuh uh. I glided way up high."

Cadillac kisses my forehead and stands up from the bed. "I bet you did. Now put somethin' pretty on. We're going out."

He walks into the kitchen to wait for me, shutting the door behind him.

Cadillac is wrong; I can make him glide through the air, just like he did for me.

He'd be an eagle or something.

Until Mama finds out, and then she'd be a vulture, picking the eyeballs out of his carcass.


	7. Chapter 7

**Cherry and Mia- Our names are shining in lights, too. They're only 40 watts and dimming by the day, but they glow nonetheless.**

**READERS- There's naughty and then there's Cadillac. I'm a giver, so here's both...**

* * *

_Chapter Seven: Spells and Space_

Cadillac's version of going out wasn't no uppity restaurant in the city. Turns out, I'd put on cowboy boots to match my red strapless dress, all for nothing. But Cadillac said he liked 'em, so I had to keep 'em on.

"What's this place?" I ask.

It's a log building with two windows and a door, and I can hear music blasting all the way from the road. The rusted sign says "Forks Gen," but the rest of it is faded off.

"Forks General Store," he explains. "My mom said they used to sell everything here, from blackberry jam to wool shirts, but when Embry Call died, the store did too. It won't worth keeping up."

I notice how he calls Esme "mom," but I don't mention how that differs from Carlisle. Wasn't none of my business.

"Blackberry jam?" I repeat. It sounds real good; just the mention of it makes my mouth water. I ain't had blackberry jam since we lived in Georgia with Daddy.

I ain't had a lot of things since he left. It's like he took all the good things with him and left Mama and me with all the bad. Divorce was like that, I suppose. The ones who suffer are always the innocents.

Cadillac intertwines his fingers with mine, and I feel proud as we walk through the door. There's a bunch of kids there from my school, dancing and singing and having a good time. But Cadillac has this aura about him. Everybody stops what they're doing and shouts his name.

Some take a sip in his honor and the others come rushing towards him. They greet him, but I tune them out, in awe of what they've done to the building. Somebody has strung Christmas lights across the ceiling beams, making it twinkle in the darkness. There are only a few wooden chairs, abandoned ones I think, so they've heaved in hay bales from a farm, and some people sit on those. Dirty coolers sit against the walls, filled with beer and liquor and everything else.

"Cadillac, 'bout time you showed up." McCarty grins as he leads us toward the crowd. "These fuckers 'round here don't know how to party."

"Cad can't party with us men! Too pretty, ain't cha boy?" Jasper Hale teases him, nudging him on the arm.

"He's prettier than that damn Cadillac he drives!" Tyler, I reckon his name is, joins in on the teasing.

"Dimples, can you go get me somethin' to drink? I don't want to have to punch these fellas in front of you." Cadillac winks at me as he and Hale raise their arms up like they're going to fight.

I make my way to the coolers, where a bunch of prissy girls from school are sitting.

"You're the stripper's girl, right?"

I reach into the cold ice, pulling out two Bud Lites.

If this is how shit was going to start out, these bitches had another thing coming.

"And you're the cunt who fucked Marcus for a free bologna sandwich?" I glare at the tall Saunders girl wearing a white eyelet dress as her friends snicker.

The one beside her, in a leather skirt and top, stands up and holds out her hand. "I'm Rosalie Hale, Jasper's sister. Don't mind Heidi. She's got a stick up her ass."

"Bella Swan." We shake hands as she introduces the other girls.

"This is Jessica Stanley," she says, pointing to another. "And Emily Young."

I already knew who they were - the prime meat of Forks High. Most girls wanted to be them, and all of the guys wanted to fuck them. Which they did.

"So, Cadillac, huh?" Jessica stares at him as he winks at me from across the room. "You two a thing?"

I don't know how to answer that. I didn't want to start nothing that wasn't true, and we hadn't even gotten that far. Not yet, anyways.

I shrug my shoulders and pop open the beer, taking a swig. It feels nice and cold going down my throat, like it's giving me life when these girls are trying to degrade the one I have.

"You know, I heard he's wanted for murder in Texas." Emily says it in a low voice, like her whispering lies make for better gossip. "That's why his family moved back here."

"That's not true," I immediately defend him when I don't even know the story myself.

"It's got to be," Emily continues. "You weren't here before, Bella. He was a clean cut boy and I remember Emmett used to pick on him 'cause he wore ties to school. Ties, can you believe it? Then his Pop got that job in Texas, and when he came back, it was like two different people. We ain't even recognize him at first until we saw him with his mother. He calls himself Cadillac and wears those clothes and everybody's real scared of him now."

I glance over, trying to see what they see. I suppose from a distance he does look dangerous, but he's sweet too. And smart and gentle and has a kind heart about him. But I can't say these things to them. They won't believe me no how. That's the thing about small towns like Forks; once people get a certain idea in their head, it's like an epidemic. It infects them one by one until they all die.

Cadillac motions for me and I look down, not even realizing I had finished all of my drink. I grab another and bounce over to him, passing him the beer.

"Making new friends?" he asks, taking the top off and drinking a sip.

"Or enemies," I answer, starting on my second bottle. "They chattin' a bunch of gossip about you, ya know."

Cadillac reaches around, squeezing my ass in front of everybody. "Let's give 'em something to talk about then."

Someone cranks the music up louder and Cadillac takes our drinks, passing them to Hale.

Cadillac spins me around, wrapping his arms around my waist. I grind on him, feeling the music and letting the alcohol sweep through my system. I don't even see anyone else anymore, it's just me and him, us versus them.

"Hot damn, girl." Cadillac runs his hands over my body as I dip lower, then come back up, rubbing my ass against his front.

I don't know a lot of things, but one thing I do know is dancing. I'd seen my mama, the way she makes her body move. I can do it just like her, bending over and gyrating, swaying and flipping my hair.

It's driving Cadillac wild. I see it in his eyes, the way his pupils dilate, and I know it's not just the beer. He likes what I'm doing to him 'cause I can feel him harden against me.

I hop onto his waist, thrusting against him as someone passes a cowboy hat my way. I catch it just in time, fitting it over my head.

"Ride 'em cowgirl!" Someone yells, and I do. I arch my back, creating friction between our two bodies. Cadillac meets me with every grind, then flips me with ease until I'm upside down. I use one hand to hold my hat on, but I keep up my dancing, feeling him push against my center.

When the song ends, everyone cheers and Cadillac pulls me close, beads of sweat dripping down his brow.

"I ain't know you could dance like that." He's breathless, but he won't let go of me. He can't.

"_I put 'em in a trance,"_ Mama had said, when I asked her how she did it._ "I put 'em under a spell and ain't enough magic in the world to bring 'em out of it."_

Cadillac must have been cursed, 'cause he tosses the hat back in the direction it came and grabs my hand. He rushes through the front door, leaving the lights and the music behind us. We barely make it to the side of the store, tripping and stumbling through grass and weeds and sticks that had blown in that direction.

It's dark out, and aside from the cars parked on the gravel road, there's nothing but nothing under the moonlight sky. The stars are shining bright, like they do in the country, but there's only one thing I have eyes for.

Cadillac presses me against the splintered wood, kissing me on my neck and lips and then back to my neck again. He acts like I'm this drink of fresh water and he's been thirsty all his life. He's so frazzled he doesn't know what to do with his hands, but they finally find their way under my dress. One leg is propped up, his strong arm holding me steady.

His fingers push my thin panties to the side and rub my clit.

"You're wet for me, Dimples," he says, crushing his lips against mine. I moan in his mouth, unable to do anything but feel good. I know we're moving too fast, but I can't help it. I can taste the warm alcohol on his tongue, barley with a hint of lime.

That beer is a demon, telling me to do things I shouldn't be. He's less gentle this go 'round, and puts two fingers inside of me. I gasp at the intrusion, but he knows what he's doing, opening me up wider, fitting me so I can handle it.

He pumps his fingers in and out, and I'm riding them, just like I did him inside the party.

"Damn girl. You see that? I want you to look." I can't even concentrate, but I glance between us, watching his glistening fingers glide and push back and forth. "I'm fucking you with my hand. Look how you love it, baby."

I like this Cadillac. This dirty-talking, finger-fucking boy that could make me move mountains for him. He twists his hand, hitting a spot I didn't know existed.

A flurry of words and sounds come out as I ride out this high I'm on. I fly much higher this time, but I can't stay there 'cause Cadillac looks like he's in pain. He gave to me when he needed it more.

He releases my leg, kissing me again as I reach for his belt. I scramble, trying to unbuckle the two ends, but his hands stop me.

"You ain't gotta do that, Dimples. I feel good watchin' you feel good."

I know he thinks I'm too young and I don't know what I'm doing. I don't, but I'm a quick learner.

"Please," I beg, like I ain't got no shame, and look like I ain't never had none. I push his hands to the side and unzip his jeans. His erection is pushing against his boxers, and I pull it out, touching the tight skin that's throbbing in my hand.

I lower myself to my knees on the dirty ground.

Cadillac looks angry now, and even though he's aroused, he pulls me up by my arms.

"What in Sam's Hill do you think you're doing?"

"Umm…" I wasn't quite sure what I was doing, but I'd seen Mama do it on Dirty Harry. And he looked quite happy about it, so I figure it was something boys liked. "I was gonna suck on it for you?"

"The fuck you are!" His eyes flash with disgust, like I had done something wrong. "Dimples, you my girl now, and no girl of mine is gonna suck my dick outside of a shitty abandoned store."

"I'm your girl?"

I gaze up at him and his anger disappears, replaced with a crooked smile. "Only if you wanna be."

And I do. I want to be his girl and I want hold his hand and I want kiss him and all that stuff that girlfriends are supposed to be and do.

"I wanna be your girl," I answer, grinning. "But I don't want to see you unhappy either."

"I'm not-"

"Just let me touch it okay?" My hands tremble, but I want to do this for him. I graze the tip and I'm nervous, 'cause I ain't never seen a boy up-close like this before. He's long and big and hard and everything a fella should be.

Cadillac hisses when I explore him, rubbing the lower part where his cock meets his pubic hair. I take my time, running my fingers along the side.

He grasps my hands, wrapping them all the way around him, sliding them up and down. I'm getting the hang of it, what makes him feel good. I kiss him, pumping my hand like he showed me, then going faster when he groans.

"You're making my cock harder, you know that, Dimples?" Hearing him talk like that spurs me on, and I kiss him harder, our tongues battling together.

I pull up my dress again, and while he's got his eyes closed, I pull my panties to the side. I rub the tip of him against me, moaning at the same time he does.

Cadillac actually whimpers and slams his fist against the wood.

He jerks in my hands and a white stream pumps out of him and down my leg. I don't know if I should call a boy like Cadillac beautiful, but that's what he is. When he's groaning and his eyes are tightly shut and his eyebrows pushed together, I know it's because of me.

Cadillac kisses me again, then takes the red bandana he always keeps in his pocket and wipes me clean. He adjusts himself and buttons his jeans back together.

I smile at him, the same cocky grin that he loves to give me so much. "So, did I make you fly?"

"Naw, Dimples. You ain't make me fly."

My bottom lip trembles and I feel regretful I even tried. He was right. I was just little bird.

Cadillac lifts up my chin, staring at me with shining eyes.

"You can't fly in outer space, baby. There, you just float."


	8. Chapter 8

**Cherry and Mia- Porn was watched, scissors were made, and no snowmen were built. This is the legacy we leave, ladies.**

**Readers- All of a sudden ere'body wants to be an astronaut. NASA would be proud.**

* * *

_Chapter Eight: Troubles and Trust_

"I think this one was named Rumpled Pigskin."

He's got lines of fat between the crunches of meat, and I think the other piggies once picked on him. Wasn't his fault he was so chunky, he just really liked eatin' corn on the cob.

"You can't just-"

"Hamlet," I announce, taking a bite of another piece of bacon. "I bet he was real smart, like a hog genius or something."

"That's doesn't even make sen-"

"Notorious P.I.G.," I continue, picking up my last slice. "He was leader of all the piggies. Won't no one really expected him to die, but when they saw him get slaughtered, they knew they were all going down."

Cadillac shakes his head, laughing while I finish eating my breakfast. "You always name your meat?"

"Only sometimes," I answer, pushing back my plate. "I figure they have feelings too. I don't want them dying in vain. They sacrificed their life for me so I'm paying my due respects."

"I'm sure P.I.G. was real honored when you ate him with your eggs," Cadillac says sarcastically.

"And may he rest in peace." I bow my head as he chuckles, putting my plate in the sink for me.

Cadillac looks nervously at the time that's blinking 8:37 on the old VCR in the living room. "Maybe I shouldn't have showed up this early. When's your Mama coming home?"

I shrug, pushing my chair in. "If she's not here by seven, I know I won't see her today. Probably spent the night somewhere. She's got another shift tonight, so she'll go straight to the club."

"She ain't even call you?"

I shake my head, washing off my dishes as Cadillac leans against the counter. "She's fine and she knows I'm fine. I know how to take care of myself, ya know?"

"You just a little girl, raising yourself. You need your mother, Dimples."

He says it like he knows what he's talking about. "I have a mother and she takes real good care of me. Butt out of it, Cadillac. I don't say nothin' about nothin' concerning you and Carlisle, so don't you start on me."

My Mama may not be all peaches and cream like Esme, but she's still my mama. I didn't appreciate having to defend her from the likes of someone who called his daddy by his proper name.

Cadillac reaches into his pocket for a lighter, lighting his cigarette and puffing away. "I'm just looking out for you, Dimples. She's so strict with you, but she ain't never here."

It's been two weeks since the party at the Forks General Store, and Cadillac has spent almost every night here since then. Sometimes he hasn't, saying he has to go help take care of James, but Cadillac says his brother is doing a lot better. Cadillac always comes back a little sadder though.

I asked him why one time, why he always has that look on his face. He just put his head down and answered, "_Carlisle_."

He never explained though, but I suppose his tone said it all. I figure he and his daddy done got into it again, arguing over anything and everything.

But Carlisle wasn't my mama and that was that.

"Can you take the trash out?" I ask, trying to change the subject. "It's 'round back, on the porch."

Cadillac doesn't say anything else. He just nods and ties up the trash bag, swinging it over his shoulder.

I'm grateful for the extra breathing room. I can't think when he's around. I dry my fork and place it in the drawer when the porch door slams.

Cadillac stands there holding several liquor bottles while the cigarette hangs between his teeth.

I freeze, dropping my dish towel on the floor.

"She takes real good care of you, huh, Dimples?"

He wasn't supposed to know. No one was supposed to know.

"She's never here, she don't call, and now this? She has a problem, baby. That ain't fair to you. It ain't fair at all."

I swallow, trying not to justify the secrets that are hidden in our house. I know it's not fair; life never is. But some things are better left buried six feet under.

When he realizes I'm not going to say anything, he leaves to return the bottles to the trashcan.

It's several minutes before he comes back, but I'm afraid to move a muscle.

"Get a bag together, we're going to the lake."

* * *

La Push Lake is a breeding ground for tourists. It has actual sand, like it's an ocean, but is surrounded by trees and camping grounds. They have all sorts of activities, like kayaking and paddle boating, but Mama and I could never afford to do such things. We'd only come twice before, and each time we left early.

"_Too hot, sug, and they're charging three dollars for a bottled drink," _she'd said._ "They ain't invent water and I sure as hell ain't paying for something that's free."_

Alice heaves her heavy tote up on her shoulder, giggling as she follows behind us on the wooden steps that lead to the water.

"This is gonna be so much fun. There I was at home, shucking corn, and now I'm going swimming with the rich folks. Of all the things…"

"Cadillac!" McCarty waves from the right side of the lifeguard station, summoning us to his location. He's with the rest of the gang who are laying out towels and spreading suntan lotion on their backs.

Cadillac helps us unload our belongings, then takes off with the fellas to go get drinks.

I introduce Rosalie, Jessica, Emily, and Heidi to Alice, but they aren't as welcoming to her as they were to me.

Alice and I were both wearing similar white bikinis, but they only compliment mine.

They aren't being mean, per say, they just treat her like she's invisible.

I guess that's the same thing.

"Bella, did Cadillac tell you the cops showed up at his house?" Heidi has this wicked grin on her face, like she's being waiting to tell me any bit of gossip she can.

I feel dumb, like this is something I should know. "No, he ain't tell me that."

"Yep, Tyler was over at the Cullen house when a bunch of Forks cops showed up. Ty said he couldn't hear everything 'cause he was upstairs, but he said he heard them mention a 'stolen car' and 'accident.' I'm surprised Cadillac didn't mention it to you." She snickers, but she's not really surprised.

"Shut up, Heidi." Rosalie elbows her in the ribs and glares. "Why do you have to be such a bitch?"

"I'm ain't being a bitch," Heidi says, pulling her long hair into a ponytail. "Maybe stripper girl over here doesn't know Cadillac like she thinks she does."

Alice glances worriedly at me and whispers, "She's just ruffling your tail feathers, Bella. Ignore her."

I don't have a choice, 'cause Cadillac and the boys are back with ice cold pop. He strips off his shirt, throwing it on the sand. All of my anxiety disappears as he lifts me above his shoulders with no warning.

I squeak in glee as he runs toward the water. He wades through the shallow lake, reaching a safe distance where he playfully throws me in. I rise back to the top, laughing and shivering at the sudden chill.

Cadillac scoops me into his arms, taking us closer to the rope that divides the swimmers from the boaters. I tangle myself around him, holding on tightly.

I love the way his green eyes shine when he's soaking wet. It's like the water makes him clean when the rest of the world sees him as dirty.

"Whatcha looking at, Dimples?"

I smile as we float in the water, disappearing from all of the noise around us.

"Just you."

He grins, squeezing my bottom. "I ain't nothing to look at. You, on the other hand…"

It's hot, and though it's not from the heat of the sun blistering down on us, I blush. "Me?"

Cadillac gestures to another part of the lake, where his friends and Alice are wading near the shore. They should be having fun and splashing around, but half the group is glaring at us.

"You see 'em, staring, baby? They're jealous. People always gonna want what they can't have."

I immediately think of Heidi and all of her smart remarks towards me. She seems bitter, even though I ain't never done nothing to her.

"Jealous of us?" I ask.

"Naw." He shakes his head and droplets spread out onto the lake's glasslike surface. "Jealous of you. Insecurity is like a blanket they cover themselves in. They just keep wrapping until it's too late and they're smothered."

I frown. I understand what he's saying, but it bothers me to see other people hurting. "I don't want to be the cause of that."

"Too late. But you can't worry about them. All that matters is us. You notice how still the lake is, baby?"

I gaze at the water that has no tides flowing through because boaters are thousands of feet away on the opposite side.

"Yeah."

"You and I are like that. We're out there in the lake, enjoying ourselves and all of a sudden a current goes through. You know what's in that current?"

I shake my head.

"Other people and their hate. Their trust issues. Their assumption that you and I aren't supposed to be together. But we can't let that current ripple waves over us 'til we're going under. We hold steady and ride 'em out. Eventually, the water becomes still again."

Sighing, I soak in his words. "And what if we can't? I mean, what if we can't hold steady, like you said?"

Cadillac pauses, thinking about my question.

"You don't need water for that, Dimples. It means you were already drowning."

* * *

"Cadillac?"

"Hmm?" He's barely listening to me. All that swimming and lounging in the sun wore us out for the day. I'm lying in my skimpy pajamas as he lazily rubs my back.

"Did you tell your parents about us?"

He's slow, but he eventually sits up. My shirt is pulled towards the nape of my neck as he skims the surface of my skin with his fingertips. His silence is making me nervous, causing the fine hairs on my neck to rise in panic.

"I told my mom."

"And?" He's making patterns. Long lines and then a circle. A circle and long lines.

"She said I was 18 and too old to be dating a 15 year old."

"Does that bother you?" He outlines the curve of my breast, then traces down my spine. My breath hitches, and I'm suddenly aware that he's making my heart beat out of control.

"That you're jailbait? Naw." Cadillac gently rolls me over, tugging off my tank top. My nipples become hardened as he brushes over them. "I figure you're worth five to ten in the slammer."

I giggle. "Just ten?"

Cadillac lifts his leg over my body, straddling me. "Alright, maybe life. But I ain't taking the death penalty. I'm scared shitless of needles."

I want to ask him why he's got a fear of anything, but I never make it that far. His head dips below to my breast and sucks it gently, before doing the same to the other. My bones are melting to the point I feel like Jell-O, like I'm disconnected to anything else. The slippery motion of his tongue is almost too much.

My bed is small, but Cadillac doesn't need any additional room. My cheeks flush as he lowers himself, about to pull off my tiny cotton shorts. I gasp, scared of what he's doing.

"Wait! I ain't never…we ain't never…" I'm trying to explain myself, but Cadillac gazes at me with affectionate eyes.

"You trust me, baby?"

I do. I trust him with everything, my life included. I trust him more than the moon trusts the sun to rise in the morning. He's never given me a reason not to. I suspect he never will. I tremble, but nod my head.

My shorts and panties slide down my thighs and legs until they're completely off.

"See, the thing about trust, Dimples, is believing in someone else. You gotta believe that I would never hurt you."

Cadillac kisses my bare lips down _there _and I swear, I'm ready to leap off the bed. Ain't nobody ever kissed me like that before. It feels like Heaven, Hell, falling, leaping, and flying.

"Trust is like eating pussy; you have to be gentle." He parts my lips and I whimper as he teases me. My clit hardens as he licks with just the tip of his tongue, a quick flick that he does just to torture me.

"It's something you build up to." He slowly slides his hot tongue back and forth. Something about watching him makes me even hotter. This isn't pleasure I'm feeling it's ecstasy, the kind I've read about in magazines.

Somehow, it's worse. Somehow, I'm _aching _with need.

"_Fuck_!" I bite on my fist, trying to restrain the curse word that flew out with no warning.

"You take your time and go slowly…" Cadillac holds my midsection steady as he sucks hard on my clit and laps again with his tongue. I grit my teeth, trying not to scream his name aloud.

"Then when you're ready…" I thrust my hips upward as he moans against me I can hear him licking, allowing no wetness to slip past his mouth. He's sampling me, like I'm flavors he's never had before.

"You go all the way in." He shoves his tongue deep in me, circling and sucking greedily as he thrusts two fingers into me at the same time. A knot tightens in my belly and I grasp Cadillac's hair roughly with no restraint. If he's feeling pain, he says nothing.

The pad of his thumb circles my clit as he continues to lick me. This must be the point of insanity 'cause I can't take anymore. His moans, his firm hands, the look in his eyes as he gazes up at me…

It's too much to handle. His tresses of hair knot within my fingers as I scream out in nerve-tingling pleasure. My back arches as my head slams onto the pillow. Cadillac rides out my wave with me, licking as his fingers dig into my thighs.

I gasp, trying to catch my breath as Cadillac sits up between my legs. I know there's something I should be saying, but thank you isn't enough. I lean down, holding his face and crashing my mouth against his wet, glistening lips.

I moan as I taste myself, dragging my tongue on his. Cadillac pulls back, laughing.

"You ain't had enough, Dimples?"

It's like he doesn't know me at all.

I want to trust him again and again and again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Cherry likes to get wet with KniNut and Mia will do anything for Skittles. TY both for late night work. *kisses***

**Readers- All lemon juice has its purpose...**

* * *

I don't know why I'm here.

"You should curl your hair. I think it would look better." Jessica proceeds to pull the tresses away from my scalp, and I flinch in pain.

I don't understand why it matters. Alice would never make comments about my hair. Or why I should wear heels more often. Or how I should shop at the new store in Seattle.

But these girls aren't Alice and Alice ain't here.

A bunch of us are hanging in Rosalie's room, where they torture me with a makeover. The boys are downstairs doing whatever it is that boys do.

Smells like weed again.

"Try these shoes instead." Rosalie pulls out a pair of white pumps, sticking them on my feet.

"I don't think these are right," I complain. They're not like the heels my mama wears. Hers are open toed platforms with laces that go up to the knee. These look expensive and classy.

"They're perfect." I think that's about as close to a compliment I'm ever going to get from Heidi, and while I shouldn't care about her opinion, I do.

Jess - hell, now I'm even calling them by their nicknames - sprays a ton of hair spray in my hair. "All done! Go look, Bella."

Rosalie's room ain't huge like Cadillac's, but it's still better than mine. I glance in the long, propped up mirror, gazing at my reflection.

My crop top and denim skirt are long gone. In their place is a white dress that flows to my knees, and there's barely any make-up on my face. I look older, more sophisticated, but it doesn't feel right. I can't feel my toes in between the threads of carpet. The curls hang loosely around my shoulders, not like when my mama does them and they're a foot high.

"You reckon Cadillac will like it?" The girls all nod their approval as we hear bursts of laughter coming from the basement.

"Do ya'll always hang out like this?"

Jessica giggles. "Yep. But this ain't no middle school sleepover, Bella. We get fucked up and do fucked up shit."

I wonder what she means by that, but Heidi just snickers.

"You first, Bells," Emily says, prodding me. I don't like the new name they've given me. It feels gritty, like drinking orange juice after you've brushed your teeth.

The basement isn't a dungeon like I expect it to be. It's got several older couches, a few chairs, and a pool table centered in the corner.

I'm as nervous as a turkey in November, and I hide behind Rose as we walk down the stairs. Cadillac turns around, smoking a cigarette, with several cards in his hand.

He takes one look at me, gazing from head to toe. I expect him to smile, but he frowns instead.

"Dimples, go take that shit off."

I knew I liked that boy for a reason.

* * *

"All right, fuckers, let's get this party started!" Jasper cranks up the music while McCarty passes out shots of liquor. It's the good stuff, the kind that burns while going down your throat. I giggle while sitting on Cadillac's lap, his hands traveling up and down my thighs.

His cigarette smoke filters through the air. "Don't you go changing on me, Dimples. Those bitches will try to make anyone plastic."

I don't know what he means by plastic, but I get the gist of what he's saying. 'Sides, I can't live without my short skirts and tiny shirts. He kisses my neck, and even though we're in a room full of people, I ain't embarrassed. A small piece of me likes that Heidi is staring daggers at me.

"Truth or Dare!" Tyler shouts and everyone starts chanting it in between drinking shots.

McCarty has to lick whipped cream off of Heidi and Jessica. Jasper and Emily end up making out for 5 minutes without stopping. Tyler accepts truth and admits has a crush on one of his teachers.

"Fuck yeah! Cadillac, your turn." McCarty rubs his hands together, glad he's got his victim.

"Dare." He didn't even think about it. I suppose they want him to say truth, that way he can talk about the rumors, but he's smarter than that.

"I dare you to…" McCarty pauses for dramatic effect, "…give someone a lap dance!"

"And not her!" Heidi adds, gesturing towards me. _What a cunt._

Cadillac's eyes gleam as he kisses me on the forehead. I pout a little, upset with who he's going to choose.

"Don't be upset, Dimples. It don't mean nothin'."

But I think it does, 'cause I knock three more shots back.

"I get to pick anybody, right?" Cadillac asks. Tyler answers yes, and Cadillac stands in the center, looking at all of the girls.

He smirks, then turns around to McCarty. He starts swinging his hips and we all burst out laughing. He pulls his shirt halfway off before McCarty yells.

"You smart-ass! We're done, you pass!"

Cadillac fist pumps Tyler and plops back down on the couch.

It's my turn.

"Truth or dare?" Jasper asks, looking at me.

"Dare."

I pick the one that's safer. Cadillac's not the only one hiding something.

"I dare you to…make out with another girl."

The boys holler, and Cadillac even joins in on the fun.

"You don't mind?" I question him.

He pinches my ass as I stand up. "Show 'em what I taught ya."

I glance between my options. I ain't never kissed nobody 'sides Cadillac, especially not no girl. Butterflies jump in my stomach, so I down Cadillac's drink.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" That Tyler has a thing for starting chants, so now I really gotta go through with it.

I beeline for Rosalie, who is just a few feet away from the couch. I dunno why, just suppose she's the nicest one. She winks as I make my way closer to her. I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and bend over, hanging on to the sides of the chair.

"Look at that ass!" Someone shouts, and then I hear a thump and an "ow!" as an object is thrown across the room.

Rose makes the first move, pressing her lips against mine. I don't know what I was expectin', but this won't it. She's different than Cadillac. She's sweeter and her lip gloss tastes like strawberries. We're gentle at first, but the alcohol is seeping through my system.

I get braver, climbing on top of her, my knees on either side of her legs. I sit down, with both of our bodies touching. She acts like she ain't the least bit scared, 'cause I feel her hands traveling around back underneath my skirt.

For a girl, she's a good kisser. Her tongue glides with mine, and somehow I find myself touching her breasts through her top. She moans in my mouth and I grind against her.

The music blares, pumping out a familiar beat, but somehow it's gotten quieter. I pull back, both of us breathless. Rosalie looks flushed, and when I stand up on wobbly legs, everyone is just staring at us.

Except Jasper, who does his best to twiddle his thumbs on his phone while his sister defiles the family name.

I walk back to a stone-faced Cadillac while Emmett swallows loudly. "Game over."

He shuts the lights off, causing the room to go completely black.

"Fuck, Dimples. That was hot," Cadillac whispers in my ear, pulling me on top of him with ease. "You ain't got nothin' on under that skirt!"

I'd completely forgotten. The girls had put me in that white dress, and I didn't want my panties showing through. I just didn't put 'em back on when I changed.

"You get wet while you kissed Rose?" Cadillac bites me right on my collarbone and I whimper, unable to contain myself. In the background, I hear sounds from the others, but I don't pay no mind. Cadillac's fingers are just under my skirt when I'm pulled back by two hands.

They're soft, lifting up my shirt and rubbing my nipples. I smell the sweet scent of strawberries again, except this time, those lips are on my neck. I lean my body against Rosalie as she alternates between pinching and grabbing.

_I shouldn't be liking this._

But I do, and when Cadillac stands in front of me, crushing my lips against his, I know I can't get out of this.

_I don't want to._

Cadillac puts his hands over Rosalie's, pushing hers down. They slip past my belly button and into my skirt, caressing my bare skin. I feel her exploring me, creating circles around my clit.

"How's that feel, baby? You like her rubbing your pussy?"

_Fuck. _

_I hate it._

_Drank too much._

_I love it._

_I fucking love it._

Her nails brush over me, over and over again. Cadillac sucks on my nipple and I'm too far gone.

I'm not Bella anymore. I'm some version of myself I don't recognize.

His hand presses over hers, guiding her to move faster. I suck in a breath as his mouth closes over my other hardened nipple. It shouldn't be this intense, this feeling I'm having.

"_Don't lose your innocence, Bella,"_ Mama used to say. _"That's all you got in this world."_

She ain't never explained what happens after it's gone.

Cadillac and Rosalie continue to take parts of me I didn't know existed. She kisses one side of my neck, while he whispers against the other.

"Let's finish the game, baby."

I know what he's asking, but I barely hear him. It's like he's a million miles away, floating and flying and disappearing.

"You like Rosalie fucking that pussy with her hand?"

I whimper, my knees buckling as I lean on her for support.

"Tt-ruth."

"Good girl." Cadillac kisses me again, my lips tingling from the buzzing sensation. His hand moves Rosalie's more quickly and I'm losing my grasp on reality.

"You my girl, no matter what?"

Death is tempting me. Tellin' me to die right here. That this is the end of my life. No one should feel this much, this good all at once.

"Tr-ruth." I barely get the word out when Cadillac flicks my nipple, and I can't possibly arch my back anymore. It'll break.

_Then I will too._

"Good answer." Cadillac's fingers enter me as Rosalie rubs my clit rapidly. There is no seeing the edge this time. I'll fall and it'll all end there.

"One more, baby bird."

Cadillac's mouth swirls around my breasts, leaving hot trails from one to the other.

_Don't stop. Don't stop. Don't stop._

"You love me, Dimples?"

_I don't know. I've never loved a boy before. _

_Love means you can't be apart from that person, that you need them like you need air. _

_Love means trust and forgiveness. _

_Love means sacrifice. _

_Love means forever and ever. _

_Love means yes._

"Truth."

Two different hands squeeze my nipples at the same time. Cadillac's fingers curl inside of me, and Rosalie rubs my clit so hard and fast I can't breathe.

I cry out, my belly releasing the pressure that's been coiled up tight. Images flash and they're not clear this time.

They're blurry and indistinct, but just as beautiful as before.

They're confusing and burning hot and threatening to fade away.

Cadillac is intent on making them last. He kisses me with a frantic passion, making my lips swell beneath the pressure. He groans sharply in my mouth, and though I ain't laid a hand on him, I know he's releasing too.

Cadillac was right. What we had wasn't a stroke of luck or fate.

He put us together, but he didn't fall into my world.

He pulled me into his.


	10. Chapter 10

**Cherry has turned hick and Mia is amused. My girls are amusing hicks. **

**Readers- A lot of yells were given, as well as love. And yet, not a single cupcake. I like cupcakes.**

* * *

_Chapter Ten: Fighting and Friction_

"…and you didn't sweep the floor…"

_She smells like strawberries as she licks my neck._

"You didn't even answer when I called…"

_In and out. In and out. His fingers fill me, thrusting again and again._

"How many times do I have to tell you…"

_You like her rubbing your pussy? You like that, baby bird?_

"Bella!"

Mama snaps me out of thoughts, sternly glaring with angry eyes. "Are you listening to me, child? You actin' too big for your britches lately, Bella."

My head is throbbing. I had barely snuck into bed before Mama arrived home, and I didn't get a chance to sleep off my hangover.

"I'm sorry, Mama."

"Damn right you are. Now clean up this kitchen! I'm gonna get prettied up and head to Esme's to check on her boy. Don't you dare leave this house while I'm gone. I want it shinin' by the time I get back."

Mama storms off and I panic.

"Wait! Can't you go later?" I have to call Cadillac. What if Esme tells Mama we're dating?

Mama turns around and looks at me funny. "Clean this mess up, Bella."

Once I hear the water turn on in the shower, I scramble for the phone. I stare at the receiver, realizing I don't even have his number. _How the fuck do I not have his number?_ I flip through the notepad on the counter, where Mama writes down everybody's information. When I make it to the end without seeing Esme's name, my heart starts to beat a thousand times a minute.

Wait, they met two years ago. It's gotta be near the front. I turn back to the beginning of the notepad and there it is, scribbled in the corner on the third page. I dial, tapping my foot impatiently.

_Please pick up. Please pick up._

On the fifth ring, someone finally answers.

"Hello?" It's a male voice, but it ain't Cadillac. _Crap, it's Carlisle._

"Um, is Cad- I mean is Edward there?"

"I'm sorry, he's not home. Can I take a message?"

"Ummm…" I freeze, not knowing what to do.

"Is this Bella, Renee's daughter?"

_How did he know who-_

As if he can read my mind, he answers for me. "We have caller id. Bella, how did you meet Edward?"

I swallow, not liking the turn of this conversation. "In town."

Carlisle sighs, and I can hear his breathing through the line. "Bella, I don't know you, but I'm going to give you a bit of advice. Edward is not the type of boy you should be associating with. That's my son, and it's hard for me to say, but he's no good. He's troubled, and he doesn't make wise decisions. You seemed like a very nice girl when we met, so I take heed of my words, and stay away from Edward. You're going to get in something you can't get yourself out of. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"

My hand trembles as I grasp the phone. "Yes, sir."

"Good. Don't call here again."

The line goes dead.

"Bella! Grab my hairbrush out of my purse!" Mama yells from the bathroom, but all I can do is stand there.

If Esme tells Mama about me, Carlisle is going to be the least of my worries.

...

Alice helps me fold the laundry, stacking Mama's clothes in a pile.

"Are you okay, Bella?"

No, I'm not okay. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm scared of what's happening at the Cullen house. I miss Cadillac.

"I'm fine."

Alice goes through the basket, searching for a matching sock. "You don't look fine. And I barely see you anymore. All you do is hang out with Cadillac now. And those mean girls. I saw ya'll all walking from Dirty's the other day. You never even invited me."

"Won't my choice, Al. Wherever he goes, they go. I didn't not invite you on purpose."

She doesn't believe me. She thinks I'm intentionally ignoring her. That ain't it. I guess I just forgot about her, and that makes me a horrible friend.

So, I tell her everything.

I explain about Cadillac and the parties, and about hiding our relationship from Mama. I tell her about his late night visits and the words he says to me. I describe last night's party and leave out no details.

I watch her facial expressions change from neutral to shock and back to neutral by the time I'm done.

Alice has completely forgotten about the laundry and just stares at me.

I expect her to ask about the party, but she just covers my hands with hers. "He's 18, Bella. Ain't that crossing some sort of line?"

My face turns red with anger. "Why is ere'body focused on that? Nobody said nothing when Jane dated Demetri! Seniors date underclassmen all the time. Hell, isn't your daddy five years older than your mama? They got married when she was 17! Why is it an issue with me?"

"Their boyfriends aren't having threesomes in basements, that's why!"

I pull my hands back. She didn't understand. "You think Cadillac forced me, is that it?"

Her silence gives me my answer. "Well, he didn't. I _wanted _to do it, Al. I _liked _it. I liked doin' something different for once. I like that he treats me like an adult. Ere'one around here treats me like a baby. Rose and Emily and all of them, they don't. They invite me to stuff and they don't leave me out. They don't constantly bring up my age. They let me make my own decisions. Maybe, Al, they're lettin' me be who I am."

"And this…" She sweeps her hand in a dramatic motion. "This is who you want to be? _That _girl everyone whispers about?"

"Yeah, I reckon I do. I want to stop living in this shell of this fucked up life I have. You know what we did after the party, Al? We sat around and played cards. McCarty just turned the lights back on and we all just hung out. Nobody made a big deal about anything. We laughed and we joked and it was fun. But you wouldn't understand, 'cause you don't get it. You got this whole thing going and it's simple, like you know what you want. College and staying in Forks the rest of your life. I'm taking risks. I want to do things I've never done, go places I've never been. I want to do it all. And I want to do it with Cadillac."

"Okay, okay." Alice squeezes my hand, trying to get me to calm down. "I get it, Bella. I do. I just don't want him taking advantage of you, that's all."

"He's not. I think…" I exhale, finally admitting the truth. "Deep down, it's _me_ taking advantage of him. That's wrong, I suppose. But I don't feel like this little girl, Al. You haven't seen the things I have, been worried about where your next meal is coming from, or wondered if your mama is gonna come home. I know you ain't got money either, but you got both of your parents. I don't. And Cadillac gets that. He knows I've had it rough. He mentioned once that I was escaping. I reckon it's true. But he's my ticket out of here. I don't care where I end up, as long as I'm with him. Do you know what he told me?"

Alice shakes her head.

"He told me it won't destiny that put us together, but that he was lost and was searching for me."

I stare at the window, longing for something I don't see.

"But I won't hiding, Al. My heart wanted to be found."

...

When Mama comes home in a good mood, I know my name didn't come up. I'm glad 'cause I've had an exhausting day. She says little James is back on his feet, and though I already know, I nod like I don't.

I cook Mama supper and she lies down for a bit before leaving for work. She's barely out the driveway when Cadillac shows up.

He looks a little worse for wear, like he ain't been sleeping.

"Where have you been all day?"

Cadillac takes off his shoes, dropping them to the floor. He climbs onto the bed and draws me near him. We lie on our sides as he cradles me into his arms. "I hung out at Emmett's. I didn't know if I should come and see you."

I stay in my position, staring at the wall. "Why's that?"

I can feel him breathing on my neck, contemplating on what to say next. "I figured you'd be mad at me or something. 'Bout last night. I'd been drinking and smoking and maybe I shouldn't have…maybe we shouldn't have…"

I groan, exasperated by his words. Why did everyone assume they knew how I felt?

"Well, I'm not, so drop it."

I get the feelin' he's gonna try to apologize. I don't want to hear it. There's nothing to say sorry for. I was drunk too, but I knew what I was doing.

And I know what I want to do now.

I maneuver my way out of his arms, removing all my clothes except for my panties.

He starts to protest as I pull his jeans off and climb on top of him. I cover his lips with a single finger. I rock against him, but his hands are trembling, not touching me.

"You don't want me?"

"I don't…I do…I want to be better than what everyone thinks of me. I want to be better for you. We're moving too fast, Dimples. You don't think I couldn't have taken you already? I could have, but you're not ready." His green eyes are pained, like he's fighting a battle he'll never win. "I made alotta mistakes in my life, Dimples. I don't want you to be one of them."

"So show me. Show me what I'm missing."

I know I'm not being fair, pushing him to his limits, but I can tell he wants me to. I can see it in his eyes and the way he's now gripping my thighs.

He flips me over so quickly I never see it coming. I lift off his shirt, throwing it to the floor. My panties are damp just from seeing his broad chest. His skin is tanned from the summer sun.

"I could have you, Dimples." He whispers it, pulling my arm underneath me and using his free hand to trace up and down my body. I try to buck my hips, but he holds me firmly, teasing me with light fingertips.

"I could kiss you here." Cadillac dips his head, kissing the curve underneath my breast. His nose skims the outline, driving me insane.

"And suck on you here." White teeth slightly pull on my nipple as his tongue flicks back and forth over it. I'll never get use to this.

_I don't want to._

"I could touch you here." He rubs the outside of my panties, feeling the evidence of how aroused I am. The pressure builds with every stroke of his flat palm, moving me, breaking me into pieces.

"And then I'd part your legs…" Cadillac lifts up my right leg, wrapping it around him. I don't know who's creating the fire, him or me.

_But it's burning us both._

"I'd fill up your tight little hole..." He presses his bulging boxers against me, our foreheads touching. His dirty words make me whimper, and I ache to actually bite him, to taste what he's making me feel.

"Make you scream my name..." He licks my bottom lip and rocks against the part of me that wants him the most. This isn't like before. He's trying to give me everything and nothing all at the same time.

"I'd fuck you, Dimples." The thrust is hard. Once. Twice. Three controlled, slow times.

_The friction is not enough._

"I'd fuck you so hard, I'd lose my breath." He speeds up, pushing upward as I grab onto his arms. My fingernails dig into his skin, trying to grasp every part of him. He pounds again and again and again.

I choke on my words, unable to form a sound. My back arches, but it isn't because _of_ him.

It's _for_ him.

"But then, I wouldn't be able to talk." Cadillac is gasping, losing restraint as our hot bodies slide together in a maddening rhythm. My head falls back on the pillow, but he pulls me to him, keeping his eyes focused on mine.

"I couldn't tell you that you're everything to me. That you're mine." I cling to him, coming apart as shockwaves ripple through me. He stops thrusting, holding his constrained cock against the soft part of my panties. He shudders and our mouths collide. We kiss hungrily as we fall together, shaking through our orgasms.

"I wouldn't be able to confess the one thing you need to know…" Cadillac's lips hover over mine for five thundering heartbeats. I don't recognize the way he's gazing at me, the way light shines from his pupils. But it's there as he murmurs his last words.

"I love you, _Bella_."


	11. Chapter 11

**Cherry smothers me with weird objects and Mia is violent. Where did we go wrong, ladies? **

**TY to VampsHaveLaws for your TheLemonadeStand rec and to Ana Rodfranco for your Twilightfanfictionrecsblog rec. You ladies rock!**

**Readers- Ya'll is amazing. Like the part when you finally reach the cone of an ice cream treat. Ya'll is like that cone. You're crunchy and delicious.**

* * *

_Chapter Eleven: Blue and Baseball_

"What's this?"

He laughs and it's everything, like cool summer days and early winter snowfalls. He's seasons that don't exist and laughter that rings like music.

"A wildflower."

I take the flower, but it wilts in my hand, the stem not strong enough to hold the weight. "What kind of wildflower?"

"A blue wildflower."

I gaze at the pretty petals as I turn it in the sun. I wonder if he's colorblind, because he doesn't seem to notice the shades of lavender and violet. "But it's purple."

"Hell, Dimples. That's just what they call it. I don't know the real name." Cadillac sits behind me, so that both of his legs cradle mine. Our cheeks touch and he holds the flower with me, twirling it in circles.

_You and I, we're like this. Flowers and colors that don't quite make sense._

_But they're beautiful, nonetheless._

"Where'd you find it at? I thought all the flowers had died by now."

We're sitting in a field past Route 49, and I look around, thinking the flowers must have grown here, but there's nothing but weeds and our belongings for a picnic.

"I ain't telling you, Dimples. Then you're gonna go and pick 'em all." I giggle, 'cause that sounds exactly like me. "But you're only going to get one on the days that I love you."

"But…it's just one flower. So, just for today?" I twist it into my hair, creating a braid.

"I gotta save the rest, baby bird. I'm gonna need 'em for the rest of our lives."

.

.

.

I watch the blazing sun create heat waves through the open field. The clouds aren't there, and I imagine they're hiding so we can enjoy the light. I lie on my back, wishing for a breeze to come through. Cadillac has gotten us all sorts of food, like fried chicken and melons and homemade lemonade. But I enjoy his company more than anything else.

"Whatcha looking at this time?"

I point towards the sky. It's vast and pretty and full of possibilities. Like there's this whole life out there waitin' for me and I just have to go and get it.

_I won't ever make it._

"The sun."

"You staring too long, baby bird."

He leans on his side, propping himself up on his elbow. He runs his fingers through my hair, but I don't glance his way.

"You keep looking, Dimples, and you're gonna miss the one thing that rises and shines for you."

I finally avert my eyes, grinning and rubbing the fine stubble on his jaw. "That will never happen."

"You sure 'bout that?" He smiles, but it don't quite reach his eyes. Like there's sadness behind his joy and grief behind his happiness.

"Of course. I'm yours, as long as you'll want me." _As long as you'll love me as much as I'll love you._

"Then we have a problem. 'Cause that's forever, and you already told me you're jettin' outta here for Hollywood."

"You'll come with me." I say it simply, like there aren't any other options or choices. "I'll make it big and then I'll take care of you."

He laughs, and his smile is the one I love. "Is that right? You gonna be my suga momma, Dimples?"

I giggle as he rolls over on top of me, smothering me in love and kisses. "Yeah, now show me your appreciation. Diamonds ain't free, boy toy."

...

I made sure to invite Alice this time so she wouldn't feel left out. She makes the teams even, and for once, our group feels complete.

"Throw the ball, fucker. I ain't got all day!" Cadillac yells from the home plate, kicking up dirt at the Forks High baseball field. We all jumped the fence and snuck on to school property, but McCarty says he's here all the time, running laps around the track.

Jasper, Alice (who was thrilled when Jasper chose her), Heidi, Rosalie, and Tyler are in outfield. Cadillac, McCarty, Emily, Jessica, and I are the hitting infield. I don't know too much about baseball, but I figure I can run pretty fast. That ought to be enough.

Jasper pitches the ball and Cadillac whips the bat through the air, making a whistlin' sound. The ball flies high in the air and he takes off running. Tyler chases after the ball, throwing it to Rosalie at first base, but she misses the catch. Cadillac is back at home plate in no time, doing an obscene dance.

"How you like that, Hale? How's it taste to be sucking my cock from Loserville?"

Jasper's face is red and he's angry about not tagging Cadillac out. "Tastes like your momma's pussy when she's sitting on my face."

_Oh shit._

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Tyler starts egging them on, but it's too late. Jasper's already moving at lightening speed. He's in Cadillac's face, screaming obscenities and shoving him into the dirt. Rose grabs the bat before weapons get involved. They're tumbling, getting dirty and Cadillac is swinging in Jasper's face. Blood spews from his nose and I bump McCarty.

"Do somethin'!"

He and Tyler try to break them apart, but the damage is done. Both have bruises on their face and Cadillac's left eye is swollen.

"You fuckin' dick!" he says, knocking Tyler off of him. "You couldn't take a joke?"

Jasper huffs, pulling up his shirt to collect the blood that's dripping. "You fuckin' called me gay!"

"I ain't call you gay, you deaf idiot! I said-"

McCarty comes between them, holding out his arms before the situation escalates again. "Let's just agree to disagree that both of you suck cock and both of your mommas enjoy a good pussy lickin'. Now, we cool?"

Everyone glares at him. "Shut up, Emmett!"

"Sheesh. You people can't-"

He's interrupted by the sound of police sirens pulling into the parking lot.

Tyler looks around in panic, but it don't matter. We'd all piled into Cadillac, Jasper and Heidi's cars to get here. Even if we ran, at least three of us were going down.

"_Fuck_!" Cadillac holds his eye, gasping in pain. "Dimples, you gotta get out of here. Jump the fence over by the trees. We won't say nothing."

_I want to, but I can't. I can't leave him here to take the fall_.

"Nobody move! I repeat, nobody move!" Two cops are approaching, but one is yelling through a bullhorn, warning all of us to stay in our positions. Alice grabs my hand, looking at me in fear.

They're too close, able to recognize any of us now. They climb the fence as well, walking quickly to our spot.

"You kids realize this is private property?" One officer with dark hair steps forward, glaring at us with threatening eyes.

"It's a school, so that makes it public." McCarty, just can't keep his mouth shut, tries to argue with the cop.

I want to hit him. I want to actually cause him bodily harm.

"Your name, sir?" McCarty looks regretful he spoke up.

"Emmett."

"Oh, you're Peter's boy, if I recall. Well, Emmett _McCarty_," the officer emphasizes his last name, "since you know so much about the law, maybe you can give me the specifics on trespassing on public property with limited access."

"Uhh…"

"You're not supposed to be here, son, that's why there's fences." His nametag glistens in the sun and I can finally read the badge. Tanner. Officer Tanner.

"Oh."

Cadillac squeezes my shoulder, thinking no one will notice, but it draws the attention of the second cop.

"Ah, Mr. Cullen I see. Nice to meet up with you again."

Cadillac grimaces, shifting his foot. "Officer Biers."

He says it bitterly, like just acknowledging Officer Biers' name leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

"You staying out of trouble, Cullen?" The second cop is much younger than the first, with blonde hair and blue eyes.

"I'm trying."

"Good. 'Cause this ain't Texas, boy. Your papa ain't gonna pay you out of anymore of your shit. Now, ya'll get out of here before we call all of your parents."

I don't even have time to process what he's said. We run past the officers, scrambling over the fences and into cars before a full minute has passed. I don't even know who rides with whom, 'cause Alice isn't even in the car with us.

Cadillac peels out of the parking lot, following behind Jasper. They take a right to go home, but Cadillac turns left.

"Where are we going? What was he talkin' about?"

"Somewhere private. Dimples, we gotta talk."


	12. Chapter 12

**Cherry and Mia- We should be the three musketeers. Ya know, going around and saving the world. One comma at a time.**

**Readers- There's not another author in this fandom who loves their readers more than I do. You and cupcakes are now tied.**

* * *

_Chapter Twelve: Cadillacs and Canaries_

"Cadillac, slow down!"

I panic, watching the trees pass by in a blur.

"Dammit, Dimples, you don't understand!" One fist pounds the steering wheel, and he's so upset, I swear he's seein' nothing but red.

"Then tell me! Tell me what's going on!"

It's not just the car that's accelerating; it's my heartbeat too, pounding too fast for its own good.

"In Texas…" He whips through a stop sign, not even attempting to slow down "I got in some real trouble, fell in with the wrong crowd."

My knuckles turn white from gripping the sides of the seat.

"His name was Jacob. Everyone called him J-Wolf, 'cause he had a temper like one. He's the one that got me started."

I want to ask what he got started on, but Cadillac swerves down a dirt road. There's the abandoned Forks General Store, with the sign still faded. I jump out of the vehicle, shaking.

But it ain't from Cadillac's driving.

_Not right now, Bella, _I tell myself. _Not now._

The front door opens easily, and though the chairs are gone the random bales of hale still sit along the wall. Cadillac plops on one, rubbing his hands through his hair in frustration. I sit on my knees between his legs, trying to get him to look at me.

"Finish, Cadillac. Finish what you were trying to tell me."

His eye is still swollen and his clothes are still filthy, but it's the expression on his face that's really in pain.

"Just… promise me you'll listen, all right? Through the whole thing?"

I nod, swearing that no matter how bad it is, I'll stay. Maybe he's just worked himself up over nothing.

Cadillac pats his jeans, looking for his beloved cigarettes. He pulls one out, lights it, and exhales smoke into the air.

"We was doing all sorts of things, me and J-Wolf and Victoria and Angela. We thought we were the shit, right? I felt like I was changing for them, like I was this fucked up kid from small town Forks, and there they were accepting me. You won't here before, Dimples. Em and all them, they won't my friends. They bullied me and treated me like shit. J-Wolf never did that. He and the others took me in, showed me it was all right to be myself. But that change was coming from me, like I had to prove something."

He exhales and he's blowing out smoke, but he's breathing out his past too.

"So we'd smoke grass once in a while, get drunk on the weekends. You know, normal stuff. Won't too bad, and it won't interrupting school or nothing, at first. I kept my grades up, came home on time, shit like that. But then… then J-Wolf got busted selling weed and they put him in juvie for a few months. He got out and everything was different. He'd convinced us that all that shit on the weekends, could happen during the week. So I started smoking more and partying every day.

"In Texas, Dimples, everyone had money. It's not like here, where it's one and few between. They always had shitloads of it. We'd burn through the allowances our parents gave us, and when that was done, we'd get more. My grades were still high, so Carlisle just kept giving it to me. And I'd keep smoking it up. That's when shit hit the fan."

I feel the bad part coming, like when a storm is on its way, but ain't nothing you can do about. You weather it out, but you know you're gonna lose half your house by the time it's done and gone. Cadillac is the storm, pouring rain and thundering out his soul, but I get the feeling there won't no rainbow at the end.

Cadillac refuses to look at me, keeping his eyes on the ground. "We was so high, and we'd… we'd do stuff. Sometimes it was me and J-Wolf with Victoria and Angela. Then it was just me and Victoria and Angela…"

Cadillac trails off and I feel sick to my stomach. It won't like I ever thought he was a virgin, but the other night, what happened between Rose and him and me, he knew it already. He'd already learned it from Texas, the kissing and feeling and sex. The sickness burns a hole through my gut.

Cadillac lifts my chin up. "Promise me you'll listen, please. You wanted to know, so I'm tellin' you everything."

I look into his eyes, but I ain't seeing him. I'm seeing those girls and how they took the one thing I'll never have.

"That's how we just kept going, the sex and weed and drinking. But always the weed. So we'd be high when we started jackin' people's cars. I remember J-Wolf tellin' us if we wanted to stay with him, we'd have to prove it. So we did, and I was the first one. We walked through the downtown part of Dallas one night, and I remember looking at all of the cars parked at those apartment buildings. There it was. Red and shiny and just calling my name."

Cadillac glances at something that's not in the room. "It was a red Cadillac. I hot-wired that shit and we drove through the night, going anywhere and everywhere. I'd been intent on returning it, like hell, what the fuck was I gonna do with the car? But we fell asleep at Angela's. The cops came banging on the door and arrested me on the spot. Those other fuckers ain't even tried to help. I got in some trouble with the law, had to do community service and shit, but since it was a first offense, I got let off easy. Carlisle's lawyer basically bailed me out. He got real tough with me after that. Trying to give me curfews and cut off my money, but it was too late. I was already wrapped up in the lifestyle. J-Wolf and all them treated me with real respect after that. Started calling me Cadillac. I liked it 'cause I had finally buried Edward. He ain't exist anymore. But Cadillac, that fucker was scary. They was listening to me more than J-Wolf by that time. He ain't care for that too much, but he stuck around."

The shaking is worse, coming in spurts. I can't wait to get out of here. I need to leave, but everything Cadillac tells me keeps me pinned to my spot.

"I got in fights with people from school and pretty much stopped going. But the teachers were scared of me too. They just passed me along, even though I'd failed everything. Then, that night happened. I was driving another hot car and Victoria was… on me. So I was swerving and couldn't see nothing. It was dark and I couldn't concentrate… I never even saw the other car."

Cadillac paused, fidgeting his hands. "I was in the hospital for about two weeks. They told me I'd collided with another car. Paralyzed both the driver and the passenger. A young couple that had just gotten married. It was complete hell after that. I was charged, lost my license, was in and out of court, got put in juvie for a few months. Dad basically paid the couple and the judge off - that's how I got off so light. He's been hating me ever since and I've been hating myself more."

This moisture fills up his eyes and I ain't never seen nothing like it before. Cadillac is crying, and he's just letting the tears fall, not even trying to stop them. They're holding his pain in and letting it go at the same time.

"Carlisle thought it would be best if we moved back. He let go of that job that was paying him a shitload of money and we packed up. We moved back to our old house, 'cause it hadn't been sold. I tried cleaning up my act once I got here, but then I saw Emmett and Jasper and them. The same ones who picked on me before are now riding my dick. It's hard to let go of that power. I still smoke 'cause it's nice to get away from shit once in a while, you know? But I'm trying, Dimples. And then shit with you the other night. I felt like I was Cadillac again, living in Texas. I was so busy being him, I forgot who Edward was."

Cadillac grasps my hands, staring at me with an anguish someone like him should never have to experience. "I fucked up, Dimples. I fucked up bad. I wanna do right by you. I wanna be that boyfriend that buys you pretty things just because, and kisses you just to show you I love you. I ain't perfect, and I feel like I'm struggling. Like I gots two sides of me constantly pulling, you know? But I'm trying. I just want you to know that I'm trying."

I wrap my arms around him, feeling his sorrow. I don't care what he's done, that's never gonna change my opinion of him. I believe he's changed, and I'm not Carlisle; his words are enough truth for me.

So we sit for hours, hugging and kneeling until the tears are gone and the storm finally subsides.

...

"Is that why you're like that? 'Cause of them girls from Texas?"

I twirl another wildflower in my hand, careful not to rip the petals. It's a contradiction, this pretty flower above the ugly kitchen table.

Cadillac washes Mama's dishes left over from supper. He scrubs, like he's trying to make them spotless, but certain stains won't come off. Some filth is like that, it won't ever become clean.

He sighs, rising the plate and turning the water off.

"I reckon. I know that's not fair to you, but I feel like I gotta redeem myself, someway, somehow. And sex would complicate things. We ain't there yet, Dimples."

I glance up with wide eyes filled with hope. "Will we be there next week?"

Cadillac chuckles. "Why are you in such a rush to grow up, Dimples? Can't we just be?"

"I suppose."

I figure it's like this: Every time Mama gets mad, she leaves to hang out with Dirty Harry. When she comes back, she's always in a good mood. And every time I see Dirty Harry, he looks like the cat that done caught the canary. They must be happy, doing whatever it is that they do. But the one thing that Cadillac and I have is love. Mama and Harry don't have that, so I imagine sex with love must be even better.

But I don't explain that to Cadillac, 'cause he doesn't seem to understand my logic sometimes.

He puts the final spoon into the drawer and walks toward me.

"Thanks for cleaning up," I say.

"I had to. Your mama's right, you are messy." He teases me then kisses me on the forehead. "You ready for bed?"

"It's only 9:30," I answer, frowning.

"I know."

Cadillac winks at me, and just like that, my hormones are jumping. I scramble from my seat as he laughs, and I race him to my bedroom. I've already kicked off my shoes and leapt on the bed before he's even stepped foot in the door.

He struggles to take off his shoes, hopping on one foot. It's hilarious to see someone like Cadillac unable to do something, so I'm giggling the whole time.

He unbuttons his jeans, trying to remove clothes and walk simultaneously. I hear a clatter as Cadillac curses.

"Shit, my lighter!" He kneels to the floor, reaching a hand under the bed. When he still can't find it, he looks underneath for a better view.

I'm too slow. I try to push him away, but the damage is already done.

"What the hell is this, Dimples?"

_Fuck._


	13. Chapter 13

**Cherry doesn't sleep and Mia will behead people for Cadillac. I totally see where this is going.**

**Apology- FFN/FicCentral notifications are acting totally wacky. I apologize on their behalf. KniNut and I have a plan to attack. With torches. We meet at 5 if anyone's interested.**

**Readers- This is where you and I part ways. In my defense, I gave you clues. But I'll be in the back of Cadillac's caddy. Ya know, hiding...**

* * *

_Chapter Thirteen: Bullets and Begging_

I breathe.

He stares.

He slowly stands up.

All I want to do is die.

"Bella…"

I don't like the way he says my name.

_It's Dimples, _I want to say._ Call me Dimples. _

"Get out."

Cadillac reaches out for me but I snatch my arm back. I don't want to be touched. I want him to leave. I want him to not look at me the way he is, with worried eyes and a tortured soul.

"Bella, we can talk about-"

I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to talk about anything. I want him to leave. My tears are salty, but it's his love I can taste on the tip of my tongue.

_And it's bitter._

"Please," he whispers, and I hear his begging ringing through my ears. I jump up, throwing whatever I can from my vanity table.

"Get out! Get the fuck out!" Hairspray. Compact Mirror. Make up brushes. They're all flying in his direction, and I'm angry he's making me do this.

_Angry that he thought I was stronger than I appeared._

He reaches out again, bulletproof to my ammunition. So I scream, as loud as I can, falling to the floor with my hands covering my ears. It's deafening, and by the time I glance up, he's gone.

I break down sobbing. I hate this. I hate his accusations with every fiber of my being. Why did he have to be here? Why did he have to discover my secret? Why couldn't he just let it be?

Cadillac reappears in the room, and I look on in defeat as he drops three large trash bags in front of me. He rips them open, the garbage falling all over the floor.

In both our views are the evidence of all my sins.

"I love you, Bella."

He looks at me with sympathy, and now I'm not the only one crying. His face is red, desperation and concern flowing through his tears.

He kicks a liquor bottle, one of many, in my direction and leaves.

And all I can think about is how much I need a drink.

...

This time, I can't breathe.

I rock and it's there and I rock and it's gone.

I imagine them and him and him and me.

I see the car and how it swerves.

I see the car and _why_ it swerves.

But I make it go away.

The whiskey makes me forget.

The vodka makes me remember.

The tequila makes me shake.

The rum keeps me still.

I hate her, this reflection of a girl who stares at me with mascara running down her face. I hate that she's speaking. That girl, she doesn't know shit. She's fucking yelling not to run, but I can't stop.

That's all I got, this running and escaping. I can't keep it together anymore. My skin bleeds as I claw and scratch off these layers that don't belong to me.

I scream, throwing the rum bottle at the mirror. It crashes, shattering into a million pieces.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" I don't like the girl, how she talks to me. How she tells me to be strong, but judges me for being weak. How blotchy her face is. How her tears stream, red with blood, mixed with hurt, and blended with pain.

I taste the blood and it's wretched. I hate how it runs down my arms. How it's hope and dreams and love. How it's hate and anger and jealousy.

How it's Cadillac and Dimples. How it's him and me.

...

The girl in the mirror falls asleep, but she has a dream and Cadillac is there.

"_You can't live like this."_

_His breathing is erratic, like he's struggling too. _

"_You lied. You made me believe your mama was an alcoholic… how did I not know?"_

_He's all blame and full of guilt. Complete remorse and selfless responsibility._

"_You're my Dimples… look at you falling, baby bird."_

_He sobs, his shoulders heaving withthe weight of his burdens. _

_Wet lips press against her temple, and she hates that mouth. She hates the way her coddles her, the way he whispers how he's there. How he'll never leave._

_She hates how he gets up, cleaning up the garbage from the floor. There's some rum left, but he takes it away. When he returns, the bottle is empty._

_She watches him get all of the bottles and throw them in bags. She sees how he removes drawers from her dresser, finding her secret spot. The wine is trashed, and so is her love for him._

_He's found it all, even the whiskey disguised in a perfume bottle. _

_She hates this nightmare, how he knows everything about her. How he changes her clothes and washes her face. How he brushes her hair and tucks her beneath warm blankets._

_But most of all, she hates him._

...

"Mornin'."

The voice beside me is raspy, and every sound causes my head to throb incessantly.

My eyes are barely open, but two outreached hands stretch in front of my face. They hold several white pills and a glass of water. I take them without asking questions.

I lie for several minutes longer, getting adjusted to the light coming through the window. I finally peek beside me, where Cadillac sits with his legs stretched out.

He's wearing the same clothes as the day before, and I have a nagging suspicion he never went home. Instinctively, I panic, hoping Mama isn't around, but I don't hear her on the opposite side of the closed door.

"She left you a message," Cadillac answers, reading my thoughts. "She'll be home this afternoon."

I want to ask a million questions, like why is he here? Why hasn't he left? Instead, I slowly sit up, placing my feet on the warm floor. It's too hot in here. Pajamas I never put on are sticking to my body.

I can't bear to look at him, so I march to the bathroom. I need a shower. On the sink is a single wildflower.

It's the prettiest one yet.

.

.

.

"Walk with me."

I surrender, the fight to argue too much after an exhausting night. I follow him to the woods behind my house, stepping on broken branches from trees that died a long time ago.

He finds an abandoned log and sits, patting the empty spot beside him.

"How long?"

_Too long._

I plead with fidgeting hands not to ask. I can't. Not now. Not ever.

He brushes my hair back and it hurts, like he's bruising me with soft caresses and tender hands.

I don't answer and he sighs.

"Bella-"

"Don't call me that." It's the first words I've spoken since I woke up. That's not my name.

_Say what you said before. Call me what you love._

"I don't want you hiding from me, Dimples. I want you to be honest."

He's doing it again; breaking me when I'm already broken. Like I'm not already hollow from the inside. Like everything within me ain't already gone.

"Is this 'cause your dad left? I mean, I understand if-"

My anger rises as I stand up, wobbling on unstable feet. "You understand? You don't understand shit, Cadillac! When has your daddy ever left you? When has your daddy ever forgotten a birthday, or didn't even give you a gift on Christmas? You ever been without food, rich boy? You ever seen your mama get fucked in the back of a club by a married man? Don't you fucking dare tell me you get it or that you know what I'm going through!"

He's making me ache as I clench my fists at my sides.

"You're being selfish and unreasonable. You're not the only one who's suffered!"

And just like that, I explode. "Why? 'Cause you stole a few cars and your daddy bailed you out?"

He doesn't curse, but it's right on the edge of his tongue. He wants to scream at me like I'm screaming at him. We keep jerking on one another, and eventually someone's going to fall.

"Say it. Tell me you love drinkin' more than me, Dimples, and I'll fucking leave. Say it. Tell me you don't love me enough to stop."

The clock ticks as seconds roll by. His green eyes, full of hurt and rage, pierce into my own, threatening me to make a decision.

I love him.

I love how he makes me feel.

I love how he's always there for me.

I love how he's warm and I love how he doesn't judge.

I'll love him until the day I die.

But my love's name is not Cadillac.

He's Jack Daniels, and I've always loved him more.

And so I walk away, not saying a single word.


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm pretty sure Cherry is Superwoman-I'm working on the evidence to support my claims. Mia- You're all blue from screwing a smurf, yet I won't judge you. My puppy does, but I don't.**

**Readers- I love how your emotions flow from one character to the other. I'm offering free therapy sessions to anyone interested...**

* * *

_Chapter Fourteen: Threats and Trains_

He jabbers on and on like I give a shit.

Dirty Harry fills up the straw container, carrying on about his and Mama's plans for a Saturday date.

I can't take it anymore.

I lean across the counter, pulling on his soiled white shirt that reads "Harry" across the pocket.

"Listen, you filthy old man," I hiss in his ear. "I. Don't. Care. Hurry up. You're taking too damn long."

I return to my position, glancing around, but the couple in the corner didn't even notice.

Harry clears his throat and adjusts his shirt. "Bella, don't you think I've been giving you too much?"

I glare at him, but my feet are bouncing on the rails of the stool. "It's none of your fucking business, Dirty. You know the deal; give me my drinks and I'll keep Mama sucking your cock anytime you want. You don't and I'll tell her you tried to feel me up. Got it?"

"Order 53 is up!" Two Styrofoam containers slide across the metal shelf behind the register.

Dirty glances back and forth, making sure no one notices as he slips several bottles into the large paper bag. He adds our meals along with extra napkins.

"How much?" I ask, standing up to grab the heavy bag.

"On the house." Dirty just wants me out of there. He returns to his straws, but sweat lingers between his brows.

"Good. See ya next week."

I step out onto the sidewalk, hurrying to get home. I'm beyond thirsty. Dirty's was closed last week for Fourth of July, and instead of enjoying the holiday like everybody else, I'd spent my days and nights huddled up in my room.

Alice stopped by a few times, but I wasn't in the mood for all of her stories about her and Jasper's newfound relationship. The conversation kept leading to _him_ and I didn't want to fill her in on last week's events. Alice wouldn't understand.

"Dimples!"

The voice is hazy, like it's calling out to me in a dream. I walk faster, trying to make my hallucinations disappear.

"Dimples!"

Mama was right, I should start wearing shoes. The pavement is burning my feet, but the bag is too heavy to run.

"Dimples, turn your ass around!"

_Fuck._

I stop in my tracks as Cadillac catches up to me just before I reach the curb. I wait just outside the butcher shop, where fresh meat hangs from the windows. Further down and across the road is the Baptist church Mama and I never step into.

_It's funny how they kill life on the corner when just a few feet away they vow to save._

"Thanks for waitin' for me."

I hate to admit how good he looks, wearing a clean white tee and rugged jeans.

"What do you want Cadillac?"

I begin walking again, holding my bag and wincing as the bottles clink together.

"Just sayin' hi, I reckon. Ain't spoke to you in a week."

"That's 'cause you gave me an ultimatum. I made my choice. It's your fault if you ain't like it."

I don't want to get into the same old, same old - arguing about this, fussin' about that. I just want to go home. The bag's weight is pulling to my right side, so I pick it up, holding it with both hands.

"Lemme get that for you."

He reaches for the bag, same as last time, but I jerk it away. "I got it."

The pavement disappears into gravel as we walk in silence. I notice he's not driving, and I ask him why.

"It's in town," he explains. "I was stopping at LuLu's Jewelry when I saw you."

I say nothing, trying to concentrate on the sharp rocks and not the awkward conversation I know he wants to engage in.

"Listen, I know you're mad at me…" He says it like it's that simple, as if the only reason I've been ignoring him is because of anger. He's missing the point; it's a lot more than that. It's him not minding his own business. It's him and his stupid words. It's his attempt to make something so jagged and ugly into something smooth and beautiful. "I just want to make sure you're all right."

"I'm fine," I lie, 'cause I'm not all right. I want Johnny Walker to quit whispering my name in the night and shouting it during the day.

I know he sees the bags under my eyes and the devil in my soul. He acts like he's some superhero, like he can save me from my own destruction.

He's too late. When your heart's been demolished, it's gone for good.

We reach the beginning of my road, and I attempt to keep going.

"Come over to my house. I want to show you something."

He's out of his mind. Why would I do that?

"Please."

Just like that, he's got me in the palm of his hand. Saying yes when I want to say no. Giving me light when I want to hide in the dark.

"I need an hour. Mama's still home."

"I'll come back with the caddy."

...

"Bella, it's wonderful to see you again." Esme reaches out for a hug, giving Cadillac a sideways glance. I know she doesn't approve of us being together, but she's the type that would never say it to my face. Not that it matters now anyways.

She smells like expensive shampoo, the kind they only use at fancy salons. Sweet and clean and fresh. I hope she doesn't notice the alcohol lingering on my clothes.

"Are you staying for dessert? I baked a cherry pie."

I bet she did. I bet its perfect, just like her and her house.

Cadillac pulls me by the arm, leading me upstairs. "Privacy, Mom."

She looks sad, like she wants someone to enjoy her desserts.

"In a bit, Mrs. Cullen." She smiles, and I wonder if they have whipped cream.

When we reach the top of the stairs, I begin to panic. I didn't realize Cadillac's parents would be home.

"Is she going to say somethin'? Is Carlisle?"

Cadillac shakes his head. "My mom isn't like that. She'd never mention to Renee that you were over here. And Carlisle's not here."

I nod, but it's odd hearing him say mom like he's a child. I always imagined him to be this rough fella with no boundaries, but I bet he treats her kindly. I can't say the same for Carlisle.

A little boy with chubby cheeks and the same eyes as Cadillac walks from the left side of the hall.

"James, what are you doing up?"

He's got blonde hair and he's beautifully innocent. Cadillac scoops him in his arms, while James' dinosaur pajamas ride up his legs.

"I'm not sweepy, Eddie."

"Oh yes you are, little fella. Let's get you back to bed."

I follow behind them, but linger at the doorway. James' room is designed in a train theme, with red and blue tracks painted along the walls.

"Wead me a stowy, pwease?" Cadillac grins and tucks James under the blanket. He sits on the bed with him, grabbing a book lying on the nightstand.

He looks up at me, like he's sorry he's making me wait. I prod him along with my hand, waiting for him to continue. Cadillac cuddles up to James as closely as he can, and starts on the first page.

"_A little steam engine had a long train of cars to pull…"_

He flips the pages, but he's not really reading from them. It's as if he's got the words memorized and he's only turning them to show James the pictures.

"_But no! The cars would not go up the hill…"_

Cadillac's voice is animated, and James' sleepy eyes fight to stay open.

_"Will you help me over the hill with my train of cars? It is so long and heavy I can't get it over."_

I can't get over how nurturing Cadillac is to him, like he's taking care of his own child.

"_No, I cannot help you. The little steam engine was sorry, but she went on, choo, choo! Choo, choo! Choo, choo! Choo, choo!"_

James is choo-ing along, yawning at the same time.

_"After a while she came to a little steam engine just like herself. 'Yes, indeed!' said this little steam engine. 'I'll be glad to help you, if I can.'"_

My heart thumps heavily, and I don't understand why, but it feels like the words are meant for me.

"_Slowly the cars began to move. Slowly they climbed the steep hill…"_

Cadillac recites the words slowly, dramatically building up the suspense.

_"I-think-I-can! I-think-I-can! I-think-I-can! I-think-I-can!"_

He and James chant together, getting louder with each phrase.

"_And they did!"_

Cadillac finishes reading the book and kisses James on the forehead. "Night, buddy."

"Night, Eddie. I wove you."

"Love you too, kiddo."

I wipe away my tears before anyone can notice.

.

.

.

"How old is your brother?" I sift through the all the fancy electronics Cadillac has on his desk. I don't even know what half of them are called. One of them looks like a computer, but not exactly 'cause it's skinnier and has an apple on the front. I remind myself to ask him what it is later.

"Four. Mom and Carlisle tried for years, so he's their little miracle." He should sound disgusted that he's second best, but he doesn't.

Cadillac's room is decorated in hues of gray and black, with awards and trophies lined up above his bed. I lean over, trying to get a better view. They're for honor roll and perfect attendance and winning a collegiate spelling bee.

_Whatever that is._

"When did you win all this stuff?" I like how shiny they are, how they center the room.

"Before I lost myself."

I don't respond, but sit down on the bed. It's soft and big and I like how the comforter feels on my hands.

"What did you want to show me?"

Cadillac pulls out a shoebox from beneath his bed. He plops down beside me, rifling through an assortment of items. Finally, he pulls out a picture and hands it to me.

I'm disturbed about why he would want to show me something like this. It's a picture someone took in a cemetery, of several graves lined perfectly in a row.

"Why are you giving me this?" I try to hand the photo back, but he moves his arms away.

"I got that picture from a guard when I served time in juvie. He told me if I kept livin' like I was, that's where I was gonna end up."

I get what he's trying to say, but I don't want to hear it. "I ain't come over for a lecture, Cadillac. I get enough of that from home."

"I don't want you to die, Dimples."

His words chill me to the core. "What if I'm already dead?"

Cadillac nearly chokes, shocked by my question. "Is that what you think? That you ain't really living? Dimples, you are alive. You're living and you're breathing. You're surviving and you're beautiful."

He pulls me to him. "I don't want to lose you, baby bird. I was wrong what I said before. Trying to make you choose. We can get help together and we-"

I tense up from his suggestion. "I ain't getting help for nothin'. I don't need it. I told you I was fine."

"You ain't fine, you're a functioning alcohol-"

I hate that word. It disgusts me, like it's trying to place anyone who drinks into a category. I wasn't like those people. I could stop anytime I wanted to.

He tries to speak again, but I straddle my legs over him, crushing his lips to mine.

_Anything to make him shut up._

Cadillac tries to push me away, but he doesn't. He misses this like I have, even if he doesn't want to admit it. I know he wants to breathe, but I don't let him.

I kiss the warmth of his lips and tangle my tongue until we're one.

He moans, grabbing my waist and moving my body with his. His fingers press in his favorite spot, right into the dimples above my ass.

_I'll show him why I can't let go. I'll show him how Johnny makes me feel and why Jack is love that won't ever leave._

I take my time, kissing his neck and watching him shudder underneath my affection. We fall back onto the bed, and he's so into feeling me grind he doesn't notice me unbuckling his jeans.

When he hears the sound of metal against zipper, he holds my arm.

"Dimples…"

It's refusal and it's want. It's rejection and it's need.

I ignore him, sliding my way down. Just knowing how strongly he reacts to me makes my panties wet. I rub my hand over his boxers and he's finished. I'll win this battle, but I'll lose the war. I don't care, as long as we're not fighting each other.

His cock is actually hot through the fabric, so I move it away, releasing him. He jerks upward, but I push him back with my palm, licking the tip and humming at the taste. I'm all too eager to please him. I'm never able to give others anything, but for him, this is what I've got.

I don't know what I'm doing, but he seems to like it, squeezing his eyelids shut. I kiss and lick, lick and kiss, driving him to the point of insanity.

_There's a fine line after crazy and we're both mad._

His chest heaves as I wrap a hand around him, stroking him several times before covering my mouth wholly over him. Cadillac thrusts, gasping and cursing while he struggled to remain still.

"_Fuck_!" One hand pounds the bed, squeezing and tightening, while the other guides my head. His fingers intertwine as he grabs sections of hair and moans in ecstasy. I love this, how I can make him happy when he's trying to say I'm not.

I go deeper, until I feel him in the back of my throat. I hum over him as he groans, wanting more of me and more of this.

He's beautiful, and I watch his reaction as I suck faster. The sounds of my slurping fill the room, echoing off the walls. He tenses up and I know he can't handle anymore.

I suck harder and faster, to the point where I'm feeling dizzy. I devour and consume, until there's nothing left of him.

His hips lift off the bed and his fingers grasp tighter, creating tangles in my hair.

I hold steady as he releases into my mouth, shuddering as I swallow all of him.

_I savor his love, but taste his guilt and regret. _

With a final groan, he releases my hair and pulls me up to him.

Cadillac said I was selfish, but I'm a giver. I'll give until he stops asking me to give up; things I don't want to, things that I can't.

"I love you." He whispers it in my ear and smothers me in kisses.

_I do too,_ I want to say.

_But it'll never be enough._

* * *

**Book Disclaimer: The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper**

**Remember: Updates Mon-Fri. But I giggle when you guys beg with cupcakes in hand. Have a great weekend!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Cherry says she's stuck to me. I mean, that's cool and all, but sometimes I gotta pee and stuff. It's your call. Mia, you can silence me now, but eventually I'll win...eventually-like in 22 years and 3 days, but who's counting?**

**Readers- *WARNING* This chapter contains content (but not complete action) of abuse. Pls do not read if you cannot handle. TY.**

* * *

_Chapter Fifteen: Plans and Pain_

"Why do you hang out with Jessica Skanky and them?" Alice is covered in flour and adds one too many eggs to the cake batter.

"I dunno," I answer, mixing the fluffy icing. "I mean, Rose and Jess are cool. Heidi's kinda a bitch though."

"You know Jessica stopped me in the bathroom once and asked me for a tampon?"

"Really?" Jess doesn't seem like the type to talk to someone like Alice, no matter how dire the circumstances are.

"Yep. She bled right through her white pants. So, I gave her one and a spare pair of shorts from my gym locker," Al explains. "This was the day you were out sick with the flu. So we're in the cafeteria and some fat girl bumps into me, knocking my food everywhere. Everyone starts laughing and I was so embarrassed."

"What did you do?"

"Jess walks by with her friends, and she's gigglin' like the rest. I look up to her and say, 'You aren't going to help out your family?' She snorts and says, 'I ain't related to you.' So I say back to her, 'I thought we were thicker than blood.'"

I laugh along with Alice and imagine the look on Jess' face.

"Yeah, so then she told everyone to shut up and she cleaned up all the food that fell. She never picked on me again. Ah, the good times of Forks High."

I sigh along with her, dreading that we only had about a month of freedom left until school started back up in late August. "So what's going on with you and Jasper?"

Alice immediately smiles, and it reminds me of a child on Christmas morning. "He's so great. We went out to the movies last weekend. I really like him, but he kinda smokes a lot. Like a lot-a lot. I think he's high all the time."

I frown, and I don't like the sound of that. "Alice, those seniors ain't good people. All they do is party. I don't know if you should hang out with them."

Alice pours the batter into the baking pan and snorts. "Okay, Pot. You're one to talk, Bella."

It's different. I know that Cadillac is a good person. Jasper, McCarty, and Tyler don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves. And even the girls will turn on you in a heartbeat. They smile to my face, but they act like I don't hear their sly comments. I get the feelin' they're only friends with me because of Cadillac.

Mama walks through the front door, struggling to hold two bags of groceries. "Girls, can you get the rest out of the car?"

"Yes, ma'am." We wipe the counters down really fast to make room, and rush to unload the rest of the food. It's much more than usual, so while Alice and I are putting away cans in the cabinets, I ask Mama how she was able to afford so much.

Mama smiles and sits on a rickety chair at the kitchen table. "I met somebody."

I immediately get suspicious. "Who?"

She gets all dreamy eyed and I don't like the flush she's getting on her face or the way her eyes sparkle. "His name is Brady Fuller. He's a business man from Seattle. Owns this fancy clothing business out in the city. We've been going out for a while now."

Alice looks at me and I frown at Mama. "And you didn't tell me?"

Mama scowls and points her finger. "You hush your sass right now, child. I'm grown and I'll do what I damn well please. He's a good man. I told you I'd find me a big roller, and I sure did. He drives a Mercedes and everything."

"Is he married?" I'm not dumb. The only men that show up to the club are married men with unhappy lives and pimps looking for their next hooker.

"He's gettin' a divorce. And he'll be over here tonight for dinner, so you better mind your attitude, Bella."

Alice pretends like she's invisible, but she hears every word. She nods her head towards the back, and I know she wants to talk.

I walk over and hug Mama. "Sorry Mama. I just want someone to treat you right."

Mama wraps her arms around me. "He does, sug. He's smart and uses them big words, and he ain't ever curse at me like your daddy did. You'll like him. He'll be over tonight, so make sure you put on somethin' nice."

I nod and Alice and I scamper off to my room while our cake bakes.

"I can't believe her!" I cross my arms and sit at my vanity table. The new mirror I found at the dump site doesn't match the original table, but it's better than nothing.

Alice plops onto the bed with her legs crossed. "What's the big deal? Don't you want your mama to be happy?"

"She's dating Dirty Harry!" I fume. "Now she's just dumping him like it ain't nothing!"

I'm angrier than I should be and Alice notices. "Bella, Dirty is gross. He's old and he always smells like pork. Maybe this guy is really nice. You haven't even met him."

"I don't care!" This has less to do with Mama's love interest and more to do with my liquor. If Dirty finds out about Mama seein' someone else, I'm fucked. And I don't like the sound of that.

Alice rolls her eyes, ignoring my tantrum.

I have to think of plan and quick.

I'm so busy thinking and Alice is too preoccupied with writing a silly love poem for Jasper that neither of us realizes we forgot about the cake.

I smell the smoke at the same time Mama yells from the kitchen, "Girls!"

We rush to the kitchen as a haze of black smoke chokes our lungs. Mama is pissed as she pulls our burnt catastrophe from the oven. "How many times do I have to tell ya'll to quit wastin' my good flour?"

_Too many_, I think.

"Sorry, Ms. Swan."

Alice looks apologetic, but both of us are giggling on the inside.

...

Mama borrows my black dress, so I'm stuck wearing my white one with a brown belt and cowboy boots. Mama curls my hair real high so we can make a good impression. I cooked a baked chicken with lima beans, macaroni and cheese, corn on the cob, and sun tea that sat on the porch brewing for hours.

We hear a knock on the door, and Mama straightens the blanket laid across the back of the couch. I stand in the living room, unsure of what to do as she answers the door.

"Brady!" Mama's figure and big hair block my view of the man, but when he steps over the threshold I finally see him.

I don't like what I'm looking at. He's a few inches taller than Mama, with dark brown hair and shining blue eyes. He has a few wrinkles, but they're the kinds that make him more handsome to women like Mama. He's wearing jeans with a huge buckle and a blue plaid shirt, and he's got a blazer over it when it's hotter than hell outside.

"Bella, this is Mr. Fuller." Mama gestures towards him, like we're in a room full of people. "Brady, this is my daughter Bella."

"Hiyya, Brady." I reach my hand out as Mama turns her head sharply at me. She don't like me disrespecting my elders, calling them by their first name. I smirk and ignore her threatening glare.

His hand is bigger than mine, but soft and clammy. A man's hand should never be soft; it means he's lazy. It's supposed to be hard and tough, like he's done some work in his life.

"Hello, Bella. It's nice to finally meet you." His eyes roam over me and back to Mama, where he's comparing the two of us. I look so much like her, wasn't no arguing the fact that we were related.

"Nice place you have." Brady looks around at our unmatched living room furniture and brown lamps we found at the local goodwill. He's lying his ass off. He knows damn well we live like shit. No need to pretend otherwise.

"Thank you." Mama beams and leads the way to the kitchen. "Supper's ready, if you're hungry."

"I'm starving." He follows behind her, appreciating her ass, and I think his appetite has nothing to do with food.

The table is laid out as pretty as I could make it, and I'd pulled out Pop-Pop's good silverware.

We dish out the meals, and I'm proud of myself that everything turned out perfectly. Mama and Brady chat for a while before the conversation turns to me.

"So, Bella, Renee tells me you're going into the tenth grade. Are you excited?" He chews on the last bit of his lima beans and wipes his mouth.

_What kind of question is that?_

Mama stares at me across the table, warning me to behave. "Yes, sir."

"That's wonderful. When I was in high school, we had all sorts of clubs and activities. Does your school have a music program?"

I was about to answer with some smart remark about how Forks High couldn't even afford a single instrument, but someone knocks on the door and Mama stands up.

"I'm sorry. I don't know who that could be. Excuse me." Mama goes to open the door and it's Miss Sue from next door.

Mama rushes towards the kitchen. "I'm sorry, Brady. I'll be right back. Miss Sue done lost her medication again."

He nods, finished with his meal. I tell him he can wait in the living room while I clear the table. I wrap the leftovers in aluminum foil, and when I'm done I leave to go to my bedroom. These boots are killin' me and I'd rather go barefoot, no matter what Mama says.

I sit on my bed, trying to unzip the sides when Brady walks in my room.

I glance up, shocked that he's in here.

"It might take Mama a while," I explain. "Sometimes Miss Sue accidentally puts her meds in the weirdest places. One time they were in the shower."

I giggle, but Brady isn't laughing. He comes closer to me, and I kind of feel uncomfortable.

"You're 15, right Bella?" I nod, and he sits on my bed, running his fingers across my blanket.

He's too close, taking up my space.

"You know, when you reach 15, you're a grown woman. Anybody treat you like a grown woman, Bella?"

I don't know what he means by that. I shake my head, just to give some sort of answer.

"I think you're a pretty grown woman." His eyes linger on mine, but this don't feel right.

_You're too close. Back up, please. Leave my room. Please, just leave._

His fingers touch my thigh, and for once I wish I owned longer dresses. I jump up, backing away.

"Mama's on her way back," I say. Anything to get him to let me be.

"You just said it would take her a while." He smiles, but it's not friendly. It's creepy and intimidating, and he looks at me like he looked at Mama's body.

I recede towards my dresser, bumping into it. Photo frames fall off and crash to the floor.

Brady isn't taking his time anymore. He walks closer to me and turns me around, pinning my arms to the wall with one hand.

His hot breath whispers against ear, "Don't worry, Bella. This won't take long."

He grabs my ass roughly and hums as he lifts up my dress.

I'm fully crying now, sobbing and begging. "Please stop. I don't want to. Please stop."

He grinds himself to my backside, and I close my eyes 'cause there's no way out of this. He's going to hurt me and there's nothing anybody can do about it.

I hear a knock on my window, but when I glance, nobody is there. Brady seems startled too, but when he sees it's just a tree branch, he continues rubbing my body. I struggle against him and it doesn't faze him at all. He's entirely too strong.

"Don't fight it, Bella. I'm gonna fuck that 15-year-old cunt. I'm gonna fuck you and you're gonna like it how your mother likes it."

His pants unzip and I'm dying on the inside. I can't believe this is happening. I'm losing my breath and I wail out loud.

He covers my mouth with his free hand, warning me. "Shut up. You cry again and I'm gonna stick my cock up that asshole, you understand?"

I nod, and suddenly his hands aren't soft anymore. They're forceful and violent.

He starts to pull at my panties when I hear a large crash. Brady's hand no longer holds me still and he's on the floor, getting pummeled with fists that punch him again and again.

_Cadillac!_

"You fucking sick bastard!" Cadillac hovers over his chest and Brady's blood spews onto my bed and down his shirt. "You trying to fuck with my girl?"

The blows keep going as I sob, "Stop! You're going to kill him!"

Cadillac stands up, kicking Brady right in his privates. "You low piece of shit! I'm going to kill you, you sick motherfucker!"

He keeps kicking and Brady rolls up into a ball, unable to defend himself. I pull back on Cadillac and he tenderly touches my face.

"You all right, Dimples? Are you okay?" I'm still shaking, unable to answer. He wipes my tears with the pad of us thumb, holding me and rocking me back and forth.

I hear the front door close, and within seconds, Mama rushes to my room, bypassing me and Cadillac. "Oh my heavens! Brady!"

It's like she doesn't even notice I'm there and falls on her knees before him. "Brady! Can you hear me? Brady!"

Mama finally glances up, and it's not out of concern for me; it's out of rage for her boyfriend. "What did you do? What the fuck did you do?"

"Mama, he touched me! He tried to…to…" I can't even get the words out between my tears.

"Ms. Swan, I caught him trying to-"

She stands up, slapping Cadillac in the face. "You're Esme's boy, right? Get the fuck out of my house before I call the cops! And get the hell away from my daughter!"

She has it all wrong. He protected me. He saved me.

"Mama! You don't understand!" She won't even let me talk, just snatches my arm, jerking me away from Cadillac.

"You been fucking him, haven't you? Fucking when I told you to stay away from boys." She glances down at Brady's unzipped pants. "But that wasn't enough for you, was it? Tried to get mine too, is that it?"

I sob louder, unable to control myself. She grabs my face and her long fingernails dig into my skin. "I told you about being a slut, Bella. But you just couldn't listen. You had to go and open your legs."

Cadillac pulls me out of Mama's grasp. "That's enough! Maybe you should be more concerned about your pedophile boyfriend! Dimples, let's go! You don't need this!"

He gently turns me around and Mama yells as we walk out. "You get the fuck back here, Bella! Come back right now!"

Her yelling ceases, 'cause I can hear her whimpering. She doesn't give a shit about me.

"Oh, Brady. My sweet Brady…"

_I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. _

I tremble and weep as Cadillac leads me to his car, hidden on the side of our dirt road.

I cry over Mama and Brady.

I cry over Cadillac and over my life.

I cry 'cause I need a drink.

I cry 'cause I'm me.

* * *

**For those of you who made it through, thanks. F-up Life, 47 points. Bella Swan, 0.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Cherry only loves me for my gummies and Mia's going to fanfic prison for stealing stuff. I just keep giving you my heart ladies and you just...*runs away sobbing***

**Readers- Group hug? I'm squeezing you all real tightly. Just watch the boobies. I have no boundaries.**

* * *

_Chapter Sixteen: Pushes and Pages _

"_Again, Daddy!" _

_I giggle and I can feel the breeze flowing under my yellow dress. It's my favorite 'cause it has little ladybugs and pink flowers all over it._

_Last week, when I was playing in the dirt with Seth, he looked under my dress and told his mommy he could see my undies. I don't know why he wanted to see them. Maybe his undies didn't have any flowers. Boys were stupid anyways, 'specially ones with red hair and weird dots all over their face._

"_You ready?" I nod, but when Daddy pushes me on my new white bike, my feet begin to slip off the pedals._

"_No!" I cry out, reaching out to hold the handlebars tighter._

"_I got you, baby girl!" Daddy steadies the bike, and I reach up to tickle his mustache. _

"_You almosted let me fall!" I pout._

"_What if you did?" Daddy glances at me and I don't understand what he's saying. "If you did fall, Bella, what would you do?"_

"_I'd cwy wike a wittle baby!" I answer dramatically as my eyes water._

"_Nope." Daddy shakes his head back and forth. "You're a Swan. That means you're my daughter. And no daughter of mine is gonna fall and cry. So what do you do?"_

"_Get back up?" I say it like a question, not sure if I know the answer. Daddy grins, and I pedal the bike as he grabs the back of the seat._

"_That's right. You get back up and try again."_

"_Like when Seth pushed me into the dirt and I puncheted him in his face?"_

_Daddy laughs and I pedal up and down the street with his help. "Just like that."_

_I'm having lots of fun, but I'm scared Daddy is going to let go again. _

_We back up to the corner and he gives me directions. "Okay, both feet down … good … hold onto the bars … that's my girl. Ready … set …"_

_And we're off! _

_I squeal, pedaling as hard as I can and feeling the wind blow through my hair._

"_Look, Daddy, we're widin'! We're widin'!" _

_When I glance back, he's at the corner where we started. _

_He never even moved._

_I slam my feet on the ground, trying to brake. Daddy jogs toward me, grinning and cheering._

"_See? You did it, Bella!"_

"_But …" I look at the three houses I passed, amazed to see how far I had ridden by myself. "You not even helped me."_

"_You try harder, baby girl, when you think someone's holding you. The truth is, to move forward, you gotta do it by yourself."_

_And so I did._

_The hardest part – even after I had watched Daddy walk into the house – was not looking back._

...

"_You're a pretty grown woman."_

Strong hands. Deep, threatening breaths.

"_Don't fight it."_

He grabs. I can't run.

"_You're gonna like it how your mother likes it."_

Please let go. Please let me go!

"Dimples!"

The devil's voice fades as I grip onto reality. We're in Cadillac's room, but for some reason we're on the floor. Cadillac wraps his arms around me as I sob, soaking his shirt. "He was gonna to do it! He told me he was gonna to do it!"

"Shhh..." He's holding me with all of his strength, but these hands I'm not afraid of. These I want to embrace me forever. "I'm here. No one's going to hurt you. I'm here."

My head throbs, and the only light that glows softly is the one from his nightstand. I shiver and he grabs a blanket from his bed, covering me with it.

"I'm so stupid!" I cry, putting my head down. "I've been begging you to sleep with me, and when someone finally does want to…"

Cadillac turns my chin towards him. "Dimples, that ain't love. You understand that don't you? He didn't want to make love or sleep with you. Touchin' you? That was against your will. He's a sick bastard. I would have killed him had you not stopped me!"

His nostrils flare and his green eyes darken. I believe him. I believe him with every fiber of my being.

But I ain't want Cadillac in jail over me. I wasn't worth that kind of sacrifice. People like Cadillac shouldn't give up everything for small folks like me. But I ain't say none of that; I just show my appreciation through simple words.

"Th-thank you."

Cadillac squeezes me firmly. "Don't you dare thank me for that shit! I'm just sorry I wasn't there sooner."

"Di-did you tell your parents?"

I'm afraid they'll call the cops, and then they'll question me. And then they'll make me give statements. "Who was he to you?" statements. "What happened?" statements. "How did you feel?" statements.

Cadillac shakes his head. "Mom left with Carlisle for a medical conference in Olympia this afternoon. They took James, but they'll be back in a few days. I couldn't reach Mom, but I told her to call me back."

I panic immediately. "Cadillac, you can't! They'll find out and they'll call the police and they'll take me from Mama!"

His look is one I don't understand. "You _want_ to stay with her? Dimples, she chose dick over her own daughter! She doesn't love you. Real mothers don't do that."

_Yeah, but she's the only one I got._

"You don't get it, do you?" I sob, trying to clarify. "Your kind, you don't understand. Folks like me, they ship me off in the system. And since I ain't got no relatives, I get put in foster care. They'll take my Mama away and I won't ever see you again."

"Dimples …" His expression is pained, like he's unsure of what to do.

"You can't say nothin'! Tomorrow, I'll talk to Mama. Let her cool off some. Maybe she believes me now? Maybe she kicked that jerk to the curb?"

Cadillac mutters something under his breath, but I don't hear his words.

I don't think they were kind.

I rest my head against his chest, losing not only the will to keep my eyes open, but also the will to fight and to survive.

It's easier to shut everything and everyone out. It would be better that way, if I were gone. Cadillac wouldn't have to worry, Mama wouldn't have to stress.

I wouldn't have to live.

"Dimples?" Cadillac stirs me out of my thoughts, his lips murmuring against my hair.

"Hmmm?"

"I love you. I just want you to know that."

_I do. I don't know why you do – why you love someone so fucked up her own Mama and Daddy don't want her – but I know you do._

"I know it seems like everything's just crashing around you, like it's never gonna end. But eventually it will. You read books, Dimples?"

I shake my head, hopin' he knows my answer. I only read what I have to for school. You ain't need books for actin'. Hollywood is glamorous and beautiful and they want folks who are sophisticated and pretty. I could be that, even without reading.

"Well, on the back of books, they got this writing. And it's supposed to explain what's on the inside, ya see? It tells you the characters' names and what the story is about. But then, when you start reading, you realize the author didn't explain everything. They just gave you bits and pieces."

I look up, confused. "What's that got to do with me?"

"You're a book, Dimples. You got this stuff on the outside, like how you love strawberry ice cream, or how you hate wearing shoes 'cause they hurt your feet. It's not until someone looks on the inside that they realize you're amazin'. You got a kind heart. You love everyone 'round you, even when they don't appreciate or love you back. Or when you think no one's looking, you wiggle your toes and whisper the color you're wearing. And you always put braids in your hair on the days that you smile."

I gaze at him with wide eyes. "You noticed all that?"

"I see it all, baby bird. You're the only book I want to read the rest of my life." He smiles and it's everything to me. "But you're missing the point. You're like everybody else, only looking at the outside. You're forgetting to flip the page. You keep turning back, hoping the first couple of chapters will get better. They never will. But if you keep going, if you keep strivin', you're gonna see there's a happy ending."

I swallow as tears well up in my eyes. "How do you know? How do you know there's a happily ever after?"

Cadillac winks at me, and his eyes gleam in the dim light.

"'Cause I'm here, Dimples. Every Prince Charming has to have a princess."

.

.

.

I stretch out my legs, barely turning as the rain beats against the window. Somehow, I'm in his bed, though I don't remember getting in.

I take a moment, in spite of the dreary weather, to notice the blue veins behind his thin eyelids. And the way his lashes flutter as he stirs.

He'd stayed with me the whole night, and for once I never even thought about drinking.

Even now, when it crosses my mind, the urge is strong, but his presence is stronger. I run my fingers through his hair as he wraps his legs around mine unconsciously.

"Dimples…" He breathes my name in his sleep and it's a lullaby, drawing me to him. He pulls me closer and I snuggle against his heat.

In spite of everything, he keeps me calm. He's my center in this crazy hurricane that never stops spinning. Somehow, he's mine in ways I don't quite understand, and for reasons I don't get.

I wonder if I'm naïve to think we'll always be like this. Probably. Life has a way of fucking with me, playing games when I never knew I was a participant.

"Cadillac, it's mornin'." He doesn't budge, so I nibble the warm skin on his forearm. He finally peeks at me through one eye.

"You tryin' to gobble me?"

I grin, showing my teeth. "Your fat tastes like bacon."

He closes his eyes for all of three seconds before rolling over and ticking me. "Fat, huh? Are you calling me chubby, baby bird?"

I giggle and laugh as I struggle for air. He tickles my mid-section again, causing me to squirm.

"Okay, okay! You're strong and muscular and beefy man meat!"

I catch my breath as my laughter subsides. "Geez, a little sensitive ain't ya?"

"Do you know how many sit-ups I do everyday? These abs ain't just get here themselves!"

I throw my hands up in surrender.

"Fine. I believe you … _Porky_."

I scramble out of bed and run towards the bathroom with him chasing me, screaming in hysterics the whole way.

...

"You know what you're gonna say?"

Cadillac, for the first time, pulls up into the driveway and parks his beloved car. The raindrops slide against the window shield, creating lines and patterns I can't comprehend. My nerves are shot, and I try to calm myself down.

"I'm tellin' her the truth about what happened. And that if she doesn't believe me, maybe the police will. I figure that'll be enough to change her mind."

Cadillac nods, but his knuckles turn white as he grips the steering wheel. "You want me to go in?"

I shake my head. "No, not 'til we talk. I'll come back out and get you. Mama's not unreasonable. She'll understand."

Cadillac looks doubtful, but stays seated. I take a deep breath and get out of the car.

It's now or never.

I walk up the path to our front door, not even bothering to protect myself from the drizzle. Weeds crawl over the cement base, and I'm hesitant, thinking maybe I should knock, but I turn the handle instead. It's unlocked and I walk through the house.

"Mama! Mama, it's me, Bella."

I think maybe she's asleep, so I walk to her room, but she's not their either.

Shit. Her car isn't even in the driveway. I didn't notice it before.

I sigh, about to turn back around, but something from the right corner catches my eye.

I walk towards my bedroom, trembling. The door is cracked open, but I push it all the way.

Gasping, I nearly fall to my knees.

There's red spray paint all over the walls. All over my bed. All over everything Pop-Pop ever gave to me.

It's written with ugliness and spitefulness.

_Slut. Slut. Slut._

My things are ruined with bitterness and hostility.

I hold a fist to my mouth, trying to stop the wailing that's sure to come.

_Why, Mama, why?_

I run back to her room, opening her closet.

It's empty.

So are her drawers. A single black heel is left behind, the only evidence she ever existed. I race to the bathroom. Toiletries, even the ones that were mine, have disappeared.

"Fuckkkkk!"

My knees hit the floor and I curl myself into a ball, crying as I realize what she's done.

Daddy was wrong. You can't move forward by yourself.

When you have no one else, you can't move at all.


	17. Chapter 17

**Cherry is a leaver. A gummy-taking-crayon-writing leaver. Mia keeps a Bella folder, but I think its just porn. Lots and lots of porn.**

**MapleStyle and KniNuts thinks Renee should die. Your hope astounds me.**

**Readers- I love how you all think the last chapter was Bella's rock bottom. Your innocence is so cute! ;D**

* * *

_Chapter Seventeen: Notions and Never_

"She won't mad? Sure seemed like it. I heard screaming, and I was about to come in."

_Lie better. Convince him it's the truth. Convince yourself you ain't ashamed of being a child with no parents. Of being a girl with no family. Lie like your Mama loves you. _

_Lie like you love yourself._

I glance in the side mirror, making sure my eyes aren't bloodshot red.

From both the liquor and my tears.

"She was angry at first that I left. But she dumped Brady. Called him a son of a bitch and kicked him out of the house. She'll never see him again."

_She's probably with him now._

"And us?" Cadillac's body is turned towards me. He raises his eyebrow, questioning every tidbit of a conversation that never existed.

_Stop asking questions. Stop probing for answers and stop begging for explanations. _

_Make it realistic._

_Say what Mama would say._

"Sh-she's not happy about us dating. She wants me to stay focused on school so I can graduate. Priorities and all of that."

"What if I spoke to her? I reckon I can-"

I nearly jump out of my seat.

"No!" Cadillac looks startled and I take it down a notch. "I mean, that's okay. After I explained everything, she understands. Just wait a while. Everybody's emotions are still high. There's been enough fussin' and carryin' on. Just give her some time."

_Like the forever of never._

Cadillac looks relieved, but on the inside, I'm panicking. What the hell am I supposed to do? There's food in the house, but even if I stretch it, it won't last more than a few weeks. The rent will be due in a week. I don't even know about the water and electricity.

Cadillac notices the stress of my situation. He stretches his arm across the leather, pulling me to him.

"Hey, it's all right. I'm just glad ya'll talked it out. And that she got rid of that jerk. If I ever see him again…"

_You won't._

"Can we go now?" I tap my foot impatiently, wishing I hadn't drank my whiskey so fast. It went straight to my head, making me dizzy.

"She's okay with you leaving?" Cadillac starts the engine, but leaves the gear in neutral.

I answer him honestly, the most truth I've said in our entire conversation. "She knows where I'm at."

It's the other way around that's causing me heartache.

.

.

.

"Stop here!"

Cadillac slams on the brakes, causing me to lunge forward.

"I told you about wearing your seatbelt, Dimples."

"Shush!" I swat him on the arm, already feeling better. The demon's juice has ran through my veins, relaxing my nerves. It's making me think clearer, making me forget about Mama and Brady. It's tellin' me I'm gonna be all right, and that I can get through this.

It's tellin' me Cadillac will never have to know that he's the only person on this entire planet that loves me. It tells me fibs I believe and whispers I want to hear.

It takes fucks I don't give.

"Why you going here for? I got food at the house."

I hate how he's even thought of that; that he's worried I'm hungry, or concerned I don't have enough.

I'm changing that now.

"Gettin' a job application."

"At Corner Market?" Cadillac glances up and down at the beige building that's crumbling from the inside out. "Your mother making you work? Is this to keep us apart? You said she was fine."

I immediately go into damage control mode. "No … it's just that school is coming up. I got supplies and stuff I wanna get."

I know it's the wrong answer when he glares at me. "I don't think so. I'll buy that myself. You shouldn't have to be worryin' about things like that. I'll get it for you."

"And…" I rack my brain for better excuses. "I need the responsibility. If I expect Mama to accept us, I gotta show her I'm making adult decisions. Plus, we could use the money, Cadillac. We don't have it like you."

He looks hurt, like I'm throwing his rich lifestyle in his face again. But it's the only way to get him off my back.

"I just don't want you stressing. When school starts up again, how are you going to do both?"

I don't know. I don't know how I'm going to do any of this. But I have to. If social services finds out Mama's gone…

"I can do it. 'Sides, maybe now you won't have to pay for my ice cream."

He laughs and tickles me on my side. "Yeah, and tell Alice she still owes me."

"What about me?"

"I accept payments in smiles."

I grin widely and Cadillac chuckles. "Paid in full."

.

.

.

"You're in luck, Bella." Marcus accepts the paperwork that Cadillac helped me fill out. "Garrett's turned over the store to me. Says he's too tired to keep up. Wants to focus on his farm instead. So my position is open if you want it."

I smile and Cadillac nudges me with his elbow. "Really?"

Marcus nods and passes me a maroon apron covered in bloodstains and smeared food. "Hours are from seven to four. You gotta be here to open up, and I'll train you on everything you need to know. When school starts, you have to come straight here and work until we close at 10."

I keep the smile plastered on my face, but I wonder what I've gotten myself into. My carefree summer days are gone. I peek at Cadillac and he doesn't look too happy either.

"You sure you want to do this?"

Marcus wipes his greasy hair away from his head with his hand. "I gotta know now, Bella. I've had several people already apply for it. I'm givin' you first dibs, since we're cool and all."

I'm not wasting the opportunity, especially not now. "I'll take it."

Marcus grins. "Great. Be here first thing in the morning. You have to be ready to learn quickly. The construction workers come in early, wanting bologna biscuits and all sorts of things. Everybody's in a rush to their jobs, so you can't be slackin' around."

"I'm a hard worker."

"Good. You get Sundays off, which is a plus, and we'll rotate your Saturdays with Ben." Marcus continues to ramble, telling me my hourly wage and how paydays are every other Friday.

That's all I need to know.

Cadillac and I leave, but only one of us is happy.

We walk back to his car in silence. It's several minutes before he speaks. "I'll never see you."

I avoid his sad eyes and focus on the possibility of circumstances much worse. "We'll make it work. But I have to do this, Cadillac. I have to."

The strain in my voice is enough to convince him.

That makes one of us.

. . .

The cold air blows from a vent beside his bed, and I snuggle closer, trying to get warm. The blankets will never be enough, but Cadillac, he will always be my source of heat. I freeze when I'm away from him; it'll kill me if we're apart for too long.

My heart beats faster as the room grows darker. It's pitch black in here, where shadows creep and the night whispers haunting stories. But with him, I feel safe. This feels like home, the kind where love laughs and love forgives. I'm not used to this kind of house. Mine just breaks spirits and crumbles joy. It takes and cuts and bleeds until there's nothing left.

Cadillac's covered by his t-shirt and boxers, but I can't stop my hand from touching every visible portion of his skin. I can't believe he's mine. I don't deserve him, but that doesn't stop me from wanting.

He hums as I brush my hand underneath his shirt. The coarse hair just above his boxers forms a line towards his belly button. I run my fingers over them, like they're important to his being. Without him, they are nothing.

As am I.

No one person should ever feel this much love in his or her lifetime. Not this much, this fast. It's too much for my weak heart to bear. But I keep over filling my heart, 'cause I need him. Much more than air. More than my own life.

"Dimples-" His hands grasp mine as they start to explore lower. Even in his sleep, he's always trying to protect me from myself. "You … we … we can't. Not after-"

I release one hand to hold a finger to his lips. I don't want to be reminded of yesterday. I want him to make it go away. I want him to take my nightmare and give me dreams. I want him to replace evil with good, and harsh grabs with soft touches. I want love to take away the hate. I want kisses to right the wrong.

My hands twist the fabric of his shirt, pulling him to me. When I kiss him, I don't think. I surrender to this and to him. To him and to this. I love the way our mouths connect, the way we melt into one another. For those small moments, we're the same.

There's no his world and mine. No tracks to divide us, no issues to keep us separated. It's short breaths and tingling touches. Soft skin and humming hearts.

He sinks against me, slowly lifting his body until he's hovering. Our eyes connect momentarily. In that second, he says nothing and everything and I feel it all. I see cigarette smoke that blows in the wind. I feel wildflowers on the lines of my hands.

Cadillac removes his clothes and my top, and the only thing that separates us is the lace fabric of my panties. I suck in a breath as he leans back down, whispering in my ear. His words are sweet and full of love that consumes me. He ravages me, but it's tiny nibbles and unrestrained passion.

He puts his weight all the way on me, but I'm not buried. I'm underneath hope and devotion. His head dips to my collarbone, leaving wet trails along my skin. I don't know what to do with my hands anymore. They press and grab, sliding down his back as I moan.

"More."

Cadillac pulls away and the cold air lingers between us. "I can't possibly love you any more."

I think it's one word, but he means two. My heart skips a beat, threatening to stop his penetrating gaze.

"That would be like asking the sun to come out when it's already shinin'." My breasts rise and fall as I struggle to listen to his murmurs. I whimper as his tongue creates small circles around my nipples. I gasp in a breath as his fingertips squeeze them at the same time.

"For the mornin' to not come and for the night to not fall." His hand slips into my panties, sliding them down. I pant and tremble, but he doesn't let me go. His palm presses against me, firm, slow movements that triggers my hips to rise.

"For hearts not to beat and for time not to move." His whispers vibrate in my ear, echoing into forever. They spin my world, and my world spins for them.

"For Heaven not to be, for my soul not to yearn." A fire burns through me, and he grinds his cock against my heat. The friction builds between us both, so close to a careless slip, a reckless move. I yield to his body, so I am his. The restraint is gone. It's replaced by pleasure that never ceases, by waves that crash relentlessly.

"I can't possibly love you any more, Dimples." The electrifying pulse throbs, and I have trouble keeping my eyes open. To see his flesh rub against mine, to see his muscles tighten with uncontrolled measure. He drags his mouth back to me, biting my lower lip.

"'Cause if I could…" The will in me breaks as his fingers speed up on my clit. Somehow, he keeps his own rhythm, grinding as he rubs, taking me to new heights. I grip him tightly between my legs, and his erection slides against me as I whimper in need.

"Then it means love before us never existed at all." My mouth opens and sounds escape. Screams of his name, whimpers of response to his actions. I succumb to his words as the coils snap, stretching what little hold I had until it's gone.

I'm nothing. Mindless and melting, unable to move. I don't hear his final groans or feel his forehead push against mine.

I don't feel the sweat beading down or hear the hushed sighs and promises we keep to ourselves.

If this is what it's like just to have him against me, I wonder what it will be like when he's inside of me. When he takes the gift I have to give him, the only present I'll ever be able to afford.

Then maybe the lies, the struggle, the dreams, the abandonment – all of it – will be worth it.

Or maybe I'll hurt him; bruises that go from Mama to me to him.

And then I'll know, his can't love _any more_ has turned to _anymore._


	18. Chapter 18

**Cherry is on vacay (miss you hun!), so this chapter is unbeta'd. Feel free to leave my sorry ass when you see all the awful mistakes.**

**Mia, I think you're hot in purple. Sexy hot. Yeah, I'd do you. **

**Readers- I miss one day from being sick and receive threats. Ya know, I'm starting to think you love Cadillac more than me. That's not true, right guise? Guise?**

* * *

_Chapter Eighteen: DNA and Desertion_

**Cadillac POV**

Carlisle's idea of a morning wake-up call includes cursing me out before the clock even turns to five.

"Are you in some sort of trouble? Edward, I'm not fucking bailing you out this time. I told you a hundred times you are responsible for your own actions. Your mother and I…"

I let him rant while pulling several wildflowers from the patch of grass next to the creek. I smile, remembering my baby bird's first kiss. I memorized everything about that day, from the way strands of hair had brushed across her face, to the pinkish blush her cheeks had turned.

_I'd give up everything in this world to relive that moment._

"Calm down. I was just calling to see if you guys made it to Olympia all right." I carefully wrap the flowers into my red bandana that I carry everywhere. Paul, the security guard at the juvie in Texas, gave it to me my first day there. He said he saw something special about me. Said I reminded him of himself growing up and that he knew I had potential.

The same couldn't be said for the jackass who shared my DNA.

"Oh." Carlisle clears his throat and I can almost hear him choking on his words. _Good. I hope no one was around to save him from his bullshit._ "Well, Esme didn't get your message until late, so I convinced her to wait to call you back. I'm glad to hear you're staying out of trouble. You're not throwing any parties, are you?"

"No. But uh…" I hesitate, debating whether I should tell him Dimples was at our house, lying in my bed. After all, if her mother could accept us, then so should he. "Bella is here."

"Edward!" His voice is stern, and I already regret my admission. Always seemed like no matter what I did, nothin' was ever good enough for him. "You'll ruin that girl! Does she even know what you've done? How you almost killed that innocent couple?"

_He loves to remind me of my sins. Like they're tattooed on my soul and it's his duty to darken them in every day. _

"I told her the truth," I answer bitterly. "She accepts me like I am, unlike _some_ people."

"That's not what I…" He trails off, and takes a deep breath. "I know you think I don't love you, son, but I do. I just want you to make choices that you don't feel remorse for later. And Bella is too young to understand the type of trouble you've been in. I already told her to stay-"

I stop mid-step, and press the phone closer to my ear. "You talked to her? You talked to her and didn't even tell me? When was this?"

Carlisle's breathing hitches. "A few weeks ago, she called when you weren't home. I informed her to take my advice and to distance herself from you."

_Of course you did. You'd separate everyone on this planet from me if you could, including yourself._

I have enough anger stirring inside me to make my blood boil. I practically jog to my car, pissed off from his intrusion. "That's not your decision to make! You can't tell me who I can and cannot see! I love her, but that thought never even occurred to you, did it? Bella needs me, Carlisle. Why don't you cut me some slack and stay the hell out of my business?"

I press the phone symbol on my cell, ending the call. _I can't fucking believe him! _I light a cigarette as I finally reach my car and climb in. Adrenaline is pumping through my veins and I have to remind myself to calm down. He isn't worth it. Dimples is. She's worth all of this bullshit, all of everything that makes me keep trying. I start the car and make a sharp left from the woods.

I drive to her house to pick up clothes so she can have something decent to wear on her first day of her new job.

I just hope Renee isn't there. I'd had enough drama for one morning.

.

.

.

I pull into the driveway, but Renee's red Hyundai is nowhere to be found. Now that I think about it, it wasn't here the other day either. Maybe it's in the shop or someone borrowed it. I park the car, but leave the engine running. Walking up their crooked path, I notice how unkempt their yard is. I should cut it for them sometime. Maybe that would help them out and Renee wouldn't even have to pay me.

I knock several times and when no one answers, I peek through the dirty window on the right side, above the row of thorn bushes. The house is eerily still and no lights are on. Renee could have come back, but is asleep, so I knock again, just to make sure. Guessin' she probably isn't here, I twist the doorknob with ease. I gotta remember to remind Dimples to lock her house.

The living room and kitchen look the same as always, but Dimple's door is completely shut. Marcus said she has to wear black pants and a white shirt under her apron, so I hope she's got one of each. If not, I didn't mind going out and getting her what she needed.

I turn the doorknob, and I don't know if it's too early or if Carlisle made me so mad I'm seeing red, but the sight before me doesn't seem real.

Blinking a few times, I actually shut the door and reopen it, pretending like it's gonna make everything different, but it doesn't.

The word '_slut_' is spray-painted all over room, and I can't for the life of me remember the last time I've been so angry. Who in the fuck would do this? Who would break into their house? It's obvious the Swans didn't have much, but I get the feeling theft wasn't the cause of the destruction.

Dimples is going to be devastated. Out of all of the people on this earth, she didn't deserve this. Hadn't she been fucked over enough?

The red paint drips from the letters, creating a creepy atmosphere in her once pretty, but small room. She'd once told me everything she owns is from her Pop-Pop, from the antique doll on the dresser to the rare lamp on the nightstand. Now, they're all ruined. There isn't enough soap and water in the world to wash away the hate.

I wonder if I should call the police, but considering how much they had against me, they'd think I was the one who committed the crime. No, I'd leave it up to Renee to handle. Maybe Mom could help buy Dimples new stuff. I know it wouldn't replace what she had, but we had to do something to help. I sift through her drawers, looking for a work outfit and undergarments she could wear. I don't see any tennis shoes, but Mom has more than enough she could lend out.

I shut the bottom drawer and I can hear something roll. Glass hitting wood.

I opened it up widely and tossed Dimple's clothes on the floor.

It's more liquor bottles, two which are half-empty.

_Fuck._

My heart aches, tugging at every thread of hope I'd ever held for her. Not that I expected her to stop drinking, but it's like she didn't even try. Like my love isn't enough for her. Like _I'm _not enough. When does this end? How does she keep affording all of this alcohol?

I have to get the hell out of here. I rush towards the bathroom to grab her toothbrush and whatever it is that girls usually needed, but the cabinet in the bathroom is wide open and empty. Everything's gone but a used razor and a bottle of Tylenol.

Something is telling me I should go, but I can't help myself. Renee's room is calling my name, taunting me for reasons unknown. Her door is slightly closed, but I push it open all the way.

Deserted.

That's the only way I can describe her room. There are no pictures hanging up, just nails from frames that should have been there. Her closet is bare and her dresser is completely gutted.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out.

Renee had hit the road and she wasn't coming back.

Dimples is going to lose her shit when she finds out.

No wonder she drunk so much.

For once, I can't blame her.

Wasn't enough wildflowers in the world to undo this shit.

…

I hate being the one to do this. To wake her up from the dreams of angels and tell her reality only exists of demons. I hate being the messenger, 'cause Renee is too much of a coward to stay for her daughter. Too much of a bitch to care for someone other than herself.

Dimples breathes softly, her hair sprayed across the pillow slightly tangled at the ends. One leg is hitched up, and even though she's naked, that's not what I see. I see beauty and a birthmark just outside her right thigh. I see dimples I love, the indentations across her lower back summoning me to press my thumbs into. I see sun-kissed skin, the result of too many hours basking in the heat. Her long eyelashes flutter in her sleep and she has just the hint of a smile across her face.

And I have to be the one to take it away.

I sit on the bed beside her and place the wildflowers on the nightstand. I wish I didn't have to wake her up so early. Marcus said she had to be in by 7, and it was already a little after 6. I take a moment just to rub her back, letting my fingertips gently tickle her spine. Up and down. Up and down.

She hums, and it goes straight to my cock. I can't help it. The littlest sounds she makes and I'm hers. She doesn't even have to try. I love those things about her; how she makes me want to be a better person, how I'm not so lost anymore. I love how she smiles at me like I'm the most important thing in her world.

I love how everything we do is easy, like walkin' in the rain without an umbrella. We just take it as it goes, accepting the pour, and letting it fall.

"Dimples…" I whisper in her ear and slightly shake her shoulder. She murmurs something I can't hear, but reaches out for me. I brush her hair to the side and try again.

"Dimples, you gotta wake up. First day of work."

It's like a bat out of hell, comical even. She sits up with wide eyes, shaking her head from side to side. "Am I late? What time is it? Shit, I need to shower!"

I pull her body on top of my lap, as her small breasts jiggle when she moves. "You're fine. You still have about an hour. I don't want you to go. 'Sides you don't need a shower."

"Yes I do," she yawns, lying her head on my shoulder. "I smell like man hands and orgasms."

I laugh, squeezing her thin waist. "Then you smell perfect."

Though it's early, she still responds to my touch and small kisses. I can't help but kiss all over her collarbone. I love her soft skin and the way she tenses up from the tiniest caresses.

Time is quickly passing us by, and I know I should confess about this morning, but I can't seem to break her spirit. My hand squeezes her bottom and she moans.

"Don't do that," I warn. "You have to leave."

"You started it," she mumbles back. Baby bird is tiny, but she's strong when she wants to be. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she pulls me down with her until she's on her back. I lie on my side, kissing her eager lips.

We hit the bed, but somehow, I keep fallin'.

She always asks when we're going to have sex, but I can't. I want to treasure her, treat her like a princess out to be treated. I want her to treasure herself. Sex is powerful, a soul-consuming action you can't ever take back. I don't want her to be like me, living with regrets after fucking in the back of a stolen car. I want it to be beautiful and heartfelt. She deserves that.

My Dimples deserves everything.

She doesn't have much time left to get ready, but I can't help myself. I want to make her feel good, to touch her and take away off the bad in her life. I want her to see the good, to touch stars people say that ain't possible to reach.

I want her to have it all.

My cock throbs in my jeans, but I don't even care. I want it to be about her. We continue kissing as my hand slides down to the warmest part of her. She's always ready for me, wet and open. It's like home and love all in one. I give to her, but I'm the one taking.

Her bare pussy sings to me, yet I'm the one straining. Struggling to hold myself, laboring to keep her virtue. But I'm a selfish bastard, I take what little I can, trying to rationalize as what we're doing is keeping her pure.

She purrs under my touch, and lifts her hips as I slide my fingers in and out of her. She's all want and simple beauty. Long summer days and endless affection. I moan as her pussy contracts around my fingers, make me tingle as I dive deeper into her body and further into her soul.

Her pouty lips beckon for another kiss, so I don't stop, twisting and pushing until I get a rhythm going. She rides my hand, as I devour her mouth.

Taking what's mine for now, consuming the rest of her forever.

I always know when she reaches her peak. Her eyes flutter, her head tilts back. The muscles in her fragile neck stretch, and I can't help but put two fingers in her mouth. She sucks on them, driving me completely sane. My eyes burn with lust, but my heart always beats with love.

I pump my hand faster and she's there as she breathlessly whispers my name.

"Cadillac…"

She flies and floats. My baby bird sees the sky and feels the wind. She's love and she's perfect. She's translucent rain and rainbows with imaginary colors.

She's happy.

And somehow, I have to destroy it all.

.

.

.

I pull up to the Corner Market at 4. I decided earlier not to tell Dimples about Renee. I wanted her to have a great first day. I want to hear all about it and whether she likes it or not. I want her first day experience working as an adult without worrying about the bullshit from her mother.

I want to know who in the hell always buys those pickled eggs in a jar.

But I never get the chance.

I get out of the car, walking several feet behind Dirty Harry.

He has a large paper bag, and it smells like barbeque, but there are glasses inside of it clinking together. I follow behind him, wondering who he's delivering to.

Something tells me to stay hidden so I disappear between the rows of potato chips and Slim Jims.

He makes a beeline straight to the back deli, where Dimples is wiping down the meat slicer.

They exchange a few words and Dimples has this grin on her face.

It's not a smile I know. It's unfamiliar and haunting, addictive and greedy.

Dirty Harry tries to exchange the bag over the glass divider, but it never reaches her hand.

I twist his body around, punching him across his sorry-ass face.

I hear screams and I hear a phone call being made. I see blood spew and I see red.

I see glasses break and alcohol spill on the floor.

I see the demons that want my Dimples.

I see Hell, but I won't let it have her.


	19. Chapter 19

**Cherry- I'm so glad you made it home safely. This is why we invested in magic carpets. YOLO and all of that. Mia- You are not a sharer. Not at all. Don't pretend otherwise. I'm on to you, BB.**

**READERS- Who's ready for a week of Cadillac shenanigans? You in the front row- pull your shirt down! It's not that kind of show.**

* * *

_Chapter Nineteen: Aprons and Aliases_

"Stop! Stop!"

My screams go unheard. The bottles are like exploding bullets and Cadillac is the one who pulled the trigger.

I run to the other side of the counter, trying to yank him off of Dirty Harry, but it's like I'm not even there. This rage has overtaken him, blinding him to anything and everything around him. This is not like the scrapple with Jasper, or the tumble with Brady. It's uncontrolled violence.

Bloodied fists. Pounds and thrashes. Hurt and betrayal.

"Cadillac, stop!"

Marcus and Ben rush over, dragging him back by his arms. He's still swinging, even though Harry is on the floor and not moving. Customers stare in complete shock, I hear police sirens wailing in the distance. My heart beats relentlessly, trying to outweigh the lingering numbness.

"What have you done? What the fuck have you done?"

My hands beat against his chest as tears stream down my cheeks. A male customer kneels to Harry's aid, but Harry has yet to move.

"Settle down, everyone. Take a deep breath!" Marcus holds firmly onto Cadillac, but I'm the one needing restraint.

Cadillac's eyes are red and his skin and clothing have Harry's blood over all them. "It's him isn't it? That's who you've been getting your drinks from?"

I push him again. "It's none of your fucking business! Why are you even here?"

"To pick you up, remember?" Cadillac seethes between desperate breaths. "Your mom is gone, Dimples, and this fucking bastard destroyed your house!"

I see him glaring at Harry, but he has it all wrong.

"It wasn't him, you idiot! Mama wrote that shit."

Cadillac stares at me, but he doesn't miss a beat. "Wait … You knew, didn't you? You knew she left and you didn't say a word!" Tears stream down his face and he looks like I feel–vulnerable. "You lied to me Dimples! I could have helped you. I could have-"

He doesn't get to finish his statement. Officer Biers and Officer Tanner walk through the doors and straight to us. Their stark blue uniforms cause several patrons to stand at attention.

"Release him!" Officer Biers orders, pointing his gun. "Mr. Cullen, raise your hands in the air slowly."

Marcus and Ben drop their arms and back away. Cadillac doesn't even fight, 'cause he knows he's lost both this battle and the war. He just hangs his head and lifts his hands.

Officer Tanner hurries to Harry and speaks in to his walkie-talkie, "We need an ambulance at Corner Market on Fifth and Main. Victim is still breathing, but unconscious."

"Edward Cullen, you are under arrest for the assault of Harry Clearwater." Biers looks all too happy as he places his pistol into its holder and grabs Cadillac's arms. He pulls them down one by one to put handcuffs on. Cadillac winces at the sound of the metal locking into place. "You just couldn't stay out of trouble, could you boy?"

I sob loudly as the officer drags him away with unnecessary force. "Fuck! Cadillac! Cadillaccccc!"

He turns his head, barely looking at me. His whisper is soft and full of torture. "You lied to me, baby bird. You lied."

"_You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you…"_

Biers' voice trails off and Cadillac is gone far too soon.

Officer Tanner stands up next to Harry, ensuring no one touches him. "What the hell is going on here?"

Too many people are all too willing to put their two cents in.

"That boy went bat-shit crazy! Was a-hollerin' like a stuck pig before anybody could do anything!"

"I swear he had a gun! Did anybody even look in that bandana in his pocket?"

"I'm still waiting on my bologna. I got four hungry kids to feed, ya know?"

I start to speak, but Marcus interrupts me. "Dirty Harry comes in with this bag of barbeque for Bella, and Cullen shows up out of nowhere and starts pounding on him."

"This bag?" Officer Tanner looks over at the mess of smeared pork and spilt liquor. "He was giving this to you?"

He glances at me as I sob. "Y-yes, sir."

"Purchasing alcohol for a minor." Officer Tanner shakes his head in dismay. "What's your name, child?"

"Bella Swan."

"Miss Swan, you're going to have to come with me to the station. I need to call your parents."

Officer Tanner leads me out, but Marcus runs behind me. "Bella? Your apron?"

That's what he asks for, but it's not what he means.

I'm done. No family, no Cadillac, no job.

Paramedics rush past us to attend to Harry as I untie the apron from behind my back. They check his vitals and put him on a stretcher as I hand the uniform back to Marcus.

Officer Tanner opens the door for me and steers me toward his police vehicle.

"Wait a hot second. I think I remember you from the baseball field. Aren't you Renee's girl? The one that works at the Fox Trot?"

He opens the door for me and I look up at him with pained eyes.

"I was," I answer crying. "She's gone."

…

The room is small and vacant, the kind they interrogate criminals in. I suppose I am one now. A liar. A thief of hearts. A destructor of souls. The two metal chairs and one long table seem too large, like they're taking up breathing space. I can't function as I sit here, shivering and panicking. The neutral colored cinderblocks causes my vision to blur. I can barely see Officer Tanner talking to another officer through the glass, but he keeps glancing my way. The phones are ringing incessantly, but that's not the reason my head is pounding.

My legs are shaking and my tears have yet to stop; they keep pouring down my face, as if I've been saving them all for this exact moment.

This is all my fault. Cadillac was right, I should have told him the truth. Now, they're going to take me away and I'll never see him again. He'll be locked up and charged as an adult.

And I'll be the reason his mama joins in on his daddy's hate.

My knee bounces up and down in fear as the door slowly creaks opens. A female officer walks toward me and drags the chair from the other side of the table. The sound grates on my eardrums, causing me to wince. She places the chair across from me and sits down.

"Bella?"

I glance up, peeking through my hair that's in disarray.

"I'm Officer Mallory. You may call me Lauren." Her blonde hair is pulled back into in a tight bun and her blue eyes are full of kindness. She looks nothing like a cop. Her features are too soft and her face is too pretty.

I say nothing and stare at her.

"Look, I know you're probably scared. I want you to know that you're safe here. Edward Cullen isn't going to hurt you, or anyone else for that matter."

"What?" I squeak, my voice unrecognizable. "No, he would never do that. He was only trying to help me. He was just angry. What's going to happen to him?"

Officer Mallory looks sympathetic. "Well, he's being processed right now. That means they're photographing him and taking his fingerprints. Then he'll be incarcerated until a judge sees him. They'll inform him of his charges, probably destruction of property from the store damages, and assault, and then the judge will determine if he needs to stay in jail. He could be released out on bail, which will be most likely. But he'll have a court date sometime in the near future."

"What have I done? Fuck, all because of Harry and Mama, and because of what Brady did…"

The words tumble out of me, unfiltered and reeking of guilt.

"Bella, who is Brady? What happened?"

I take a deep breath and she reaches across for my hand. "Take your time. I only want to help you. You can trust me."

So I did the one thing I promised myself I would never do.

I told the truth.

"Brady Fuller, he was dating Mama. This fancy rich fella from Seattle. Said he owned a clothing store or something. He came over to eat supper, but I knew something was wrong with him. Kept looking at me funny. But there was this knock on the door from our neighbor, Miss Sue. She's always losing stuff and Mama always was helping her. She was nice that way sometimes, helping people when they needed it. But … she was taking too long. She didn't come back…"

I can't seem to stop the tears from coming. Officer Mallory looks at me with a compassionate, but stern face. "Keep going, Bella."

"He … I … it was my fault. I was wearing those stupid cowboy boots and they were hurtin' my feet, ya know? So, I went to my bedroom to take them off and he comes in there, talkin' about my age and how I'm a woman. And he puts his hand on me, rubbin' my thigh … I tried to leave, I swear I did … but he grabbed my arms and pinned me to the wall. I kept praying to God to make him stop. I'm not even a prayer, Miss Mallory! Mama and I, we ain't never been to church or nothin', but I figured He had to help me, 'cause I didn't want to be touched like that. Not like that…"

My head somehow falls on Officer Mallory's shoulder as she pats my back. "It's all right, Bella. Shhh, it's all right."

I can feel the snot pouring out of my nose, and I feel bad for ruining her uniform. She doesn't care though, just consoles me as I sniffle and wipe with my hand. I pull back, trying to finish my story.

"He almost did it, but Cad–I mean Edward–came rushin' in, and he saved me. He pulled him off of me and was punching him and everything. I know ya'll don't condone violence, but if it hadn't been for him…" I take a deep breath, trying to clear out my lungs. "Mama came back about that time, but she didn't believe me. She didn't even try! Just called me a slut and told me I was stealing her man. So we left. I came back the next day and she was gone. She done spray painted my room and took all her stuff, and she just left. Never even said goodbye. What kind of Mama does that, huh? What kind of Mama don't even love her child enough to stay?"

Officer Mallory is nearly in tears herself. "The bad kind, Bella, that's who. Listen, I need to go out to the front for a second. Hang in here, all right? You need anything, you just hit that button right next to the door and we'll come help you. Sit tight."

She hands me a handkerchief, but leaves the room a little too quickly. The clock on the wall ticks as I continue bouncing my knee, worried about Cadillac.

Worried if he is scared, or alone, or how much he hates me.

11 minutes turns to 15 which turns to 27. I debate on pushing the button just to go to the bathroom, but Officer Mallory walks back in.

Her face is pale and she's holding up a glossy piece of paper. She sits down across from me again, and I give her my undivided attention. "Bella, I need you to listen to me very carefully, you understand?"

I nod. "Yes, ma'am."

"This Brady Fuller. Can you describe him to me? Height, his weight, anything he may have said to you?"

"Ummm," I'd tried so hard to block everything out about that day, yet he'd always be a permanent part of my memory. "He was tall-like. You know, real lean fella, like Officer Briers out there. He had dark brown hair, the kind that looks all shiny and glossy. He had blue eyes, real creepy. And he's from Seattle. Mama said she met him at the club, that he was getting' a divorce, but they were happy."

"Anything else?"

"He…" I start to speak, but stop myself. "Never mind. It's dumb. Probably nothin'."

"Nothing you say is dumb or irrelevant, Bella. Any little bit helps."

"Okay." I sigh and fiddle with my fingers. "He asked me if I was excited for the tenth grade. Like, why would I be excited for that? It's not like going in to the first year of high school or something. Then he asked me if my school had a music program. Everybody around here knows we ain't had a band since that school fire and couldn't afford one anymore."

Officer Mallory gasps just the slightest, almost to the point where I'm unsure if I really heard her. "Bella, I'm going to show you a picture. I need you to tell me if you recognize him, okay?"

I nod, and she holds a black and white photograph up a few inches from my face.

The hair is different, dirty blonde instead of brown.

The eyes are darker, instead of shining like they're supposed to be when they're blue.

The wrinkles are fewer, less prominent.

But the man is the same.

I'd recognize him with my eyes closed.

"Yes, ma'am. That's him."

Officer Mallory jumps from her seat and hits the call button beside the door. "Tanner?"

"Shoot."

"We got a positive ID. Girl says it's him."

"Dammit! Alright, I'll put out an APB. Good job, Mallory. I owe you one."

"Damn right you do."

I glance between her and the officers outside the glass. "What's going on?

"Bella, I'm afraid your mother's been swindled. Brady Fuller is just an alias. This man's real name is Phil Dwyer. He's a convicted sex felon who was just let out six months ago for sexual abuse against children in the Seattle area."

I can barely get the words out. "Se-sexual abuse? Why the hell is he not in prison?"

Officer Mallory sighs. "Court technicality. Some evidence had been screwed and planted by the DA in order to nail the guy, and ended up ruining the whole case. Dwyer got set free. He was a music teacher who got found out when one of the little girls came home and told her parents."

My head spins and I feel dizzy from the new information. "My Mama! What–oh no! She-"

"Hey, hey." Mallory comes and kneels beside me. "As far as I know, your mother should be fine. But we are looking for them both, don't you worry."

But I am worried. I'm fucking scared out of my mind. This day has gone from bad to worse. I can only imagine what Cadillac is going through.

"So what now?"

Officer Mallory looks at me in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, where do I go now? I don't want to end up in foster care."

"Foster care? Who said anything about foster care?"

"That's what you guys do," I explain. "Social services will come, and I'll get stuck with a family I don't know."

"You'll most likely be placed in a group home until the judge decides if he'll grant custodial rights."

"Custodial rights? Custodial rights to who?"

The air is sucked from the room as Lauren stares at me with eyes that chill me to my core.

"Charles Swan. Bella, we found your father."


	20. Chapter 20

**Cherry is still asleep somewhere, Mia's been promoted, Readers you are the best thing and...**

**IT'S MY 29TH BIRTHDAY! **

**CUPCAKES FOR EVERYONE! Except for you in the front row. No cupcakes for flashers! *giggles and throws confetti***

* * *

_C__hapter Twenty: Riverside and Rocks _

"_Your daddy was a man-whore, no good piece of shit that couldn't keep it in his pants."_

"Bella, this will be your room. You have a roommate, but the rest of the kids are outside now."

"_It's just you and me, sug. We can do this without him."_

"This is your side of room, here. And your dresser is over here. They have a strict schedule, but I'm sure you'll get used to it."

"_Don't worry, sweetie. Mama will take care of you. We'll never have to see that dirty bastard again."_

"Bella, do you have any questions? Bella?"

I snap out of my delusions, staring at the light blue painted walls. Riverside Group Home reminded me of a hospital. It was too clean, too orderly, and tried to give the appearance of happiness when everyone inside was sick.

My case worker, Irina Denali, puts my suitcases on the bed closest to the window that's barred shut. My bed is next to the air conditioning unit, where I'm sure to freeze my ass off. It was already dark outside, but the day had gone to hell before the sun even set.

"How long do I have to stay here?"

Irina looks uncomfortable and shifts her feet. "I'm unsure. Mr. Swan is on a flight here right now, but he has to see a judge and prove to be the legal guardian. Once that's settled, he'll file for custody. We're expediting the court date as soon as possible, but it may take a while."

"And then what? I'll have to move to Georgia with him? He left me and Mama to fend for ourselves! I don't want to leave here!"

_I don't want to leave Cadillac._

_I miss Alice. I miss my house and my drinks and my toenail polish. I miss my bed and my antique dolls. I miss everything._

Irina wraps her arm around my shoulders, giving me a firm squeeze. "Bella, I've talked to Mr. Swan myself. He seems like a decent man. I think you should consider that. Whatever your mother has told you may not exactly be the whole truth. But, let's not think about that now. Get yourself settled in while I go speak to Kate. She's the director here, but she's also my sister. You'll be in good hands."

I have to bite my lip to keep from crying again as Irina leaves the room. This is too much for one person to handle. I'll break down before the week is through; I just know it.

I haphazardly toss my shirts in the first drawer. I don't care how messy they are. I plan on getting out of here as soon as possible. I had feared going to a foster home, but somehow this seems worse.

I peek down the hall, but move back when I see Irina talking to the Kate lady. I could tell they were siblings, both with unnatural blonde hair and brown eyes too light to be real.

Irina hands Kate a file and speaks in a hushed voice. "Here are her records. I went by her house to pick up her belongings, and there were liquor bottles everywhere in her room. I think she may benefit from counseling and your addiction program."

Kate nods with a sad expression. "Poor thing. I'll see what we can do."

"Good. She needs all the help she can get," Irina replies. "I'll be back in a few days. See ya, sis."

Kate waves at her and begins walking, so I duck into the room and pretend to be occupied.

She knocks on the door, but proceeds to walk in anyways. I could tell privacy was not a factor here.

"Bella?" Kate sits on my bed while I stuff shorts into the drawer. "I'm Kate. We're so glad you're with us."

"I'm not," I answer bitterly. "I don't want to fucking be here!"

"I can understand that," she says softly. "It must be difficult with all that's happened to you."

I snort. _Difficult?_ That's an understatement. Having your Mama abandon you and getting your boyfriend thrown in jail wasn't difficult.

It's an annihilation of fucking life, and somehow I'm the only one getting exterminated.

"I'm going to let you get settled in. You'll be sharing a room with a girl named Bree. She's just a little older than you are, so I'm sure you two will get along well. Everyone else is outside, enjoying free time, but they should be back inside in a few minutes. Lights go out at 10, and the daily schedule is posted on the wall. We'll speak again in the morning."

I continue to ignore her as she finally leaves me in peace.

I sift through the worn pockets of the suitcase and my fingers touch something familiar.

I pull it out, and in my hand are wildflowers.

Irina must have found them and packed them with my things.

It's not long before I find the strength to cry again.

And when it rains, it pours.

…

"Gosh, can you shut up already? Some of us are trying to sleep!"

I sniffle, trying to hold back my sobs, but somehow it makes them worse.

The light between the bed flickers on and I roll over. Bree, a girl much too small for her age, with green eyes and brunette hair, glares at me from her bed.

"Sorry," I whimper.

She sighs and uncrosses her arms. "You gotta have tougher skin than that, you know. Otherwise, you'll get eaten alive."

"I can't help it!" I cry, sitting up. "I don't know when I'm getting the hell out of here!"

"At least you're leaving," she replies sarcastically. "Most of us are just trying to age out. At least your father is coming for you."

"How do you know that?" I ask quietly.

"Everybody knows everything here. Your mother's a stripper who left you, and you're a teenage alcoholic."

"I am not!" I hiss too loudly. "You don't know shit about me!"

Bree isn't even fazed by my outburst. "You _are_ an alcoholic. Luckily for you, I don't give a fuck. But if you want out of here as quickly as possible, you better own up to it. Let's say in a magical world your father comes tomorrow. You think they're going to let you leave if you don't own up to your addiction? Nope. They'll make you stay until you get fixed, or transfer you to another facility. That's how it works."

"You're lying. As soon as the judge grants custody, I'm out of here."

"Fine." Bree shrugs and turns out the light.

"If you're not an alcoholic, then I didn't try to strangle my brother in his sleep. Look at that, I guess we both don't need to be here."

…

The morning comes way too soon. I barely got any sleep and Bree's words haunted me all though the night. There's an all-call through the intercom, and I'm forced to wake and take a shower in the communal bathroom. I try to avoid the other girls at all costs.

I go through the motions, showering and getting dressed. Eating eggs that taste like dirt. Dumping my tray and then sulking down the hall for therapy time.

Kate pulls me out of line and tells me to follow her to the main office. "You have a phone call. Usually we only permit them on certain days, but I'll make an exception for you since it's your first day."

She hands me a beige colored phone from her desk, the kind that has various buttons to other offices. She holds up a hand, warning me I have five minutes, and shuts the door behind her.

My hand shakes as I speak through the receiver, wondering who it could be.

"Hello?"

"Bella?"

I raise a fist to my mouth, trying not to whimper with joy. "Mrs. Cullen!"

"Oh, Bella, it's so good to hear your voice."

I sink into the leather chair, attempting to hold myself together. "How did you know I was here?"

"I'm friends with Officer Mallory. We've done a few fundraisers together. She told me where you were. How are you, dear?"

"I'm alive," I answer truthfully.

"That's all I can expect, I guess. I know you're probably scared, Bella, but I just want you to hang in there, okay? Your father arrived early this morning. He's meeting with the judge sometime this afternoon, but I don't know what will happen. I don't know how soon I'll be able to contact you again, since outside phone calls usually aren't permitted."

"Okay." My insides buzz, too excited to keep still. "Is Cad- I mean is Edward there?"

It takes Esme a while to answer. "He is. The judge let him out on bail. But…"

"But what?"

"Hold on a second, dear."

I can hear shuffling and angry voices in the background.

"_I told you no! I don't give a fuck! She fucking lied to me, Mom. You tell that bit- you tell her I hope she rots in there!"_

"_Edward, just- she's going through a rough time. You know what that's like. Give her a chance."_

"Hello?"

I want to be happy to hear his voice, but it's not the Cadillac I know. He's detached and bitter, and I can feel his anger seeping through the line.

"Cadillac? I-It's me. Dimples. I-I just wanted to see how you were doin'?"

"Peachy keen. Spending the night in jail was fucking awesome."

"Listen, I'm sorry, baby. I just–I want to apologize. Say I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything that happened."

"Uh huh."

"And-and they got this program here, so I can get better before my daddy comes and gets me. I'm on my way to therapy right now. Th-they can fix me, just like you wanted. So I'll get better and then-then I can come see you when I get out."

"I don't think that's gonna happen."

I stare at the wall and Kate's diplomas begin to blur together. They're distorted and hazy, blending into a black hole I want to jump through.

"Wh-what?"

"You. Me. We're over. I tried to help you, _Bella, _but you wouldn't listen. We could have avoided all this, but you lied, and now look at us. They're trying to lock me up for good, and Carlisle took my fucking car away. So, I want you to listen carefully and do me a favor. Renee's your mom, so you must take after her. I want you to be like Renee and fucking disappear."

_Down._

_Down._

_Down I fall._

The phone doesn't disconnect, but Esme's voice reappears. "Bella, I'm sorry. He's … he's just angry. Give him some time. I'm going to come see you. I'll find out about visitation and do my best, if I'm allowed, okay? Hang in there, honey. This is just temp-"

I don't hear her kindness or her promises.

Instead, I feel kisses that taste like raindrops.

I sip warm lemonade from a used mason jar and I touch smooth leather seats.

I stare at first-day-of-spring-fresh-kiwi-Christmas-tree-green eyes.

I sit on tire swings and I feel soft caresses that make me fly.

I don't hear a single word Esme says.

I'm too busy crashing, and when I hit rock bottom, it hurts like hell.


	21. Chapter 21

**Cherry can't sing worth a lick, and Mia can't make decisions about anything. But they also can't stop being so awesome, so...**

**Readers- OMG! Your birthday wishes, your reviews, your ability to eat cupcakes through the internet...Tell me this isn't real life. I love you all!**

**Except you, Flasher. Seriously, put your shirt down. *tries to shoo you away with a crumbled dollar bill***

* * *

_Chapter Twenty-One: Goals and Guilt_

**One and a Half Months Later…**

"Very good, Bella. It's that type of logic that enables you to advance further without the dependence on alcohol. Your need doesn't rely on the drink itself, but rather the fear of losing control. Trauma of any kind can cause a physical reaction, but the effects trauma has typically manifest as a mental or emotional condition. So … how are you feeling today? Are you having any cravings?"

I nod, tapping the arms of the chair lightly as Dr. Aro stares intently at me. "Some. But I did what you said and reread my goals. I'm taking the vitamins you prescribed and I'm reading a whole lot. Kate gave me a bunch of books, and they're super long, but I'm getting there."

Dr. Aro smiles fondly, patting my hand. "I'm proud you've taken up a new hobby. Reading can be therapeutic and a good distraction. You-"

We both turn our heads when we hear a knock on the door. It's Kate, with an apologetic look on her face. "Sorry to interrupt, but he's here."

"Thank you. Give us five minutes, will you?"

Kate nods and closes the door.

"Are you up for this today? We can reschedule. This meeting is on your terms, Bella."

I can't stop my knee from bouncing or my hands from trembling. Times like this called for whiskey. Or rum. I wasn't picky.

But that was the old Bella. The new Bella had to think reasonably.

_Remember what the doctor said about your goals. Focus on the future. Regain a relationship with your daddy. Don't drink. And lastly…_

_Don't think about Cadillac._

"No, I'm ready," I reply firmly. "You reckon he'll remember me?"

Dr. Aro grins and slides his pen in between the spirals of his notebook. "A father never forgets his child, Bella. Let's go into the family room. You'll be more comfortable there."

I follow the doctor out of his office and down the hall to the family sitting area. It's like a mock living room, and I'd only been in there once, when Esme came to visit. She had to fight tooth and nail just to get visitation, but they finally allowed her…

**Flashback: Two weeks after arrival…**

"_Bella!"_

_She wraps her arms around me and she smells exactly like I remember–expensive shampoo and cherry pie._

"_How are you, honey?"_

_I weep before we even sit down. "I'm fucking miserable. They won't give me anything! Look at me shaking, Esme! They don't even fucking care!"_

"_Oh, Bella." She rocks me back and forth, letting my tears soak her fancy purple blouse. "You've lost so much weight. Are you eating?"_

_I shake my head. "No. I don't want their shitty food. It tastes like garbage. You gotta get me out of here!"_

"_I can't do that sweetie." She hates to say it, like it's breaking her heart more than mine. "But, I have good news. Your father moved here. Once he proved you were his biological daughter, he rented a house. It's not too far away from our home. The judge wants you two to meet under supervision, and once that's set, there's a good chance you'll be able to leave."_

"_Meet Charlie? I'm sorry, but fuck that man! Fuck him and Mama, and fuck everyone! I am so tired of everybody telling me what I need to do. I'm sick of it. I'll fucking rot here and die. You tell him I don't want to see him."_

_Esme sighs and rubs my back in gentle circles, trying to calm me down. I'm so upset I can't think straight. "Where's Mama and that shitface Brady? They found them yet?"_

"_No, they're still looking. They suspect they've fled to Phoenix, Arizona, but nothing concrete yet."_

_Fucking Arizona? I hope they fried in the heat. If I ever saw them again I'd stick cactuses up their asses. Then they'd know how I felt–screwed. _

"_How's Cadillac?" I don't bother correcting his name._

"_He's … okay." I hear her hesitation, like she's not telling me everything. "I think."_

"_You think?"_

_Esme folds her hands and looks down. "Carlisle kicked him out. I begged him not to, but he wouldn't listen. Said Edward was 18 and responsible for himself. But I purchased him an apartment in town, and he informed me he has a job at a car place. I haven't seen him in three weeks and he refuses to talk to me. I called the school, but they wouldn't tell me anything. I spoke with Peter's boy Emmett, and as far as I know, he's going to school. So I believe he'll graduate if he tries. But I make sure he's okay and I leave money and groceries on his patio. He'll be fine."_

"_You think." I repeat again, and it's more of a statement than a question. "What did the judge say?"_

"_He has to pay restitution to the store for the damages, and for Mr. Clearwater's medical bills. Harry has to serve three months in jail. And Edward has a year suspended."_

"_Suspended? What does that mean?"_

"_It means he's free now, but if he gets in any more trouble, he'll have to go to jail for a year."_

"_Oh." It's a lot to soak in. School has started for everyone, but I'm stuck here, getting taught by people who don't give a shit. Cadillac basically cut off everybody, including me, and Mama had fled the fucking coup._

_What a mess._

"_Bella, I want you to do something for me, okay?" She pats my hands and gazes at me with motherly affection. "I want you to stop worrying. Don't worry about Edward. Don't worry about your mother or your father or even me for that matter. I want you to focus on yourself. Stop fretting about what's pulling you down and try to aim for a future that's looking up."_

_I try to soak in her words, but they're like water falling by the wayside._

"_Oh, and I got you something. Just don't tell anyone. I wasn't sure if I was allowed to bring you anything."_

_She digs in her purse and pulls out a bottle of light pink nail polish with tiny bits of fuchsia glitter floating throughout. I take it in my quivering hands and turn it upside down to read the name._

_Strawberry Ice Cream._

_It makes me sob, and Esme holds me without letting go._

"_You don't have to find your strength, Bella. Sometimes, it comes to you."_

…

I walk behind Dr. Aro, but Kate and Irina block my view to the man standing behind them.

"Bella, so good to see you again. You look great." Irina reaches out a hand and I grasp it, smiling at my colored polish.

I'd lost the battle for bare feet weeks ago, so I started painting my fingernails. Kate never said a word about it, even though I'm sure she smelled it lingering from my room.

"Bella, your father Charles is here. We thought it would be nice if you two could meet. Remember, you don't have to talk if you don't want to. You are in a safe-"

I tune her out and walk around her.

"Daddy?"

My lip trembles as I see my father for the first time in two years. He looks the same, but older. He has my eyes, but darker colored hair. There are a few more wrinkles, but the mustache I loved so much still twitches above his lip.

"Baby girl…" He's unsure whether he should move, so I make the decision for him. My arms reach around him and I feel like I'm five all over again.

He holds me tightly, and for once there's no one speaking. No fancy words or terms being spoken, no soft voices giving advice. It's just my daddy and me, shutting out the rest of the world.

He smells like he always did, of fresh cut grass and dirt from the earth. He smells familiar and homey, and it's like I'm finally where I belong. I can't help but pull back and reach for his moustache.

He laughs and hugs me again.

I don't know how much time passes, but we embrace uninterrupted before I remember we're not alone.

Dr. Aro tries to assign seats, but I sit next to Daddy, on the blue couch with tan patterns.

"Welcome, Charles. We are so glad you could join us today."

"Charlie." Daddy clears his throat and clarifies. "I prefer to go by Charlie."

"Okay_, Charlie_," Dr. Aro, being a smartass, emphasizes his name. "As you know, today's meeting is instrumental to the proceedings of your court hearing. Upon my recommendation and advice, this is the final step to seeing if Bella can live in your care. I see on the forms you've established residency here in Forks, and you've been employed as a supervisor at the…" Dr. Aro squints and looks closer at the forms on his lap. "Wilton Car Dealership."

"Yes, that is correct. I can give a safe environment and provide financially for Bella."

"Good. But first, we need to discuss Bella's stay with us thus far. When Bella first came, she-"

"I'm right here," I interrupt, staring at all of the adults across from me. "You don't need to talk about me like I'm not in the room. I'm here."

"I apologize, Bella. Excuse me for my tactlessness. Would you like to speak about your experience here?"

I nod, trying to gain the courage to be honest. "Daddy, I … I got into trouble. I was partying and hanging out with the wrong people. But mostly, I was drinking. I'm an alcoholic. I drank because Mama was never home, and because you were gone. I drank because I was unhappy and I wanted to escape from myself. But mostly, I drank because of me. I … I figured I couldn't change my life, but I could change other things in a way. I could make you and Mama be around when you weren't really there. I could make myself happy and I could make myself run, even if I never left the room. I could do it all because the whiskey made me believe I could."

Dr. Aro prods me along, nodding his head. "But … I don't need it anymore. I realize I can't be dependent on something just because I can't change my circumstances. All I can do is change myself. And I have. I … read a lot and I learn from all of those fancy books Kate gave me. And I write a little too. Just sentences here and there, but they help. And I pray sometimes. I don't know nothin' about Heaven, but I reckon that's where all the rainbows are, so that's where I want to be. So … I'm not perfect, but I'm trying. And … that's all."

Daddy looks like he's about to cry, and I grasp his hand. I don't always take people's strength, like Mama's and Cadillac's.

_Sometimes I can give it too._

"Bella, I am so proud of you. I just want to let you know, I'm sorry. I never wanted any of this to happen. Renee just took you away from me and I never saw you again. I tried, baby girl, I swear I did. She started … doing things, you know? Got real sick in her head. I tried to get her help, but she wouldn't listen. I even talked to her best friend, you remember Carmen from the Piggly Wiggly? But she accused me of an affair and … it just went all downhill from there. I did everything I could; called the police ... they didn't care about my rights. I'd gotten laid off from my job because of the economy, and they told me I was better to let you be with your mother. I didn't listen to them, but I couldn't find you anywhere. I just discovered you were in Forks when they called. I'd been looking in South Carolina. Renee told me she was from there when we met. I was going in the wrong direction, baby girl. I'm so sorry…"

Daddy don't look like the type of man that cries, but he's doing it now. I hate seeing him like this, crying over his liar of an ex-wife. I can tell by the way his shoulders shake that it's tearing him apart. I embrace him again, telling him it's okay.

There's nothing to forgive and only one person to hate.

Dr. Aro speaks quietly with the Denalis, closes his folder, and looks between Daddy and me.

"Upon reviewing the circumstances, I do believe it is in the best interest of Bella to live with you, Mr. Swan. However, that is left up to the judge pending the hearing this Friday. I will recommend that Bella receives continued therapy with a counselor and substance abuse treatment for outpatients. She will also have upcoming meetings with her caseworker. There will be further appointments and court hearings, but…"

Dr. Aro removes his glasses and talks to Daddy in a hushed voice. "Between you and me, Charlie, Bella is lucky to have you as a father."

"I'm the lucky one, Doc." Daddy smiles down at me, squeezing my shoulders. "What do we do when we fall, baby girl?"

I peek down at my fingernail polish before anyone notices and I grin widely.

"Get back up and try again."


	22. Chapter 22

**Cherry eats ice cream without me and Mia denied her promotion. You're breaking my heart, ladies!**

**Readers- I have a group-Cadillac's Wildflowers-on Facebook. (UserName:Fanfic Happening.) Come join! I'll post story related pictures, updates, teasers and Mia is working on getting you PDF's of my other stories. We also have cupcakes. Ya know, just in case that's the only reason you tolerate my nonsense...**

* * *

_Chapter Twenty-Two: Closets and Chocolate_

The new neighborhood is near the town square, a street away from the Baptist church, and walking distance from town. It means on a hot day, my feet are gonna cook like sausages 'cause there ain't no grass to frolic through.

Daddy walks me up to a two story yellow house, with shutters that don't hang and a lawn that's been tended to. We stand on the porch, and while he's fiddling with his keys, I notice the doorbell. There ain't no reason for me to ring it, except I ain't never had a house that had one, so I push it.

There's no angels singing like there were at the Cullen house, but the music makes me smile.

It's home.

Daddy opens the door and I stare in awe as we drop my suitcases at the same time. It wasn't no mansion or nothing, but there's plenty of space; the kind where walls divide areas and you can't see every room just from standing at the front door.

I see a TV that's flat and shiny, and furniture made of real leather. There are actual pictures on the wall and an aura of happiness floats through.

"So, whatcha think?"

I don't answer. Instead, I wander from the living room into a dining room with a table just big enough for four people. I walk to the kitchen that's filled with silver appliances, and I don't see grease running over the top of the stove. The kitchen has a counter with stools perched up against it, and a bowl of fruit too shiny to be real.

"This is your house?" I ask in awe.

"_Our_ house," he corrects. "Dr. Aro told me you like baking, so there's two ovens, one here and one connected to the stove."

He points, showing me how an oven can open between dark mahogany cabinets. It's like magic and I'm just waiting for someone to say 'abracadabra.'

I follow him throughout the open space to a laundry room with a pretty red washer and dryer that sit on top of each other. Then there's a bathroom with no shower.

A guest bathroom, he calls it.

I can't for the life of me understand how guests get their own toilet.

"I follow Daddy up the stairs. There's a hallway to the right, where he opens a door.

I can't speak.

"I hope you still like pink," Daddy says, embarrassed. "I tried my best to decorate it. Esme helped some, with the curtains and bedspread. Matter of fact, she did most of it. She's a nice one, that Cullen. Did a whole lot just to bring you and I back together...But, anyhow, I ain't know if it needed more, or if you don't like it..."

I reckon I should notice the fancy electronics on the desk, or the curtains made of silk. I suppose I should see how I get my own TV and a bookshelf with more books than I could ever read.

I should detect all of that, but my view is stuck on the one thing Daddy doesn't point out.

I can't stop my eyes from watering as he rushes over.

"What's wrong, baby girl?"

I shake my head vehemently. "No, it's just that … I have a closet."

"Oh, Bella."

He holds me tightly and kisses me tenderly on my head. "Well, now you have a closet and more. Esme did the shopping, so I hope everything fits."

I run my fingers over clothes with tags still on them, jeans without holes, and shirts that go down to my waist.

We might have to compromise on some things.

Daddy lifts up a thin electronic from the desk. It looks almost like _his_, just without the apple on the front.

"It's a laptop," Daddy explains when he sees my confusion. "The clerk at the store said you would need this for school. You can type on it and look up information. Oh, and I got this for you too."

Daddy pulls out a small phone and hands it to me. It's white, and when I accidentally touch the screen it lights up in pretty colors.

"It's a cell phone. Now you can call me when I'm not home."

Our old phone didn't look nothing like this. There's no big buttons with numbers and letters, or a cord that connects it to the wall.

"This is mine?" I can't believe he got me something so expensive. I remember Rosalie having one like it, but that was something only the rich folks carried.

"All yours." He grins. "C'mon, I have two more surprises for you."

What more can he possibly give?

I trail behind him back downstairs and through the laundry room, which has another door. It leads to a garage, and in it is a white car.

"It's a 2005 Ford Taurus. I know it ain't much, but I got a good deal on it at the dealership with my discount. I can help you practice driving until you get your learner's permit."

"Daddy, I can't-" I start to say. I'm so overwhelmed, but he doesn't give me the chance to refuse.

"Why don't you open the door? Your last surprise is inside."

I manage to stop rubbing the smooth exterior of the trunk and walk towards the driver's seat. The door opens before my hand is even on the handle.

"Surprise!"

I squeal as my best gift yet jumps out, grabbing me in the tightest and warmest hug. We hop up and down, screaming each other's names.

"Alice!"

"Bella!"

"Alice!"

"Bella!"

"Alice!"

"Bella!"

"Al-"

Daddy chuckles, and I don't think I've smiled this hard in a long time.

. . .

"Can we bake a cake?" I ask for permission. I don't want to get scolded for using up any food that doesn't belong to me.

Daddy frowns, like he's baffled by my question. "Whaddya askin' me for? Go at it! Just make sure you save me some!"

Alice and I giggle, pulling name brand ingredients out of the cabinets.

"I'll be in my office if you need me." Daddy leaves, and Alice has already gotten half a bag of flour on her.

"I can't believe this is your new house!" Alice exclaims. "Livin' all fancy, rich girl!"

"I know," I answer, sighing. "It's like a dream, but better."

"I've missed you, Bella. School just ain't the same without you." Alice has a gleam in her eyes, like she's ready to dish out all the juicy gossip.

"Well?" I prod her, adding in cocoa. We're making a chocolate cake. We've never made one before 'cause we were always missing ingredients, but I'm pretty sure this one's going to turn out great.

"Okay, so … Jasper and I are dating now."

I smile, genuinely happy for her. "That's awesome."

"Yep, and let's see … Heidi isn't friends with Rose or Jess anymore. They got into this huge argument at lunch over Cadillac, and they haven't talked since."

Just hearing his name makes my heart race, like he still exists somewhere in the world. I'd tried my best to forget him, to move on, but all of my effort is gone in seconds.

"Wh-what were they fussin' about?" I try to act coy, like I don't really care.

"'Cause Cadillac doesn't talk to anyone anymore. Just stays to himself, ya know? So Heidi flaunts herself in the cafeteria, wearing this short-ass dress and high heels. Rose rushes over there and tells her to leave him alone, that he don't want to be bothered, but Heidi doesn't listen. So Cadillac tells her to fuck off, and Rose was all, 'I told you so.' Then Heidi gets it in her head that the reason he ain't talkin' is 'cause Rose is fuckin' him, so she calls Rose a whore in front of everybody. I ain't see what happened after that 'cause Tyler started chanting for them to fight. Next thing I know, Cadillac is gone and Heidi's got a huge shiner."

"She deserves it," I reply bitterly. "So, he's not talkin' to anyone?"

Alice shakes her head and adds too much sugar to the bowl. "Nope. I'm surprised he's there at all. Emmett said the same thing, like why don't he just get his GED, and Cadillac flipped the fuck out. Told him he wasn't taking the easy way out, and for Em to mind his own fucking business. His words, not mine. But…"

Alice stalls and I get the feelin' she's not telling me everything. "But what?"

"He stopped me in the hall the other day. Last week, I think. I was running late to class and he pulls me to the side and asks me something."

"What did he say?" I wish she would just spit it out already.

"It was weird. He didn't ask about you _directly. _He said, 'Is she still starin' at the sun?' I didn't have a clue what the hell he's talking about. So I asked, 'Who?' And he glares at me, all angry-like. I swear, he's scary as shit after that whole Dirty Harry thing. So I'm just waitin' and he says, 'Her,' like he can't even say your name, ya know? And I shrug, 'cause he ain't really explaining himself. And then he says, 'Tell her I'm still rising and shining.' By this time, I'm so freaking confused. So he just mutters, 'Never mind. Don't say nothing.' and walks away. But I'm telling you anyway even though it ain't make a doggone bit of sense."

Alice goes back to over-stirring the batter, not caring that my chest is getting tighter, or that my heart is beating too fast. She doesn't know I'm spinning around the curves so fast I'm gonna topple off the edge.

She don't know nothin' about nothin' when it comes to love or wildflowers. She's riding down easy street where the clouds always float and the rain never pours.

He gives softly, but he takes back in the same breath and it's hard. It's rocks that crumble and walls that stand firm. I don't know what to make of his words, or what to say to his repossession.

"Bella?" Alice says my name quietly and looks at me with worry. "How come you didn't tell me?"

I pour the batter in a baking pan and do my best not to look her in the eye. "I couldn't. I ain't tell anybody, Al. I know you; you'd be the first to run to your papa and I'd be caught. That's the thing about addiction. It's a dirty secret, and no matter how much you love someone, even if they're your best friend, you hide it. But I'm not hiding anymore, Al. I'm open and free and it's the best damn feeling in the world."

I've got chocolate all over me and she's got eggs and flour all over her. We don't care, neither one us. We hug it out, smearing and rubbing until there's nothing left but laughter and joy.

"What do you say we pop this bad boy in?"

I glance around, and I think Daddy's miscounted; turns out there's three ovens in here. Alice opens the door, but there's not much room on the top rack. It has dividers that must be for cupcakes or something. The bottom rack has some too, but it looks like it's got more space.

I shut the door and Alice looks at me confused. "Which button?"

I point to the button that says start. "This one, I reckon."

Alice helps me clean up and we walk up to my room.

I need someone to take all those shoes away.

. . .

We always forget to check on the cake, but this time, there's no smoke. Daddy yells anyway though.

"Girls!"

We dash downstairs and I hope he's not mad.

"Did we burn it?" I ask.

Daddy does his best not to laugh, but he can't help himself.

He opens the door and our precious cake is ruined. It's splattered all over the walls and steam is pouring out.

"Girls, this ain't an oven."

Alice and I stare at each other. He's talking gibberish, but I just want to know why our cake is destroyed.

"It's a dishwasher," he explains. "To wash dishes. Like plates and forks."

A machine that washes for you? Well I'll be.

Alice's bottom lip trembles like she's going to cry.

"Can it unwash it? I used all the eggs."

Daddy pats her shoulder. "I'm afraid not. Wait, why would you use an entire carton of eggs?"

"'Cause of Ma," Alice sniffles. "She said I don't need to be puttin' all my eggs in one basket. I figure I'd just put 'em in cake."

I nod in agreement. Makes sense to me.

Daddy looks wearily between the two of us.

"Bella, give your laptop to Alice. I'm buying you another one."

Alice squeals, but I think she's going to be disappointed.

I never told Daddy the keyboard is stuck to the screen.


	23. Chapter 23

**Cherry and Mia and Readers-**

**Guess what? We're over 1k reviews! Whoo-Hoo! **

**Wow. I'm shocked. I know that's nothing to some, but to little ol' people like me, it's everything. **

**I am beyond grateful and to show my appreciation, I have a present for you! **

***pushes Front Row Flasher onto the stage* **

* * *

_Chapter Twenty-Three: Gifts and Goodwill_

Since coming home from Riverside, Daddy tried to make things as comfortable as possible for me. He took a few days off from work just so we could make up for missed time.

We did things Mama and I never did, like go to the movies and play games at the arcade. Daddy even let me beat him at bowling, despite how horrible I was. It was nice, getting to enjoy his company and to relax. But I eventually had to return to school. Luckily, Dr. Aro contacted the guidance counselor, and I was given choices on which classes I would be in. Meaning, in order for my rehabilitation to be successful, I needed to transition with a school buddy.

A.k.a. Alice.

On Monday, I get to see for myself how much she's changed. As I walk through the hall, I can feel the stares before I receive a single "Welcome back." But Alice has me covered. She flips off several groups of people as she and Jasper escort me to my locker. Some sharks of Forks High are not deterred, and I can hear the loud whispers behind my back.

"Ignore them," Jasper says, helping me with the combination. "This shitty town has nothing better to do than chit-chat. You say the word, Bells, and I'll fuck them all up."

Alice grins, like she's proud of him for being violent.

"Er, I reckon I'll be all right," I say, trying to stay positive. "One step at a time and all of that."

Emmett spots me from afar and rushes over, lifting me into the air before I can protest.

"Lookie, lookie, the freshman is out to play!" He swings me around as I hit against his shoulder playfully.

"Will you cut it out? And I'm a sophomore now!" I try to look threatening, but he just laughs it off.

"Oh, I'm sorry, we got a badass over here! Watch out everyone, Badass Bella comin' your way!"

I can't stop laughing or keep the smile off of my face.

The morning bell rings and Alice links her arm with mine. "We've got Mr. Amun for geometry, but he's super nice."

I listen to her jabber, but as soon as we reach the doorway, I realize I never picked up my textbooks from the office.

"Crap!"

"What's wrong?"

"My books. I forgot to grab them from Mrs. Cope. She got distracted on the phone after giving me my schedule."

"You want me to walk with you?"

"No, I'll be quick," I answer. "Can you tell Mr. Amun I'm sorry and I'll be right back?"

"Sure." Alice walks straight through the door, whispers to Mr. Amun, and he gives me the thumbs up.

I take my cue and walk down the long corridors, looking at posters for the upcoming football game. Normally I wouldn't care for activities like that, but this year is going to be different. I want to join in. I want to be with friends and go to games and attend pep rallies.

I want to do it all.

I'm so lost in my thoughts I don't realize I've collided with another person.

"Oof!" I see bright red heels and long legs, and I immediately start apologizing. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I wasn't looking and…"

Heidi Saunders.

She doesn't even bat an eyelash. She pops her bubble gum and swings her long hair behind her shoulders.

"So you're back, huh?"

I grin, trying to shift my backpack. "Yep! Feels kinda good to be back in civilization."

"I bet it does." Her eyes travel from the new shoes on my feet to my pink dress with the black ribbon tied at my waist. "Did you go shopping or something? You look different."

_Yeah, sobriety does that to a person._

"I picked up a few things." Actually, Daddy took me to Seattle, and we pretty much bought out entire stores. It felt good indulging for once and not having to look at price tags.

"That's nice. Goodwill must have had a sale."

"Er … what?"

Heidi starts laughing as she notices my offended expression.

"I'm kidding." She puts a hand on my shoulder, but it doesn't seem friendly, not like when Alice does it. I don't say anything though. I've been out of school for so long, I've forgotten how sarcastic she can be.

_Learn to take a joke, Bella._

"So…" Heidi glances down the hallway, almost as if she's looking to make sure no one else is around. "Are you thirsty?"

I cock my head to the side, unsure of why she's asking. Daddy gave me plenty of money for lunch. "No, I'm good. I'll grab a pop from the machine later."

"That's not what I asked." Heidi leans closer to me, and I try to back up. I don't like the sneer she has on her face, or the evil that lurks in her eyes.

She opens her purse, revealing a tall bottle of wine. "Heard they released you, so I thought I'd bring you a welcome home gift."

"No, I'm okay." I glance to the left, trying to find some way to escape. I think she knows my throat is closing in on itself, how it's becoming drier and tighter.

"Bottle too much? I figured as much," Heidi sneers and pulls out a green water bottle. But everything in my heart tells me that's not what's filled with.

"I won't tell a soul. I'll keep it between you and me."

"I'm okay, really."

I have to get out of here.

_Leave, Bella._

_Don't do this. _

_Don't think about it. Don't think about the taste. Don't think about how good it will feel._

_Just one sip._

"No," I say more firmly.

"What, you're too good now? You'll never be good enough, bitch!" She spins the top off and it falls to the floor. "You're a whore just like your mother, you fucking slut."

She pours the entire bottle over my head before I can move. My brand new dress is soaked and it clings to my body.

"Heidi!"

A loud voice booms from my right, but I'm too busy crying to look.

"See? I told you she wouldn't change. Look at your girl now, Cadillac. Once a drunk, always a drunk."

"Get the fuck outta hhere!"

I sob and wipe my face, trying to keep the alcohol from seeping into my eyes and mouth. _Don't taste it. Not one little bit. Don't taste it._

"I swear I will beat the shit out of you, you fucking cunt. Get the hell away from her!"

Heidi leans down and whispers in my ear, "Don't worry, I kept him occupied while you were away, Drunkie. Some things are finer than wine…"

"Now!"

It's a combination of both her words and actions that make me lose it.

I sink down to the linoleum floor, screaming as loud as my lungs will allow. "Fuuuuuck! Get it off of me! Please, just get it off of me!"

I claw at my arms and hair, like the alcohol's made of venomous poison that seeps into my system.

I can smell it–hints of cherry aged to perfection.

It's toxic to my being.

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying not to blink. It's not helping. The wine calls and it echoes, vibrating through weeks of abstinence, ricocheting until it sings back to me.

My body trembles as I cower, trying to fold myself into a ball.

"Get it off," I sob. "Get it off…"

I don't remember being lifted into the air and carried outside.

Or buckled into a car with blue leather seats.

I don't recall trees whizzing by, or being carried up a flight of stairs.

I don't feel my clothes being stripped, or being held up while one hand fumbles with the shower nozzle.

But I do feel the hot water. My head hits the tiles and all I want to do is fall. Sink until I'm down the drain, flowing with the water into the sewer where I belong.

"I've got you, Dimples. It's gone, it's washing off…"

The bar of soap smells manly, like Irish Spring, but it's rubbed through my hair, cleaning out sins other people want to give me. The bubbles fall into my eyes, but they're wiped away with a white washcloth.

I'm scrubbed until my skin turns red. The water turns off and a big towel wraps around me. I'm carried to a room and a bed I've never seen, but I can't focus on my location.

All I want to do is sleep and never wake up.

I'm clean, but I feel disgusted with myself. I fall gently onto the oversized bed and am draped with a blanket I don't need. Strong arms enclose around me, and I hear whispers that wine could never say.

"I'm here, baby bird. I'm here."

…

I blink slowly, awakening to a view that should have birds chirping and clouds rolling by.

"Cadillac?"

Eyes I've only dreamt of in the past few weeks peer back at me with concern.

"Are you okay?"

I rub my eyes as if the hurt I'm feeling takes away the haze I'm seeing. I feel drunk from Heidi's torment, and it's her persecution of me that causes my headache. "I'll live."

That's my motto these days. Live and move on. Survive and keep going. Persevere, 'cause no one's going to do it for you.

"Here, you're probably freezing." Cadillac pulls up the blanket that has somehow fallen off of me.

"Thanks." I stare at my fingernails, and though I polished them yesterday, the paint has already started to chip.

We sit in silence, but even after all of this time, it's not uncomfortable. It's like when you're sitting in a field watching hay roll by; it just is.

"Where am I?" I keep my hand on the blanket, trying to hold it while I sit upright.

"My apartment."

I don't realize until now how much I've missed his husky voice, even the smallest of phrases. It's thunderstorms in the West and rain in the East.

I glance around his bedroom, and sure enough, it's got most of what I recognize from his old room. Except it has a bigger bed and the curtains are blue. "It's nice."

"It's all right." Cadillac sits up too, and we lean against his headboard.

"You like it?" I ask quietly.

"It's my own. More peaceful, I reckon."

I nod, understanding what it's like to always have someone down your throat. Now he has his own space where he can be his own person.

"Thank you," I say, remembering my manners. "I don't know what got into me. Heidi…"

"Is a bitch," he finishes for me. "Don't thank me for that. I won't hit a girl, but she'll get hers."

I don't know what he means, but I don't ask.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I know I said it before, but I truly mean it. I-I shouldn't have lied to you. I was in a dark place. That ain't no excuse or reason, but I reckon you need to know that. I got you in a lot of trouble, and I'm sorry. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

Cadillac shakes his head. "Naw, Dimples. You don't need to apologize. I was hurt about you lying, I guess. I figured we was closer than that, you know? Like we told each other everything. But I understand why you didn't, and I can't blame you for that. What happened with Harry and that whole thing, that was my own doin'. I should have handled it like a man, talked face-to-face. I let my anger get the best of me. It ain't your fault. 'Sides, I was bound to get into trouble again. I think Officer Biers has a thing for me. I gotta keep him happy."

We laugh together and it feels like old times.

Cadillac takes my chin in his hand and turns my face towards him. "I'm proud of you, Dimples. I mean that. You've come a long way. I can see it in your eyes, like you done finally flipped the page forward instead of going back. Takes a strong person to do that."

"I learn from the best," I answer, smiling.

"Yeah, okay." He grins, rolling his eyes. "At work, all Charlie does is brag about you. Bella this, Bella that. We can't get him to shut up."

"You work with my Daddy?"

"He didn't tell you? Mom got me a job there as a salesperson, but your dad's the supervisor. He's a good man."

"He is." I don't know why I didn't connect the two dots together. Esme did tell me she had gotten Edward a job at a car place, but I never thought nothing of it.

"I don't know if Mom told him about us, but he ain't mention nothing to me, so…"

"Us?" I don't know if there is an "us," not with the lying and drinking and carryin' on. I'd hurt him in ways that couldn't ever be forgiven.

"Yeah, us. If you want that."

He says it as if it's my choice, like I have an option in the matter.

When it comes to Cadillac, things are definite.

"I want it."

Cadillac kisses me on the forehead and I want to melt into his arms.

"You ready to go back? I think we can make it to the last two classes."

I nod. He leaves for a minute and comes back with my clothes. They smell clean and fresh.

"Sorry if they're a little bit damp."

"No, they're fine," I say, rubbing the pink fabric. "Thank you."

He went through a lot of trouble just to make me happy. He always has, I suppose. I just never realized it before.

"I'll let you get dressed." He walks towards the door, but pauses just before closing it. "I just want you to keep doin' what you're doin'. Staying healthy and all of that. Don't let people like Heidi ruin what you've done."

_I don't know if I can, but I'll try. I promise on everything that I will._

"You're an angel, Dimples, and you deserve better than this Earth."


	24. Chapter 24

**Cherry-quit trying to kill my characters. It's not nice. Mia-You and I, we're twinsies. Sisters from another mister.**

**Readers- Are you in my FB group Cadillac's Wildflowers? For those of you who have joined and enjoyed teasers and story photos, TY. The rest of you I'm hunting you down one by one...**

* * *

_Chapter Twenty-Four: Bullets and Bullies_

**October**

"… And I know I'm older, but I swear, I'm treating her with respect."

"Uh huh."

"And we really love each other, Charlie."

"Mr. Swan."

"I mean, Mr. Swan. I promise, I'll do right by her. And I have been…"

Daddy glares at Cadillac, who is sweating bullets. I've never seen him so fidgety before.

The rifle pointed directly at him isn't helping either.

"So what you're telling me is this: You've been dating my _15-year-old _daughter behind my back, and now you're expecting me to allow her to go to the dance with you."

"Y-yes, sir."

"Mr. Swan."

"Y-yes, Mr. Swan."

"Uh huh."

Daddy looks between the both of us. I keep trying to hold Cadillac's hand as a form of unity, but he keeps snatching it away.

_Coward._

"Do you think I'm a fool, Edward?"

"Uh, no sir … I mean no, Mr. Swan."

"Because you are actin' like I am." Daddy stands up and aims the gun at Cadillac's reddened face. "Gallivanting my daughter around town in that Caddy of yours and calling her at all hours of the night. Did you really think I didn't know?"

"Uhhh…"

"Stand up, son."

Cadillac wobbles to his feet, like his legs are made of jell-o.

I tap my foot nervously as Daddy drops the gun behind him and laughs. He grabs Cadillac in a hug and pats him roughly on the back.

"Treat her good."

Cadillac is still in shock. "Uh, what?"

"I already knew. Hell, Esme told me about ya'll when you were first hired at Wilton's." Daddy chuckles and shakes his head. "But you gotta stop climbing through her window. You're a grown man. It's embarrassing."

Cadillac breathes a sigh of relief. "I thought you were gonna shoot me."

Daddy lifts the rifle up and hands it to Cadillac. "It's a replica. Ain't even real."

Cadillac inspects it, turning it over. "Sure looks like it."

"But I have another one and it'll shoot from here to Kansas," Daddy warns. "You break my baby girl's heart and your ass is grass."

Cadillac swallows and slowly passes the gun back. "I won't, Mr. Swan."

"Edward?"

"Yes, sir?"

"It's Charlie."

. . .

"Ya'll fuckers are messy." Cadillac tries to clean up the clutter everyone has made and McCarty laughs, knocking over another pop.

"Chill out, dude. I'll clean it up." Tyler grabs the trash can from the kitchen, but Rose trips him and garbage spills everywhere.

Jess cracks up laughing as Jasper takes another hit from his joint. "Man, this shit is good."

"You think all weed is good," Alice says, rolling her eyes.

I snicker, as we're crowded in Cadillac's small living room on Saturday afternoon. Jess sits in the recliner and Cadillac and I called dibs on the loveseat. Everyone else is on the floor, but it's fun, hanging out and relaxing without a single worry. They're nice enough not to drink around me, but they pull out joints as a substitute. Alice and I won't smoke them, but it doesn't bother us none.

After Cadillac fills up another trash bag, he plops on the couch beside me and lights up a cigarette. He wraps one arm around me, pulling me closer.

"Whaddya say I kick 'em all out?" He winks and pulls on the filter between his lips.

"So ya'll two can fuck all day?" Tyler scoffs. "You ain't getting rid of us that easy."

They don't know Cadillac and I ain't never had sex, but it's no one's business so neither of us say anything.

Alice knows though, so she tries to change the conversation. "Are ya'll excited for the dance?"

"Damn freshmen," McCarty mumbles under his breath. _We're sophomores, dammit!_ "The dances suck ass."

Emily rolls her eyes. "What the hell are you talkin' about? You get voted homecoming king every year."

"It's fucking fixed," Jasper replies, shoving Emmett against the coffee table. "I won that shit fair and square last time, and somehow you got the title."

"What can I say?" McCarty grins. "The people love me."

"Who wins queen?" Alice asks. We ain't ever been to the dance before. Mama couldn't afford a dress for me and Alice suffered with me. We'd spent the night cutting Hollywood celebrities out of magazines.

"Heidi," Rose answers, but she mutters her name like every syllable is filled with hatred. "But not this year. That bitch is at the bottom of the gutter."

I wish it were true, but she had found new followers. Ever since that whole wine episode, she'd gone out of her way to bump me in the halls or torment me in the bathroom when no one was around. Her crew of juniors gave me nasty looks, but I don't even think they knew why.

I didn't say anthing to anybody though. There wasn't any sense in being a crybaby about it. I just shrugged her off, but I think it made her madder.

"At the bottom for sure." Tyler grins. "And on top. Against my car. In the janitor's closet…"

"You're sick," Jess says with disgust. "Don't come crying to us when your dick falls off. She's got herpe-ghona-syphil-aids."

Alice snorts until pop comes flying out of her nose. It just makes everyone laugh harder.

"Alice!" Cadillac yells 'cause there's spurts of the fizzy drink everywhere. "That's it. Everybody out!"

"Is this about the herpes?" Emmett asks. "I think you're fine, man. Just wrap it up."

"Nope, it's an epidemic. It's spreading everywhere!" Emily giggles.

Rose joins in. "The docs say there's no cure."

"Self-management is key," Tyler says seriously.

"OUT!"

"Fine, but we're taking the weed," Jasper replies, collecting a stash of rolling paper. Everyone grabs their belongings, but just as they reach the door McCarty pauses.

"You're not alone, Cad. Together, we'll win the battle."

Cadillac tosses a pillow that hits the door and I can't help but smother him with kisses.

. . .

**One week later…**

"Bella, you look beautiful dear." Esme smiles and appraises my homecoming dress. I can't help but twirl as the purple and pink tulle floats around me. The crystals on the bodice catch the sunlight from the window, but I sparkle more than they do.

"Like a princess," Cadillac agrees and kisses me on the cheek. Cadillac's too much of a rebel to wear a real suit to the dance, but his black leather jacket fits him to a T. I appreciate that he doesn't conform himself just for an event. I figure that's the day the world really will stop spinning.

We stand in the foyer as Esme clicks away with her camera. Cadillac and I are being goofy, posing and sticking out our tongues. He dips me backwards and Esme laughs, capturing another moment of our silliness.

We're interrupted by Carlisle, who passes from the kitchen to the living room.

"Dad?"

Carlisle acts like he can't hear Cadillac's voice.

"Dad!"

Carlisle sighs and turns around. "What?"

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Cadillac pleads, looking helpless. "You haven't talked to me in months."

"I gave you your car back, didn't I?"

Esme tries to be the peacekeeper as I shift my feet uncomfortably. "Carlisle, don't do this. Not now. They look nice. Tell them how wonderful they look."

"Fuck him, Mom." Cadillac sneers. "If he can't even have the decency to say hello to his own son, then fuck him."

"Fuck me?" Carlisle storms towards the foyer and puts his finger in Cadillac's face. "You weren't saying fuck me when I bailed your ass out of jail. You weren't saying fuck me when it was my money that got you that apartment. You weren't saying fuck me when I bought you that car for your birthday. You got a lot of nerve, boy, speaking to me like that. Now, you and your little underage girlfriend get the hell out of my house."

Cadillac fumes, and I can see his fists balling up as he rubs his thumb over his fingers. It's a contradiction, seeing him look so handsome yet ready to brawl with his own daddy.

Carlisle notices his anger, but he doesn't back up. "Hit me. I dare you to. I'll have you locked up so fast you won't see daylight for the next century."

"Enough!" Esme steps between them, but she looks like she's about to cry. "This has gone on too long. We can't fall apart like this."

"Then tell _your _son to leave. Because I'm done." Carlisle steps aside away from the foyer and Cadillac grasps my hand.

"Walk away, _Carlisle_," Cadillac sneers. "Do what you always do and walk the fuck away."

Carlisle says nothing, but we can hear a stereo turned up loudly on purpose.

Esme breathes deeply and wipes away a tear she thinks no one notices. She adjusts Cadillac's jacket and pats the lapel. "I'll stop by sometime next week, okay honey? Just relax. This is supposed to be a fun night."

"Why do you stay with him, Mom?" Cadillac hisses. "He's a piece of shit. I can't stand him."

Esme looks between us and nods her head in my direction.

"For the same reason you two are together. Sometimes, Edward, love doesn't make sense."

.

.

.

"Are you okay?" I fiddle with the silver clutch that matches my heels as Cadillac pulls into the school parking lot. There are blue and yellow balloons on the outside of the building and a banner hangs just above the entrance.

"I'm fine." Cadillac sighs, and it doesn't sound like he's fine. He sounds like he's falling apart, and the one person that's supposed to love him unconditionally acts like he doesn't even know him.

I know how that feels.

"He's such a fucking jerk!" Cadillac jerks the car into park and turns off the ignition. "How much effort would it take just to move on already? He's always throwing that shit in my face. '_I bought you this, Edward_.' '_I bought you that, Edward_.' '_I paid for the fucking ground you walk on, Edward_.' I'm sick of his shit, Dimples. That's all. I'm tired of being tired, ya know?"

I nod, understanding completely.

"I'm sorry," Cadillac turns to me and gently caresses my cheek. "I'm being an ass. This is not the way I saw tonight going. I'm ruining it for you."

I shake my head, disagreeing. "You're not."

"You're being too nice," Cadillac says. "C'mon–maybe we can go stuff all the ballots with Jasper's name before anyone notices."

.

.

.

Cadillac grabs the red cup from my hand just in time. "Woah there, baby bird. Tyler spiked the punch."

"Oh!" I glance around helplessly at the tables filled with bowls of chips and finger sandwiches. "What am I supposed to drink?"

Cadillac walks to the right, where a cooler sits against the wall. He holds up two bottled waters in triumph. I grin as he passes me one and drinks from the other.

"You can drink, ya know," I suggest, nodding towards the tainted punch bowl with lemons floating on top.

I've gotten a lot stronger in the last few weeks, with my continued therapy sessions. I didn't see a need for the alcohol, but I wasn't gonna make everyone else stop just because of my issues.

Cadillac grins and takes another sip of his water. "You would like that, wouldn't you? You trying to take advantage of me, Dimples?"

I laugh as he kisses my forehead.

"Bellllllllla! You're hereeee!" Alice skips awkwardly towards me in a yellow dress as red liquid sloshes over from her cup.

"And you're drunk." I laugh. "Tyler spiked the punch."

Alice looks at her cup, then at me, then at her cup. "But it tastes like gummy bears. Maybe I'll be a gummy bear … you know what? Just call me gummy. Yummy the Gummy."

I giggle at her nonsense as Cadillac wraps his arms around my waist. "You want to dance?"

I glance at Rose, Jess, Emily, Tyler, and Emmett, who are already grinding on the dance floor. "Sure. But where's Jasper?"

"He was standing right beside me and then…" Alice replies and then sobs, "Oh no! He's a gummy too. Then that means … I ate my boyfriend! I'm a cannibal!"

I take the cup from Alice's hand and place it on the white tablecloth. "Just say no, Al."

Cadillac leads me to the dance floor and pulls me close to him. The beat is faster than we're dancing, but we don't care.

"You look hot tonight," I whisper, pulling at the hair on the nape of his neck. "All fancy in your new leather jacket."

"This old thing?" he teases, and it's those cocky smiles that make my knees go weak. He knows it, but he won't ever let me fall. "Naw, ain't nobody lookin' at me Dimples. You're beautiful. And you're all mine."

He kisses me, but doesn't linger. The chaperones are everywhere, already pouncing on Rosalie who is grinding on Emmett.

We dance for a few more songs until Mrs. Cope coughs in the microphone and the music silences.

"After tallying up the votes, we would like to announce this year's king and queen."

The crowd turns towards the stage they've set up at the front of the gymnasium. "Drumroll, please…"

Everyone stomps their feet in excitement. "This year's king is … Emmett McCarty!"

We cheer loudly, hollering as Jasper curses beside us. "Fuck you, McCarty! Fuck you!"

Jasper laughs and pats Emmett on the back as Emmett makes his way towards the front to accept his crown.

"I'd like to thank you all for making this happen. And for my mom, who created this sexy moneymaker so that you could enjoy this hotness every day. Also, to my-"

Mrs. Cope snatches the mic from his hand. "That's enough, Emmett. Move to the side, please."

McCarty shrugs and walks sheepishly to the left.

"This year's homecoming queen is … Heidi Saunders."

The claps are just as loud, but a few of us don't cheer. Edward squeezes my waist as Heidi, dressed in a red gown, sashays her way up the stairs. Mrs. Cope hands her the microphone to say her thanks.

"Even though most of you voted for me, there's one person in particular I would like to thank. Let's give a round of applause to tonight's true hero, Bella Swan, for battling her addiction with alcohol and fighting with her inner demons…"

The room goes silent as everyone's eyes turn to me. I freeze in my position as I realize one of Heidi's followers has turned the spotlight on me.

"Even though she's still a whore like her stripper runaway mother-" Heidi is interrupted by Mrs. Cope, who tries to take the mic, but Heidi's too quick. "I've come to realize that hoes need love too."

I stand in shock, noticing Heidi's malicious grin as she glares at me from the stage. It takes several seconds before I realize what she's done, and the weight of her words makes me vomit.

My vision blurs as Mrs. Cope escorts her from the stage, and I barely hear the whispers from classmates who are pointing and gossiping.

I vaguely see Cadillac gesture to Rosalie, who storms towards Heidi and punches her in the face. I don't recognize Jess and Emily joining in, pounding her onto the floor.

I miss it all as Cadillac carries me out of the school.

I'm too weak to hold up both my pride and myself.

For the first time in a long time, I'm thirsty.

I want, crave, and _need_ a drink.


	25. Chapter 25

**Cherry is leaving me for a sexy man at the train station and Mia knows a hobo. *gasp* What if it's the same guy?**

**Readers- I was going to update at midnight tonight, but people started to crush cupcakes in retaliation. It's all fun and games until my desserts get hurt.**

* * *

_Chapter Twenty-Five: Pedestals and Pushes_

I feel like the home Mama and I once shared: empty and lifeless. My eyes are windows that are shut off to the world, and my shoulders sag like worn wood, hanging limply at my side.

There isn't a point anymore; no point in trying when the world's going to knock you down, again and again.

Hope stopped visiting long ago.

"Dimples…" _Cadillac_. It's like I hear him, but I don't. I know he's talking, but somehow these trees whizzing by seem more important. Like if I don't count every one I'll have to start back at the beginning.

I hear Jack though. He's good to me. Whispering when Heidi yells, soothing me when everyone else gossips. I miss everything about him and how he made me feel.

I can't remember a single reason why I ever left him behind.

In my peripheral, I see a cigarette light up and I feel a hand on my leg. I don't want it there. I want whiskey that tastes like strength and bourbon that tastes like courage.

"Dimples!" My head turns, but I don't see him. I don't hear him pleading and begging for a life that doesn't exist. "Don't do this, Dimples. Stop shaking, baby bird. You're all right. You can do this. Remember how far you've come. We're almost home, okay? We're almost there."

I wish he would stop. _Stop putting me on a pedestal and worshipping an angel disguised as a demon._ _Stop pretending that I'm strong when my heart is fragile and weak._

He drives around a corner and I don't know if it's right or left, up or down. All I know is that this road is a bumpy one, and no matter how long I'm on this journey I won't ever see the end.

Pain is like that–it goes on forever and ever. Vast and infinite, it never ceases. It just keeps hurting, scorching me to my core.

Fuck life. Let me burn.

.

.

.

_Vodka._

"Look at me, Dimples."

_Johnny Walker._

"I know you're in there. Baby, please…"

_Warm beer._

"Don't do this. I love you, all right? I love you and I'm here."

_Bacardi._

"Baby bird, you're scaring me. Say something. Anything."

_I love them all._

"Bella."

I turn my head slightly on a soft pillow, but Cadillac is closer than he appears. He stares at me with love I don't deserve, affection I cannot tolerate. Green eyes gaze down at me, filled with agony I want to take away, but can't because I'm too lost in myself.

His fingers sweep across my cheek, wiping tears that won't stop falling.

"Dimples, what did I tell you? It's you and me, baby." Cadillac pulls me closer to him; so close I feel his breathe across my skin. "It's you and me versus them. Us against the world. Heidi's a jealous bitch, wanting what she'll never have."

_I kept him occupied while you were gone, Drunkie._

_Some things are better than wine…_

I flinch at the memory of her words. I imagine them touching and kissing, and her taking the only thing in my world that makes all of this worth it.

"She said…" I finally attempt to speak, but my bottom lip quivers and I taste my tears. "She said ya'll … that you two…"

His eyes turn a jaded hue. "And you believe her?"

_I didn't. _

_After tonight, I do._

"Fuck, Dimples, you think I would do that to you? That I _could_?" He lingers over me, brushing back the curls that have fallen. "Nobody owns me but you."

I try to convince myself that it's true, that Heidi is a liar, but I savor her words like they're sweet. They're the only things she's ever given me. Jealousy doesn't cause what she did tonight. That was revenge, a spiteful hatred that must have spurred from somewhere.

"I was gone for so long…"

I give him excuses, reasons for a betrayal that doesn't exist. We weren't together, but that doesn't ease my pain. It increases it, making me ache until I'm numb.

"Don't you dare." He speaks with bitterness, malice I've only heard him use with others. "Don't you let her get in your head when I'm begging to stay in your heart."

"You _are _there," I murmur, and he wipes another tear with the pad of his thumb.

"Then stop running," he begs, tenderly touching my baby hairs. "Stop running from me. From them. From everybody. Stay strong."

"I can't," I whisper, falling into his embrace. "I can't. All I do is drink and run. Run and drink. I want to forget."

"Then let me take it away."

Cadillac rolls his body halfway on mine, kissing my neck, the secret spot behind my ear, and the crevice just below my jaw.

"You won't remember a thing." His fingers tangle in my curls, removing two bobby pins that get tossed onto the floor. His nails scrape across my scalp, rough and delicate all at once. He's lying. He can't take all my baggage away. It lurks, unwanted and unclaimed.

"I'll erase all the bad." Cadillac forces me to look into his eyes as his hands wrap around me and he unzips my dress. The sparkle is gone, and they're just gems that hold no value. But Cadillac doesn't let me feel this. He takes my hands in his own, kissing each finger like they're valuable.

_I'm nothing._

"Give you everything that's good." Our mouths collide, but they don't battle. They mold, gently sucking, but with desperation that makes me feel insane. He slides my dress off, pushing it onto the floor with his foot. Brushing against my nipple, he rubs until it hardens for him.

_Always for him._

"My love's a gift, Dimples." It's always been him. Him with his greens and his colors and his touches that make me soar. Him with words that only make sense in our alternate universe.

"I'll lavish you with it." My skin tingles as I push his arms away to pull off his shirt. It flies somewhere, but I hope it never comes back. I wish I could always see him like this.

He' all smooth skin and hardened abs that I can call my own. My hands tremble, but I find a way to remove his jeans and boxers. He breathes into my mouth and I feel him harden against me.

"Exchange all the hurt." I grasp at his back, beckoning him for more–more touches, more kisses, and more love. More of this that most people don't get and aren't lucky enough to receive.

"Return all the pain." Cadillac obliges my silent requests. He slides. _Kiss._ Down. _Kiss._ His lips glide over my belly button and onto my center, where he parts me with his tongue.

He torments me with whispers of 'baby bird' and kisses my right thigh. There's jealousy, but he gives it two and then kisses the other. He nibbles on my skin, little bites that cause my skin to redden. I pant, roughly grabbing his hair and guiding him where I need him.

"You'll be rich, Dimples." Cadillac flicks my clit with his tongue. My hands grasp the comforter, twisting it impatiently. I turn my head to the side, unable to gasp for air, but I breathe it anyways.

"You'll want for nothin'." I become desperate and I pull at his hair, not caring if it causes him pain. Two kisses, one stroke of his tongue. I burn inside, scorching to temperatures no man should ever feel. I give in to his words, escaping pain and heat and misery to surrender for something more. He clutches my hips, diving in.

I'm unashamed of the sounds that escape me, the curses of his name that linger on my lips. This is all that matters now, him tasting me like the sweetest of desserts. I cry out as an orgasm rips through me, making my mid-section release the agony I've contained for so long.

"You won't need for anything." I barely hear his whispers as he slides up my body to kiss me again. I taste myself on his mouth, and it only makes me want him more. His touches are everything to me, warm and soft, hot and rough.

I can't think straight when he settles his erection directly between my thighs. Cadillac gazes at me, but it's not in lust like most people would think. It's total devotion and I want to give to him what no one else has.

He doesn't have to tell me he loves me, not in a moment like this. I know. I see it in his eyes, and for the first time, I see what he is.

My sun.

_He rises and shines._

I'm nervous and I tremble as he hitches my leg around him. I'm not naïve; I know this is going to hurt like hell.

Sometimes the pain is worth the joy.

He rests his forehead against mine as we breathe the same air.

I'm ready for this. There are no decisions to make, no choices to debate. I am his and his alone.

I writher around him as his cock presses against me, and I can feel his heart beating as fast as mine. My lips reach up to kiss his, anything to distract myself as he pushes inside of me.

_Damn it, it burns_. I was expecting pain, but it's the burning that causes me to cry out. He pulls out, but I shake my head at his retreat.

_Come back. I can handle this. Come back._

My toes dig into the soft comforter, and I grasp at his skin, pulling him back to me. I squeeze my eyes shut as he pushes.

He pushes and I cry.

I cry and he pushes.

He rips me apart and puts me back together again.

It's not as I thought it would be.

It's everything that I wish.

He's _in _me, filling up this empty soul, giving me something to replace the nothing. A tear escapes and I know he wants to pull out again, but I won't let him.

I whimper, silently begging. _Stay. Stay. Stay._

"I love you." He mouths it against my lips, and though there is no sound, I hear every word. I hear the love. I see it in the sweat above his brow, and feel it in the heart that beats for me.

I find it impossible not to clench my legs shut, but he pushes them open wider, opening them up as he slides back one slow, agonizing time. I don't know why I feel so hot, why the temperature has risen in such a short amount of time. But in this dim light, if he moves away an inch, I'll freeze.

He kisses me again, with an open mouth. His bottom lip glistens, highlighting the stubble on his jaw. He's never been so beautiful, so reckless and controlled. Cadillac entangles our fingers together, holding me still as he pushes past the brink of my childhood.

It's all there.

_Upside-down pineapple cakes._

_Bikes without training wheels._

_Snakes hidden in the deepest of gardens._

But this is not that. This is all consuming, fear-rushing, spine-crushing love.

He's right. It erases it all.

His hands steady me as he creates a deliberate friction, skin sliding against skin. The burning continues, but it lessens with every whisper from his lips.

With every thrust of himself.

With every kiss that possesses me.

I try to breathe again, soaking in this moment. I'm the alcoholic, but he's the one that's drunk. His face is flushed, as if he's intoxicated with me.

"You're my treasure, baby bird." The pressure is too much as he glides easier, back and forth, back and forth. I feel feverish from the heat that's building, from the intensity that we share. We'll never go back to the way we were after this.

_I don't want to._

"You're worth more than gold." The stinging pain subsides and is replaced by the familiar-pleasure. His strong hand holds me under my knee as I rock with him. I know I'm soaring, flying and imagining shades of greens that I can't see. I quiver as he hits … something … and it makes me moan out loud. Cadillac notices the change and pushes deeper.

Faster.

We rock against each other as a bead of sweat drips down my nose. I don't care. I'd bathe myself in him if I could. I feel complete as my body accepts him. I dare to look down, watching his hardened cock drive in and out.

In and out.

"You're jewels that don't exist." I whimper at his words and he speeds his motions. The headboard bangs against the wall and creates a rhythm only we can hear.

And it's beautiful.

I clutch his arms, begging for more. He doesn't hold back. He never has. I try to breathe as he speeds up, giving me everything I've ever wanted. His eyes turn wild, an animalistic nature driven deep within him. He breathing becomes erratic, and I fear I'm taking his breath with every pound.

He gives and I take.

I take and I take and I take.

I fly and float near my sun.

"Dimples…" My name is broken into spurts as he thrusts so hard my head presses into the pillow against the headboard. He shudders, coming inside me as his eyes close shut.

"You're precious." He kisses me between moans and touches and strokes and sighs.

I wait two heartbeats as he collapses beside me, cuddling me under his chin. Neither one of us dares to move as he whispers near my ear, "That is one thing you should never forget."


	26. Chapter 26

**I'd like to thank Cinnynala for filling in as BETA while Cherry has shecks with train hobos. Cinnynala thinks Cadillac is hot. I find him mildly chilly. Mia, put the spork down. *whispers* Grab the spatula...**

**Readers- I've never laughed so hard in my life. Your reviews, the threats against characters, the cold showers I'm now imagining in my head...Gah. I don't know whether to hug or hump you.**

* * *

_Chapter Twenty-Six: Sheets and Suspension_

My phone blinks in the darkness, alerting a message. It's Daddy.

_Hope you're having fun at "Alice's after dance sleepover". The key is under the mat if I'm asleep when you get home in the morning._

I frown, questioning the reason for the quotation marks as Cadillac's phone blinks too. He's breathing deeply, so I reach over him, sliding my thumb across the screen.

_I know she's with you, so remember what I said, boy. Here to Kansas…_

I giggle, forgetting Cadillac is sleeping. He awakens with a jolt, knocking the phone out of my hands.

"Hey!" I turn on the lamp so I can look for the phone in the tangle of the comforter and sheets.

Cadillac rubs his eyes and immediately reaches out for me. "What are you doing awake, baby bird?"

I snuggle beneath his arms and show him the message on his phone.

"Aw, hell," Cadillac chuckles. "I'm a dead man."

"He won't know," I tease, placing the cell down.

"Really?" Cadillac cocks an eyebrow. "Your innocence is gone, Dimples. It's written all over your face."

I touch my face with my hands. "Why? What do I look like?"

"Like you've been Cadillaced."

I laugh and playfully push against him. "Shut up."

"Are you still hurting?"

Cadillac's expression turns serious. He'd been so gentle, cleaning me up afterwards and comforting me after I saw the blood. I'd been expecting it, but still, it was shocking. Like concrete evidence of our love making.

"I'm fine," I lie. My bones, my muscles and even my clit throbs.

Soreness I could take. It was the earlier events of the night that had me thinking bad thoughts. I couldn't focus on that now. Not with him rubbing my back softly.

"Do you regret it?" Cadillac looks genuinely worried, as if he's scared he's robbed me of something. The old folks always said "be careful not to lose your virginity". It won't like that with us. I gave it away.

And I intended on giving some more.

"Don't." My voice is harsher than intended, but the meaning is the same. I don't want him feeling guilty or ashamed of what we'd done. It was beautiful and I didn't regret a minute of it.

"I'm just – I told you I'd wait, Dimples." He seems remorseful, almost like what we did was wrong. Not in my eyes. Love like ours can't be a sin. "But seeing you like that…Seeing you hurtin'…I couldn't hold back anymore."

I don't want reminders of the dance or recaps of Heidi floating through my conscience. I only want to think of him.

"I'm glad you didn't."

.

.

.

"How was it like with them? Those other girls, I mean?"

I know I shouldn't ask, not with him holding me and our arms and legs intertwined. But I can't stop thinking of how he knows so much, how he knows what to do. Fellas like Cadillac had to learn it from somewhere.

Victoria he said her name was. I wonder what she was like. Was she pretty? She had to be. Probably tall and with long blonde hair. Cadillac once said everybody in Texas was rich. I bet she had real pretty hair, the kind that was shiny every day.

"Don't ask that, Dimples." He doesn't look at me. He keeps his eyes closed as he lies on his back.

"Why not?" I ask, propping myself up on my elbows. "I just want to know. You're not hiding nothing from me, right?"

I'm stressing him out. I can tell 'cause he sits up, grabbing his pack of smokes from the nightstand. He lights one quickly, puffing a few times and not saying anything.

"Cadillac?"

He calmly taps his cigarette on the end of the ashtray. The remnants drop. Slowly. Carefully.

"Don't ask me that shit, Dimples. I mean it. You're trying to crack open skies for rain when there's already sunshine."

"No," I answer defensively. "I just want to know who you've been with and what it was like. I think that's a fair question."

"Little late for that. 'Sides, I already told you."

_Ashes, ashes, they all fall down._

"You didn't give details," I explain, brushing my hair down. "I mean, were they pretty? Were they virgins too? How'd you learn how to do all that stuff?"

"What do you want to hear?" Cadillac's eyes are fully alert now, his sleepy bliss broken by my probing questions. "I fucked them, Dimples. I fucked them against walls and in cars. I fucked them so hard they couldn't walk the next day! Is that what you wanted to know?"

Cadillac slams his fist on the wood and sits up, letting his feet drop to the floor. His beautiful face is now away from me, as is his heart.

My bottom lip trembles at his anger. I'm not trying to upset him on purpose. I'm just curious. Mama only ever showed me how sex could hurt you on the inside and Alice ain't know nothing about nothing. I didn't have much to go on. I wondered if I was bad at it, like I wasn't doing it right or something.

"You ain't gotta be so damn mean about it," I say spitefully.

Cadillac jerks his boxers on, standing up to face me. "And I don't understand why you actin' like there's a thousand girls when I only got one heart. They don't matter. What we have is here and now, but you can't accept that, can you? I think you _like _hurtin', Dimples. I think you like crying and carrying on and fussing day in and day out. It reminds you that you're alive. Ain't no room for the good things. You figure that once something good happens, you gotta overshadow it with the bad. I'm not fallin' in your hole. You keep living in darkness, Dimples, you're gonna forget what it's like to live in the light."

"You're wrong!" I shout, covering myself with a sheet and pulling it with me. I stand up on the opposite side of his bed, pointing a single finger. "Fuck you, Cadillac. I know what good is like!"

"Yeah?" Cadillac puts out his cigarette and the smoke lingers from the filter. "Then why the fuck are you asking me stupid shit? Why can't we be happy, Dimples? Tonight was perfect. Why did you have to go and ruin it?"

I laugh without an ounce of humor. "Perfect. Right. You fucked me after the entire school mocked me. You were so _perfectly _concerned, you dried my tears with your cock!"

I'm so pissed I could scream. I want to holler and throw my shoes, just so I have something hard to hit him with. Words were not enough. Cadillac's too smooth for that. He always out-wits me, sayin' things about stuff I don't know about.

We stare each other down, heavy breathing and rage flowing between us.

His hand does that twitchy thing, where his muscles instinctively reflex on their own accord. I try not to look past his fury, where his jaw that I love is tensing because of his temper.

"Take it back."

I shake my head, attempting to hold up the sheet. "No."

Cadillac's steps are so quick, I don't realize I've receded against the wall. He glares at me, lifting up my chin with a firm hand. The back of my head hits the wall, my neck stretching upward towards him. "I'm not joking, Dimples. Take that shit back."

"Fuck."

"You."

His nose flares in seconds that drag on. I won't back down. He's wrong and he knows it. Our chests heave, and we're falling, but this time it's not from flying. We're in quicksand and one of us will perish first.

_It won't be me._

"Flutter your wings, baby bird."

His voice is different. Rough and firm, but somehow softer in tone. It catches me off guard.

"I said, _flutter_." He yanks my sheet down until my naked body is on display. He licks his lips, hovering over me.

The goosebumps raise on my arms and they have nothing to do with the air. I swallow, gaping at his darkened eyes.

"You think I _fucked _you?"

I'm trembling too badly to respond. He presses his body against me. His erection is hard. He's turned on by this, by the way we yell at each other.

It's sick.

It's love.

It's a sick love and I don't want to be healed.

"That I dried your tears with my cock?"

Cadillac yanks off his boxers. He picks me up, grabbing my bottom with strong hands. I gaze down at him, excited fear electrifying my veins.

"Then I'll make you wet, Dimples. Let it pour."

His cock thrusts inside of me and I cry out, still sore from our previous sex. He pumps slowly three times, just to adjust me, but it's not for me.

It's for him.

I hold on to his neck as he bites my collarbone and it's deliciously painful.

I want more.

He's not gentle anymore, he's rough. He'd been holding back for my sake. Now he lights the fire and his anger is his fuel. My muscles clutch around him, soaking him in. I've never been loved like this before. Or hated like this.

I'll take it either way.

Cadillac grunts, pushing me higher and higher as I struggle to clasp my hands. He plunges deeply and I'm consumed by him. By his eyes, his tightened jaw, his chaotic hair.

It's too powerful.

It's too much.

It's not enough.

I get it now, the difference between love making and fucking. What he's doing is completely jolting to my system. My breasts bounce up and down with our movements, and I can't believe I'm not dying from this ecstasy.

His tongue provocatively licks my skin, then catches my mouth. He swirls it around, tasting every bit of me. I can't hold on.

Cadillac moans and I know he isn't going to last long. I can't either. My heart rapidly pounds as he hungrily devours me.

Inch by inch.

Fuck by fuck.

Beaded sweat by beaded sweat.

My legs start to slip, but he won't let it. He heaves me upward, continuously pounding.

"Take…it…back…" He's forcing the words out, trying to deny himself until I give in.

His hands grip my waist, squeezing with force. He plunges deeper as he twists into an unvisited angle.

I scream as my orgasm hits a new high.

"I take it back!"

Cadillac groans as he comes into me the second time in one night. He holds me still, then lets me down with a kiss on my forehead.

"That's the light, Dimples. Now keep your ass there."

**. . .**

**Monday Morning**

Daddy slams his fist on the mahogany desk, causing Principal Jenks to jump back slightly.

"What do you mean 'one day of in-school suspension'? That ain't good enough, damn it! Y'all let my baby girl get bullied at one of your functions and that's all they get?"

Principal Jenks sighs and adjusts his glasses. "I'm sorry Mr. Swan, but that's the school policy. Frankly, Bella should consider herself lucky she isn't suspended herself. According to Miss Saunders and some of her friends, Bella's been bullying them for months. And with your daughter's, er, _background_, it seems plausible. I suggest you recommend to Bella's counselor sessions on anger management. Miss Saunders was so hurt and fed up with Bella's harassment, she finally cracked. I admit, her behavior seemed a bit…alarming, however, victims have a history-"

I stand up from the hard, wooden seat across from the principal's desk. "Daddy, that ain't true! You gotta believe me! She's been-"

"Shh, shh. It's all right, Bella. You don't have to explain anything." Daddy wraps his arms around me, and glares at Principal Jenks. "Bella, get your things and go to class. I'll see you this evening."

Daddy kisses me on my forehead and I lean over, picking my backpack off the floor. Defeated, I leave the principal's office and shut the door behind me.

I hear Daddy cursing up a storm, but I know it's no use. Heidi's father serves on the school board and Principal Jenks is saving his own ass.

Rosalie, Emily, and Jessica got a whole week of suspension, with threats of being expelled for their "vicious attack" on a fellow student. I heard Heidi's face was swollen to a pulp, but since she's in ISS, I haven't seen her that morning.

"How did it go?" Cadillac waits for me outside of the office lobby, leaning against the wall, with his bandana hanging out of his pocket. Even though I'm having a shitty morning, just the sight of him makes me smile.

Holding two books in his hand, he wraps the other arm around me as he walks me to class.

"It went to hell, that's how it went," I sigh, shaking my head. "Principal Jenks is an ass. He basically told Daddy it was my fault."

"What?" Cadillac stops mid-step, turning my shoulders to face him. "How's that possible?"

"Apparently, I have an anger problem. You know, being an alcoholic and all."

"Fuck that."

His eyes flare with anger and suddenly I feel responsible for a war I never wanted. There won't be any winners, just two sides inflicting bullets with harmful words. I don't want Cadillac in the crossfire.

Cadillac glances down the hall, but it's almost empty because the bell rings its final call.

"I need to go pick up a few friends. Where's Alice?"

I think for a moment, realizing we're now in second period. "In biology. Why?"

"Go get her out."

And somehow, I feel like we're rallying up the troops.

* * *

**Side Note: This is not a pregnancy fic, so please disregard any pregnancy concerns. The birth control issue is in a later chapter. ****The only thing inseminating Dimples is Cadillac's love. :)**


	27. Chapter 27

**Oh how I've missed you all. I was terribly sick, but I'm feeling a bit better. Thanks to Cinnynala for filling in like a secret ninja, Cherry for coming back after humping old men, and Mia, who's out to kill all my characters. I love you girls.**

**Readers- Some things are sweeter than cupcakes...**

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_Chapter Twenty-Seven: Blackmail and Bygones_

**Cadillac POV**

Heidi flips her hair to the side, like she's a tall glass of sex and I'm thirsty for a drink. I lean back in the worn out chair, puffing on a cigarette. The abandoned Forks General Store has hay scattered on the floor, but she steps over it with her red heels. Any place is five-star when you're a world-class whore.

She craves my attention, noticing every smile and gesture as I tap my fingers on the armrest. I smirk, adjusting the volume on the stereo.

"All of it," I order as she sways her hips to the music. Her short, red dress doesn't leave much to the imagination, but she's eager to take off, and does so in one swift movement. Her matching underwear is lacy and seductive, and I can already see everything she's got. Heidi's tits show beneath the thin fabric and her nipples are hard.

She spins around for my benefit, swinging her ass back and forth.

"I'm going to give you this cock, Heidi, but you have to _want _it."

"Fuck yeah, I want your cock." She licks her lips and gives me a sultry look, then unhooks her bra and flings it on my lap. I spin the strap around my finger and toss it to the side.

She likes touching herself, rubbing her body up and down. Heidi slinks towards me, leaning over me with her tits in my face. "You love it when I dance, don't you?"

I pull on the filter, blowing out a ring of smoke. "I think you love it more, Blondie."

She giggles and turns around. Her ass shakes in my face and I warn her again.

"_All_ of it."

She peels down her underwear and grinds in front of me.

"Touch yourself. Back up so I can watch you."

Heidi saunters back to her original position and begins rubbing her pussy with one hand and her tit with the other.

"How's that feel, Blondie? Are you a blonde slut?"

Her plump lips open in an o-shape as she enjoys pleasuring herself. She's so turned on she can barely look at me.

"Say it."

"I'm a blonde slut!" She throws back her head, on the edge of an orgasm.

Standing up, I grin. "Yes you are. You're a filthy, bitchy, blonde slut."

Heidi–even in the middle of fingering herself–freezes as she hears my words. "What?"

Tyler, Emmett, and Jasper jump out from under the tables left over from the last party. Rosalie, Jess, and Emily stand up from behind the stack of hay bales in the corner. Alice and my girl Dimples come out from a hidden back door.

Rosalie and Dimples both have camcorders in their hands. Satisfied, they turn them off at the same time.

"What are you doing? What is this?" Heidi shrieks, attempting to cover herself up. I push away her clothes before she can grab them.

"Revenge," I smirk. Dimples walks toward me and I put my arm around her. "You fuck with my girl again and everyone will see how much of a whore you really are."

"Wh-What? You can't do that! They'll–you'll be caught. They'll know it was you!" she stutters as her face turns beet red.

"It's funny," Dimples says, grinning. "My camera only got the view of you dancing. Did yours catch a guy on screen, Rose?"

Rosalie shakes her head. "Nope. And it's amazing what technology can do these days. It'll be just your voice, Heidi, saying how much you love being a slut."

"You can't do this to me! I'll … I'll…"

"You'll what, Heidi? Tell your daddy you snuck out of school to go strip for a guy in the middle of nowhere?" Dimples laughs and drums her fingers on the camcorder. "No, what you're going to do is go to the principal and admit to him what really happened. How you and your little tramps have been bugging the shit out of me. After that, you're going to leave me the hell alone. If I hear one word out of you, or even see you look my way, this video is going to be broadcast all over Forks. Now, I want an apology."

"I'm sorry. Look, Bella, please. I'm begging you. I was just joking. I didn't even mean–"

"I'm sure you didn't," Dimples replies dryly. "Too bad you should have thought of that months ago."

Heidi tries to back into the wall. I toss her dirty dress at her and gesture to our friends. "C'mon guys. Let's get the hell out of here."

Tyler and Emmett bump fists as we stroll out without a care.

"Oh, yeah … And Heidi?" Dimples turns around as Heidi scrambles to get dressed. Her shame and embarrassment aren't enough to cover her. She glances up with a look of guilt.

"Stay the fuck away from my man."

. . .

"I don't know. I mean, I'm just looking for today."

Mr. Littlesea parades around the car, looking inside and then back at the price printed on the slip in the window. I know his type; he's already adding up the numbers in his head. He's a "needs-over-wants" kind of guy.

They're my favorite.

I grin and lean against the vehicle's midnight blue exterior. "Collin, what are you driving now?"

"An old beat up Ford. I gotta little one on the way, but I can't give up my truck. The wife says we need a new car, but…"

"Women." I shake my head and wrap a friendly arm around his shoulder. "Listen, you can't let your old lady get rid of your truck. I bet you're hauling huge loads on the weekend with it. I don't blame you. A woman can't come in-between you and your ride. But this isn't about division. It's about conquering."

"Conquering?" Mr. Littlesea glances up at me in confusion.

"What if I told you that you could keep your truck and make your old lady happy?"

"I'd call you a liar," Mr. Littlesea quips.

I chuckle and knock a single finger on the driver's side window. "You're hurting my feelings, Collin. I'm all about making you a winner. This Avalon here comes with a cream colored interior, has a 3.5 V6 engine, is equipped with a voice recognition navigation system, and even comes with latch anchors for your little one's car seat."

Mr. Littlesea whistles and glides his hand across the gleaming paint. "Not bad, Cullen. But I don't reckon I can afford something like this quite yet."

"Collin, Collin. What did I tell you?" I open the car door and rip off the sales sticker, dramatically ripping it into pieces. "You're a conqueror, and you're not gonna let a little thing like numbers keep you from owning your dream are you?"

Mr. Littlesea taps a finger against his chin. "It's nice, but…"

"Here's what I'm going to do for you and your wife. You say you gotta baby on the way, right? That means diapers, formula, and little blankets no one needs but the old lady says you gotta have. So I'm gonna cut you a deal. We'll pretend like this sheet of paper never existed. I'm chopping five grand off right now. Let's give you no money down today and zero monthly payments for six months. And, 'cause you're in a tight spot, I'm gonna throw in a complimentary car seat just for your little one. But…"

Mr. Littlesea frowns and sighs. "What's the catch?"

"You gotta tell me what you are and this sleek girl is all yours."

Mr. Littlesea chuckles and slaps me on the back. "I'm a conqueror."

"Atta boy!" I raise a hand in the air and Maggie rings the bell. It's our "sold" tune that rings loudly and shoots out a canon of confetti. Mr. Littlesea shakes my hand and laughs as I direct him to the finance office to complete his paperwork.

Charlie strides toward me and slaps a hand on my back. "I don't know how you do it, son. That's three new models in one week. You keep this up and you'll be taking my job."

"Shucks, Charlie. And not have you ride my ass everyday? No way."

Charlie grins and ruffles my hair. "Keep it up, kid. I see big things for you. Expect a huge commission this Friday."

"Thanks, Charlie."

"You've earned it. You've been-" Charlie stops talking mid-sentence as the door to the lobby opens. "No ma'am. No shoes, no service!"

I turn around as Dimples skips toward us, giggling. "Aww, I thought you wouldn't notice."

My heart thumps at the sight of my girl, brown eyes, love and everything that's good in my life.

"It's chilly outside, baby girl." Charlie shakes his head and gives Dimples a side hug because she's trying to balance a dish in her hand. "Whatcha got there?"

Dimples kisses me on the cheek. "I brought you a cake."

"You hear that, Charlie? She brought _me_ a cake," I taunt, trying to make him jealous, but he's shaking his head back and forth when she's not looking. "What's this for?" I ask her. I chuckle at Charlie who's making choking sounds and dramatic motions with his hands.

"'Cause I love you." She smiles, but it's mischievous. I know my Dimples a little too well. I cock an eyebrow as she sheepishly shuffles her bare feet.

"You love me and what?"

"I … um … have a favor to ask you. Both of you actually."

"What is it?" Charlie and I question at the same time.

"Well, I talked to Esme and she and I were just thinking … maybe if all of us sat down and had dinner, then maybe Carlisle wouldn't be so mad once we got to talking about stuff, you know? So we figured that maybe if we all joined forces, he'd understand. You know? _Maybe_."

Charlie and I glance warily at one another.

"Baby girl, Carlisle ain't too fond of me or you for that matter."

"No way."

"But … I…" Dimples looks down and sticks her bottom lip out. Somehow she makes it quiver even though her eyes are completely dry.

She was right all along. I had no doubt she'd make it in Hollywood.

"Don't cry. I'll make it. I promise I'll try." Charlie is a sucker and falls for her staged tears very easily.

"Cadillac?" She looks up at me with her brown eyes, all doe-eyed and teary. I turn my head and fold my arms.

"Nope. I'm having a good week. Let's not ruin it."

"But I brought you cake." Dimples holds out the mouth-watering dessert that's covered in fudge icing. I reach out a finger to taste the glaze, but she snatches it back.

"Say yes and it's all yours."

"Let bygones be bygones, Edward. That's your pops. You gotta mend your fences one of these days."

I sigh in defeat. Two Swans were too many to handle. "Fine."

Dimples giggles and cheers. "See? I knew you'd come around! Here, Alice and I baked it ourselves."

Charlie has a funny expression on his face, but I ignore him and swipe a huge glob of icing on my finger. I put the whole thing in my mouth, ready for the explosion of chocolaty goodness to hit my tongue.

Instead, it tastes like … eggs?

And … is that sour cream?

I swear on my Dimple's dimples–it's dirt. Someone actually made cake with dirt. This can't be legal.

I feel like I'm going to barf. I cover my mouth with my hand and reach for the sales paper I had tossed on the floor. I spit out the brown, disgusting lump and ball up the paper.

"Ugh. What was that?"

Dimples looks hurt, but I don't care.

Some things can't be undone. It would be weeks before I tasted real food again.

"I tried to warn you, boy." Charlie shakes his head and gestures towards Dimples, who shrugs and eats a mouthful of her nauseating creation. "Bella can't bake worth shit. I've got stacks of cakes at the house that even rodents won't touch."

"But you wet me weat it!" My words are slurred because I'm trying to wipe my tongue on the paper. It's to no avail. She finally got me.

I knew I was going down one day, but not like this.

Charlie grins and pretends to slug me across the cheek with his fist.

"I figured from here to Kansas was too far. The next time my baby girl comes home at six in the morning after a dance, walking like she ain't got no sense, you're gonna be wishing for death cake."

_Aww, fuck_.


	28. Chapter 28

**Everyone keeps asking when the prologue is coming back.**

**Little by little, my friends. Cherry and Mia both agree it's best to torture you...**

* * *

_Chapter Twenty-Eight: Dinners and Dancing_

I loved fried chicken like crazy. When I was little, and Mama and Daddy were happy and there was nothin' but laughter in our house, Mama would cook fried chicken on Sundays. There'd be peas and corn pudding and ham hocks that marinated the collard greens in a big ol' pot. I'd sit on the counter and help Mama make her famous apple pies.

I reckon that's where I learned how to cook so well.

Unfortunately, the Cullen house doesn't serve fried chicken. Daddy, Cadillac, Carlisle, little James, and I sit around their fancy dining room table, and I can smell something yummy coming from the kitchen. But when Esme comes around the corner with a platter in her hand, there's nothing chickeny on it.

"Tofu turkey," she says with a smile. I don't know what kind of shenanigans she's trying to pull, but I reckon gobbling turkeys can't dance no ballet.

So I say just what I'm thinking and Esme giggles.

"Not tutu turkey, Bella. _Tofu_."

"It's healthy for you," Cadillac chips in.

Daddy and I glance at each other. I ain't nothing but skin and bones already. I need all the protein I can get.

"Why's it jiggling like that?"

Cadillac kicks me under the table and Carlisle glares at me like I'm being ungrateful.

I'm not trying to be rude; I just gotta know if this tofu's gonna attack me after I eat it.

"Well, I can cook you something else if you'd like, Bella." Esme's too nice to say so, but I think I hurt her feelings.

"No, no," I say, swallowing the lump in my throat. "This is just fine. Give me the biggest serving you've got. Yum, yum. My, oh my, looks just scrumptious. I can't wait to taste all of the delicious dancing turk-"

Cadillac clears his throat, alerting me to the fact that I'm laying it on too thick. Esme dishes out the food and places it before each of us. I notice James stuffing his napkin with the bouncing poultry.

Damn him.

Must be nice to be so cute and small and unnoticeable.

"So…" Daddy takes slow bites of the fake meat and I watch him carefully, seeing if he chokes first. I dig into the string beans that look a little too long for my liking.

"Asparagus," Cadillac whispers when spit them into my napkin. "You gotta add salt."

"How's the hospital going? Everything good there, Carlisle?"

Carlisle appears offended that Daddy has even spoken to him. He takes a sip of lemonade and stares with cold jaded eyes.

"Sick people as always, I suppose."

"I bet," Daddy replies, stabbing his turkey.

_Die, you savage turkey imposter. Die!_

"Edward, Bella, how was the dance?" Esme asks. "I never got to ask you how it went."

I take a sudden interest in my baked potato as Cadillac chokes on his drink. Daddy glares at him, squinting his eyes.

"It was lovely."

"I bet it was," Daddy mutters.

"What's that?" Carlisle looks between the three of us, like he's missing an inside joke.

Cadillac mutters, "Nothing."

"Speak up, Edward," Carlisle orders loudly. "I can't hear you."

"I said, _nothing_," Cadillac growls back. He's gritting his teeth, and I can tell this wonderful Friday night dinner isn't going to be so wonderful for much longer.

"Cut the attitude, Son. I just asked you a simple question."

"And I gave you a simple answer, _father_."

Oh boy. This isn't going to end well. I look to my left and little James and his food have disappeared.

That sneaky bastard.

I don't even pretend to eat anymore. Esme throws her napkin down in a huff. "That is enough! Why can't we have a nice dinner without the two of you bickering? You said you would try, Carlisle, so do it damn it!"

Cadillac and I gasp at the same time.

I've never heard a curse word ever come out of sweet Esme's mouth, and when it does it sounds all wrong.

Carlisle stares at his wife in shock.

Truthfully, I don't think he's ever respected her. A husband should, being the man and all, but I reckon he just thinks of her as a housewife. I think that's changing though, 'cause Esme is finally standing up to him.

"Fine." Carlisle breathes deeply and tries again. "How is work going, Edward?"

"Great." Cadillac has a pitch to his voice, like he's trying to decide if he's going to flip out or not.

_Please don't_, I beg internally. _I just want to get through this night in one piece._

"Good."

Daddy decides this is his moment to contribute to the awkward conversation. "Edward is doing fantastic! He's selling so many vehicles I think he's going to take my job." Daddy chuckles but he's the only one laughing.

Perhaps the tofu turkey is too. The wiggling makes it hard to tell.

"Well, he better not. Edward's going to college after graduation. No son of mine is going to sell used cars for a living."

"They're brand new!" Cadillac yells defensively.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Daddy puts down his fork and crosses his arms. "Please explain, Carlisle. I make a decent living for me and my baby girl. I ain't got nothing to be ashamed of."

"Well…" Carlisle taps the table to rationalize his absurd thoughts. "Selling vehicles is fine for _some _people. After all, America needs both kinds, right? But my boy is a Cullen. He's going to attend Stanford just like I have."

"Some people?" Daddy spits out. "Both kinds? You watch your mouth, doctor. I'm not your son. I'll kick your ass from here to Kansas."

_Why Kansas? Why the hell are you always sending people to Kansas?_

"You are a guest in my home, Charlie, so if I were you, I'd watch _your _mouth!"

"Stop it!" I stand up and pound my fists on the table.

The turkey jiggles in retaliation.

"Just stop it! I'm tired of all of this yelling! This isn't about you, Carlisle, so quit being so judgmental and mean. And you, Daddy, stop threatening people with your Kansas nonsense! Why not Canada, huh? Why are you not kicking people's asses to Canada? And Cadillac, quit spurring on your daddy. You two are supposed to be family. Everybody in this world ain't got that. Some of us have parents floating around in the U.S. with a child molester, and you don't appreciate the man who's doing everything for you! So, everyone, please stop it already. This dinner is supposed to be about Cadillac and I, and you're making it about you. I know I'm the youngest, but at least I have the decency to act like an adult. Quit yelling and arguing and let's have a regular conversation like regular folk, okay?"

Everyone is stunned by my outburst, and they sit in silence.

After a few seconds, Esme is the first to speak. "Well done, Bella. I couldn't have said it any better."

"Oh can it, Esme!" I say bitterly. "You started this by bringing out the dancing turkey. People are starving and starting to turn on each other. Hell, your boy done hidden all his food under your good tablecloth."

I lift up James' side of the tablecloth, where food is smashed in a napkin and has smeared on the white under layer. Esme gasps and puts a hand over her mouth.

I don't know who starts it first, but there's laughter.

Someone chuckles and the rest of us join in, embarrassed by our behavior. We start laughing so hard Carlisle knocks over his drink, which causes another outburst.

Daddy raises both hands in the air. "Okay, I'll go first. I'm sorry. This is not how I act as a guest. I apologize."

"Me too." That's about as much of an admission of guilt as anyone's ever going to get out of Carlisle, so we take it. "Let's start over. Edward and Bella, how are you two doing?"

"Fine." Cadillac is still uneasy, unsure of his daddy's sudden change in demeanor.

"That's wonderful to hear, Son. I'm glad you two are doing so well. You know, I was concerned because of Bella's age, but as a doctor, I'm well aware this is the stage where sexual experimentation is acceptable. As a matter of fact, when Esme told me she gave Bella birth control, I-"

"She _what_?" Daddy's face turns beet red as he glares at me.

_Fuck. Damn you, Carlisle. Damn you and the dancing turkey to hell._

"What's he talking about, Bella?"

Cadillac shakes his head, warning me to shut up. It's too late. I'm sputtering out words I can't control.

"I swear Daddy, it was the one time," I spit out quickly. "Well twice. Only cause Cadillac got mad 'cause I asked him about the other girls. But he said that was just sex-fucking and not love-fucking, so we-"

Cadillac kicks my shin under the table.

I immediately shut up, but the damage is done.

"I'm just going to melt away now. No one knows I'm here…" I sink down in my chair, hoping Daddy thinks I've disappeared, but nope–he's still glaring at me.

"I thought you two were just fooling around. I didn't think you were … you know…" Daddy's too embarrassed to finish his thoughts. "Why didn't you come to me, Bella? You asked Esme for birth control?"

"I didn't ask," I correct him, throwing Esme to the wolves. "She offered."

"You what?"

Daddy's rage turns to Esme, but she's saved by the ringing telephone. She quickly jumps up and scurries off to the kitchen.

"This isn't over, you two."

"Sorry, Charlie." Cadillac tries to make amends but Daddy isn't buying it.

"That's Mr. Swan to you."

Esme is only gone for a few seconds, but when she returns her face is ashen.

"Esme? What is it honey?" Carlisle asks.

I've got a bad feeling in my gut. It's the kind that says something bad is about to happen. It's worse than turkeys dancing ballet or Daddy's shock towards the absence of my virginity.

The feeling has it's own spirit and it's sucking the air out of the room. Cadillac grasps my hand and I figure he can feel it too.

Shaking, Esme covers the mouthpiece of the phone and destroys my precious, safe world with two little words.

"It's Renee."


	29. Chapter 29

**Remember that time I was chased by a leprechaun and he stole my cupcakes and you weren't mad at me for an evening posting?**

**Yeah...good times.**

* * *

_Chapter Twenty-Nine: Pitchforks and Panic_

Fate is funny sometimes. It's got this way of messing with your head. Seems like every time you finally feel like you've got control over everything, Fate has plans to change all that you were thinking.

She's an ornery bitch who only pops in when Luck has given up and Chance has decided kicking your ass ain't working.

And that's when it stops being so funny.

Alice and I stroll through the town square, shivering 'cause it's getting way too cold to be walking around barefoot. This nail polish I'm wearing is too cool to be hidden away in shoes and socks, however.

Rockstar Galaxy.

It's midnight blue with gold and silver speckles that shine even on the dullest of days.

"Why'd she call for?" Alice winces as she stubs her toe against the sidewalk. She's not paying attention to where she's going.

I shrug and keep my voice low, as if talking about Mama is a big secret.

"Esme said Mama was in some sort of trouble and needed Esme to wire some money to her. She didn't know Daddy and I were at the house. Hell, Esme said she never even asked about me. Esme told her she wasn't wiring her anything and Mama hung up the phone after that. I was just bawling my eyes out 'cause I heard her voice through the phone. Seemed like she was right in front of me, yet so far away. Daddy let Cadillac and me hang out afterwards 'cause I was so upset. I reckon he's not happy with him, but after that whole phone call, I think he'll let it slide. No cryin' over spilt milk, you know? What's done is done. Cadillac and me, we're happy. He keeps me going. Daddy said I'm still allowed to date him, but Esme can't be giving out my pills like a drug dealer anymore."

Alice giggles and squeezes my hand. "Hang in there, Bella. As long as your mama stays put and you can keep seeing Cad, ain't no reason for you to be sad."

"You're right. I'm trying to stay happy. I can't let that woman get the best of me."

"That's the spirit!" Alice skips and pulls me along with her. "C'mon, I'm hungry. Let's get some barbeque."

.

.

.

"Can I get a full rack of ribs, a chopped brisket sandwich, a side of coleslaw, waffle fries, an extra pickle, and a large pop? Wait–add some cornbread too. I can't eat ribs without cornbread."

Alice spins in circles on the stool and plays with a straw while I stare at her in awe.

"Alice, do you have any money?"

"Nope." She pops her 'p' extra loud and twirls the straw around her finger.

"And you expect me to pay for all of that?"

"Yep." She pops again.

"Right. What if I told you I'm not paying for all of that food?" I call her bluff as she sticks her bottom lip out.

"C'mon, Bella," Alice pleads. "I'm starvin' over here. Ma's cooking them nasty radishes again and I hate radishes. I promise, I'll pay you back."

The lies she tells are so incredible not even the cashier believes her. She blows a huge bubble with her gum and stares at me. "And you, child?"

"Just a pulled pork sandwich for me. And a sweet tea, please."

"Coming right up." The lady's nametag reads Sally, and she looks awfully familiar.

"Don't I know you from somewhere?" I ask.

Sally has sweat pouring down her face as she shrugs her shoulders. "It's Forks. Everybody knows everybody, doll face."

She writes our order down on a slip of paper and tucks the pencil behind her ear.

"Wait!" I cry out, a little too loudly. "I _do _know you. You used to work at the ice cream stand."

"That'd be me," she replies, handing the order slip to the back kitchen.

"Whatcha working here for?" Alice asks.

"Almost winter. Ain't gonna be no ice cream for a while. And Dirty–he's the owner–he's relaxing now. Retired after he got in trouble for buying alcohol for some little girl."

"You don't say," Alice replies, being a smart aleck.

"Yessiree." Sally chews her gum as she cleans up Alice's straw papers. "Kind of stupid if you ask me. I don't know why an old man like himself would get caught up in some mess like that."

Sally pours our drinks into Styrofoam cups and we sip on them slowly.

"You wanna hear a secret?" Sally leans forward, ready to spill.

"Always," Alice grins.

"So you know the girl I was just talkin' about? Well, I heard Dirty was sleeping with the girl's ma, who was a stripper. Can you believe that? A stripper! And old man Luke–you know, the geezer with the bad back that lives on Goffman road–his sister's friend's cousin, Jane that I go to church with, said she saw the stripper at Dirty's house the other day. And she would know, 'cause she wouldn't lie even if the devil was stabbing her with his pitchfork."

My eyes grow wide. "That ain't true. The stripper is gone. She left town."

Sally throws her hands up defensively. "I'm just repeatin' what I was told."

"Order 13 is up!" The cook from the back yells that our food is ready. Sally rings up our order and I pay for the expensive meal, lost in my own thoughts.

I take the huge bag in my hand as Sally looks at me suspiciously. "You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you look just like the lady Jane described."

I lower my eyes. "Forks is bigger than you think. Maybe everybody doesn't know everybody."

. . .

"It don't make a doggone bit of sense," I say, lying back on Cadillac's sofa. "Why would she say that? Esme saw the number on caller ID. It was definitely an Arizona area code."

Cadillac dismisses my thoughts with a wave of his hand. "Dimples, you can't be listening to old folks' gossip. Some people just like to listen to themselves talk. 'Sides, Esme called the police. They've got her number, but the phone's been disconnected. Don't worry, they'll catch her sooner or later."

Cadillac rubs my legs. I know he's telling me what he thinks I want to hear. I don't know whether I hope Mama gets caught or if I hope they never find her, 'cause if they find her, they'll find Brady. That's enough for me to want her to stay gone. I'd suffered enough in the past few months. I didn't need either one of them ripping apart this happy life I had.

I glance at my cell phone on the coffee table, as if willing it to ring. Not that it would since Mama doesn't have my number, but maybe she missed me; maybe she wanted to say she was sorry for everything and that she should've never left.

I'm trying to rationalize my thoughts when Cadillac lifts up my chin, staring at me with worried eyes. "You okay, Dimples?"

I nod with a sad smile. "I'm all right. Just wondering about everything and nothin' I guess."

Cadillac shifts his position on the sofa and pulls me on his lap, nuzzling my hair. "Don't be thinking so hard, baby bird. You keep inhaling all them bad thoughts and they're gonna get caught in your chest like phlegm. It'll only make you sick."

I inhale his words instead, as if they're medicine to my soul. Cadillac turns my head back towards him, kissing my forehead … then the tip of my nose … and finally, my lips.

No matter how many times we've kissed before, he always leaves me breathless. I feel an ache between my legs, a feeling stirring inside of me. He gets me going, even when he's not trying.

Soft lips leave mine to graze the spot just below my ear.

"Think of me, Dimples." His nose skims my flesh, tickling and brushing along my shoulder. His fingers sweep over my tank top straps, pulling them downward.

Cadillac nibbles across my shoulder as his hands reach my breasts, rubbing my nipples. Kiss. Bite. Kiss.

"Think of how much I love you." My voice catches in my throat as the pads of his thumbs flick back and forth. He's too soft and too rough, too quick and too slow.

I'm selfish. I want it all, in every way that I can have him.

Bite. Kiss. Bite.

Cadillac's hands move downward, pulling on the drawstring of my tiny shorts. He slips one hand inside, teasing the ache that has yet to cease.

"Open for me, Dimples."

I oblige as he coaxes my legs to spread wider. They shake, anticipating his touch. His fingers trace over my clit, and my hips move on their own accord. I move in a circular motion, wanting him to touch everything.

Kiss. Bite. Lick.

His warm tongue runs across my neck, making me shiver from the opposing temperatures. I lean my head backward, unable to sit upright.

"Think of me inside of you." His finger slips in me, pumping gently in the slowest of motions. My cheeks flush as I squeeze around him.

"Think of me giving and all you gotta do is take." I scramble to grab onto his thighs, grasping the thick material of his jogging pants. I can feel him harden beneath me, but he keeps the focus on me.

I circle my hips, fucking his finger as he slides another one in, stretching me. I don't know how I'm holding on, how I'm not falling apart right in his lap.

My heart is in a delicate and fragile place, yet somehow, he keeps it beating. Little by little, he knows how to make me forget everything bad. I ain't never loved before him, and I don't recognize these feelings–overwhelming and powerful, forceful and passionate.

I whimper as he thrusts his fingers deeper, curling to spots I couldn't find on my own. I rock against him, riding waves that leave me drowning.

"Think of me when you come." I squeeze my eyes shut, surrendering to his husky voice. It's smooth and gentle, grating and hoarse. My eyes are closed, but I don't see darkness. I see light and Cadillac, colors and happiness.

I breathe heavily as I ride out my orgasm. Cadillac pulls out his glistening hand with a twinkle in his eye.

He licks his fingers, sucking on them seductively.

"Cut it out," I laugh, pushing him down.

I fall over him, my legs straddling his hips. I run my fingers through his hair with one hand and use the other to outline his jaw and the coarse stubble that darkens his face.

"You gonna take your pants off now?" I ask.

Cadillac grins, sweeping away my hair. "Eager beaver, aren't we?"

I giggle, kissing his cheek. "It's your fault, you know. I was all sweetness and lollipops until you came along."

I reach between us, trying to tug at his pants.

"Lollipops, huh?" Cadillac licks his fingers again. "Mmm, raspberry. My favorite."

It just makes me laugh harder and we fight over his bottoms. I get them one inch down and he tugs them two inches up.

"All right, Cadillac. Here's the deal: give me the cock and no one gets hurt."

"Are you threatening me?" He asks in mock shock. "In that case, you get nothing!"

In a swift movement, he slides from underneath me and jumps up, running to his bedroom. I squeal, chasing after him. He chuckles, lunging and rolling onto the bed just as I reach out for him.

"Too slow, Dimples. I'm starting to think you don't _really _want it."

I huff and cross my arms, giving up. "Fine. I'm not gonna sit here and chase you around your apartment just for some dick. I have standards, you know."

Cadillac's eyes flash as he walks to my side of the bed and pushes me down softly. "You give in too easily. I was gonna let you catch me."

I grin and smile widely. "I know."

Figuring out my deceptive plan, Cadillac tickles me and squeezes my sides. "You tricked me? And there I was, feeling all sorry for you."

"All part of my plan," I grin.

Cadillac leans forward, melting our lips together. I hum underneath him, enjoying the way his tongue lingers and pushes against mine.

But Fate, she has plans herself. Evil and malicious, she steals laughter and robs kisses.

She replaces joy with fear and pleasure with terror.

Cadillac and I are too wrapped up in each other to see the figures looming over us.

When I finally notice, I scream at the pistol pointed in our direction.

"Get up," the voice commands.

I listen.

My heart beats erratically, fearful of the situation Cadillac and I are now in.

There are only two things in this world more frightening than Fate, and their names are Mama and Brady Fuller.


	30. Chapter 30

**Cherry is trying to start a mob (I hope it's a flash mob) and Mia wants to know why ninja turtles aren't involved.**

**New Readers- Sometimes you reviewers pop out of nowhere, stalking me from places unknown. And then I have to hunt you down, figuring out where you all came from. And find you I did. So I'd like to thank the following gals for their sweet recs: Rita01tx (robattack . wordpress . com), Layathomemom (author of Girl Code), and Twilightladies (writer of I Belong With You). **

**Old Readers- You know I like treating ya'll like a red-headed stepchild. Show some hospitality and pass the cupcakes to the newbies...Wait, I didn't say THROW them. Damn you...**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty: Blows and Bases_

I should be concerned with Mama's disapproving glare, Brady's pointed gun, or that fact that Cadillac is now shielding me in a protective stance.

For reasons unknown, all I can think of is baseball.

When I was about eight or so, Daddy took me to a baseball game. I can't remember who was playing or why, but I recall begging for a hot dog with too much mustard and a watered down soda pop. I remember Daddy yelling from the stands, joining in with belligerent fans that paid way too much for a small pack of peanuts. The pitcher would throw the ball and the crowd would go silent at the same time.

Then that player on home base would swing so hard you could hear it a'cracking through the wind. I wanted to cheer, but the old lady next to me opened up her cellophane wrapper at the same time, ruining the moment. By then the player would be on third, and I remember holding my breath hoping he'd make it home.

He never did. After all of that chanting and praying and hoping, the pitcher would throw a fast one, striking the next batter out. All hell broke loose after that. The umpire had to calm people down, the coaches were screaming, and every male over the age of twenty-five was shouting out curse words no eight-year-old should ever hear.

Daddy dragged me back to the car after that, my shirt stained with more mustard than I ever got in my mouth. I remember looking back at the wrappers and cups left abandoned in the bleachers. The field lights would shut off and the hope that hundreds of people all had at once was gone.

Now I just feel like I'm being dragged into a game I never wanted to play. Cadillac pushes me slightly behind him, and his arms spread outward to protect my body. I hate to tell him, but it ain't gonna do no good against a bullet.

"Over there!" Brady orders, gesturing his gun towards the right side of the room.

Cadillac doesn't move. "How the hell did you get in my apartment?"

Mama laughs, but it isn't sweet or familiar. It's strange and haunting, leaving goose bumps to trickle up my bare arms. "You think those little locks could have kept us out? Brady here is a professional. We got here just in time to see you, Bella. Still acting like a little slut, aren't you? What did I tell you, sug? Boys like this ain't nothing but trouble."

"Shut up!" Cadillac sneers. "You don't get to talk to her like that anymore. You lost that privilege when you ran away with your little child molester!"

Mama steps past Brady and swings her arm, slapping Cadillac across his cheek. "You hush your mouth, boy. You think just 'cause you're Esme's son I won't have Brady here shoot you? I will. Keep testing me and I swear on my father's grave, I will."

Cadillac swallows, but he's fuming from Mama's blow. "Why are you here?"

"Brady done went and … see, we're in a little bit of trouble. Gotta get out of the U.S., and unfortunately we've run out of money. It was a long way just to come back to Forks, but I promised Brady here it would be worth it. We've been staying at Dirty's house. That man will do anything I ask him. I've had Dirty watching you for the past few weeks. He finally confessed that Esme drops off a load of groceries and cash on your patio. I tried calling Esme from one of them pre-paid phones I bought in Phoenix, but Esme thinks she's too good now to help out an old friend. We was just gonna borrow money from her, but since she's acting like a bitch, we're back to plan A. That's where you come in and the reason we're here. Give us the money and we'll be out of your hair."

I don't give Cadillac a chance to respond as I step forward. "You're running away to Mexico?"

Mama smiles. "You were always a smart one, weren't you sug? I suppose ain't no harm in telling you. Yes, we're running to Mexico. And we gotta be on our way, so tell your boyfriend here to give us the money."

Cadillac pivots his body so he's back to protecting me. "I ain't got none."

Mama laughs, her smile shining whiter than anything her soul could ever match. Brady cocks his gun, glaring at Cadillac. "Listen here you piece of shit! I let you get the best of me last time, but it's not going to happen again. Give her the damn cash or I will shoot you and your pretty little girl to the ground."

"And I told you, mother fucker, I ain't got none!" Cadillac yells sharply. Brady is about two feet away, but Cadillac is just inches from ending his own life.

"He's lying!" Mama screams. "I swear he is, baby! Harry said she puts it in them fancy envelopes with the flowers on it."

"Calm down Renee. Here." Brady reaches in his back pocket, pulling out a thick, tan colored threaded rope. "Tie 'em up. We'll strip this place from the top to the bottom."

Brady tosses Mama the rope and she approaches us frantically. "Turn around. That's it, all the way. C'mon, we ain't got all day."

Cadillac and I are now tied back-to-back and left to stand in the bedroom.

"Sit down," she orders, and we plop onto the bed together. "One funny move and you're both goners. I ain't afraid to shoot your whorin' little ass, you understand me girl?"

The tears are flowing before I can stop them. "Y-yes, ma'am."

Brady and Mama ransack Cadillac's room, tossing anything and everything all over the place. When they find nothing, they leave and we can hear them destroying the house.

"Shhh," Cadillac tries to soothe me in a calm voice. "It's okay, Dimples. I'll get us out of here."

"How?" I sob. "I can't get loose and both of our phones are in the living room. We're screwed. Do you even have money here?"

I can feel the back of Cadillac's head nodding against mine. "A shitload of it. Between Mom giving me money and the commission I've made, there's about ten grand here."

I gasp aloud. "Where is it?"

Cadillac moves his head to the left. "Up there."

I try to guess where he's nodding to, but I don't see anything. The ceiling ain't got no tiles and the ceiling fan's got a clear bulb.

"Higher."

I finally see what he's trying to say.

"Above the window?" I ask.

"In the rods," he whispers. "That rod, in the kitchen, in the living room. All over. It's a trick I learned in Texas from J-Wolf. You just twist off the capped ends and slide the cash in there. Trust me, they'll never find it."

"That's what I'm afraid of," I murmur solemnly. "Hey, Cadillac?"

"Yeah?" I wonder if his heart is racing just as fast as mine.

"Mama said she and Brady are in some sort of trouble. What do you think they did?"

I feel Cadillac shrugging. "I don't know. But I think Brady is the one that did something."

"You mean like…?" I trail off, not wanting to admit what I'm thinking.

Cadillac nods. "People like him don't stop. And your mother just keeps enabling him. Child after child. Little girl after little girl."

I feel real sorrow in my heart, thinking of some girl out there who didn't have a Cadillac to save her. It makes me sick to my stomach.

Cadillac and I twist our hands, trying to escape, but it's no use. There's zero wiggle room and the rope is too tight to loosen.

Mama and Brady are yelling back and forth.

"Check the back of the toilet!"

"Look in the freezer!"

"Start opening books!"

"Damnit, baby. I know it's here…"

I don't know how much time has passed, but it's much too soon before they come back in the bedroom. Their unwarranted search has left them empty handed and they're absolutely livid.

Mama grabs Cadillac by the chin, jerking his face towards her. "You think I'm fucking around here, don't you?"

Reaching across, she snatches the gun out of Brady's hand and pushes the barrel into my skin.

Right in the middle of my forehead.

I whimper, scared out of my mind.

"I'm going to ask you one more time–where is the fucking money?"

Cadillac says nothing and I feel the steel digging deeper.

"I'm not playing. If you think I won't shoot my own daughter, then you don't know me very well. Where. Is. The. Money?"

I feel a controlled hysteria buzzing through my veins. I try to count, to do anything to distract myself from the thoughts that my Mama loved money more than me.

"Damnit, it's in the curtain rods! Get that fucking gun away from her!" Cadillac yells, but he sounds defeated. "Fuck!"

Mama pats his cheek. "That's better. See? We could have avoided all of this. Brady, start getting the cash."

Brady and Mama jet out of the room and we can hear them tearing down the curtains.

"Dimples, we have to get the hell out of here!" Cadillac hisses. "They've lost their damn minds. They aren't gonna let us go scot-free; you know that right? They're gonna kill us and then escape with the money. They're not gonna leave any witnesses."

"I can't untie this rope!" I whine, shuffling again.

"Shhh…you don't have to. They're going to be a while. There're windows in every room. And we can't escape, so we're going to have to get help."

"How?" I whisper. "We don't have a phone."

"My iPad. It's in the drawer beside you. Pick it up with your mouth and put it on the bed."

iPad? Oh, an iPad!

It was the small screen with no keyboard Daddy tried to buy me, but it looked too confusing.

"I'll lean with you. Use your foot to grab the drawer handle." Cadillac and I move together as he gives me step-by-step directions. It takes several tries, but I manage to toss the iPad on the bed with my mouth.

"There should be pens or pencils in there. Grab one." I do as he says. The pens are too slippery to pick up with my teeth, but I manage to successfully latch on to a pencil. Cadillac shifts his body and I lean with him as he starts tapping on the screen. I can barely see what he's doing, but I hear the tap-tap of the pencil.

"Done!" Cadillac drags a pillow over the electronic.

"What did you do?" I ask.

"Emailed my dad."

For once he doesn't call him by his God-given name.

Mama and Brady eventually come back, with crumpled bills stuffed in a plastic grocery bag. Brady checks the bedroom window, getting that cash too.

"I think that's all of it," Mama says, cheerfully grinning. "I knew you had stacks of money 'round here. God don't like liars, boy."

"Well then He must hate you," Cadillac retorts spitefully.

Mama pistol-whips him and I wince at his pain. "What did I tell you about that mouth? All that talking and you've got nothing to show for it. Brady, do me the honors. We're done here."

Mama passes the gun to Brady, who takes it and aims at us. "Which one first?"

Shrugging, Mama looks uninterested. "Either one. Take your pick."

Brady grins and moves the gun side-to-side. "Eeny meeny miny moe…"

I breathe heavily and close my eyes. I get the feeling Cadillac is doing the same thing.

"I love you, Dimples," he says softly.

"I love you too, Cadillac."

"Wait!" Brady lowers the gun. "For all of my hard work, I think I deserve a going away present."

"Brady, no … she…" Mama tries to beg Brady, but he licks his lips and stares at me.

"Shut up, woman! You dragged me into this mess and I'm going to get what I came here for. You want to go wait in the car, be my guest. But I'm not leaving just yet."

It finally dawns on me what Brady wants. Cadillac snaps his head up. "You touch her you sick bastard, and you'll fucking die."

Brady laughs. Mama touches his arm softly. "Baby, please. Let's just go. We'll … we'll find you someone else … just not her. We gotta go."

"You love me, Renee?"

Mama nods her head. "You know that I do."

"Good. Then shut the hell up! I'm fucking that sweet, little, young pussy before I leave. She's a slut–remember? Just like the rest. Isn't that what you told me? That she's a whore?"

Mama shuffles her feet uncomfortably. "Yes, Brady, but…"

"Then it's settled."

Brady walks toward me as Cadillac shouts obscenities, fighting and struggling against the restraints.

His rough fingers glide against my cheek as I cry out loud.

Suddenly, the rules of baseball have changed. Three strikes and you're out no longer applies.

Somehow, the loser in this game is still trying to make a home run.


	31. Chapter 31

**Cherry is in a crisis and Mia minds her own business. This is exactly how riots start.**

**Readers- You win. Enjoy your short-lived victory... *giggles and runs away with bribed cupcakes***

* * *

_Chapter Thirty-One: Forewarning and Fault_

Brady has a crazy-eyed look about him, the kind where you know he's not actually seeing anything but red. He struggles to untie me while still keeping the revolver directed at Cadillac. "Keep it still, boy. Bella, you over there."

He jerks me upward, half pushing me to the side. His roughness causes me to bump against the dresser, knocking my elbow. He tosses Mama the rope. "Tie him back up."

I don't know what's wrong with Mama or why she's going along with this, but she listens and triple knots the rope firmly. Cadillac tries to squirm and Brady holds the gun closer. "I said, keep it still."

"You ain't gonna get away with this, you know," Cadillac warns. He tries to appear strong and threatening, but his eyes water as he steals glances at me.

"See, I got a plan that says I do." Brady grins. "You and the pretty thing over here will both be dead, so that's that."

I tried to slyly take a step towards the door, but Mama scowls and pushes me back. "Don't you move, slut. You wanna act like a whore all the fucking time, here's your chance."

My chest throbs with pain as she hauls Cadillac to his feet and towards the floor, and then knocks him back onto the ground. "Stay put."

"Take your clothes off, Bella."

I expect the order to come from Brady, but it's Mama who's ordering me around.

"No." I say it quietly, but firmly.

She reaches out slapping me across the face as Cadillac yells, "Stop it!"

"I said strip!" When I don't listen, Mama pulls off my shirt. I swing at her with weak arms, but it's no use. I stand embarrassed, shivering and half-naked in my bra and shorts.

"Don't be difficult, child. You're only gonna make this worse."

I extend my hand, ready to hit her back as Brady turns his gun towards me. "Don't you fucking dare."

A deep panic rises in me as I realize there's no way out of this situation. I try to keep my eyes on Cadillac, who is slowly trying to steady himself on his feet. I look towards him for help, but he just nods.

_Just listen, Dimples. Keep going._

Tears escape my eyes as I glance at Brady in alarm. He's going to seriously do it this time. Brady steps forward, skimming a finger along my collarbone, then down the middle of my chest towards my belly button. I can't help but sob aloud. I don't want him touching me.

Brady's face tightens. "Back up Renee. I've got her."

Mama complies, stepping backwards towards Cadillac.

She's too preoccupied with watching Brady as he reaches for my shorts that she doesn't notice Cadillac lunging forward. He trips her, and I take the opportunity to grab the closest item to me and swing it at Brady.

The picture frame scrapes his face and only makes him angrier.

"You bitch!" He tries to pounce on me, but I run in Cadillac's direction, cowering beside him. Cadillac kicks Mama as she screams and rolls on the floor.

With one hand on his bleeding face, Brady aims his gun towards us. "Now you've just pissed me off. Renee, get up!"

Mama rolls to her side and screams in pain, "My leg! That son of a bitch hurt my leg!" Cadillac kicks her again and Brady shakes the pistol.

"You shoot a single bullet and I'm going to fuck her up!" I struggle with Cadillac's restraints, finally untangling them to get him free.

He rubs his wrists and jerks a yelling Mama to her feet, wrapping a hand around her neck.

"Do you see this, fucker?" Cadillac threatens. "If you shoot, you're only going to get her. So if I were you, I'd put the gun down."

Brady laughs, still staring longingly at my body. "You think that's going to stop me?"

There should be a sign, some sort of second for me to process what happens next, but there's no forewarning as Brady pulls the trigger again and again and again.

Three shots ring out at as he blasts Mama in her stomach, her heart, and her head. I'm not sure who screams the loudest –me, Cadillac, or Mama.

But only one of us is silenced immediately.

"Mama!" I catch her falling body as her life leaves this Earth way too soon. Her blood soaks my hands, sticky liquid I will never be able to wash off.

"You fucking idiot!" I don't know what comes over me as I scream and yell at the top of my lungs. "What have you done? Mama … Mama…"

I sob, rocking her lifeless body as Brady steps closer to us. "She was dead weight. And you're next. I'm going to shoot the boy here and fuck you hard, pretty girl. Let's start with that sweet ass first."

Brady's sadistic eyes gleam as Cadillac jumps in front of me as the next bullets fly.

One, two, three, four shots.

I don't think I've ever wailed so hard as Cadillac falls to the ground.

"Cadillaaaaaaac!"

Cadillac's head thumps against the floor and he moans.

He's in pain and I scramble to touch his shirt, waiting for the blood to pour, but there's nothing there.

Moaning, Cadillac meets my eyes and then we both glance forward. Brady falls to his knees like he's fighting death, unwilling to let go.

The gun falls from his hand and his eyes roll to the back of his head.

Carlisle and Daddy stand in the bedroom doorway, with smoke lingering from Daddy's gun.

"From here to Kansas, boy."

Brady's body slumps over, taking all of the bad with him.

"Daddy!"

"Dad!"

Our fathers rush towards us, grasping us in hugs. "My baby girl."

Daddy squeezes me tightly and Carlisle is nearly in tears. He grasps his son's face. "You all right, Son? I came as soon as I got your message."

"I'm fine, Dad. Just glad you're here!" They embrace, tears falling from both of their eyes as Daddy tries to cover me with his own flannel shirt.

I weep, soaking Daddy's blue t-shirt. Mama's blood now stains both of us. Police sirens wail in the distance and Daddy rocks me side-to-side.

"They tried to kill us, Daddy. Brady was going to … He tried to…" I trail off, breaking into a new set of tears.

"I know, baby girl. Shh…"

Cadillac wipes his face. "I didn't think you were coming, Dad. I tried emailing you, but I didn't think you would come."

Carlisle wraps an arm around Cadillac's shoulders. "I received your message. I'll always be here for you, Son. Always have and always will be."

"Thanks, Dad."

Daddy kneels down, assessing Mama's bloodied body. "Damn Renee."

I know that despite everything that's gone on, somewhere deep down he's always loved her. Not even death and her heartless actions can change that.

Policemen burst through the door with their guns raised, but it's too late.

Everybody that needed to die is already gone.

And yet, it still isn't enough.

.

.

.

The four of us spend hours and hours at the police station, giving the same statements and details over and over. By the time we finally make it back to Carlisle's house, Esme has nearly cried herself out.

Cadillac and I are exhausted. We fall onto the sofa, wrapped in each other's arms.

We don't say anything, but nothing can keep us separated. I fall asleep on his chest, drifting in and out of consciousness.

I can hear Daddy talking to the Cullens, carrying on with bits of information the police never divulged to me.

"Cops said Renee was helping Brady lure little girls to their car. They'd pull up to schools and playgrounds and grocery stores, kidnapping girls aged four to nine. There are 12 girls that they know of."

Esme gasps in shock.

"They were wanted all over the state of Arizona. They got too sloppy. Brady would abuse them and Renee would drop them right back off where she found 'em. Sick, sick people."

"Oh my. That is just awful."

"We came just in time, Charlie," Carlisle states. "Who knows what would have happened."

"Goodness!" Esme murmurs.

"Yep," Daddy continues. "They're going to arrest Dirty for his involvement in harboring them. The cops suspect he knew, but kept helping them anyway. It's a crying shame."

"So what now?" Esme asks.

"I don't know," says Daddy. "You wanna know what the worst part of this is?" Daddy glances in my direction and I quickly shut my eyes, pretending to be asleep. "According to the victims, Renee would tell them she had a daughter they could play with. She had a few of Bella's things and the little girls would hop in the car, waiting to meet their new friend. They used my baby girl as bait and she was thousands of miles away."

Esme sobs, blowing her nose in a handkerchief. "This is just unbelievable. Poor, poor Bella."

I snuggle closer to Cadillac, tuning out their conversation.

I feel responsible for those little girls, like it's my fault their whole lives are ruined. The police had called me a hero, saying how brave I was.

I wasn't brave at all.

Turns out, just my existence was enough to ruin the lives of 12 innocent people.

13 if you counted Cadillac.


	32. Chapter 32

**Sometimes, when I'm baking cupcakes, I forget who's really the icing to my world. Go read my management team's work if you haven't already. Or just go review chapter 7 and tell 'em Happening sent ya. Blueeyecherry, "Hot Commodity" and Mia Isabella Cullen "I Could Never Forget You." Both are awesomely awesomesauce. (Wait, is no one saying that anymore?)**

**Readers- In all honesty, I'm just avoiding the inevitable. I can't let you go just yet...**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty-Two: Hate and Hollywood_

"Bella, it's vital that you not harbor any negative feelings within yourself. You have the right to feel sad and you have the right to feel angry. To work through your grief, you must be honest with yourself; understand it's all right to think that you are vulnerable and helpless due to the situation. Now is the time to let go of those thoughts."

Cadillac squeezes my hand as Dr. Aro prompts me forward to Mama's grave. My counselor Maggie Irish, who I'd been seeing the past few months, suggested Dr. Aro be the one to visit the cemetery with me today.

It's almost like Mama knows I'm here. The wind howls around me, with grey skies lurking above, threatening to storm at any minute. I pull at the sleeves my blush-colored wool coat, wishing I had worn gloves.

Swallowing, I take a step forward, letting go of Cadillac's hand. The soft ground–wet from the previous night's rain–muddies the bottom of my rain boots. I stare at the gray slated stone marked "Renee Marie Swan, Rest in Peace". There's no mention of being a loving wife and mother. Even in death she doesn't deserve the title.

"Mama? It's me, Bella." I glance back at Dr. Aro, who nods at me to continue. "I … uh … I just wanted to let you know that I'm okay. And that I miss you. And … that's all." I step backwards, looking away. "I'm done, Dr. Aro."

Dr. Aro starts to speak, but Cadillac turns me around, grasping my shoulders firmly. He peers at me with his green eyes and one hand lifts my chin up. "Baby bird, if you say you're done, then we'll be done. We'll walk away and you'll never have to come back here again. But I want you do something for me first, okay Dimples? I want you to kneel in front of her grave for an entire minute. If you still have nothing to say, we'll leave. Can you do that for me?"

"I reckon," I say quietly. Turning back around, I kneel in front of Mama's grave and trace the date with my fingers. I don't know why I do it; I guess I have to feel for myself that she isn't coming back this time.

Not like when she left me for days on end so she could fuck her way through the club.

Or when she abandoned me for a man who tried to rape me.

My traces turn to blows as I pound against the hard slab. Tears fall from my eyes as I hit her name again and again.

"I hate you, Mama," I murmur through my sobs. "I hate that you left me! I hate that you never loved me more than you loved yourself. I hate that you're a heartless, worthless, selfish bitch who stole me from my Daddy so you could pretend to be a mama! I hate that you always yelled at me and that I was never good enough for you. I hate that I was embarrassed to be your daughter 'cause you couldn't get a normal job like everybody else. I hate that you always told me I was wastin' your good flour and I hate that you ruined everything Pop-Pop gave to me. I hate that you disappeared before you were even gone…"

I stand up, kicking my muddy boot at her grave and screaming at the darkened sky.

"You were a waste of a human being–a waste of a person who stole oxygen from people who deserved it. You know what? I'm _glad _you're dead! I'm glad you're no longer around to tell me that I'm a slut. That's what you were, Mama. You were a whoring slut who hated everything about me 'cause I'm everything you weren't. I'm doing well in school, Mama. I'm reading books and I have friends and I have people that love me. You'll never have that now 'cause you were too busy wishin' for a world you could never live in. I'm sorry your life was so horrible. I'm sorry we were so fucking poor we went days without food. But it was _your_ fault. _You_ brought this on yourself, and most importantly, you brought it on me. So, I'm glad you're dead, Mama. Maybe one day…"

I wipe my face and kick her grave and spirit one last time. "Maybe one day God will forgive you for being so damn worthless and let you see the light. Until then, I hope you rot in Hell. Enjoy the darkness, Mama. I hope it swallows you whole until not even the devil wants your soul."

I turn around and glance at the wildflowers sticking out of Cadillac's pocket, shaking my head. "She's not getting those. Keep 'em. When you plant flowers with love, they can't do nothing else but grow," I say, remembering what she used to tell me. "But I'm not sowing anymore love for her. People like Mama are nothing but weeds, taking over everything and everybody. Those you gotta let wilt...

"And when they're done withering–the ones that do nothing but poison those around them–those are the ones you let die."

…

**December 20****th**

"You wanna cook your own birthday cake? That's fine with me. But I want you to meet a few friends of mine."

Cadillac holds up two rectangular boxes.

"Betty Crocker?" I ask, reading the labels. "Duncan Hines?"

Cadillac hops up onto the counter, swinging his Dr. Martens. "It's cake mix, Dimples. All you need are eggs, butter, and water. That's three eggs, not a dozen."

I frown at his accusation. "What exactly are you trying to imply?"

"I ain't implying nothin', baby bird. But your old man ain't nothing but skin and bones. People risk their lives when they eat your cakes. Enough is enough. Ain't that right, Charlie?"

Daddy leans over in his La-Z-Boy recliner in the living room. "Keep me out of it!"

I grin victoriously. "See? Daddy loves my cakes."

Cocking an eyebrow, Cadillac hops down and pushes the foot pedal on the trashcan. "Really? What's in here? Hmm, I think I see marble swirl … and is that coconut supreme?"

"Damn you, boy!" Daddy shouts, raising a fist in the air.

Laughing, Cadillac lets the lid fall. "On behalf of cake lovers everywhere, I vote you use the cake mix."

I pout and plead for my father's help. "Daddy?"

"I'm sorry, baby girl. I just wanna live…"

.

.

.

"_Happy Birthday to you, _

_Happy birthday to you. _

_Happy birthday, dear Bella,_

_Happy Birthday to you!"_

My family and friends cheer for me, clapping as I blow out 16 candles on a pink store-bought sheet cake. Esme and Carlisle's dining room is crowded with everyone that I love. I wink at Alice, who claps the loudest in my honor. Carlisle and Daddy are playfully competing with their cameras, seeing who can capture the most photos.

Rosalie leans over to Cadillac, nudging him with her elbow. "What happened? I thought Bella was making a cake."

Cadillac winces at the reminder of tasting my rancid concoction. "Apparently Dimples can't read fractions. One-third cup of butter turned into 13 cups of butter."

Rose laughs as I side-eye them both. "Screw you. I thought it was a typo."

Esme kisses me on my cheek. "What did you wish for, dear?"

I smile and shake my head. "Nothin'. All of my dreams have already come true."

"Presents! Presents! Presents!" Tyler chants, grabbing several gifts from the side table. "C'mon, open them!"

"You know, this really isn't fair," Jess says, glancing around. "You get all of this _and_ Christmas presents in one week?"

What she doesn't know is that I usually get nothing. Mama would be gone and Alice would come over to braid my hair as a gift. Christmas was no different.

"Can it, Jessica," Emily reprimands her. "You got two birthday parties, remember?"

Cadillac grabs the first present from Tyler and reads the tag. "This is from Emmett."

I shake the square gift, and when it doesn't rattle I rip off the wrapping paper. It's a book. I read the title aloud. "101 Ways to Survive Freshman Year." I giggle and swat him with it. "Dammit, McCarty! I'm a sophomore!"

Emmett laughs and wraps me in a big hug. "You'll always be a freshman to me, Badass."

"Us next!" Emily hands me a large gift bag. "It's from me, Jess, and Rose. We hope you like it."

The bag is so heavy I have to sit it on the table to open it. I rip out the pink and yellow wrapping, tossing it behind me. Cadillac laughs when a thin glittered sheet lands on his head. It's full of name brand makeup; blush and eyeliners and foundation and everything I'd ever want.

"MAC lipstick? Wow…" I squeal and thank them repeatedly.

"Told you she'd like it," Jess brags, giggling at my reaction.

"This is from Jasper and me," Alice says, playfully pushing Jess out of the way. 'Well, mainly from me. He says shopping is for girls."

"Hey, I paid for it!" Jasper protests.

"I don't doubt that for a second," I answer, grinning. I peel back layer after layer until my hands start to feel cold. Finally, I see what the tub is.

_Ice cream!_

I burst out laughing as the melted dessert sticks to my fingers.

"I told you I'd pay you back," Alice smiles.

"With my money!" Jasper says sarcastically.

"Thanks guys. I love it. Really."

Daddy rolls his eyes and hands me a gift certificate that's not even in an envelope. "This is from me and the Cullens. I didn't know what to get you, but Esme says you like that polish and girly hair stuff, so…"

I read the slip of paper that's for a hair and nail salon in town. I take turns hugging Daddy, Esme, and even Carlisle. "Thank you. It's the best one yet!"

"Hey!" Emmett sounds offended, so I whisper to him under my breath.

"Yours is still awesome."

He grins. "I know."

"Hold on, you have one more left."

Cadillac hands me a bouquet of fresh purple wildflowers. "Happy birthday, Dimples."

"Thanks Cadillac. Seriously, it's freezing outside. Where do you keep getting these?"

"My lips are sealed, baby bird." Cadillac digs into his back pocket and pulls out an envelope.

I read the outside, skimming over the red and blue ink. "American Airlines?"

I look up and he's got this silly grin on his face. I carefully open the envelope and two tickets fall out.

When I lean over to pick them up, he doesn't even give me a chance to read them.

"We're going to Hollywood, baby!"

"What?" I read the tickets slowly, over and over until the words start to blur. They're for a flight from Seattle, Washington to Los Angeles, California.

"It's not until spring break when the weather will be nicer, but I figure you can wait until-"

I cut him off, jumping into is arms. He catches me as I smother him with kisses. I should feel older, and maybe wiser, but in this moment I'm just thrilled and grateful. Cadillac gives me more than just quickened heartbeats and fluttering kisses.

He gives me the world.

"Ahem!" Daddy warns, but I hear him muttering under his breath, "Wish I woulda thought of that."

"Let it go, Charlie." Carlisle sighs, patting Daddy on the shoulder. "You're in second place now. How does it feel?"

"Horrible. Like homemade lemon cake."

"I heard that!"

Cadillac puts me down and I twirl in my white birthday dress, spinning in circles on my tiptoes. I catch my glittering tiara just before it falls. "Thanks everyone. You've made this the best day ever! I feel like a birthday princess!"

"That's 'cause you are." Daddy and Cadillac say it at the same time and then they glare at each other.

"From here to Mississippi, boy."

"Not Kansas anymore?" Cadillac jokes.

"Nah," Daddy says shrugging. "Kansas is for shooting. When I kick your ass, Alabama is where you'll land."

"Daaaamn."

We all turn in shock at Esme who covers her mouth.

"I'm sorry," she chuckles. "That wasn't very ladylike. Bella, do you still have the cake you made?"

"Yeah, why?"

Esme turns and winks at her son. "Edward's going to need some butter after that burn."


	33. Chapter 33

**Cherry, Mia, and Readers- **

** "Ghost" by Ella Henderson. If you aren't listening to this song on repeat, we can't be friends...**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty-Three: Ghosts and Greens_

**March 3****rd**

"_I keep going to the river to pray  
'Cause I need something that can wash all the pain  
And at most, I'm sleeping all these demons away  
But your ghost, the ghost of you  
It keeps me awake…"_

Cadillac strums a guitar and croons the last note as I stare in awe. I clap enthusiastically, then knock him onto the ground as he moves his musical instrument to the side.

"Oh my … I didn't know you could play guitar! Or that you could sing! Your voice is so … so…."

"Angelic?" he finishes for me.

"Yes! Angelic!" I kiss his lips, hovering over him. "It makes me hot."

"Hot, huh?" Cadillac cracks a grin and rolls me over onto the grass. "You know, I can play and sing just about anything."

He's bragging and he knows it. I giggle and stroke the fine hair along his jaw. "I'm impressed. That's a rare talent. I can't believe…"

"…You are stealing my tricks." A smiling Carlisle walks into the backyard, catching us in a compromising position. Cadillac doesn't even try to act normal as he tosses me onto the ground without a care.

I give him a dirty look, wiping my jeans. _Thanks, asshole. I could have bumped my head, you know. _

Cadillac shrugs unapologetically and takes the glass of lemonade that Carlisle offers him

"Stealing your tricks?" I question. "Stealing what tricks?"

Cadillac tries to slyly shake his head at his father, but Carlisle laughs. "Sorry, Son. You can't steal my moves and expect to get away with it."

Carlisle leans down, detaching a small electronic from the back of the guitar. The Velcro separates with a long, grating sound as Carlisle holds the small object out and presses the screen. Music that sounds exactly like Cadillac's voice blares out.

"_I keep going to the river to pray  
'Cause I need something that can wash all the pain."_

"You couldn't let me have this one thing, could you?" Cadillac huffs and snatches back the guitar.

"You came all the way over here just to sneak out my guitar from the garage. Of course I'm ratting you out. I guess you'll have to get by on your good looks alone," Carlisle answers, laughing. "Bella would have figured it out sooner or later."

_Probably later_, I think to myself. I kept wondering how his voice was able to sound like a chorus of people.

Carlisle hands Edward a slip of paper. "Can you run to the grocery store for your mother? She's got two dozen cupcakes to make by Monday for James' class and she's out of butter. And flour. Matter of fact, she's out of a lot of things."

He looks directly at me and I grin sheepishly. Daddy had forbidden me to make any more desserts, so I was stuck perfecting my cooking skills at the Cullen house.

"Can I help?" I ask. Esme always makes the best desserts. When I asked her how she did it, she said she put her foot in it.

I already had a three point plan on how to remove the batter from between my toes.

I can't wait. Esme is going to be so proud.

"Errr … You'll have to ask her," Carlisle says, shifting uncomfortably.

"Yes!" I throw a fist-pump into the air. Esme would never turn me away.

Cadillac jumps up, setting his glass on the patio table. "Wanna ride?"

I start to answer when little James runs out of the house with a cape tied around his neck. "Look Eddie! I'm Superman!"

He "flies" in circles around us, his cape floating behind him. I giggle at his cuteness and scoop him up into my arms.

"Well, we need to save the world, one cupcake at a time. Wanna ride with us?"

"Can I go with Bewwa? Pwease, Daddy?"

Carlisle roughs up James' mane of blonde curls. "Yes, you can go. But don't ask for any candy. No matter what he says, don't buy him any. He's already got to visit the dentist next week."

"Yes, sir." Cadillac salutes Carlisle, but winks at James. It's secret code for "I'm buying you every candy bar in the store, just don't tell Dad."

I need a secret code like that.

Cadillac takes his keys out of his pocket and swings them around in circles as we walk to the front of the house.

I buckle James into the backseat, but block Cadillac from walking to his side. "Can I drive?"

"You only have your learner's permit, baby bird."

"I know, but I'm getting really good. I'll go slow, I promise. Practice makes perfect, right?" I give him my best grin until he sighs and tosses me the keys.

"Ground rules. Rule one, you have to wear your seatbelt. Rule two, under no circumstances are you to touch the radio. And rule three, stop looking so damn cute. I can't handle it."

Laughing, I skip over to the driver's seat. I make sure to buckle up, adjust my mirrors, and pull out of the driveway carefully.

"It's 25 through residential areas, Dimples," Cadillac warns.

I frown because I haven't even passed by the mailbox yet. "I know that, Cadillac. Nobody likes a backseat driver. Cut it out, you're making me nervous."

James makes 'vroom, vroom' sounds from the back, inflicting his adorableness on all of us. I finally make my way through town while Cadillac holds on to the door for dear life.

"Why you are doing that?" I ask, turning my eyes back to the road. "I'm not speeding."

"I'm just worried about my baby," he answers.

"Aww, you're sweet. I'm fine."

"Not you. I meant my car! We've been through so much together." He glides his hand across the vinyl, and it takes everything within me not to slap him. _Bastard. _

After a few more turns, I successfully make it to the market. Cadillac breathes a sigh of relief.

"See, that wasn't so bad," I say, pulling the shifter into park.

Cadillac jumps out of the car, dramatically kissing the pavement.

"You're such an asshole!"

"Asshowe, asshowe, Bewwa said asshowe!" James copies me in a sing-song voice.

I try to distract him. The last thing I need is for Esme to think I turned her son into a deviant. "Hey! Who wants candy?"

"I do, I do!" Cadillac unbuckles James and helps him out of the backseat. James spreads his arms, navigating between the both of us. Cadillac lights up a cigarette, puffing smoke into the air.

I giggle, twirling to avoid his swinging arms. "Where ya flying to, little buddy?"

James stops mid-flight and takes my hand. "Heaven. Mommy said that's where Grandma is. Maybe I can fwy up there and bwing her back. That's what Superman would do."

I kneel down, pinching his chubby cheeks. "Your grandma's an angel now. And I think Superman would help people that are on earth."

"Is that twue, Eddie?" James glances up to his older brother.

"Sure is, kiddo."

"Yep," I say, contining. "Besides, I know a real superhero."

"Weally?" James' eyes widen at my secret.

I point to Cadillac. "Did you know your brother is a hero? He's real brave and he even saved me once."

_Every single day since the day I've met him._

"Wow!" James glances at Cadillac the way I do, with admiration, love, and awe.

"And…" I draw out my words, with James hanging on to every single one.

"Since he's a superhero, he can fly. Wanna see?"

James nods enthusiastically and Cadillac shakes his head. "You just can't help yourself, can you?"

Giggling, I spread out his arms.

"C'mon hero … fly!"

Cadillac prepares for flight, with the cigarette hanging out of his mouth. In his black t-shirt with shades hanging from the front and his red bandana tucked in the pocket, he soars around us. I can't stop laughing, and James' begs for me to join in.

The three of us zoom into the market, flapping our wings as we ignore the smiles from the passing customers.

.

.

.

"You buckled in?"

James doesn't answer me because his mouth is covered in chocolate. He wipes his hands on his pants, creating a large stain.

"Oh, come on, James. You're making a mess!" Cadillac turns around, trying to clean him up as I pull out of the parking lot.

"Why'd you buy him so much?" I ask. It's his fault really. Aisle five is completely wiped out of candy, courtesy of a Cullen. You know it's bad when the manager comes out to personally thank you for your purchases.

"He smiled at me with those doe eyes!" Cadillac says, grabbing another napkin out of the glovebox. "The kid is too cute for his own good."

"Like someone else I know," I joke. Cadillac throws a dirty napkin in my lap in retaliation. "Hey! Gross!"

I toss it to the side and make a left on the main road. "Can you pass me the cookie dough?"

"Both of you are gonna have a million cavities. I can't love you with missing teeth, Dimples. That's where I draw the line."

I pout as he pulls the roll of cookie dough out from a plastic bag. He uses his pocketknife to cut the seal and I take it eagerly, biting into the raw dough.

"Mmmm, so good."

"Pigs." Cadillac pinches my thin frame as James and I devour our snacks. I laugh, bypassing walking pedestrians in the chilly spring weather.

"Is that Alice?" I squint my eyes to get a better look. Sure enough it's Alice, wearing the pair of tennis shoes I gave her and a dress that's blowing in the wind. She struggles to hold down her hem.

Cadillac yells out the window as we get closer. "Alice!"

Upon hearing her name, she stops and glances around. When she notices the car, she runs towards us. I slow down, trying to navigate in between two cars.

Cadillac tries to talk me through parallel parking, but it's trickier than I think. Alice signals to me to back up and I carefully turn the wheel to the right.

"Dimples, NO!"

Cadillac sees the truck before I do, but it's too late. I slam on my brakes, but the truck is already barreling towards us, driving at speeds it shouldn't.

I should hear the screeching noise, or see the Bud Light picture posted on the side. I don't see the angle at which it spins us around in circles, crashing the vehicles around us. Alice shrieks, running to safety as Cadillac's arm protectively covers me. My head hits the steering wheel, knocking me out cold.

Everything I love flashes in the dark shadows.

Cadillac. Daddy. The Cullens. Alice.

Ice cream. Christmas tree greens and laughter that fills my heart with joy.

Just as soon as they appear, they dissolve in a flash.

The crash is deafening, and when we finally stop spinning the darkness calls to me. "Bella! Bellaaaaaa! Wake up, baby bird! Dimples! Bellaaaaa!"

Is death supposed to hurt this bad? I can feel movement as I'm brushed against with rough hands. A seatbelt is being unbuckled behind me, with a small body knocking against me. A blood-curdling scream resonates around me in the blackness, but this time, it's not my name.

"Jamesssss!"

The worst sound I can hear in the dark echoes the loudest.

Complete. Silence.

* * *

**_The End_**

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**_Thanks for reading._**

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**_Seriously, that's it._**

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**_Bloody hell, I'm kidding. I'll see you tomorrow. Please direct all foul language towards my management team. XOXO._**


	34. Chapter 34

**Cherry gives me sad faces and Mia is really a boy. My management team dies a little more inside every day.**

**Readers: I heard your begging loud and clear. Funny, my Mama always said I never listened...**

**(Chapter Song "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse, the music from the Twilight baseball scene)**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty-Four: Lights and Lounges_

**3 years later…**

"_I'm serious. When I graduate, I'm gettin' the hell out of this town and going to Hollywood. People are gonna know my name and it's gonna shine in lights."_

"_And these lights you're talkin' about, they blue or red?" Cadillac smirks and I shove him to the side._

"_I dunno. They're just lights," I fume. "The normal kind, I guess. Quit laughin' at me."_

"_I'm not laughing at you, Dimples. But I don't see no movie star; I see a little girl with big dreams trying to escape."_

"Bella, you're on in five!"

"Dammit, Jared, I'm coming!" I apply another coat of cherry red lipstick and stare at my reflection in the streaked mirror.

_You're just actin'_, I tell myself. _Pretend to be somewhere you're not._

Fucking easier said than done.

I stare at my dilated pupils, wishing the brown twinkled like it used to. Now my reflection shows dull, lifeless eyes, the kind a person had when life swallowed them whole and shit them back out.

I try not to concentrate on that now. Instead, I adjust my sparkly pink corset and flip my hair. It's full with big curls, just like Mama used to have.

"_I gotta be pretty, sug,"_ she used to say. _"No matter how ugly I'm feeling on the inside, I can't let it show. The mirror don't lie. That's what your conscience is for."_

I hear the track end and I know it's my turn. I down a shot of whiskey and hope it drowns all the ugliness I feel inside.

Lights.

Camera.

Action.

"And now for our main act, the one you've been waiting for…" Jared announces into the microphone. "Let's give it up for Wild Flowerrrrrrrr!"

The men catcall and whistle as my tall black stilettos click up the stairs and stop behind the sheer curtain.

Lights flash, and they're all the colors of the rainbow. My name flickers above me, blinking every few seconds.

I stand to the side, letting the silhouette of my body seduce the crowd. The DJ starts my favorite song from Muse and I wait for my cue.

"_Oh baby don't you know I suffer?_

_Oh baby can you hear me moan?_

_You caught me under false pretenses_

_How long before you let me go?"_

The curtain lifts and I sway my hips to the music, letting the whiskey flow through my veins. It's easier this way, to look but not see as dollar bills get thrown before I even reach the pole.

This dancing is like second nature to me; it's the only thing Mama's ever passed down.

I don't think, I just move, gyrating my hips seductively.

"_Ooh, you set my soul alight_

_Ooh, you set my soul alight…"_

I hold my breath, helpless in preventing my body from swinging around the pole. It's love to me, with steel touches and hardened caresses. The male customers cheer as I spin around in circles, turning myself upside down.

I know what I do to these men–how they salivate more with my every move. I detach the corset with swift movements and it comes off with ease, revealing a crystal-encrusted bra.

"_I thought I was a fool for no one_

_But oh baby I'm a fool for you."_

I punish both them and myself as I black out for the rest of the dance.

It's easier that way.

These lights, they aren't normal at all.

They shine on every inch of myself that I hate.

But eventually, they dim too.

.

.

.

"Bella, you got a customer in Lounge B." Jared smacks the ass of Tanya, who's so high she doesn't even recognize what he's done. Her nose is bright red from the kind of drugs you don't smoke. I envy her in a way. Alcohol only numbs the pain. I reckon for her it's better to eliminate it all together.

I stuff my makeup in my torn gym bag, ready to dress in my street clothes and go home for the night. Unfortunately, Jared isn't having any of it.

"Fuck you, Jared. I told you, I don't do private dances." It ain't worth it. I'd seen girls leave the room with loads of cash and lost souls.

"You wanna keep this job, Bella?"

He threatens me with cold, blue eyes. He knows I need this shit and how I'm behind on my rent. I've got the landlord beating down my door with pink eviction notices that I make disappear.

"He asked specifically for you."

"They _all _ask for me." I wasn't bragging; it was just a simple fact. But I'm not doing it, plain and simple. Jared pushes me into the make-up chair, knocking me onto my belongings.

"I only gave you a chance 'cause your mama was one of the greatest. Hell, that woman was a legend. And you, Bella, are acting like a little bitch. He paid fifteen grand for your skanky ass, so you're going to do as you're told. I ain't got time for your shit, you understand me?"

I breathe heavily as his finger lingers in front of my face.

Rent: four hundred bucks. Lights: two hundred and sixty-five. Water: twenty-three dollars and sixty-three cents. Food, gas, cigarettes, and alcohol: way more than I can afford.

"One time, Jared," I say, pushing his hand away and standing up. "One time. You ask me to do this shit again and I'm fucking leaving."

We both know it's not true.

"That's my girl." Jared turns me around in the mirror and wipes away the mascara that has run under my eyes. "Treat 'em good, darling. He's a big time roller."

_Mama gestures at me with long acrylic nails, sweeping a few tendrils of hair away from my face. She smells like alcohol and weed and dirty men. "I know it's hard, baby. One of these days I'm gonna marry me one of those big rollers that come to see me in the club, and he'll take care of us…"_

I start to put my corset back on, but I shrug my shoulders and leave it hanging on the scratched vanity table. Fuck it.

.

.

.

The VIP lounge is nothing more than a bunch of rooms clustered together in the back. Jared charges an outrageous fee for darkened areas with a single chair, and worn couches with more than dirt in their fibers.

I walk down the hall, glancing at the clock on the wall. 3:30 already. I'm exhausted and I just want to get the hell out of here.

I open the door slowly and the room is pitch black. A gleam of red light filters into the room and the gentleman holds up an arm, blocking his face. I reach for the light switch, but his voice calls out to me.

"Leave it off."

I'm alarmed by his rough tone, the way he orders me around like I'm his property. I suppose I am. Bought and paid for with my own blood.

I obey and quietly shut the door. I stretch my arm out, blindly fumbling through the darkness until my knees touch his.

The music from the joint pounds in my ears, but it's a little softer.

"Dance," he instructs me, grabbing me by my hips and swinging me around. My ankle twists slightly, but I catch myself, holding steadily onto the arms of the chair.

I bend in front of him, grinding down his chest and onto the front of his jeans. Grabbing my hips, he moves me back and forth, almost as if we're fucking.

His hand grasps a handful of my curls, pulling me back to him. I keep up my rhythm as he breathes heavily into my ear. His hands travel up my bare stomach and onto my breasts, grabbing two handfuls over my decorated bra. I flip my head sideways to look back at him.

He gently turns my face back around and returns his hand to its previous position.

I feel his hard on beneath me, pressing into my ass. I'm reluctantly aroused, and my tiny shorts become wet from his touch.

His hands lower and his knuckles graze my inner thighs, daring to stroke me higher.

"They call you Wild Flower, huh?"

His deep voice burns in the darkness, husky and hot on my neck.

"Or just Wild." I throw my hands backwards and catch a headful of hair. It's unbelievably soft, and I ache to touch it.

_Boundaries, Bella. Do your job._

I stand up, bending all the way over and shaking my ass in his view. His large hands smack my ass then squeeze it. Swaying my hips upward, I lay backwards on him, creating friction as he skims over my private area.

I immediately freeze, but he thrusts against me, pushing me to continue. I keep dancing, but I warn him this isn't going any further.

"I … I don't do _that._ I know you probably paid Jared a lot of money, but I … that's not my thing. I can grab you another girl if you like."

Anything to keep the customer happy.

I feel his head shaking against mine.

"I just want you … _Dimples_."

I inhale a sharp breath as my body trembles.

I hadn't heard that name in, what … three years?

_It can't be._

_It's not, it's not, it's not._

_Please yes. Please no._

_Just please._

I whisper above the darkness.

"Cadillac?" I barely recognize the squeak that escapes from my lips.

"Something like that," the voice replies.

I feel 15 all over again; I'm a scared young girl unsure of what to do with a chain-smoking, fast-talking boy.

My body has stopped moving and I'm on the verge of tears. _How can he? … Why is he?_

I shake, trying to hold myself together.

Three years.

Three years since I've seen first-day-of-spring-fresh-kiwi-Christmas-tree green eyes.

Three years since I've kissed lips that taste like Heaven.

Three years since I killed his little brother.

"Dance, baby bird," he whispers. I have to find my grounding, reminding myself not to weep at the sound of his voice. "Don't speak, just dance."

His nose glides along the side of my neck and he kisses me softly. I try to keep rocking against him as he undoes the front clasp of my bra. His fingertips slide over my nipples, causing them to go erect. I moan under his touches, drifting into a space that doesn't exist.

"Don't say a word, Dimples." Cadillac licks my skin, leaving a trail of warm saliva leading down towards my collarbone. I try to hold back tears, back love, back everything he holds of me.

"Don't explain why you left me." His fingers travel towards my satin shorts, sliding them down to my towering heels. I twist, but he holds me firmly, rubbing his palm on the spot that beckons his name when I can't. It's all familiar–the burning heat and the heartbeats that pound too loudly.

"Why you couldn't accept I loved you no matter what." One hand brushes my hair to the side as his other fingers rub the warm place that needs him the most.

"Why you didn't understand nobody blamed you for the accident." Two fingers slide inside of me, stretching me with an aching pain. No one's been there since him. He breaks me like a fragile shell, where love can no longer echo. He pumps his fingers in and out as I melt onto him.

"Why you left with those tickets to Hollywood." I grip Cadillac's jeans, feeling the tingling sensation come way too soon. He drags his teeth over my flesh, creating a delicious pain.

"How you shut out everyone that adored you." He pushes me forward ever so slightly, leaving the air to cool where I burn. I hear him unzip his pants, shifting as he pulls out his cock. I feel the smooth tip rub against my ass, and I need him now.

Like I've needed him forever.

"How you left me being half a man." There's no slowness about his movements. Cadillac grips my hips and shoves himself inside of me. My head drops forward but he jerks me back by my hair, thrusting as I bounce on top of him.

How does he do this, keeping me moving when I want to stop? He loves me in ways that don't make sense, with hard pressure that seems gentle.

"Don't say anything at all." My breath hitches and then I whimper as he speeds, my pussy gliding up and down. Up and down. Rise and fall. He pants and digs his thumbs into my dimples, causing me to arch my back.

"So I'll say it first." He's everywhere, sweat and whispers, tickles and grasps. Coaxes and squeezes. Love and everything. My legs quiver as he pounds relentlessly into me, his hips rising from the chair. A strain tugs in my belly, pleading as he rubs my bare pussy with wild abandon. I fall apart, as does my world.

Cadillac groans when I come, gripping me so roughly I think I'm bleeding. My head falls back when he jerks, loving me with this fuck. I feel whole and empty–lost and found. He groans, half-screams that leave evidence on my shoulders.

Small kisses. Hugs and whimpers. Shakes and tears.

I feel and do them all as he turns my head towards him.

"I'm still your sun, risin' and shinin'."


	35. Chapter 35

**Cherry is already stalking me for my next story (Cadillac Pt 2 anyone?) and Mia would like everyone to know Cadillac's job for this new chapter was her idea. You just couldn't let me have all the glory, could you?**

**Readers-We have 5 chapters left. Thank you for sticking by me. This isn't your typical story, as you saw with yesterday's chapter. However, most of you were able to recognize the reasons for Bella's downfall. Let it be known, I kinda like the yelling. Smashed cupcakes are my favorite! :)**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty-Five: Amber and Answers_

"This is yours?"

I drop my well-worn bag right beside the doorway and shrug. Cadillac follows behind me into the dimly lit one room apartment, looking as if he doesn't want to touch anything. "Not for long. Grab a seat. I need a drink."

I can feel his eyes burning into the back of my spandex, but this is my place and my rules. We aren't kids anymore and he doesn't have the right to tell me what to do.

"You want somethin'?" There's nothing really to offer him besides alcohol and water, and I'm only willing to offer him the latter.

"I'm fine, thanks." Cadillac wipes down the damaged couch that's filled with rips and holes as I reach inside the sink for a dirty glass. I rinse it out with water that never gets hot and reach for Johnny. My tongue runs over my dry lips as the amber colored liquid fills the glass. I take a sip in my tiny kitchen and then pick up the bottle. I have to step over small boxes I've never unpacked and other random items just to get into the narrow, cramped living room.

I sit beside him, unstrapping my heels and abandoning them on the floor. Grabbing a near empty pack of cigarettes from the top of a folding table, I light one up and prop my feet. Gazing at my half-empty glass, I swirl Johnny around in circles as Cadillac stares, watching me sip and unwind.

"I'm sure you didn't pay fifteen grand just to fuck and stare at me. What do you want, Cadillac?"

Cadillac swallows, folding and unfolding his hands as I puff away. I set my glass down and twist my hair into a messy bun, keeping the cigarette dangling between my teeth. I don't look directly at him, but he's so different from the boy I left years ago. He's taller, and though he's wearing those dark jeans he's always loved, they're a cleaner cut, with expensive dress shoes to match. He's wearing a collared shirt that's rolled up at the sleeves. He's a far cry from the kid who lived in plain t-shirts and Ray-Bans.

"I…" he trails off, unsure of what to say. I ash into an abandoned bowl, wishing I could find my ashtray. "I haven't seen you in years, Dimples."

My eye twitches at his old nickname. I'm not Dimples anymore. Dimples died a long time ago–sometime between my mother's death and the day I murdered his brother. "Yeah, I know."

"Where the hell have you been? Your father and I … we…" His voice becomes strained, a pitch I find unfamiliar coming from him.

"Here and there," I answer. Hollywood didn't work out too well for me. After two and a half years of running from myself, I eventually came crawling back to Forks. California wasn't what I thought it would be. I wasn't tall enough. I wasn't pretty enough. I wasn't _anything_ enough. Tired of the bullshit, I returned, with no high school education and a lack of job skills. The only place that would take me was the Fox Trot.

"Here and there? That's not a fucking answer, Dimples!" Cadillac raises his voice in anger. "I looked every-damn-where for your ass. Charlie too! Do you even know what kind of pain you caused all of us? A sixteen-year-old on the run and we couldn't find you! Los Angeles is a big ass city. We didn't know if you were dead…"

I roll my eyes at his dramatic outburst. "I'm alive and back, aren't I? What do you want me to say, Cadillac? That I'm sorry I ditched everyone? I'm not. I tried sticking around, but nothing was the same anymore! Everything changed after that day! Everybody lost the light in his or her eyes, and it was my fault! I thought it would be better if I was gone. I thought it would be better for you."

"Fuck, Dimples!" Cadillac pounds his fists and jerks my small body toward him. "Nobody blamed you, baby bird. Mom and Dad said so. They were hurt, like anybody else would be, but no one thought it was your fault! It was an accident. Why couldn't you accept that, huh? Why'd you have to run and become _this_?"

He glares at "this"–my deadened eyes and thin frame. I can't remember the last time I ate anything. I can't remember the last time I cared about anything.

"I was hurtin' too, Dimples!" he continues, letting go of my arms. "I needed you, even if you didn't need yourself."

I feel guilty, and tears I thought had dried up years ago come trickling down. I knew I was being selfish when I left, but I couldn't… "I couldn't look you in the eyes anymore, Cadillac. I kept seein' James–his smiles and his cape and his chubby little cheeks. I couldn't fucking sleep. He haunted me, even in the daylight. And when you tried to help me, it just made it worse. You all did! Ya'll should have been mad or angry. Instead, everyone kept telling me it would be all right. It wasn't all right. I shouldn't have been driving that car."

"I take the blame for that. I shouldn't have let you been driving. You were inexperienced, but don't you remember what Officer Biers told you? That guy was doing 80 in a 35 zone. You couldn't have known. It won't your fault, baby bird. You gotta let go of the burden. It's pushing you six feet in the ground, and I can't bury anyone else."

The cigarette has burned to ashes, and they fall on the stained carpet. I toss the butt into the bowl and crush the remnants with my bare foot. After wiping my face with the back of my hand, I down the rest of the glass and set it down.

"I'm sorry." I don't know what else to say. I can't apologize for being a murderer. The law never convicted me, but I'd sentenced myself to a lifetime of regret. I hated myself, even if Cadillac didn't. He should though.

"Don't say you're sorry, Dimples. Just change. Look at you, baby." Cadillac gestures towards me with a wave of his hand. "You're stripping? When I heard some fellas talking, I came down there. I had to see for myself. I kept thinking it couldn't be true. Not you. Not after everything you went through."

I shiver and Cadillac grabs a worn blanket from beside him, wrapping it around me. I look down at my red toenails–Devil's Karma–and tuck my feet inside of the itchy layer. "I couldn't do nothin' else. No one would hire me."

"Why didn't you come to me? Or go back home? Do you know how much Charlie misses you?"

I flinch at the reminder of Daddy. He might miss the old Bella, but he wouldn't miss me. Not the new me; not the shell of a girl who can't even hide from herself. I avoid his question. "You still talk to Daddy?"

Cadillac half-smiles. "We're in business together. We opened up a Cadillac car dealership. We fix up old models and sell 'em like new. It's booming. I tried college, but … I kept thinkin' you wouldn't be able to find me after I left if you ever came back. Turns out, you didn't even try."

"I wanted to," I say softly. "I drove by your old apartment, but I couldn't face you."

Cadillac shrugs. "I've moved anyways."

"Oh."

We sit in awkward silence until I yawn, exhausted after a long shift.

"It's almost five in the morning. Get some sleep, baby bird."

I barely hear him. I'm already curled into a ball, my eyelids fluttering. Strong arms lift me up and place me into my cramped, rickety bed. Soft lips kiss my forehead and when I finally fall into a deep sleep, I'm cuddled and wrapped into a warm body.

.

.

.

"Dimples … Dimples…" I open my eyes and Cadillac is standing over me, gently shaking me. "Wake up, sleepy head."

I rub my eyes. "What time is it?'

"After three."

"In the afternoon? Fuck!" I scramble out of bed and my bun falls out of its twist and into my face. "Shit, I'm going to be late! I'm working a double today!"

Cadillac doesn't move a muscle. "Shower and get dressed. In _regular _clothes."

"But I…"

"Now, Bella." His voice is firm, and I know he means business when he uses my first name.

I sigh. "I appreciate you coming by, but I really do have to leave."

"I've already called in for you. You're taking the day off."

"You did what? You can't do that! I have to pay rent, Cadillac!" I'm a little peeved by how he thinks he can just run my life. I'm not a kid anymore.

"Go fucking shower, Dimples." He turns on his feet and marches away, not saying another word.

.

.

.

Dressed in a white ribbed tank and jeans, I notice for the first time that Cadillac has changed clothes. He's pushed several boxes together to make a table and there's all sorts of food sitting on it in Styrofoam containers. Pancakes and bacon and sausage and scrambled eggs. There's even a glass of freshly poured orange juice.

"You bought all of this?" I look in awe and my mouth starts to water at the aroma that infiltrates my nostrils.

Cadillac pats the sofa beside him. "Eat."

I don't have to be told twice. I plop onto the sofa and I'm not even embarrassed as I stuff my face. It's delicious–all of it. I haven't eaten meat in so long.

I'm almost done when I realize I never even offered him anything.

"I'm sorry! I'm being rude," I say with a mouthful. "Did you want any?"

Cadillac shakes his head and stares at me until I'm finally done. I pat my stomach and wipe my mouth with a napkin. "God, that was good. Thank you. I'll pay you back."

"Be quiet, Dimples. And you're welcome." Cadillac passes me the glass of OJ and I take large sips.

Cadillac folds the empty boxes and stands up, taking them to the trashcan in the kitchen.

Cadillac gives me a new box of Marlboro's and lights one up himself. We smoke in silence, and the smoke filters out of the window I don't remember opening.

"When did you start smoking?" he asks. There's a new ashtray on the boxes. I flick my ashes into it.

_When I started stripping. _

"About four months ago," I say instead. He nods, looking off.

"When did you start drinking again?"

_After I murdered an innocent boy._

"Three years ago." I did a lot of bad things to get alcohol, including stealing and living in random people's basements. I'd stay there, starving and trying to go on auditions I'd find in the newspaper, just to get turned down again and again. I got one commercial gig that paid well, but it never aired.

Cadillac nods again, puffing away. "Are you gonna call Charlie?"

"I don't have a phone." It was too expensive. I used the neighbor's if I needed to.

He pulls out a sleek, thin cell phone.

"Maybe later."

I can't talk to Daddy right now. I have to think of something to say and I can't do that today. Cadillac's reappearance is already taking a toll on me.

"Your hair's gotten longer," he says out of the blue, twirling a lock around his finger.

"Yours got shorter." It's more refined, but still the darkened bronze mane I loved.

Minutes pass and neither of us says anything. We're both lost in our own thoughts, mine more tortured than his could ever be.

"Cadillac? What are you doing here?" I ask. "I mean, really? You didn't just stop by the club for a fuck, did you?"

Cadillac rolls his eyes. "I'm not even going to entertain that with a comment."

"Then why? Why'd you come looking for me? Why couldn't you let things be?"

Cadillac's nostrils flare and I feel his anger coming off of him in waves. "_Why_? Are you fucking serious? After all we'd … you think I could let you go? That all we had was some cheesy, fucked up teenage love? Is that what you think?"

He bruises me with his words. They deaden my soul, leaving a throbbing ache in its passing.

"No," I say quietly.

"Then don't ask me why. You _know _fucking why. I'd search the ends of this world for you, Dimples. Every damn day a little more of me broke, wondering where you were and if you were safe. I love you, baby bird. That shit doesn't go away just because of time."

It doesn't, but it changes. Love destroys and comforts. It goes down sweet, but leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. Love is perfect blemishes that scar hearts.

"Grab your shit. We're going to my place."

I hesitate, not knowing what to do. I eventually have to return to work tomorrow, and I don't know if I needed to pack all of that stuff or not.

"It wasn't a question, Dimples," he says, grabbing his keys.

"Maybe one day you'll learn I'm the only answer you'll ever need."


	36. Chapter 36

**Cherry calls me darling. That's only in between the humps. Secret lovah girl.**

**Mia thinks I'm the greatest. Just call me Ali, sug. "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee." (Actually, I'm allergic so let's not & say we did)**

**Readers- Anybody else about to be in tears 'cause this is ending? No, just me? Okay... :(**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty-Six: Damnation and Deceit_

I remember walking into our new house with Mama when I was 13, right after Pop-Pop died. When she said we were moving to our own house I was expecting it to be pretty, but it wasn't. It was small, dirty, and shabby. I asked her why we had to live in a place like that when other people had nicer houses.

"_There's two types of folks in the world, sug,"_ she had told me, digging her nails into the flesh of my arm. _"The Haves and the Have Nots. See, the Haves are the richies; they flaunt their wealth 'cause they think standing on stacks of money makes 'em closer to God."_

"_What are we?"_ I'd asked, glancing at the dirty floors that crawled with cockroaches.

"_We're the Have Nots."_

"_Are we close to God, too?"_

"_Naw, sug. God done forgot all about us. We're so far away, the richies throw money in ponds just to remind Him we're still living."_

People like Cadillac–he was always a Haver. I knew it as soon as we drove up to his place, just outside of Forks. I thought the house he lived in with Esme and Carlisle was pretty. This one looked like a castle, made with cobblestone that God must have picked out Himself.

I stare in awe, counting the immaculate hedges lining both sides of the driveway. There were too many to count, each one a greener hue than the last.

"Why you got such a big house for?" I ask, knowing I'm being rude. But, I gotta understand why a Haver has to have it _all_. "Don't it feel empty, just you by yourself?"

Cadillac parks his baby blue Cadillac–the same one from years ago. He's fixed it up nicely, and a picture of James hangs from the mirror.

"Sometimes," he admits, removing the keys from the ignition. "But as soon as you walk in, it won't feel so hallow anymore."

He walks to my side, opening the passenger door and helping me with my bags. My bare feet move across the smooth granite driveway, and it feels cool compared to the May evening.

He unlocks the door, immediately disengaging a beeping alarm system. I feel dirty just being in such a clean place. Everything is decorated in warm neutral taupes and creams. I can see a fireplace in the front center of the living room, and real leather furniture fills the insides. I don't know any of the places featured on the paintings, but they look expensive, made by artists who saw beauty the average person didn't notice.

He sets my bags next to the sofa and motions for me to follow him to the kitchen. He opens a mahogany cabinet, pulling out a clear glass.

"Juice or pop?" he asks, and glancing inside I don't see a single bottle of wine.

"Juice, please." He pulls out grape and pours it to the brim, handing it to me.

"Your place is beautiful," I compliment. He shrugs like it's nothing while I take a sip, the flavor bland compared to the drink I really want.

"Charlie and I, we had a good first year." He smiles, remembering a joke I'm not privileged enough to hear. "Bought this place right after. I remodeled a lot of it, but I think it's good now."

"Did Daddy move too?"

Cadillac shakes his head. "No need to. Said he was waiting for his old one to fill back up."

He digs the knife made of guilt in a little deeper, twisting it so I can feel the edges of the blade.

"Come sit down with me." Cadillac leads me back to the living room, and I sit down on the cold leather, shivering. He turns a knob next to the fireplace and it lights, illuminating the room. He uses a remote and soft music comes out of speakers I don't see.

Cadillac parks himself beside me, pulling a coaster out of a holder. He takes my drink, placing it on the cork circle. He gazes at me for seconds that drag out forever, until I force myself to look away.

"Don't do that. I'm not staring to make you uncomfortable. I'm just missing you."

"You didn't miss this," I say, glancing down and curling my feet underneath me.

"I did. Every single day. The sun needs its rainbow, baby bird." Cadillac brushes my cheek with the pad of his thumb. My lips caresses his knuckles and it's like it used to be. Like life didn't hit us with a ton of bricks, knocking us down and leaving us to pick up the pieces. "Did you miss me?"

More than he could ever comprehend. But regret has a way of taking over, trying to erase love and leaving dirty smudges in its passing.

"Would it matter?" I respond quietly.

"Of course it matters. I want to know if your selfishness traveled across states or you if you left it all in Forks?"

His touches and his words are stark contradictions. I push his hand away, turning to the side.

"I'm not selfish," I say bitterly. "I was in agony, Cadillac. We can't all sweep everything under the rug like you can."

"At least I did _something_, Dimples. I coped. You ran away like a scared child. What if I wasn't here when you came back, huh? Would you keep on drinking yourself into a stupor? Would you keep taking your clothes off for money?"

_Probably. _

"You're not going back there," he continues. "I'm not going to watch you throw your life away and end up like your mother."

"I'm not–" I cut myself off and wonder if that's what he sees; a reflection of Mama, dirt poor and turning to men for money.

The image is haunting.

"You can't tell me what to do, Cadillac. I'm grown now. It doesn't work like that anymore."

"It works exactly how I'm telling you it's going to work," he orders me sternly. "You're still a child. Being 19 doesn't make you an adult. It makes you a teenager who's got a lot of growing up to do."

I'm fed up with his bossiness and I haven't even been here a full hour. "I'm not going to sit here and listen to this."

"What will you do? Leave?" Cadillac laughs, but there's not a hint of humor in his voice. He grabs my chin, forcing me to look at him. Strands of hair sweep across my face. "You're not going anywhere. The truth hurts, and if you want to be an adult then you take it like a woman. Despise me all you want, but you're done despising yourself. Right here, right now, it ends. I can't save your soul, Dimples. You keep holding on to the edge of hell and eventually you're going to fall into the flames. Ain't enough water in this world to quench the thirst of the damned."

The light in the fireplace flickers, like it's a sign of my descent. I loathe his statements and how they fuck with my head. I wasn't damned, was I?

I remember my thoughts from our first kiss that hot summer day in the woods.

_I could be good._

_I could be good for him._

"You want too much from me." He wants me whole when I'm nothing but broken fragments of myself.

"I ain't greedy, Dimples. I don't starve you of love." His long fingers brush away my baby hairs. I blink, trying to stop tears from escaping.

"No, but you feed me hate," I whisper. "Either way, I'll die."

The thought of him hating me makes me ache and causes my belly to tie in knots.

He shakes his head, disagreeing with me. "Then live, Dimples. I just want you to live."

His hands cradle my face, showering me with an everlasting devotion I don't deserve. He leans forward, sucking my bottom lip.

"I'll live for you," I murmur. My life isn't worth the air I breathe, but his is everything.

"No," he tells me. "For yourself."

"Live like I love." He tickles my arms, tracing the invisible hairs in a zigzag pattern. Cadillac tugs at my inner most being, pulling strings I thought I'd cut long ago. He breathes into my ear, husky whispers that hold me steady. Lifting off my tank, he traces the skin around my black lace bra.

"Until your heartbeat is one with mine." His hands travel to the back, unsnapping it with ease. He touches my heart, inside and out. I hold my breath as he slowly caresses my breasts, rolling my nipples with his thumb. He kisses me again, our warm tongues mingling back and forth. I feel like I'm losing myself in his gaze, and there's no finding me again.

"Until there's nothing else in the world." His ducks his head, licking every inch of skin. I cry out as he sucks on my breasts, leaving me trembling. My vision blurs and I moan, pressing his head against me.

"Until we're all that exists." I fall into him and when I do, our clothes fall off too. Cadillac pulls me on top of him as he leans back. I straddle him as he kisses my palm. I want him as he hardens beneath me. I'm light as feather, but his weight keeps me balanced. He guides me, rubbing his cock back and forth over my pussy. Moans escape my lips and he sticks two fingers in my mouth. I seductively lick and nibble, wondering how he gets me like this every damn time. Adjusting my body, I dig my feet into his legs.

"Live like _you _love." My back arches as he fills me and I slide onto him. Arch. Bend. Break. I do it all, and his hand skims my belly as I rock. I'm not the fragile young girl I used to be. He's not as gentle and neither am I. I roll my hips as he squeezes his eyes shut, groaning. I'm good _to_ him, which is all I can be for now.

"And when you do, baby bird…" Cadillac changes our rhythm, pumping me up and down. My breasts bounce and he's overwhelmed, struggling between holding my hips and rubbing my chest. He stays and lets go. Waits and leaves. It electrocutes me, the zapping feeling that shoots between us. I lean over, catching kisses he breathes in. He grasps my hips, jerking me down harder with relentless thrusts. He steers me and I follow.

_I need this, always._

_I need him, forever._

I stretch my affection as far as it will go. It reaches him in waves and he digs deeper, pulling me so far into his world that I don't know any other one is possible. I tilt my head back, coming as he holds me still, emptying himself into me.

"Life is gonna love you back."

.

.

.

When morning decides the night has ruled enough, I wake up to a note written in cursive.

_Dimples,_

_Gone to get breakfast. Be right back. _

_All my love._

I grab my shabby bag, finding my way up the wide stairs to an available bathroom. The shower is steaming hot and feels good on my skin. I get dressed quickly and run a brush through my wet hair. When I reach the top of the stairs, I hear low murmurs down below.

Curious, I tread steadily down the steps, careful not to slip on my bare feet.

I turn the corner and it's like the past has crept into my future.

"Dimples?" Cadillac reaches out a hand for me, but I stay frozen. He tugs me forward, almost jerking me until I have no other choice but to follow.

They're here. All of them.

And he's betrayed me like hell.

.

.

.

"You need to do this for you, Dimples," Cadillac says softly. "You promised me you'd live. You have to try. I know I tricked you, but ... I had to. It's for your own good."

I sit on his front step, staring at the white van that's come to take me away. I think of the family that's intervened. Of Daddy, who cried until he turned red. Of Esme and Carlisle, who wouldn't stop holding me. Of Dr. Aro and his assistant, who comforted me with thoughts of a brighter future.

I hold the bouquet of wildflowers that's as fresh as his deceit.

"What's it like?"

"What is what like?"

"Knowing you crushed my heart into a hundred and one pieces?"

He's quiet. He just sits there, wrapping that stupid wildflower around his finger again and again.

I can't stand to look at him.

He knows I like wildflowers.

He knows how I love to smell them and braid them into my hair. He knows I've kept every single one he's ever given me.

He's smart about it too, 'cause he didn't pick the ugly ones. No, they're all purple and pretty, with fluttering ladybugs still on them.

Yeah, he knows.

I ignore the flowers 'cause just like his words they don't mean shit. He's always telling me empty stories, like I'm a baby that needs pacifying.

"So?"

"It's like fallin', Dimples. It's like seeing the ground from way up high and knowing you still have a ways to go."

I scoff. "Doesn't seem that bad."

"It's not. Except when the person who pushed you is the same one who told you that you could fly, it's worse."

"I pushed you away, but I don't deserve this," I reply bitterly. "It ain't fair."

"You deserve everything that's good, baby bird." Cadillac tucks a wildflower behind my ear, smoothing down the wisps of my damp curls.

"Today is the day you actually get it."


	37. Chapter 37

**Cherry is holding her heart. I bet its really a pit. *chuckles loudly. includes knee-slap***

**Mia said I don't exist. That hurts, ya know. *evaporates into nothingness* **

**Cinnynala is a great consultant. I owe you. *pulls out slimy crumpled dollar bill***

**READERS- This is a long chapter (for me anyways). So sit back, relax, and don't skim read. Yeah, I know your kind.*whispers* Skimmer...**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty-Seven: Breakdowns and Beginnings_

**May 16th**

"I can't do it anymore, Dr. Aro! It's been two weeks and I can't do it anymore. I give up and I want to go home!"

_Fucking hell, I swear I will kill someone if I don't get some damn liquor. _

_Lock me the hell away, 'cause I'm gonna kill everybody and their fucking mother if I don't get some whiskey soon. _

_Somehow._

"And where exactly is home, Bella?"

"My apartment! Where in the hell did you think I was talking about?"

Dr. Aro removes his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose. "We've been over this, Bella. You've been evicted from your apartment. Your father picked up all of your belongings last week."

"Liar! You're just telling me that to keep me here!" I accuse him. "Screw you Mr. Doctor-That-Doesn't-Know-Shit! Who told you to say that, huh? Who was it? That little bitch assistant of yours, Jane? Did she go and steal my Johnny? I knew it! She's a whore! Did she suck your cock so you could lie to me? You fuckin' her, Doc? Are you fucking your hot little assistant?"

I take my shirt off and throw it on the floor. "Did she show you her tits, huh? Did she shake 'em like this? Mama always said you shake 'em good to get what you want!"

Dr. Aro pulls a walkie talkie out of his white coat. "Sam, we have a code 47. I repeat, we have a code 47. Patient is in need of sedatives. I need assistance in room 14C."

When they remove me from Dr. Aro's office, half-naked and screaming, a sharp needle penetrates my arm.

As my vision becomes blurry, the only thing I notice is a pair of green eyes staring from the entrance doorway.

_._

_._

_._

**June 27th**

"Poor judgment?" I rise from my uncomfortable chair, flipping the clipboard from Dr. Aro's hands. "I'll show you poor judgment! Poor judgment is when Mama stopped smiling and started fucking everything with two legs and a dick. Poor judgment is when you can't find a fucking scrap of food in the house and she doesn't come home for three days. Poor judgment is when you're so fucking tired of fucking living that vodka starts to taste like water. Poor judgment is when you're washing men's semen off of one dollar bills just so you can pay your stupid light bill. Don't you tell me a damn thing about poor judgment!"

Dr. Aro clears his throat and calmly picks up his clipboard from off of the floor. "Bella, I was only trying to insinuate-"

He is interrupted by a knock on the glass window. The last person I'd ever want to see in the entire world is standing there staring at me.

I kick the chair over and run to the glass, screaming. "Get out, Cadillac! Get the fuck out! Why are you even here? Get ouuuuuuut!"

As I pound my fists against the glass he stares at me with wide eyes full of pity. I don't even know if he can hear me, but I yell anyways. "This is your fault! I wish I had never met you! I wish I had had enough money for my own damn ice cream and I would've never met you and your stupid red bandana and your fresh-kiwi-Christmas-tree green eyes. I wouldn't have kissed you and your stupid raindrops and held your stupid flowers that don't mean shit! Do you hear me, Edward Cullen? They don't mean fucking shit! I hate you! I fucking hate you!"

My fists turn to open palms as I slide down the glass and curl into a ball. My shoulders sag as I struggle to hold myself together. I rock back and forth, staring at the sea foam colored walls.

_Please, just one drink._

_Please. I swear, I won't drink anymore. _

_Just a sip._

"Bella?"

Dr. Aro holds a finger up to the glass and kneels in front of me. "What do you want, _Doc_?"

My voice carries nothing less than poisonous venom as I bitterly spit in his face.

"If you don't have poor judgment … and if you hate Mr. Cullen so much then why, may I ask, are you crying so hard?"

"I don't know," I hiccup quietly, sobbing until I can barely breathe. "I don't fucking know…"

.

.

.

**July 5th**

"You don't understand," I whisper, holding my legs underneath me. "I _asked _to drive. It doesn't matter what they said. If Cadillac had been driving, he would have been able to move in time. But because I was inexperienced, I froze! I didn't brake and I didn't speed away; I didn't do anything!"

"And you know this how, exactly? Do you think an 18-year-old boy would have been able to do any better? According to the police report, the truck driver was intoxicated from his own Bud Light products. He was speeding at the wheel, Bella. What does that tell you?"

I'm silent for three heartbeats before I answer. "That drinking doesn't make people better. It only destroys them."

_Look what happened to you, Bella. _

_Stay strong. Nothing tastes as good as sober feels._

"Exactly." Dr. Aro leans forward, placing a gentle hand on my knee. "The accident was just that–an accident. You couldn't control that stranger any more than you could control your mother. But there is one thing that you can control. Can you tell me what that is?"

"Myself?" I say meekly.

"Right again." Dr. Aro peeks at his watch. "Our session is over. I need to go back to Riverside, but I'll come back later this week."

"Dr. Aro?" I glance up at him as he stands from his seat.

"Yes, Bella?"

"Is Daddy paying you to be here?" I ask slowly. "Or Cadillac? I mean, I know you work with the teenagers and I don't want to take you away from helping them."

Dr. Aro smiles warmly at me. "The teens are having their outside time right now, if you can recall, which is why I can only hold sessions with you in the evening. And no one is paying me. I'm taking you as a free patient."

I stare in awe. "Me? Why?"

"You remind me of a young man I once knew." Dr. Aro winks at me and opens the door. "See you Friday, Ms. Swan."

.

.

.

**August 1st**

"You've earned your GED, Bella! How does that feel?"

_Like everything._

My fingers run over the embossed ink on the smooth crème colored paper. "It feels great! Thanks for all of your help. And to Jane for taking me to the classes."

Dr. Aro smiles. "No gratitude is needed. I told you, with hard work and perseverance, anything is possible. Fighting your addiction is not an easy task, but with your new diploma, it proves you have critical thinking skills and reasoning to overcome your obstacles. What do you see yourself doing next?"

I shyly pull two glossy pamphlets out from behind my back. "College, I reckon. I mean, I don't know, but this one has a psychology program. I thought that looked interesting."

"Excellent! The University of Washington is one of the best in the state. Not that I'm being biased or anything." Dr. Aro chuckles as Jane knocks on the door and peeks in without waiting for a response."

"Mr. Swan is here."

"Thank you, Jane. Bring him in." Dr. Aro swivels his chair back towards me. "This is a big step, Bella, for you today. As you've requested, we'll talk to the families involved separately. Are you sure you're ready for this?"

I have to be.

_Fix your mistakes. Own up to them. Be better._

"I'm ready."

Daddy walks in, aged far beyond what any man his age should be.

"Bella?"

"Daddy!"

He's holding me before I can react. "Look at you, baby girl."

Daddy's eyes water as he takes a seat beside me.

Dr. Aro straightens the papers on his clipboard. "Mr. Swan, it's good to see you again. In regards to what we spoke of over the phone, this is your time to also get anything off of your chest, but Bella remains the main priority."

Daddy nods, but glances around. "Where are the Cullens?"

I open my mouth to speak, but Dr. Aro answers his question. "Per request of Bella, we will be having sessions separately so as to not overwhelm her. She asked to see you first."

"Bella?" The doctor turns to me to begin.

I shift my feet uncomfortably. "Daddy … I-I was selfish. I left you even though you were a good father to me. I left you without saying a word, causing you stress and worry. You didn't deserve that. No daughter should ever do that her daddy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ran away and started drinking again."

Daddy grasps my hand. "I was heartbroken, Bella. I couldn't find you. The police … nobody. And then you showed back up and doing what your mother did. If Edward hadn't called me…I-I…"

Daddy's nose flares. "I was angry, baby girl; angry that you felt like you couldn't come to me. I thought we were closer than that. You left and took the happiness right out of my life after I looked so hard for you the first time. Can you even imagine what I went through?"

I glance away, his fury with me justified. I'd earned his wrath and zero forgiveness.

"But I'm glad you're safe. That is what matters. But, I need you to focus and stay clean this time. I won't bury a daughter like I did my ex-wife. I was too easy on you, Bella. It's too late now 'cause you're grown. But, I'm going to be watching you this time around. You gotta keep your priorities straight and do something good with your life. Don't waste it, baby girl. It's the only one you've got. When you fall, you gotta get back up and stay up, you hear me?"

"Yes, sir."

"Now, give your old man a hug. I've missed your awful cakes."

I laugh as Daddy embraces me. When we finally pull back, I realize I'm missing a piece of the puzzle that makes this meeting complete. "Alice?"

Daddy shakes his head. "She … didn't want to come. I'm sorry, Bella. Maybe in time…"

Dr. Aro concludes the meeting, but my thoughts stray towards my best friend.

_When you burn your bridges, not all of them can be rebuilt._

.

.

.

**August 9th**

"They're here." Dr. Aro announces. "Remember, take a deep breath. You can do this."

I nod, but my palms are extremely sweaty. I bounce my knee up and down as I wait several minutes for them to get here. Much too soon, Esme, Carlisle, and Cadillac arrive in the small, enclosed space.

"Welcome. Please take a seat." The doctor gestures towards the conference table where the three of them cautiously sit across from me. I run my fingers through my hair, fully aware of how disheveled the strands are. But, I'm clean. My eyes are brighter, my skin looks healthier, and I've gained a few pounds.

_Progress._

All three of them look at me with sympathy. Cadillac is the worst. I can't bear to look at him or to see the pain I've caused his family. I tap the table nervously.

"Bella, the floor is yours. You may say anything you wish."

"Umm, okay…" A full 60 seconds passes by before I open my mouth. Realizing I'm unable to do this on my own, I pull out the slip of paper I prepared beforehand.

"Carlisle and Esme, the death of James will always be on my hands. I know, you've told me before it wasn't my fault, but guilt is not something that can be washed away with words. It was my thoughtless decision to drive that caused the death of your son. Maybe if Cad–I mean Edward–maybe if he was driving he could have avoided the accident. Maybe not. We'll never know. But one thing I do know is that I wasn't there for you. I wallowed in my own grief and ran away. I wasn't even there for your baby boy's funeral. In some ways, I think I didn't deserve to be there. In others, I should have been holding your hand as you have done mine so many times. I caused you extra concern and tension when you didn't need it. For that, I am sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me; you shouldn't have to. But, I want you to know that I do apologize. You both have been like a mother and father to me. And family doesn't run away–they stick together. So, as a daughter, I hope you recognize that my intentions were never to hurt you or to cause you additional grief. I can never give back those lost moments, but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

I stare at my paper even though there are no more words to read. I hear the scrapping of a chair and in seconds, a warm body turns me around and envelopes me in a hug.

Esme's tears fall on my shoulders as mine do hers. "Oh, Bella! You sweet child. You don't have to make up anything. Nothing at all…"

I don't know who weeps louder, but eventually she pulls back and rubs my hair as Carlisle speaks up. "Thank you Bella, for your apology. We were deeply saddened by James. It was a difficult time for our family, but in no way did we ever blame you."

Carlisle shifts in his seat and pulls out a folded red cloth. "This is James' cape. He was always wearing this silly thing, calling himself a superhero…" Carlisle's fingers rub the soft material. "One thing I learned from my five-year-old son is that superheroes come in all shape and sizes. Sometimes, they are little boys with big dreams who love trains. Other times, they are a young girl who fights hell and back just to live. I'm a doctor, so I know it takes more than a beating heart to survive. It takes willpower. And you have that, Bella. So, on behalf of my family and me, I'd like to give you this."

Carlisle passes the red cape across the table and I gently reach for it. The neck strings dangle as I close my fingers around. "Thank you. I … I don't know…"

"Don't say anything, Bella. Just know that we love you." A fresh wave of tears trickle down as Carlisle wipes his red eyes. He stands up, walking to my side of the table and wrapping me in a hug.

I've never felt more loved than in this moment. I feel free, like a giant weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Guilt, in all of its forms, is a heavy load to carry.

Esme pats my back and kisses me on my forehead. "We have to go now, but Edward will stay so you two can work things out. Do you remember what I once told you, dear? You don't have to find your strength…"

"Sometimes it comes to you," I finish.

She smiles as they thank Dr. Aro and leave. Cadillac waits patiently, folding his hands in silence.

"Bella, now is your turn to speak to Edward. Is there anything you would like to say?"

I nod, pulling out a separate sheet of paper. For the first time, Cadillac speaks.

"Don't do that." He stands up and walks to my side, scooting out the empty chair beside me and grasping my hands. "Don't read me anything. Just talk, baby bird. I promise, I'll hear every word."

I swallow, letting his thumbs caress my small, pale hands. Being inside has faded my usual summer tan, and the contrast between us is noticeable. My heart thumps as he stares at me intently.

"I can't … I ain't…" All of my formal, written language is thrown out of the window as I stare into his soul. It's sickening how beautiful he is–how even the raised goose bumps on his flesh are a reminder of how he'll always be hopelessly perfect.

"Take your time, Bella. You are in no rush," Dr. Aro says softly.

I nod as gravity pulls between us, binding love that should have been broken long ago.

I revert to the one the thing I do best: pretend like I'm reading a script.

"There was this girl. She was cute, you know; sweet with pigtails and wore pretty dresses that the boys used to look under. She was a happy child and then one day, when she got older, she heard her mama and daddy yelling. It was late, so she huddled under her blankets, hidin' and wishin' they would stop. It was like that, day in and day out. Her Mama sat her down one day and told the little girl that the daddy was still her Daddy, but the man won't her husband anymore. The little girl couldn't figure out how that was. Her daddy was still there, even if he was sleeping on the couch. And then one night, when the girl was asleep, her mama woke her up and said they were leaving. She looked around in the dim light, wondering where all her stuff was. 'I packed it,' her mama told her. 'We're going on a trip, sug.' The girl left, tiptoeing past her daddy and wondering if he was coming too. So, the girl and her Mama drove a long ways away…"

I sob, recalling that painful night. "They kept driving and driving until they finally arrived at this small, blue house with wind chimes hanging from the porch. 'Where are we, Mama?' she asked. Her Mama just stared at her. 'Your Pop-Pop's house.' The girl didn't even know what a pop-pop was, but she followed her Mama in that house. She fell in love with the old man. He watched her, when her Mama left for long periods of time. He called her an angel and gave her a lot of pretty things. Then one day, when they were outside rocking on the porch, the girl's grandfather died. Right in front of her. She cried and cried, not knowing what to do. But she saw this bottle in the kitchen when she went to go reach for the phone. And she drank it. It was bitter at first, but then her head started feeling funny. So she drank more and more of it. She kept drinking until two whole days passed and her mama finally returned. Her mama came back, yelling and screaming at the girl, like it was her fault. After her Pop-Pop died her mama started dragging her to the club 'cause no one else was there to watch her. She drank when they moved into a dirty box, and she drank until all of her Pop-Pop's liquor collection was finally gone. That's how she coped, drinking until the stars lost their light…"

Cadillac wipes away my tears as I continue. "And then, one day, the girl met a beautiful boy. He ain't seem like a good boy, 'cause all boys were bad. But she couldn't stop thinking about him. He was sweet and had a funny name and gave her butterflies. But that boy won't enough for her to stop drinking. He won't enough when he found out about her addiction, and he won't enough when she was almost raped. He won't enough when the girl's Mama left, and he won't enough even when she was happy and found her Daddy again. He won't enough even though he saved her from being killed by the bad man and her mama. And he wasn't enough when she killed his little brother, 'cause in her head it was all her fault."

My knee finally stops bouncing and I can look him in the eyes.

"One day, that girl woke up and she became a woman. She became a woman who realized that sweet, fast-talking boys were never going to be good enough, but she had to be good enough to herself. She started loving herself and realizing her worth didn't come from others. She had to let go of the past and start living for the future. That sweet boy once told her she needed to stop flipping back the pages of a book and to keep reading. So, that's what I'm doing. I'm reading ahead, for better times and a happy ending. But there's this epilogue at the end, and it reads just like this: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the heartache and pain and bullshit I put you through. I'm sorry for making you feel like you had to love both of us, 'cause I couldn't love myself. I'm sorry for leaving. And most of all, I'm sorry for not catching those raindrops sooner. They're beautiful, those colors of the rainbow. But I'm not looking for them in the sky anymore. I'm making my own. And when I do, that sweet boy's gonna know, it's all right to keep starin' at the sun. I see him risin' and shinin'."

Cadillac's gaze is like weightless whispers that kiss me tenderly. For once, I don't feel so empty.

His lips press against the back of my hand and I am filled to the brim.

"Edward, for the first time - I see you."


	38. Chapter 38

**Sometimes I'm funny. In my head...**

* * *

_Chapter Thirty-Eight: Stars and Sporks_

I had a dream last night about Mama. There wasn't nothing scary about it, 'cause ever since the day she got shot by that shit-faced Brady, she'd pop in now and again. Sometimes it'd be to see how I was doing; other times, it'd be to tell me to quit slacking and wash the dishes.

But last night was different. It was more of a memory from years ago than a new dream, really. We'd just moved to our own house and didn't have a dryer yet. Mama had given me a bunch of clothespins she borrowed from Miss Sue, and I was outside hanging quilts on the clothesline.

The wind was a'blowin' and I was standing on my tiptoes trying to pinch the last corner. The quilt was ugly as hell, but Mama said she was keeping it 'cause her mama made it when she was little. I reckon that was back in the 1800's–was't no other excuse for all them threads to be hanging out like they were.

I had grasped the line with my fingers to pull it down lower when Mama came running out of the house.

"Dammit, Bella! What I tell you about dragging on that thing? You break it and that's your ass, you understand me child?" She stood there with her hands on her hips, glaring at me.

"Sorry, Mama. I couldn't reach it."

Mama sighed and walked over in her house shoes, getting 'em all muddy from the previous night's rain.

"When you tug on it, it'll pop and then we ain't gonna have nothing to hang our clothes on. If you couldn't reach it, why didn't you grab a chair?" She said it like I didn't have any common sense.

But she and I both knew she would have swiped me real good if I would have brought her furniture out there.

So, I didn't say nothin' at all. She stretched above me, hanging the final corner of the ugly quilt.

"You know I'm short, Mama. Next time, why don't we switch? I'll do the washin' and you do the hanging?"

"'Cause, sug, then I'd be teaching you to take the easy way out. If you don't do the hard stuff, you won't ever learn."

I didn't mean to be sassy by talking out of the side of my mouth, but I don't get what she's saying. "How's me hanging clothes on a line I can't even reach gonna teach me anything?"

I winced, 'cause I knew the backhand across my cheek was coming. I'd felt the stinging burn one too many times.

Instead, Mama kneeled down, grabbing my wrists firmly.

"This ain't about the clothes, Bella. It ain't even about the line. It's about you strivin' for something you know is gonna be difficult. When you do that–when you reach for something higher than yourself–then you know that you can touch anything."

I glanced in awe at the darkening sky with just a few twinkles of lights shining through in the early summer.

"Even the stars, Mama?"

"Even the stars, sug."

Mama swatted me on my behind and pointed to the back porch.

"Now get in that house and start supper. Mr. Clearwater's coming over and I need you to shuck some corn."

I ran off with my dress with dirty spots flying behind me.

"Turn on the oven, too!" She called after me. "I'm baking a pie!"

I let the door slam behind me as I pulled corn that Miss Sue gave us out of a wicker basket.

Harry 'Dirty' Clearwater was nice enough, I reckoned. He smelled just like my Pop-Pop did, and I wondered if he drank the same kind of whiskey.

I was running low on my stash.

While I peeled an ear of corn, I wondered what Mama meant by reaching for the stars. If I wasn't tall enough to reach a clothesline, how was I supposed to reach all the way up there?

I shrugged and dropped the vegetable into a large pot.

I thought Mama was wrong.

Maybe I wasn't supposed to reach them at all.

Maybe if I prayed real hard, eventually, someday, God would send 'em down to me.

.

.

.

"And this here is your schedule, so make sure you follow the map. This campus is huge and I don't want you getting lost."

A stack of papers is thrust into my hands.

"Don't forget to type notes. Anything the professor says, just type it up. Don't write it. Nobody writes anymore. Just click on the little blue symbol with the 'W' on it, just like I showed you."

My new messenger bag is zipped firmly after several checks to make sure my laptop is in there securely.

"And sit up front, okay? All the slackers sit in the back, cracking jokes and checking their Facebook accounts. Otherwise you won't learn anything."

I huff. "Is that it, _father_?"

Cadillac laughs, kissing me on the cheek. "I'm just excited for you, baby bird. My Dimples, a college student. Makes me proud."

I blush and adjust the strap on bag as Cadillac drops me off at the first class.

"I'll be back to pick you up at 3, so make sure you meet me at the front of Hager Hall."

I nod, glancing inside of the classroom nervously. It's jammed full of eager college freshman ready to start the day.

"You think I'm ready for this?"

Cadillac looks so handsome in his work attire, a light blue collared shirt and black slacks. Girls stare as they walk by, and I feel honored just to be standing near him.

"I _know _you're ready. You can do this." Cadillac checks his gold watch and winces. "I'm sorry, baby, I gotta go. We've got a new shipment of parts coming in and Charlie will have my ass if I'm not there by 8:30."

"Okay." I smile, but butterflies are having a party in my belly, swirling and flapping around. Cadillac kisses me on the cheek and walks several feet before I call out to him.

"Cadillac?"

He spins around on his heels, his expensive shoes gleaming under the fluorescent lights.

"Yeah?"

I tap apprehensively on my bag and tilt my head to the side. "Uh … what's a Facebook?"

Cadillac laughs and shakes his head.

"I love you, baby bird."

I frown, upset that he didn't answer my question, but he smirks and strolls away.

"Yeah, love you too."

Even after I've found my seat–first row, second to the right–I swear I can still hear his laughter echoing through the halls.

.

.

.

My last class of the afternoon sounds extremely boring, and I know I'm going to fail.

It's been 10 minutes.

I sluggishly listen to the professor drone on while I attempt to stay awake. I didn't eat lunch, and when I tried to purchase coffee at the café on campus the guy didn't understand my order. I asked for a small coffee which led to an argument between tall versus grande. So, after I finally got bombarded into ordering a venti (that's code for "cup the size of your arm"), the guy tried to explain the difference between a house coffee, a brewed coffee, and a café misto.

Somehow I ended up with a vanilla bean frappuccino, bounced off the walls for four hours, and tried to make an appointment with Dr. Aro.

He said it was all right to be addicted to Starbucks and that millions of Americans are fighting that battle.

Now I've crashed, and the weird professor with wide bug eyes keeps talking.

I try to stay awake by furiously typing on my laptop. I'm so engrossed I don't notice a large figure squeezing in the tiny seat beside me.

A person knocks me slightly to the left. When I turn to give the dickwad a piece of my mind, a huge grin spreads across my face.

"McCarty!" I hiss, trying to whisper.

Emmett sets a backpack on the floor and turns to me. "Freshman!"

"Dammit, I'm not-"

I am. I'm actually a freshman.

Fuck.

He smiles widely and gives me a half hug. "What are you doing here?"

I can't keep from smiling after seeing a familiar face. "Oh, you know–being a college student and all."

I flip my hair teasingly as he chuckles. "Good to see you! Heard you left town."

I shrug nonchalantly, as if the last few years haven't broken me to pieces–as if I haven't repaired myself whole.

"I'm back."

"That's awesome!" He pulls out a notebook and pink pen with feathers while I raise an eyebrow. "Don't ask. I'm a pen thief. They've got wanted pictures of me all over the message boards."

I pretend to zip my lips. "I won't say a word. What are you doing in here? Isn't this Philosophy 101?"

Emmett grimaces. "Don't remind me. This ain't high school. They let you slack off all you want until it's your final year, and then they remind you of all the hard classes you tried to skip."

"So lazy," I tease quietly.

"And proud of it," he whispers back.

The professor gives us the stink eye, so we quiet down for a few minutes until he pulls up a video on the aspects of metaphysics.

_Whatever that is._

"Have you heard from anybody? You know, the old crew?"

Emmett tries to go down the list. "Um, let's see. Rose and Emily went to the University of Florida together. Tyler is a wrestling referee. He gets to yell and chant for a living, so I guess he likes it. Jessica is some sort of famous designer, last I heard. And Jasper ... he's in prison."

"What? Why?" I ask in shock.

"Caught with a trunk full of weed. Said he had enough to light up the whole state of Washington in a haze."

"Wow."

"Yep. Oh, and do you remember Heidi Saunders?"

Unfortunately.

"It was the most freak accident. Somehow she was driving down 81 and got killed by a truck full of silverware. Can you believe it? They said she got stabbed all over her body with sporks and suffered horribly. Rumor is, she bled from her eyeballs."

"Tragic," I reply sarcastically.

He snickers. "I bet."

"Do you know whatever happened to Alice Brandon?" I ask slyly

"That was your friend, right? The one that dated Hale?" I nod, but he shakes his head. "No idea. Sorry."

We sit in silence for several minutes before I realize McCarty never even mentioned Cadillac. There's no way that he knows we're still together.

"Aren't you going to tell me about Edward Cullen?"

McCarty's body tenses and suddenly, he's scribbling furiously like he's taking notes.

It's just his name over and over again.

"Emmett!" I hiss.

McCarty holds up his hands defensively. "Dammit woman! The pressure is too much!" He puts two hands in the air as if he's saying a prayer. "Forgive me, Cad, for I am weak."

"Emmett!"

"Okay, okay–Cadillac told me what classes you were in. So, I've been following you around. I'm just checking on you, I swear! He promised me a car; I couldn't turn that down!"

I frown and twist his nipple as he silently screams in pain. "Do you even go here?"

"No! I serve fries, freshman! I work at McDonalds and I'm a fry fryer!"

I kick him one good time. "Where'd you get the pen, asswipe?"

"I'm a thief. That part was true. I ripped off the backpack from some short girl in the hall."

I look at him angrily. "What do you have to say for yourself, McCarty?"

"Nothing. But … um … can you ask Cad if the car is new or not? I can't afford a gas guzzler."

Emmett weeps in agony as I pinch the flesh on his meaty arm.

.

.

.

Pumpkin spice splashes against the wall. "You had Emmett _follow_ me?"

"Do you know how _embarrassed_ I was?" Banana crème whizzes past his ear.

"You promised him a _car_?" I bellow as chocolate mint surprise lands on his expensive shirt.

"Did you think I'd get _drunk_ on my first day of college?"

I held up my favorite, strawberry lemon torte. I hate to sacrifice the deliciousness of torte-anything, but it has to be done.

I toss the sweet pie in his direction and it lands right on his face.

It's as if he didn't even try to move.

"Baby, listen … it's not even like that!" Cadillac wipes the slimy dessert from his face as he holds his hands up defensively.

With no more cakes to throw, I put my hands on my hips. "Do tell. What was it like then?"

"I … I just wanted to make sure you were all right. In case you were overwhelmed or got lost or something, I swear!"

Cadillac winces and peeks one eye open to make sure I'm not going to throw anything else.

His beautiful, immaculate kitchen is destroyed, but I don't feel the slightest bit remorseful.

"You can't do that, Cadillac! I gotta try on my own! How am I supposed to make it if you shadow me everywhere?"

"I'm sorry. Charlie and I-"

Oh, this is just getting worse. "Daddy too?"

"Fuck!" he mumbles under his breath. "You didn't hear that from me. Listen, I was just watching out for you. You can understand that, can't you?"

_No. _

_Yes._

_Maybe._

_But it still isn't right._

"How am I supposed to fly if you keep holding down my wings?" I ask him. "College is supposed to be my new start. You've helped me every bit of the way, and I appreciate that–I truly do. But I gotta try for myself."

His shoulders slump as he walks toward me in defeat. "I know. I'm sorry, Dimples. I won't do it again. I promise."

"Good." He wraps his icing covered arms around me as I laugh. "Hell, Cadillac. You did that on purpose didn't you?"

He glances down at me and smirks. "A little."

I wipe a handful of creamy icing in his hair and spread it around his bronze colored locks. "I guess that was on purpose too. A little."

"You better run, Dimples."

I squeal, laughing and giggling as he chases me around the house, spreading gooey filling everywhere.

When he finally catches me, he smothers me in kisses.

It feels good, this carefree happiness.

I squirm as he tickles me. When our cackling subsides, we sit on the bathroom floor, wrapped in one another's arms.

"Cadillac?"

"Hmm?" He's barely listening as he reaches under my shirt.

"McCarty said Heidi Saunders got sporked to death by a silverware truck. Did you go to her funeral?"

Cadillac bursts into laughter. I don't get what's so funny about death, but when he finally answers me, I'm not expecting it at all.

"She ain't dead, baby bird; she's one of the top lawyers in the state of Washington."

I grimace, contemplating on how many sporks I can stab Emmett with.

Perhaps Mama was wrong and right.

I can't touch all the stars.

But as Cadillac kisses the spot below my neck, I figure it's all right just to reach one.


	39. Chapter 39

**Cherry blows raspberries. Imagine how all of the blueberries feel.**

**Mia just uses a lot of "W's" for Aww. It's not even a real word, Spork killer.**

**Readers- I'm crying right now, b/c I can't handle you leaving me tomorrow. So, here... *thrusts chapter your way and bawls in the corner***

* * *

_Chapter Thirty-Nine: Forgiveness and Forever_

"Say it."

"I don't wanna."

"Say it."

Refusal. Denial. Absolute defiance.

They cover my skin, his treachery and sneakiness.

I thought we were past this–past the lies and past the dishonesty.

It bounces back like a seesaw, however, hitting me in the face.

The truth hurts.

His doing this behind my back and then throwing it in my face? It's unforgiveable.

"I'm not fucking around, Dimples. _Say _it."

I can't deny him.

"Your cake is better than mine."

He smiles gleefully, cheering like no grown man ever should. He gallops around, pretending to slap an invisible behind.

"You see this? That's me, smacking that cake lovin' ass."

I despise him for it.

I don't know how he does it, how I win the battles but he conquers the wars. I savor another bite of his hazelnut marble dessert, hating him from within.

"Tell me you love it." He doesn't stop. He uses his prettiness and jade eyes to seduce me. Cadillac's lips linger just below my ear as I lick the frosting off my fingers.

"I fucking love it." It spurs him on, me eating his food. Or it may be the way my tongue runs over each individual limb.

"Of course you do." He lifts me up on his kitchen counter and I wrap my legs around his waist. He leaves no breathing room between us, sucking in my air as his own. "Our love is like your cakes. They last forever. And ever. They literally will not die."

I playfully push against his broad shoulders. "Shut up. One of these days I'm going to bake something everyone will eat."

"Everyone _does _eat your cakes–that's the problem," he jokes.

"I meant they'll eat them and not throw them up. You'll see, just you wait."

"Uh huh." Cadillac buries his head in my chest. "While you're waiting to prove the world wrong, I'm just going to stay here. It's comfy."

"What about your business?"

"I'll quit."

"I have school."

"You're already smart." He fondles me roughly, pushing and squeezing my breasts together. "Look at 'em. Do you see these?"

"They're mine, so, yeah," I reply sarcastically. "I've taken a peek."

"They're like water balloons." He bounces them simultaneously until I smack his hands away.

"What are you, twelve?" I push him to the side and jump off the counter's edge. "'Sides, I don't have time to fool around. I've got to get home for supper."

Cadillac pouts and reaches up, patting the stubble on his face. "Cheer up. We can hang out tomorrow. Fun Saturdays and all that jazz."

"Can't you spend the night? I'm lonely. I'm a lonely man, just me and my right hand."

I giggle and grab my purse from his kitchen table. "You'll survive. I told you, I can't afford to buy my own place right now, so I'm stuck living at Daddy's. And I think I owe him some time."

"But-"

I sigh, 'cause I know where this conversation is headed. It's been moving in the wrong direction for weeks and I have yet to divert him.

"Don't even go there. I'm not living here and freeloading off of you. That's what fathers are for."

"One day, Dimples, I'm gonna make you all mine. Tell Charlie his days are numbered."

I remind him of Daddy's gun collection.

"Never mind," he says, swallowing in panic. "Don't tell him shit."

Oh, but I am.

And when I do, I'll be the one laughing from here to Kansas.

.

.

.

"Daddy, get off the phone…"

"Uh huh … yes siree … won't know what hit her."

"Daddy!"

"Uh huh. Tomorrow? All right…"

"Charles Swan!"

I nudge Daddy's soft belly with my pointer finger. "C'mon, supper's ready."

Daddy holds the phone down to his chest. "Go set the table, baby girl. I'm coming."

Huffing, I turn on my bare feet and walk to the kitchen. Taking my time, I divide up the baked chicken, string beans, and macaroni and cheese. After I pour glasses of sweet tea, Daddy finally walks in, smiling like a buffoon.

"Who was that?" I ask, my curiosity getting the best of me.

Daddy takes a seat across from me, spreading out a napkin.

"Someone from work," he says nonchalantly. "So, how is school going?"

The both of us are so busy we rarely get a chance to see each other, much less talk. "Fine. Emmett McCarty is in all of my classes, so it's nice to have a friend to study with."

"Peter's boy?" he asks.

I nod. Emmett's still not really enrolled in school, but Cadillac gave him a car and now Emmett feels like it's his duty to walk around with me. I don't mind so much, and it's kind of fun having him keep me company.

Even if he is a pathological liar.

Emmett told me Cadillac doesn't know what he's talkin' about and Heidi Saunders ain't no lawyer. He said Cadillac just tells himself that to make up for how horrible he made her feel that one day we blackmailed her in the barn.

Emmett backtracked on his story and told me she got eaten by a polar bear in the Artic on an expedition trip.

I don't know what to believe anymore.

"Tomorrow is Esme's birthday," Daddy says between bites.

"Oh!" I feel bad, 'cause I've missed so many already. "I ain't know that. I should get her a gift."

"No need," Daddy says quickly. "I got her something. But we're clearing out the showroom at the dealership tomorrow, so we gotta be there at seven sharp."

"All right. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"You better not," Daddy says, winking.

I roll my eyes at him and take another bite of my green beans. "Daddy, have you heard from Alice? I stopped by her parents' house and won't nobody there."

Daddy shrugs, taking a sip of his tea. "I haven't talked to her in months."

"Is she in school? Does she work somewhere?"

"I don't know, baby girl. Wherever she is, give her time. She came by the house almost every day for an entire year when you were gone. She's hurt, honey. Probably figures you didn't want to be her friend anymore. You went through a lot, Bella, but so did the people you left behind."

I nod, understanding. Not everyone is like the Cullens or my Daddy. I can't expect the world to forgive me just 'cause they had. I don't blame her; I just miss her.

"All right."

Daddy glances at me with pity. "Why don't we go catch a movie? I heard about a great one on Twitter."

I frown, pushing my eyebrows together. "What's Twitter?"

Daddy shakes his head. "Bella, you've got to get out more."

I disagree.

I didn't want to face books and go around twittering anything.

Nope. I didn't fancy those activities–not one bit.

.

.

.

"Whaddya think?"

Daddy whistles and spins me around with one hand. "You're beautiful, Bella."

I glance down, touching the soft feathered hem and watching the twinkle of the cream sparkled bodice catch in the light. It's one thing to be told you're a princess, but it's another to feel like one. My gold strappy heels hurt just the slightest, but they're worth it.

"It's not too much?" I ask, hesitating. Daddy and I had driven to Seattle earlier that day to get a new gown. He said Esme's birthday was a formal affair, and I didn't want to be out of place. Cadillac would have gone, but he said was busy and didn't have time.

I miss him some kind of awful.

"It's perfect."

Even Daddy looks handsome in his dark suit. He helps me pull on a sand colored coat for the chilly September weather. Daddy grabs his keys and we head out, singing and laughing the entire way. When we finally reach the dealership, it's almost completely dark inside except for a soft light that glows from the windows.

I'm thinking we're late, but the clock on the dashboard reads 6:58. Crap, maybe everybody was already hiding.

I bet it's gonna be like the movies, where Daddy and I walk in and everyone yells surprise, only to be disappointed that it's just us.

I snicker internally.

"Ready, baby girl?"

"Yep!" I'm excited and I know Esme is going to be in shock. Daddy parks his vehicle and holds my hand as we walk to the front doors.

"I love you, Bella," he says softly, his eyes watering.

"I love you too." _Look at him, getting all emotional._ If he cries like that in front of Esme, she'll lose it. Bawling babies.

The second we step inside, Daddy pulls my coat off and tosses it over his arm. He helps me navigate through the dimly lit room, which is only lit up with Christmas lights and a trail of candles

A familiar smell penetrates my nostrils and when I look closer, I realize why.

It's wildflowers and they're _everywhere._

As soon as the door clicks behind us, soft music from a stereo turns on.

It's Christina Perri's "A Thousand Years".

I'd know this song anywhere. It's one of the many Cadillac pretended he could play on the guitar.

_Heart beats fast_

_Colors and promises_

_How to be brave?_

_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?_

_But watching you stand alone,_

_All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow…_

Daddy kisses me on the cheek, and when I turn to glance at him in confusion I notice a soft light from the corner of my eye.

I inhale sharply.

It's not a stereo.

_One step closer…_

Cadillac, my Cadillac, is sitting on a chair, gazing at me with the most loving eyes, playing the guitar. He belts out the lyrics, and on the outside of the circle of lights are all of my family and friends.

Everyone. Jasper. Emmett and Rose. Emily. Jess and Tyler. Even Heidi Saunders beams at me genuinely and gives a small wave.

But it's the sight of Alice that makes me gasp as tears fall from my eyes.

_I have died everyday waiting for you_

_Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you _

_For a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

A background piano version finishes the instrumental as Cadillac lays down the guitar and gets down on one knee.

My feet feel like lead when I walk closer to him. Daddy joins Carlisle and Esme and squeezes her shoulder.

I tremble as Cadillac grasps my hands. I look down at him in awe, crying uncontrollably. "Dimples, I love you more than words can express. You are my life, my absolute world. There's not another person on this entire Earth I love more."

_Cadillac. That's not even a real name._

"Since the day I met you, I'm a changed person. You've made me better. You've made me complete."

"_How come I don't know you?" I ask. He sighs in response. "That's 'cause you haven't been looking."_

"I want to spend forever holding you in my arms, treating you like the queen that you are."

"_Kissin' is like catching raindrops, Dimples. By the time we're done, you'll see all the colors of the rainbow."_

"Most people don't get to experience this much joy in their entire lifetime, but you gave me mine one day at an ice cream stand. It was the best day of my life."

"_I don't know where you're leading me to, but it feels like home."_

"I ain't perfect, but I'll try my best to be. I'll be your best friend, your lover, and the only one you'll ever need."

"_You're just a baby bird, fluttering her wings."_

"Your love makes me whole, baby. So please, in front of all of our family and friends, please say that you will…"

"_What if I can't hold steady, like you said?" Cadillac pauses. "You don't need water for that, Dimples. It means you were already drowning."_

"Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"_But it's just one flower," I complain. _

"_I gotta save the rest, baby bird. I'm gonna need 'em for the rest of our lives."_

I wrap my arms around him, kissing him with the only word that would ever leave my lips.

"Yes."


	40. Chapter 40

**And so the curtain closes...**

* * *

_Chapter Forty: Contentment and Cadillac_

_I love you._

It's whispered in stolen glances and mouthed words as family and friends break us apart to wish us congratulations.

_Esme's birthday my ass. _

Cadillac and Daddy were smooth to plan all of this, getting me here just so Cadillac could propose.

I would've said yes if it was done in a cardboard box without a wildflower in sight.

"I'm so happy for you."

I spin around as a familiar hand taps me on the shoulder.

_Alice!_

I don't think, I just grab her in an everlasting hug, trying to contain my tears. She holds me tightly and all I can think of are the days we used to sit on my bed, cutting out pictures of Hollywood celebrities.

_Before this was that and that was this._

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I ask, pulling away. I need her to convince me she doesn't hate me, that regret is all we'll have ever for each other.

"Cadillac settling down?" She laughs, stretching her face muscles into a wide grin. "I wouldn't miss this for the world." She's the same and yet she's different. Her long hair is pulled back in a tight bun and her features are now reflective of a woman.

"Where have you been?"

She doesn't say anything for a moment; she just lifts up my hand and studies the engagement ring. The princess cut is perfectly clear and swirled by tiny diamonds surrounding the top and bottom.

"Away," she answers quietly. "I'm sorry I didn't want to come to your therapy consultation, Bella. I was kind of fighting my own demons."

"Your own?" I question her, tilting my head to the side. Alice doesn't seem like the type to have demons. I thought the devil just reserved them for me.

"You drank, I … stole stuff." Her admission shocks me to my core. "I guess I had my own form of coping with being dirt shit poor…"

She glances down like she's ashamed, but I'm proud of her. It explains so much—how she always wanted what she couldn't have.

"But I'm getting myself together, you know?" Alice grins, the prospect of sunny days outshining the rainy ones. "I heard you were in college."

I smile brightly. "I am. It's great."

"That's awesome. Maybe next year that would be something I could do too."

I beam at her, thinking of how fantastic it would be for us to go to the same school.

"Congratulations, Bella." I turn on my heels and a handsome young man speaks to me in a friendly voice. "I'm Garrett, Heidi Saunders' husband. Well, Heidi Randell, now."

I reach out my hand, trying not to look surprised. _What is Heidi doing here?_ When I look back, Cadillac is giving her a friendly hug.

"Nice to meet you."

"You as well. We were invited by Edward. Heidi didn't want to come and upset you," he explains. "She told me she treated you like shit in high school. Er, crap. Excuse my language."

Shit wasn't a strong enough word.

"Something like that," I mumble.

"She's a teen advocate now. She goes to schools and does motivational speaking about bullying. She's fantastic. Maybe you could come see her one day."

_Yeah, maybe._

I just nod as Garrett turns to leave. "Well, it was wonderful to meet you. And congratulations again."

Just as he begins to spin on his heels, he takes a second glance at Alice and then back to me.

"Are you two twins?"

Alice and I both giggle.

I grin at my best friend. We look so much alike that people think we're sisters. Well, nobody in Forks _really_ thinks that 'cause they all know us, but if strangers were to meet us, that's what they'd think.

And they do.

.

.

.

**Nine months later…**

"And do you, Edward Cullen, take Bella Swan to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and health, till death do you part?"

Cadillac smirks, dressed impeccably in his black tux. "This death you speak of ... does murder by cake count?"

The officiating pastor looks puzzled as I stomp on Cadillac's shoe with my bare foot.

"Ouch! I do … sheesh, woman, I do!"

Grinning victoriously, I turn back my attention towards the minister.

"Then by the power vested in me by the State of Washington, I now pronounce you man and wife. Edward, you may kiss your bride."

_Finally. _

Cadillac tenderly lifts my veil above my head and dips forward, kissing me on the lips. His tongue slips into my mouth, and we forget we are surrounded by the ones we love.

_The kiss is warm and passionate, full of forever and evers._

The crowd cheers and doves are released into the cool May air.

_Baby birds, fluttering their wings to freedom._

A collection of white balloons, dedicated in James' honor, float above us. But my heart doesn't sink, it rises with them.

"I love you, Dimples."

"I love you more, Cadillac."

_More than you'll ever know._

Alice passes me my bouquet of lavender and pink wildflowers. I raise them in the air, smiling brightly as the sun shines down on us. We walk down the white aisle, hand in hand, and into the open field reconstructed for our special day.

It's been years since we were last here, sitting in this same field when he gave me my first wildflower and promises of a future.

I hadn't believed him then. Now, not a single doubt that we are anything less than perfect together whispers in my head.

Jasper guides us to the reception area, which is set up in beautiful light pinks and cream colors. He pulls out a silk covered chair for me to sit down.

Cadillac waits for his, but Jasper turns his head.

"Fuck you, dude. I don't give a shit that it's your wedding. You told everyone I was in prison. I live down the fucking street from you!"

Cadillac laughs, holding up his hands defensively, and drags out his own chair. "It wasn't me, I swear."

The true culprit walks forward, grinning and nudging me with his meaty elbow.

"Diggin' the dress, freshman!" Emmett says.

I glance down at my blush colored gown, layered with organza and tulle that fill my seat. White had seemed too dull. Jessica, who coordinated most of the wedding arrangements, said that pink meant contentment.

That's me.

I'm finally content.

"Thanks, McCarty." I try to give him a hug, but he's dragged helplessly away by Jasper, who continuously punches him in the gut.

He pleads to me for help, but I shrug.

_That's what you get, liar liar._

Daddy walks toward our table with Esme and Carlisle. All three have red eyes, but they'll never admit it.

"I reckon I should say congratulations, Son." Daddy gives Cadillac a firm handshake, but he purposefully squeezes his hand too tightly.

"Ow!" Cadillac winces, shaking his arm back and forth. "Was that really called for?"

Daddy grins. "If I don't get some grandbabies soon, there'll be a lot more pain coming your way."

Esme swats Daddy on his chest. "Hush you. They just walked down the aisle. We're so happy for you two."

"Thanks, Esme."

"I love the cape, Bella."

Carlisle notices the red peeking out from under my dress. I tied the cape around my waist.

"I wish he could be here," I murmur, thinking about James. I can see him in my mind and I get the feeling I'm not the only one.

Carlisle points to one white balloon that lingers near our tent. "I think he is."

He smiles and it's a bit sad, but also happy at the same time. _Bittersweet._

Alice bounces over in a white dress, dragging Rosalie behind her.

"Congratulations! You look great, Bella."

"You too, _bride,_" I say sarcastically.

Rose giggles, staring at Alice's wedding gown. "I swear, I tried to talk her out of it. She said if you weren't going to wear white, someone had to."

"Stealing my thunder, Al?" I ask, pointing at her tiara.

"You know it!"

Emmett taps the microphone, getting everyone's attention.

"Before we eat, I would like to give a special speech for the bride and groom."

The tent goes silent as the last guests shuffle to their seats.

"First of all, thank you all for coming to Cadillac and Freshman's wedding. Even though you're all here to see them, let's not forget to give a round of applause for my money maker."

Daddy starts to clap and I glare at him, shaking my head.

Emmett chuckles as Cadillac wildly gestures for him to sit down.

"Hold on, Cad, I'm not done! I would like to say, for anyone who has known Cadillac, you know that he is a cool dude. He would do anything and everything for you, including bribing you with a car to stalk his girl. That's why I'm extremely happy he has found love with Freshman. Not only does she kick ass, she makes the best cakes, which you all will be enjoying today."

I grin proudly as Esme's face turns pale. I don't know why she looks so worried. Alice and I followed the directions step-by-step this time.

_Step 5: Add eggs, one at a time, while stirring mixture._

That's exactly what we did.

We just dropped 'em in, shells and all. I think our guests will appreciate our hard work.

"So, let's give it up for the bride and groom! Oh, and for Jasper Hale, who isn't in prison but I think may or may not have done some time in the slammer…"

Jasper tackles Emmett, I laugh, and Cadillac sighs at his friends as a large steak is placed before him by a waiter.

"The Hamburglar," I lean over and whisper to him. "May he rest in peace."

.

.

.

"Seriously, no."

"Just one time."

"Cut it out, Cadillac."

"But we're in the Virgin Islands. I think that means something."

"It means if you try to stick your dick in my ass one more time, I'm flying home. Solo."

"Fine." Cadillac huffs and turns away, naked and pouting. "Just so you know, you're a con artist."

I grin.

I know I am.

"_Where do you keep getting the wildflowers, Cadillac?"_

_He smirks, rubbing my shoulders. "I ain't telling you, baby bird. Let it go."_

"_I'll give you a hundred dollars." I'm broke, but details are the least of my worries._

"_I have money." _

_I tap my chin, thinking of how to bribe him. "I'll bake you a cake."_

"_Er, no. I'm still trying to digest the last batch."_

"_Okay. What if I let you…" I whisper sexual escapades in his ear as his face lights up._

"_They're in the forest," he answers quickly. "Make a left at the oak tree and follow the creek for two miles. On your right is an abandoned shoe. Walk ten feet and there you'll find the whole damn woods covered in 'em."_

I giggle, finding his behavior completely ridiculous.

"Don't be mad," I whisper, letting my hands brush down his broad back. "I'm sorry I lied. Let me make it up to you."

Cadillac glances over like he's furious and then tackles me on the soft bed. "I'm kiddin', baby bird."

I bite my lip to stifle my laughter. "You better be. I thought I was gonna have to leave you here."

"You wouldn't!" He answers dramatically.

"I would so!" I taunt him.

"You wouldn't," he repeats. "I'd die without you, Dimples."

His tone turns serious and my hands freeze on his back. His gaze is locked on mine and I know he means every word. I look into his eyes as he's mesmerized by my curves.

"I'd die if I couldn't love you," he groans in a shaky voice.

A tightening in my belly makes me close my eyes. I inhale, trying to keep my grip on reality.

"Look at me," he orders softly. "Look at me so I can love you."

My breath gets caught in my throat as his fingers trace over my breasts. The sensations make me squeeze my eyelids shut more tightly. For a second, I'm caught up in this moment of silent tremors and souls that yearn for each other.

I force my eyes to flutter open until all I can see is him. His green eyes are full of lust as he brushes over my warm skin.

"Watch, baby bird." He cups my breasts in his hands, touching every inch of my curves. Tingling sensations shoot through my body as my husband adores me with sweet touches. He lowers his body down, pushing my breasts together.

_I sink, but it doesn't feel a thing like drowning._

I whimper as his tongue darts out, teasing and sucking on my nipples. I try not to writhe underneath him, but I can't help it as his warm breath blows across my skin. He sucks away until we're both starving with need.

His hands slide down my chest and across my ribs, gently stroking as he kisses bits of me.

Moaning, I beg for him to continue.

_Don't leave me wanting._

_I need more._

_I need you._

"Look at how you break me." His eyes stay fixed on me and my nails dig into his back. All of his love makes me tear up. My heart pounds in my chest as he gently parts my legs, feeling the silkiness of my smooth skin. Cradling me, he moans deeply as we join together in a bone shattering movement. My pelvic clenches around him as he stretches and takes me.

_Slow and heavy._

_Fast and light._

_It's not just his body, but his heart that's pulling me to him._

I can tell Cadillac's trying to be gentle, trying to give me a honeymoon filled with romantic notions. It disappears out the window when he thrusts, burying his head against my shoulder.

I'm already fading away, rocking to his slow rhythm.

"Watch how you make me whole." He kisses me wildly and sincerely, babbling words I can't understand. I hug him closely, desperate for him to go faster.

To go deeper.

"See how I'm nothing." My hands twitch as he fiercely pounds me into the soft covers, getting my hair caught in his fingers. I relish the pain and I watch him shake, thrusting into me over and over again. The bed quakes against the hardwood floors, and I'm plummeting in this loving torment. My world shifts around me as my brown eyes meet his green ones.

"Look at how you make me everything." He knows I'm on fire and enjoys burning me alive. I'm consumed by his gaze as the pleasure becomes unbearable. It intensifies, released by moans and cries that force themselves out of my mouth. I say nothing.

I scream everything.

I've spent a lifetime pretending to be someone I'm not. I've dreamt of lives that can't be lived. I've fantasized about leaving when I should have stayed.

But in this moment, I am the epitome of swirling happiness.

I am baby birds and clouds and a sweet girl with dimples that gazes at the sun.

I am because of him.

On the edge I fall. But with Cadillac, I fly. With a final lunge, he drives into me, releasing himself as I bite the skin on his neck. We sink together.

_Down._

_Down._

_Down, we go._

He sweeps his arms upward, holding me in place.

"Did you look, Dimples?" His breathy words whisper down my neck, and I'm anxious to read his thoughts.

_I'll tell him anything he wants to know._

_I'll tell him everything._

"I saw," I answer, running my fingers through his hair. "And I always will."

Cadillac's hand travels aimlessly down my arm.

I don't know where to lead him, but he's making his own path. It's going up mountains, through valleys, and right into my heart.

.

.

.

**5 years later…**

I stand at the ice cream stand, trying to grasp my daughter's hand. Her bare feet tumble around me as she giggles and kicks up dirt. Her plump legs dance around me, bouncing with an energy I wish I had.

"Jameson Lynne! You stop that right now!"

She ignores me, her brunette pigtails bouncing from side to side. She glances up at me with wide, fresh-as-dew-jelly-bean green eyes.

I pretend to look at the handwritten menu taped to the glass, but I already know what I want.

"Two strawberry cones, please."

"Spwinkles, Mommy." She complains, poking out her bottom lip. "I want spwinkles."

I tell her they're a dollar more, but she isn't listening. She's staring at the little boy next to her licking a huge sundae with whipped cream dripping down the side of the plastic dish.

"That'll be 5.00."

I pat my shorts, only pulling out a sixth year sobriety button. I curse, realizing I've left my cash somewhere.

At my office? No, Dr. Aro would have called me. As a therapy supervisor, I'm careful not to leave any of my belongings lying around at Riverside.

I do my best to kneel down to my daughter. "Honey, do you have the money Daddy gave you?"

Jameson Lynne grins widely. "Nope."

_Of course not._

The young cashier brushes back her blonde hair, staring at me because I'm holding up the line.

"I _said, _that'll be 5.00." She pops her bubble gum impatiently, tapping her pencil on the counter.

"I'm sorry," I apologize, embarrassed to cancel our order. "I must have left my wallet at home."

"I've got it, Dimples. Lady, you can keep the change." An arm reaches between my daughter and I, passing a ten dollar bill through the slot.

I turn around, grinning at my husband.

Cadillac.

Maybe one of these days I'll call him by his God-given name.

He sweeps Jameson Lynne into his arms, tickling her belly. "Did you hide Mommy's wallet again?"

"Nooo…" She giggles and he kisses her chubby cheeks. "I weally, weally didn't."

_She's such a liar._

The lady passes our ice creams through the open window and Cadillac takes a lick of mine.

"Hey!" I protest, swatting at him. "What are you doing here?"

He's not the kind to just hang around for no reason. He's the type of man my Daddy loves so much, sometimes he chooses him over me. I smell his expensive cologne lingering, but I don't mind. He wipes his red bandana across his forehead, sweeping back hair that he never brushes.

I like it though.

"Charlie and I have a meeting, so I'm on my way to work. I thought it was you two on the side of the road. Did my two princesses want dessert?"

Jameson Lynne squeals and wraps her arms tightly around his neck.

"I'm a pwetty pwincess!" she laughs. As her innocent eyes stare at Cadillac, I feel what he sees.

He chuckles, placing her on the ground.

"I gotta go, baby," he apologizes, kissing me on the lips. "See ya this evening, Pumpkin Smuggler."

He starts to turn away, in a rush for his job. I let him go 'cause I know he's running late. I tug on Jameson Lynne's hand and walk towards our car.

We get a few feet, but I just gotta ask. I yell back to him, just as he's climbing in his baby blue caddy.

"Hey! Why'd you call me that? I don't have any pumpkins!"

He smirks. I see it, even though the sun is blinding us and the ice cream stand is getting further and further away. .

He doesn't answer, but Jameson Lynne touches her cold fingers to the roundness of my swollen belly.

"I don't think he meant weal pumpkins, Mommy."

**~~~~~~~~~The End~~~~~~~~~~**

* * *

**Blueeyedcherry – For not having a Beta heart attack every time I used the word "ain't" and "ya'll", I appreciate you. You stayed up many, many late nights and I'll be damned if a day goes by without me telling you how awesome you are. #HoboLuva**

**Mia Isabella Cullen- We laughed together, we cried together. Sporks were thrown and history was made. I still owe you a purple car. It's on the way. Just put in the batteries first. #WeForkTilWeDie**

**Cinnynala- You do know I call you cinnamon behind your back, right? It's only fair. We have a thing for food around here. #SecretBetaNinja**

**READERS- There should be some profound thing I say to you right now, but I can't. I'm so overwhelmed and grateful for every single review and PM, I don't know where to begin. This story doesn't even EXIST without you. **

**Most writers appreciate you. Me? No way. I ****love**** every single one of you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sticking through the heartache and laughing through the joy. This story comes from a real place. If you read closely enough, you'll discover how I found my own Cadillac.**

**Live, love, and I'll see you soon.**

**XOXO,**

**TIRH**


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